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(My San Antonio)   Win: $120k year job. Winning: $600k house. Won: Only $2k to kill your spouse and keep it all for yourself. Fark: Hired an FBI agent   (mysanantonio.com) divider line 82
    More: Dumbass, Dominion  
•       •       •

7528 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Aug 2013 at 5:18 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



82 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-08-29 12:26:33 AM  
121/2 = 60.5.  Couldn't they just say that?
 
2013-08-29 12:42:47 AM  
I think they poorly formatted (twice) 12 1/2 years.  It seems a bit light for an attempted murder for hire, but at least it should give her husband plenty of ammunition in the divorce case so hopefully he won't have to give her much.
 
2013-08-29 12:44:19 AM  
Maybe it's like a 6 months on/6 months off kind of thing.
 
2013-08-29 01:14:48 AM  
LADIES AND... ARE WE ON?
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION
THERE ARE NO HIRED HITMEN WHO WILL KILL YOUR SPOUSE FOR YOU
ESPECIALLY NOT FOR THE PALTRY SUM YOU CAN PAY
DO NOT ASK SOMEONE IF THEY KNOW SOMEONE
DO NOT OFFER MONEY TO STRANGERS IN BARS


/what, are you people farking stupid, or what?
//yeah... yeah... nevermind
 
2013-08-29 01:28:40 AM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: THERE ARE NO HIRED HITMEN WHO WILL KILL YOUR SPOUSE FOR YOU


But there are hot, attractive singles in my area dying to hook up, right?!?!
 
2013-08-29 01:29:54 AM  

Etchy333: MaudlinMutantMollusk: THERE ARE NO HIRED HITMEN WHO WILL KILL YOUR SPOUSE FOR YOU

But there are hot, attractive singles in my area dying to hook up, right?!?!


Totally
 
2013-08-29 02:13:27 AM  
If you're not willing to do it yourself, you really don't want someone dead.
 
2013-08-29 02:17:29 AM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: LADIES AND... ARE WE ON?
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION
THERE ARE NO HIRED HITMEN WHO WILL KILL YOUR SPOUSE FOR YOU
ESPECIALLY NOT FOR THE PALTRY SUM YOU CAN PAY


There are people who will kill entire cities worth of people for relatively paltry sums.  You don't know ANY of them.
 
2013-08-29 02:20:37 AM  

Relatively Obscure: MaudlinMutantMollusk: LADIES AND... ARE WE ON?
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION
THERE ARE NO HIRED HITMEN WHO WILL KILL YOUR SPOUSE FOR YOU
ESPECIALLY NOT FOR THE PALTRY SUM YOU CAN PAY

There are people who will kill entire cities worth of people for relatively paltry sums.  You don't know ANY of them.


No... no, I don't

/OR THERE WOULD BE ENTIRE CITIES LAID TO WASTE!!!11!!!!spittle11!!!!!
//I HAVE paltry sums, you know...
///*wrings hands*
 
2013-08-29 05:30:15 AM  

ecmoRandomNumbers: If you're not willing to do it yourself, you really don't want someone dead.


This.

Why is it always women who get caught in these murder for hire schemes to kill their husbands?

And why would she ask her co-worker from the Pentagon if they could put her in touch with somebody to do it? Was she one of those people that was extremely book smart but had no idea how reality worked?
 
2013-08-29 05:35:49 AM  
I guess my brain is being naive, because I can't imagine doing anything to ruin a career earning me $120,000 a year even if it involves getting out of a bad marriage.
 
2013-08-29 05:41:53 AM  
"On paper, it looks like I'm a monster, but I'm not."

I'm sure this whole mess was just taken out of context!
 
2013-08-29 06:04:59 AM  
Isn't 120K in the defense/government industry pretty much low level salary?
 
2013-08-29 06:08:54 AM  

skinink: I guess my brain is being naive, because I can't imagine doing anything to ruin a career earning me $120,000 a year even if it involves getting out of a bad marriage.


Yeah no shiat. And odds are in a divorce she would do better than him. Unless you are friends with some "family" people there is a 99.99% chance you are hiring the law. And for 2 grand no less that's insulting.
 
2013-08-29 06:12:46 AM  
"On paper, it looks like I'm a monster, but I'm not."

The.

F*ck

You.

Ain't.
 
2013-08-29 06:22:14 AM  
tell the bushies that we can call off the search, we've already found the weapons grade stupid right here in america...
 
2013-08-29 06:22:52 AM  
$2k a hit doesn't sound bad... How do you get the ball rolling on these things? I might be bitter enough to pull it off.

/I'll just ask my freeing at the pentagon.
 
