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(Yahoo)   Apparently, people are too stupid to know how to eat food   (shine.yahoo.com ) divider line
    More: Asinine, cheese fries, chicken wings  
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9213 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Aug 2013 at 1:04 PM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



80 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-08-29 01:05:33 PM  
As long as it makes it from the dish to my mouth, there is no wrong way of eating foods. Only polite and impolite ways.
 
2013-08-29 01:05:42 PM  
As long as it gets from point A: The plate, wrapper, bowl, etc; to Point B: my mouth, who cares how I eat it?

//DNRTFA yet, but I assume there is a biatch about mixing wasabi with soy sauce?
 
2013-08-29 01:05:54 PM  
Is that what they mean by "eating disorder"? Because I was never clear on that.
 
2013-08-29 01:06:29 PM  
t2.gstatic.com
 
2013-08-29 01:10:52 PM  
I'm not stupid!  I'm fat!  Therefore, I know how to EAT!


/Haha!
 
2013-08-29 01:10:58 PM  
stick it in the hole.
 
2013-08-29 01:12:04 PM  
I bet she's a lot of fun at parties.

and pie eating contests.
 
2013-08-29 01:12:45 PM  
FTA: Manners That Matter for Moms: The Essential Book of Life Skills for Your Kids,

She realizes kids are washable, right? If I've given him a sloppy joe for dinner, I don't expect a clean kid when he's done. There are certain foods that ya just gotta stick your face in and eat. That's why ya don't eat sloppy joes or spaghetti in public or in front of people you want to impress.
 
2013-08-29 01:16:01 PM  
dynamic.pixton.com
 
2013-08-29 01:16:16 PM  
Food obviously needs to come with warning tags that should not be removed at penalty of law.
 
wee
2013-08-29 01:17:06 PM  
As long as it makes into the food-hole, I consider the method and effort successful.  But I eat pizza with a knife and fork, so what the hell do I know?
 
2013-08-29 01:17:35 PM  
As the most obese country in the world I don't think we need any advise on how to eat.
 
2013-08-29 01:18:20 PM  
www.thehulltruth.com

What? I suppose you use your hands like a Neanderthal.
 
2013-08-29 01:20:43 PM  
images.betterworldbooks.com

These were all addressed back in the 70's
 
2013-08-29 01:22:28 PM  
The girl in the picture is eating that watermelon "just right".


My bunk - I'll be in it.
 
2013-08-29 01:23:54 PM  
"If someone else makes your Sloppy Joe, use a fork to eat whatever meat falls on your plate, and whatever you do, don't apologize if your sandwich falls apart. "

Funny, I didn't notice a .uk at the end of the domain for the article.  What kind of clown would apologize, and to whom, if their sloppy joe fell apart?  If you hand me a sloppy joe and it's NOT falling apart, you better apologize.
 
2013-08-29 01:24:04 PM  
i.cdn.turner.com
 
2013-08-29 01:26:05 PM  
This is another goddamned useless Yahoo news article.  It actually makes me yearn for the days where two competing articles would come out in successive days.  "Being too honest can cost you your job" versus "not being honest enough can hinder your career" almost cause a spontaneous brain explosion.

fark you, yahoo.
 
2013-08-29 01:26:44 PM  
"Support the bottom cracker with your thumbs as you would an overstuffed sandwich "

How do you support a non-overstuffed sandwich?

This article has me enraged and outraged at the same time.
 
2013-08-29 01:28:31 PM  
Subby,

1. Grab your Mom's ankles,
2. Flip over my shoulders
3. Dive in and see instructions for watermelon.
4. Occasionally snap head side to side and come up for air.
 
2013-08-29 01:29:34 PM  
Yahoo needs stories like this to appear relevant since their entire readership hasn't graduated to pablum yet.
 
