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(Fark)   Let's play, "Whose Fark is it Anyways" The game where the participants are silly and the power rankings mean nothing. Today's topic: Things not to say on a first date   (fark.com) divider line 607
    More: Silly  
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3540 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Aug 2013 at 4:47 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



607 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-08-29 04:38:19 PM  
Can you fit that whole breadstick in your mouth?

What?

Because it's gonna be relevant later, that's why.
 
2013-08-29 04:38:38 PM  

Al_Ed: "You have small hands...which is good because that'll make my cock seem bigger".


No adult has hand THAT small.....
 
2013-08-29 04:39:04 PM  
"This pamphlet will explain most of my political beliefs"
 
2013-08-29 04:39:33 PM  
"You may recognize me from my rape trial, it got pretty big."
 
2013-08-29 04:39:43 PM  
"Using silverware is for squares, i'm an artist"
 
2013-08-29 04:40:16 PM  
"It sure was difficult to find someone with Kallmann syndrome"
 
2013-08-29 04:40:48 PM  
"So, uh, you feeling tired yet?"
 
2013-08-29 04:40:50 PM  
You don't live within 1000 feet of a school, do you?
 
2013-08-29 04:40:57 PM  
But I was never convicted, so that doesn't count, right?
 
2013-08-29 04:40:59 PM  
What do you know about sovereign citizenry?
 
2013-08-29 04:41:11 PM  
"Have you always been a woman?"
 
2013-08-29 04:41:42 PM  
"You mind that I brought my Dakimakura with me? She'll just sit in this empty seat and not make a sound.... where are you going?!"
 
2013-08-29 04:42:06 PM  
"Ha, no, I don't work with kids I just spend a lot of time watching them... You have any?"
 
2013-08-29 04:43:18 PM  
"No, I don't work out, my arms are that big from masturbating furiously."
 
2013-08-29 04:44:10 PM  
"You sure talk a lot"
 
2013-08-29 04:44:50 PM  

nmrsnr: Sorry I'm gonna have to cut this date short, but I have to be at the gym in 26 minutes.


***shakes tiny fist***
 
2013-08-29 04:46:18 PM  
I don't think using a ventriloquist dummy counts as a three way, but trust me, it'll rock your world!
 
2013-08-29 04:46:59 PM  
"Well this all looks good.  I think I'm going to have two of these steaks... probably a side of potatoes and a side of bacon... Can I just get a bowl of ranch? Yeah, like a soup bowl. for dipping. Jeeze... I'll have the chicken too. And that's it.  Oh wait! Mozzarella sticks.  And whatever she wants."
 
2013-08-29 04:47:11 PM  
"Do you mind if we swing by the morgue on the way home, I need to drop someone off."
 
2013-08-29 04:50:11 PM  
Sure I'm still technically married, but only til they find the body and pronounce her dead. I have a hunch that won't be any time soon, though.
 
2013-08-29 04:50:12 PM  
"What if I told you I was wearing a butt plug right now? Wait, hang on! I brought one for you too!"
 
2013-08-29 04:50:46 PM  
"Racial purity is important to me"
 
2013-08-29 04:51:23 PM  
"You're gonna love my wife!"
 
2013-08-29 04:51:59 PM  
"Momma told me readers ain't breeders"
 
2013-08-29 04:52:31 PM  
Read? Books? Who has time for that crap?
 
2013-08-29 04:52:31 PM  

EviLincoln: "You're gonna love my wife!"


"My wife is going to love you!"
 
2013-08-29 04:52:33 PM  
"I've had sex before... well sort of."
 
2013-08-29 04:53:26 PM  
*whispers* I can't speak freely they are listening.
 
2013-08-29 04:53:41 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: EviLincoln: "You're gonna love my wife!"

"My wife is going to love you!"


"Fair warning... My wife gets REALLY jealous."
 
2013-08-29 04:54:02 PM  
"would you like come back to my place and try some puppy flambé?"
 
2013-08-29 04:55:03 PM  
"Man, I was practically raised by 70's porn."
 
2013-08-29 04:56:00 PM  
Nice shoes. Let's fark.
 
2013-08-29 04:56:35 PM  
Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior?
 
2013-08-29 04:56:50 PM  
"I don't care what the police say, that horse raped me!"
 
2013-08-29 04:56:59 PM  
So this is what your 5 bucks gets you.

zzzzzzz........
 
2013-08-29 04:58:31 PM  
This is CapeFearCadaver.  She's our chaperone, just like on Love Connection.  Act up and b*tch will cut you in two and two.
 
2013-08-29 04:58:32 PM  
"God chose me for you... but not just for you... also her."
 
2013-08-29 04:58:56 PM  
"I'm required by law to tell you I'm a registered sex offender, but it's really not as bad as it sounds."
 
2013-08-29 04:59:37 PM  
What do you think of that [Insert Farkers Name Here], man that [pronoun] is a real [adjective]. Am I right?
 
2013-08-29 05:00:03 PM  
"This date is bullshiat. Say, you think those two at the bar would be up for a three-way?"
 
2013-08-29 05:01:18 PM  
(To be used after sex, if you get it on the first date) "So, if I told you - and this is just a hypothetical - if I told you I might have herpes, what would you say?"
 
2013-08-29 05:01:20 PM  
"I'm not saying fat people should be culled, but do we really have to look at them eat?"
 
2013-08-29 05:02:32 PM  
"Yeah, I've got a 5 inch taint."
 
2013-08-29 05:02:33 PM  
Well, you don't look like much, but I'll kick the spare tire and see how fast you'll go.
 
2013-08-29 05:04:28 PM  
"This is probably going to come out sooner or later, so..." Unzips pants.
 
2013-08-29 05:05:45 PM  
"I bet you could charge $200 to $400 a night with those lips and that one good eye."
 
2013-08-29 05:07:50 PM  
"Gosh, you sure look fancy. Gosh... I only brought $20 but I can ask my mom for more. She's outside, I'll be back."
 
2013-08-29 05:08:14 PM  

Nana's Vibrator: This is CapeFearCadaver.  She's our chaperone, just like on Love Connection.  Act up and b*tch will cut you in two and two.


Dawww, I ♥ you too!

Also, thanks Mods :)
 
2013-08-29 05:10:03 PM  
"I used to be a furry, but now I'm just a Clopper. I got tired of everyone wanting to be cats and dogs and dragons so now I'm a pony!"
 
2013-08-29 05:10:21 PM  
"My doctor said my HIV miraculously healed."
 
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