2013-08-29 06:24:15 AM  
I would love to see the rest of the divorce proceedings. What kind of alimony would a guy have to pay to an ex that he was that certainly wanting him dead?
 
2013-08-29 06:28:57 AM  
Maybe.... just maybe.... she was hoping for some sort of erotic fantasy where the hitman would kill her husband and then make love to her.

4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-08-29 06:31:21 AM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: LADIES AND... ARE WE ON?
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION
THERE ARE NO HIRED HITMEN WHO WILL KILL YOUR SPOUSE FOR YOU
ESPECIALLY NOT FOR THE PALTRY SUM YOU CAN PAY
DO NOT ASK SOMEONE IF THEY KNOW SOMEONE
DO NOT OFFER MONEY TO STRANGERS IN BARS


/what, are you people farking stupid, or what?
//yeah... yeah... nevermind


But they guys from Soldier of Fortune are legit and completely competent, right?  ....Aw, crap.
 
2013-08-29 06:34:03 AM  

mr0x: Isn't 120K in the defense/government industry pretty much low level salary?


Looks like the high end of the G-scale to me:

http://www.opm.gov/policy-data-oversight/pay-leave/salaries-wages/20 12 /general-schedule/dcb.pdf

Could well be other factors, though...I'm not an expert on this stuff.

She worked at the Pentagon though...bet she has (hopefully...HAD) a security clearance at least equal to Manning's...
think about it.
 
2013-08-29 06:45:49 AM  
And another highly paid government analyst with security clearance proves to be a complete nutjob.
 
2013-08-29 06:53:08 AM  
What is a tony Dominion ?
 
2013-08-29 06:55:00 AM  
It's sad when our FBI agents have to work second jobs as hitmen on the side...
 
2013-08-29 07:03:00 AM  
You mean to tell me the "My husband/boyfriend abused me" defense did not work?  It looks like we need more laws to protect women, especially all those that are getting killed in that war that I keep hearing about but can never figure out where it is taking place.
 
2013-08-29 07:03:25 AM  
she's a looker

sacurrent.com

/is that a reflection or does she have hairy ape arms?
 
2013-08-29 07:03:40 AM  
She'll get out of prison in her early 60's without a pot to piss in.
 
2013-08-29 07:04:34 AM  

proteus_b: tell the bushies that we can call off the search, we've already found the weapons grade stupid right here in america...


But enough about Barry and Michelle
 
2013-08-29 07:07:12 AM  

ecmoRandomNumbers: If you're not willing to do it yourself, you really don't want someone dead.


Seriously.  Come up with an alibi and do it yourself, or go home.  I've plotted many a death (usually the driver right in front of me), and always have to call it off because I can't find a good alibi.
 
2013-08-29 07:08:15 AM  
Why are you morons degrading someone who is not only a married woman but in the front lines of the War on Terror??
 
2013-08-29 07:08:40 AM  
I wonder if there has been any successful hits done on spouses. You always hear about the idiots who get caught by going to an undercover agent, but is there an actual service out there for this? What kind of an idiot asks their coworkers for this anyway?
 
2013-08-29 07:11:56 AM  

Etchy333: MaudlinMutantMollusk: THERE ARE NO HIRED HITMEN WHO WILL KILL YOUR SPOUSE FOR YOU

But there are hot, attractive singles in my area dying to hook up, right?!?!


Not to mention tons of 14 year old virgin girls looking for sugar daddies?
 
2013-08-29 07:23:04 AM  
121 years for attempted murder? She'd got less time actually killing him.
 
2013-08-29 07:24:58 AM  
121/2 = 60.5 years
Headline failure.
 
2013-08-29 07:25:20 AM  
I know a couple where the man killed his wife.  He strangled her at night, threw her body in a runoff pond at a nearby construction site, and then claimed she had gone jogging at never came back.  He was careful to not leave any forensic evidence at the house, but, despite being a computer programmer, couldn't erase the fact that he had done a google maps search of the pond *before* his wife turned up dead.  Oops.
 
2013-08-29 07:40:04 AM  

Tat'dGreaser: I wonder if there has been any successful hits done on spouses. You always hear about the idiots who get caught by going to an undercover agent, but is there an actual service out there for this? What kind of an idiot asks their coworkers for this anyway?


This might be a good opportunity for that Madison dating site.
When you are tired and bored with cheating on your spouse, it is time to upgrade to their platinum package.
Not only will you get the job done, but they'll also make sure you have a good alibi.

As for the case, $2000 is insulting, especially if you make that much. The trick is to offer an amount so large that even if the hitman is FBI or an informant, the amount is just too good to turn down for someone who already works in the shadows.
 