2013-08-29 01:31:18 PM  
 
2013-08-29 01:32:22 PM  
"Wipe your mouth with yournapkin after setting the corn cob down; then, butter the next few rows and repeat the process. "

so... double dip the cob on the butter?  or let me guess this fuktard wants me to use a knife instead of just rolling the cob on the stick of butter?
 
2013-08-29 01:41:17 PM  

kvinesknows: "Wipe your mouth with yournapkin after setting the corn cob down; then, butter the next few rows and repeat the process. "

so... double dip the cob on the butter?  or let me guess this fuktard wants me to use a knife instead of just rolling the cob on the stick of butter?


An even better method is to butter a slice of bread (preferably the heel) and use it to butter the corn.
 
2013-08-29 01:45:55 PM  
My grocery store has handy tags in front of all the produce giving helpful advice on how to eat and prepare said produce. "Use these onions in salads or soups!", "these apples are sweet and crispy use in a pie or eat as a snack". I could see the use of the tags for some of the more unusual or exotic foods but if you need suggestions on how to eat celery just turn around and take the most direct route to place yourself in front of a speeding train. I mean honestly who has been in a grocery store and become baffled by what to do with celery? Is anyone buying some celery on a flight of whimsy and then getting home and just not been able to think of what to do with it?
 
2013-08-29 01:49:34 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2013-08-29 01:49:43 PM  
At least theyre putting it in the mouth....for the most part.
 
2013-08-29 01:50:03 PM  
Then, butter and eat only a few rows at a time to avoid a drippy mess. Eat from left to right-don't eat a ring around the corn, she says, or else you may get kernels and butter on your cheek as you turn it. Wipe your mouth with yournapkin after setting the corn cob down; then, butter the next few rows and repeat the process.

wha?  What? WTF?

Eat a couple rows at a time, stop, then butter the next row?  Who the hell has that much time to waste in their lives?
 
2013-08-29 01:54:59 PM  
 FTA: "5. Corn-on-the-Cob
Our instinct is to butter the entire corn-on-the-cob before eating, but hold off, Muskopf Hyde warns. First, hold the corn or corn skewers firmly by the ends with two hands. Then, butter and eat only a few rows at a time to avoid a drippy mess."


Take a slice of bread
Spread butter on it
Fold over corn-on-the-cob
Spin corn-on-the-cob around until covered with butter
Eat
 
2013-08-29 01:55:05 PM  
Fortunately I don't hang out with anyone for which the need for this level of proper/clean eating is required.
 
2013-08-29 01:57:13 PM  
Ever seen a gringo try to eat tamales for the first time?
 
2013-08-29 01:58:18 PM  
I'm surprised they didn't suggest buying these to eat wings with.

pbs.twimg.com
 
2013-08-29 01:58:41 PM  
 
2013-08-29 01:59:08 PM  
media.nola.com

tell me the polite way to eat these, lady who wrote the article.  (or, for that matter, any shellfish.  you're going to get messy)

i've got a perfect system for crawfish.  separate head from tail, suck head, eat tail.  if claws are big enough, eat them too.  this will result in a mess, and eventually you may poison your hands with capsaicin.  deal with it.  there's a few cures, like dipping hands in yogurt, etc.  i just wash hands and wait until the next day.  pain will go away eventually.  (only suffered this event once.  it was like lighting your hands on fire.  but, it subsided after a few hours -- interestingly, my internal organs and mouth were unaffected).

for mussels, eat first mussel with tiny fork. do not separate the two halves of the shell.  then, use this shell as a pincer/tweezer type device to extract the remaining mussels. this will be messy. oh well.
 
2013-08-29 01:59:54 PM  
I would have went with the "Stupid" tag.
 
2013-08-29 02:01:09 PM  
How to eat soup

i105.photobucket.com
 
2013-08-29 02:09:05 PM  
Add a beard in for more added fun.  There is a fine art in consuming an ice cream cone with a full beard, and not making a mess.
 
2013-08-29 02:09:38 PM  

Attention Whore of Babylon: At least one guy needed instructions on what to do with an eggplant.