2013-08-29 07:46:00 AM  

Resident Muslim: As for the case, $2000 is insulting, especially if you make that much. The trick is to offer an amount so large that even if the hitman is FBI or an informant, the amount is just too good to turn down for someone who already works in the shadows.


You appear to have given this some thought.
 
2013-08-29 07:50:19 AM  
Being a government employee - chances of her getting paid while in jail??
 
2013-08-29 08:04:29 AM  
I think it might be 12.5 years.
 
2013-08-29 08:05:41 AM  

ongbok: ecmoRandomNumbers: If you're not willing to do it yourself, you really don't want someone dead.

This.

Why is it always women who get caught in these murder for hire schemes to kill their husbands?

And why would she ask her co-worker from the Pentagon if they could put her in touch with somebody to do it? Was she one of those people that was extremely book smart but had no idea how reality worked?


Reminds me of the scene from Office Space when they have to look up money laundering in the dictionary.
 
2013-08-29 08:07:07 AM  

abhorrent1: she's a looker

[sacurrent.com image 804x536]

/is that a reflection or does she have hairy ape arms?


Isn't that just Snowden in drag not to be outdone by Manning?
 
2013-08-29 08:10:42 AM  
(12)(1/2) means it's 6 years. Learn to math.
 
2013-08-29 08:15:10 AM  
What's the matter Daily Fail, no "smoking hot" diagnosis for this one.

Budget cuts methinks.
 
2013-08-29 08:24:37 AM  

mr0x: Isn't 120K in the defense/government industry pretty much low level salary?


No that's upper crust for her area.   GS-13-15 depending on step.

Still, that's good money, greedy coont.
 
2013-08-29 08:25:03 AM  
images.wikia.com

What a goal-oriented woman discussing a problem with a former law enforcement agent might look like
 
2013-08-29 08:26:01 AM  

GoodOmens: Being a government employee - chances of her getting paid while in jail??


What do you mean chances? 0% chance of her getting paid.
She'll retire so she won't get paid, she'll collect her pension. Totally different.  And that'll only be $60k per year, so she'll be struggling too.
 
2013-08-29 08:28:21 AM  

Tat'dGreaser: I wonder if there has been any successful hits done on spouses. You always hear about the idiots who get caught by going to an undercover agent, but is there an actual service out there for this?


You would never hear of a successful hits, right?  Surely a few missing person cases annually are the result of some sort of hit.  There are also plenty of cases where a friend or family member directly assists in killing a spouse, but that's a bit different than what is being discussed.   Gangs carry out hits, but I doubt there have ever been many ordered by the victim's spouse.
 
2013-08-29 08:33:23 AM  

DrBrownCow: Tat'dGreaser: I wonder if there has been any successful hits done on spouses. You always hear about the idiots who get caught by going to an undercover agent, but is there an actual service out there for this?

You would never hear of a successful hits, right?  Surely a few missing person cases annually are the result of some sort of hit.  There are also plenty of cases where a friend or family member directly assists in killing a spouse, but that's a bit different than what is being discussed.   Gangs carry out hits, but I doubt there have ever been many ordered by the victim's spouse.


Discovery ID, or the "How To Kill Your Spouse" channel. Well more like, how not to. They have a series called Deadly Women. Nothing but angry jilted women or cold blooded business decisions by the gal in charge.

Great viewing for date night.
 
2013-08-29 08:44:02 AM  
Yeah, there was only the illusion of winning. What's the women's equivalent of a necktie / slave collar?
 
2013-08-29 08:44:38 AM  
120K a year is not that much money.
 
2013-08-29 08:45:33 AM  

Generation_D: DrBrownCow: Tat'dGreaser: I wonder if there has been any successful hits done on spouses. You always hear about the idiots who get caught by going to an undercover agent, but is there an actual service out there for this?

You would never hear of a successful hits, right?  Surely a few missing person cases annually are the result of some sort of hit.  There are also plenty of cases where a friend or family member directly assists in killing a spouse, but that's a bit different than what is being discussed.   Gangs carry out hits, but I doubt there have ever been many ordered by the victim's spouse.

Discovery ID, or the "How To Kill Your Spouse" channel. Well more like, how not to. They have a series called Deadly Women. Nothing but angry jilted women or cold blooded business decisions by the gal in charge.

Great viewing for date night.


I have the weirdest boner right now.

/we had to establish a "no corpses at dinner" rule for the TV at our house
//SO loves crime drama and those "dramatic re-enactment" shows
 
2013-08-29 08:47:43 AM  

Madbassist1: 120K a year is not that much money.