Preparing eggplant is simple. Heat up a skillet with some olive oil in it, take your eggplant and throw it in the trash where it belongs and then cook something else in the skillet.
 
2013-08-29 02:09:53 PM  

Fano: stick it in the hole.


But which hole? I have a few and I'm scared and confused.
 
2013-08-29 02:14:49 PM  

big pig peaches: Fano: stick it in the hole.

But which hole? I have a few and I'm scared and confused.


I suggest utilizing the process of elimination.  Go with the one that gives you the most pleasure.
 
2013-08-29 02:16:09 PM  

FloydA: How to eat soup

[i105.photobucket.com image 580x316]


What? I'm doing it wrong? Damnit!
 
2013-08-29 02:16:36 PM  
I'm going to be made fun of, but here's the tell on corn

 take knife, cut corn off cob.  eat corn, discard cob.  oh yeah, and butter in there somewheres

/ i have a fake front tooth.
 
2013-08-29 02:17:04 PM  

pute kisses like a man: tell me the polite way to eat these, lady who wrote the article.  (or, for that matter, any shellfish.  you're going to get messy)

i've got a perfect system for crawfish.  separate head from tail, suck head, eat tail.  if claws are big enough, eat them too.  this will result in a mess, and eventually you may poison your hands with capsaicin.  deal with it.  there's a few cures, like dipping hands in yogurt, etc.  i just wash hands and wait until the next day.  pain will go away eventually.  (only suffered this event once.  it was like lighting your hands on fire.  but, it subsided after a few hours -- interestingly, my internal organs and mouth were unaffected).

for mussels, eat first mussel with tiny fork. do not separate the two halves of the shell.  then, use this shell as a pincer/tweezer type device to extract the remaining mussels. this will be messy. oh well.


That is a horrible picture of crawfish. If you have to add seasoning to the outside of the crawdads, they were cooked wrong. You often see this in restaurants.
 
2013-08-29 02:26:51 PM  

PacManDreaming: FTA: "5. Corn-on-the-Cob
Our instinct is to butter the entire corn-on-the-cob before eating, but hold off, Muskopf Hyde warns. First, hold the corn or corn skewers firmly by the ends with two hands. Then, butter and eat only a few rows at a time to avoid a drippy mess."

Take a slice of bread
Spread butter on it
Fold over corn-on-the-cob
Spin corn-on-the-cob around until covered with butter
Eat


Instructions unclear, dick stuck in ceiling fan.
 
2013-08-29 02:31:41 PM  

QueenMamaBee: FloydA: How to eat soup

[i105.photobucket.com image 580x316]

What? I'm doing it wrong? Damnit!


You have to sip your lady soup delicately, after it has simmered long enough.
 
2013-08-29 02:32:00 PM  
3. Sloppy Joes

www.bjgaddour.com

I made them extra sloppy!
 
2013-08-29 02:33:43 PM  

vudukungfu: I bet she's a lot of fun at parties.

and pie eating contests.


And a lardass..

076dd0a50e0c1255009e-bd4b8aabaca29897bc751dfaf75b290c.r40.cf1.rackcdn.com
 
2013-08-29 02:39:14 PM  

McGrits: That is a horrible picture of crawfish. If you have to add seasoning to the outside of the crawdads, they were cooked wrong. You often see this in restaurants.


This! WTF are they putting on them mudbugs?  Old Bay???

TRAVESTY.
 
2013-08-29 02:46:23 PM  
Bathia_Mapes:
An even better method is to butter a slice of bread (preferably the heel) and use it to butter the corn.

PacManDreaming:
Take a slice of bread
Spread butter on it
Fold over corn-on-the-cob
Spin corn-on-the-cob around until covered with butter
Eat


"WarGames" fans, eh?
 
2013-08-29 02:50:03 PM  
I thought this was going to be about Sam Kinison's "A-B-C" suggestion for how to eat...ya know what...nevermind.
 
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