It aint richy richville but it's good f*ckin money.
 
2013-08-29 08:55:15 AM  
"No women, no kids, right?"
 
2013-08-29 09:07:02 AM  
Who the fark uses "tony" as an adjective anymore? What, is the author 75?
 
2013-08-29 09:08:01 AM  

Carn: Madbassist1: 120K a year is not that much money.

It aint richy richville but it's good f*ckin money.


It's not "$600K home" good. Not for a responsible person anyway.
 
2013-08-29 09:08:38 AM  

Carn: Madbassist1: 120K a year is not that much money.

It aint richy richville but it's good f*ckin money.


its not "kill you for it" money. But yeah, it'll let you have cable, as long as you dont do PPV
 
2013-08-29 09:10:23 AM  
Should have used that CarHacker™ app, at iTunes for $2.99, or android for $0.99.

Who would suspect a C-Class Mercedes crashing at 120 mph with no brakes or steering?

The app doubles as a car door unlocker, with a few more fun features.
 
2013-08-29 09:12:45 AM  

mike_d85: GoodOmens: Being a government employee - chances of her getting paid while in jail??

What do you mean chances? 0% chance of her getting paid.
She'll retire so she won't get paid, she'll collect her pension. Totally different.  And that'll only be $60k per year, so she'll be struggling too.


Struggling with 60k/year and almost no expenses?
 
2013-08-29 09:20:51 AM  

mr0x: Isn't 120K in the defense/government industry pretty much low level salary?


No not really.
 
2013-08-29 09:21:10 AM  

TuteTibiImperes: I think they poorly formatted (twice) 12 1/2 years.  It seems a bit light for an attempted murder for hire, but at least it should give her husband plenty of ammunition in the divorce case so hopefully he won't have to give her much.


In cases like that. Almost nothing gets given to the felon.
 
2013-08-29 09:24:04 AM  

mr0x: Isn't 120K in the defense/government industry pretty much low level salary?


It depends.  Usually when they say someone is making over $80K or so working for the guv'mint it means either they are management or they are actually an outside contractor.

I have seen civilian contractors who bill $100/hr and usually come in through third-party agencies who take 10% off the top - so the contractor's take home before taxes is $180K IF (and that's a big if) they can bill non-stop.

Keep in mind that most of those contractors are going to pay 40% in taxes because they don't bother setting themselves up as a "S" Corp and their actual take home is more like $108,000.

Highest billing indepenent guy I ever met billed $220/hour.  However, that is for individual contractors.  Large scale consulting companies like Accenture routinely bill out wet behind the ears college grads at $250/hr.
 
2013-08-29 09:28:10 AM  
Her mental condition is commonly know as "That batch is crazy"
 
2013-08-29 09:36:41 AM  

The Gordie Howe Hat Trick: She'll get out of prison in her early 60's without a pot to piss in.


No, they give you a pot on the way out.
 
2013-08-29 09:38:40 AM  
But It's OK when Obama does it.
 
2013-08-29 09:39:50 AM  

SacriliciousBeerSwiller: Carn: Madbassist1: 120K a year is not that much money.

It aint richy richville but it's good f*ckin money.

It's not "$600K home" good. Not for a responsible person anyway.


With the husband's salary and 20 years of joint income earning equity, I don't see why not.  *shrug*
 
2013-08-29 09:47:38 AM  

the_chief: But It's OK when Obama does it.


That's because he has a List and uses drones.  Whole other thing.
 
2013-08-29 10:18:48 AM  

GoodOmens: mike_d85: GoodOmens: Being a government employee - chances of her getting paid while in jail??

What do you mean chances? 0% chance of her getting paid.
She'll retire so she won't get paid, she'll collect her pension. Totally different.  And that'll only be $60k per year, so she'll be struggling too.

Struggling with 60k/year and almost no expenses?


You've never bought anything from commissary, have ya?
 
2013-08-29 10:19:40 AM  

EbolaNYC: Her mental condition is commonly know as "That batch is be crazy"


FTFY
 
2013-08-29 10:25:40 AM  
Key to sucesfully murdering someone.  1) Do not tell anyone.  2) Do it yourself  3) If you are divorcing your spouse, "SORRY," the murder option is off the table.  This one did backfire nicely into the husband's favor.  He should get a favorable settlement and not lose everything.
 
2013-08-29 10:31:01 AM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Etchy333: MaudlinMutantMollusk: THERE ARE NO HIRED HITMEN WHO WILL KILL YOUR SPOUSE FOR YOU

But there are hot, attractive singles in my area dying to hook up, right?!?!

Totally


And there will be sex in the Champagne Room?
 
2013-08-29 10:47:01 AM  

ecmoRandomNumbers: If you're not willing to do it yourself, you really don't want someone dead.


Having someone else do it has the advantage of allowing you to create an airtight alibi.

Tat'dGreaser: I wonder if there has been any successful hits done on spouses. You always hear about the idiots who get caught by going to an undercover agent, but is there an actual service out there for this? What kind of an idiot asks their coworkers for this anyway?


There are "successful" ones--I've heard of prosecutions for murder in such cases.
 
2013-08-29 11:06:42 AM  
So... would her job be available?

/captaintightpants.jpg
 
2013-08-29 11:09:42 AM  

Carn: SacriliciousBeerSwiller: Carn: Madbassist1: 120K a year is not that much money.

It aint richy richville but it's good f*ckin money.

It's not "$600K home" good. Not for a responsible person anyway.

With the husband's salary and 20 years of joint income earning equity, I don't see why not.  *shrug*


Okay, but that's more than 120k a year, which is not 600k home material.
 
2013-08-29 11:21:52 AM  
I never get tired of this story. Truth is there are people are out there who will kill for money, but if you do know one, chances are you're terrified to be anywhere near them.

No, I'm not speaking from experience. No, I can't put you in touch with someone.
 
2013-08-29 11:42:03 AM  
I wonder what his options are for the shared assets. If he just took all their savings and put them into an account for himself, a court would overturn that.  Think it's likely that a divorce proceeding would allow him to liquidate everything and just split it?

I'd rather burn all of our assets to the ground, rather than have to get an unfair split with a wife that tried to have me killed.
 
2013-08-29 11:45:53 AM  
Isn't $120k/yr bottom-scraping lower-class abject poverty according to Republican presidential candidates and Fox News pundits?
 
2013-08-29 12:27:40 PM  
ts4.mm.bing.net
Her first clue should have been who they sent.
 
2013-08-29 12:49:42 PM  

ecmoRandomNumbers: If you're not willing to do it yourself, you really don't want someone dead.


This.

These stories (when they end with someone NOT dying) are amusing, but what I'd ask these brain donors, if I could, is why they think their spouse (or ex-spouse) being murdered in the midst of some sort of difficulty (like a bitter divorce) wouldn't look suspicious? The first person cops look for when someone dies under suspicious circumstances is the spouse or ex.
 
2013-08-29 02:24:39 PM  

Girl Sailor: I never get tired of this story. Truth is there are people are out there who will kill for money, but if you do know one, chances are you're terrified to be anywhere near them.

No, I'm not speaking from experience. No, I can't put you in touch with someone.


The guy I know is so off the grid, I'd have no idea how to get hold of him short of asking around (red flag) or the usual running into him once every few months. No phone, definitely no computer. He's told some scary yarns, but hey, local color, just don't piss him off.

It's stupid when middle class people seem to think that the first scruffy ruffian hanging out on the street is going to kill someone for them. But how pathetically desperate and stupid do you have to be to ask your coworkers? Just had another of those two weeks ago, too.
 
2013-08-29 02:27:36 PM  

Obbi: Carn: SacriliciousBeerSwiller: Carn: Madbassist1: 120K a year is not that much money.

It aint richy richville but it's good f*ckin money.

It's not "$600K home" good. Not for a responsible person anyway.

With the husband's salary and 20 years of joint income earning equity, I don't see why not.  *shrug*

Okay, but that's more than 120k a year, which is not 600k home material.


What's the rough rule of thumb, 1/3 of income for housing? 40K per year is 1.2 million after 30, I think that's doable.
 
2013-08-29 06:26:49 PM  

2xcited: Key to sucesfully murdering someone.  1) Do not tell anyone.  2) Do it yourself  3) If you are divorcing your spouse, "SORRY," the murder option is off the table.  This one did backfire nicely into the husband's favor.  He should get a favorable settlement and not lose everything.


So much this.

The only thing I have to disagree with you about is the settlement. If this is anything like other stories of when one spouse tries to kill the other, the divorce is put on hold until after the criminal trial, and if the person is convicted they lose everything.
 
2013-08-30 01:09:59 AM  

Tat'dGreaser: I wonder if there has been any successful hits done on spouses. You always hear about the idiots who get caught by going to an undercover agent, but is there an actual service out there for this? What kind of an idiot asks their coworkers for this anyway?


Here in Ga we just put away a black widow, she had killed two previous spouses and went for the trifecta. At the point the third's death became obviously suspicious, the other two were exhumed; she had anti-freeze poisoned all of them.
 
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