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(Uproxx)   The ten highest earning celebrities list of 2013 is as punchable as you'd imagine   (uproxx.com) divider line 56
    More: Sad, Anna Kendrick, Peter Dinklage, celebrity, Jerry Bruckheimer, Vince Gilligan, Jennifer Lawrence, Louis C.K., Steven Spielberg  
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6490 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 27 Aug 2013 at 3:25 PM (51 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-08-27 02:58:55 PM
Look at the bright side, at least justin bieber wasn't in the top ten.

/half full man, half full
 
2013-08-27 03:20:54 PM
You know what's awesome? Using animated gifs in a top-ten list, when the animation doesn't convey anything useful. Even better if the gif has nothing to do with the person being listed.
 
2013-08-27 03:25:19 PM
Spielberg and Howard Stern I can understand

But Madonna getting $125 million? Jesus how in the fark does she still have that many fans left?
 
2013-08-27 03:26:24 PM
I had to look up who E. L. James was.  Yeah, I really don't do popular fiction.  She was a fanfic writer until she wrote the 50 Shades stuff.
 
2013-08-27 03:29:07 PM
Yikes, what a terrible thing to try and load. I'm more interested in the sources of their earnings than seeing them move in a loop.

Also, it says here that Wesley Snipes earns "Negative infinity"
 
2013-08-27 03:34:01 PM

dahmers love zombie: I had to look up who E. L. James was.  Yeah, I really don't do popular fiction.  She was a fanfic writer until she wrote the 50 Shades stuff.


I'd hate her, but I'm too busy being jealous. I've been trying to write the next great American novel for a decade, and she turns fanfic into three best-sellers. I should be so lucky.
 
2013-08-27 03:35:46 PM
That article had no value and they know it, that's why they added the annoying gifs.

/Adds uproxx to blacklist
 
2013-08-27 03:41:50 PM
The fact that a complete assbag like Glenn Beck earns $90 a year bothers and sickens me.  Also, I'm jealous that I didn't think of turning myself into a hypocritical, hate-spewing, conspiracy-loving, Teahadist a-hole for the purpose of bilking gullible rubes, racist hillbillies and Christian fundamentalists out of their hard-earned dollars.

I need a new business plan.
 
2013-08-27 03:46:13 PM
Those aren't the right pictures at all.
 
2013-08-27 03:46:48 PM

Dog Welder: The fact that a complete assbag like Glenn Beck earns $90 a year bothers and sickens me.  Also, I'm jealous that I didn't think of turning myself into a hypocritical, hate-spewing, conspiracy-loving, Teahadist a-hole for the purpose of bilking gullible rubes, racist hillbillies and Christian fundamentalists out of their hard-earned dollars.

I need a new business plan.


I like to think that my ethical standards keep me from being financially successful.  I really can't imagine that being true, but it's a great fantasy that keeps me from opening an artery in the bathtub.
 
2013-08-27 03:51:00 PM
I'm confused... Do you print the list off first, or just punch the screen? Either way it still seems pretty futile.
 
2013-08-27 04:04:17 PM
"celebrities" is used broadly.
 
2013-08-27 04:08:27 PM
1) One page gif 'slideshow'
2) hilarious gifs of the common 'hate' celebs (C.K. why can't you be on the list for realsees)
3) No filler by the author trying to explain something they read on wikipedia.

That was worthy of Fark
 
2013-08-27 04:10:54 PM
 
2013-08-27 04:16:35 PM
I don't know how the full site is, but the mobile version made me want to drop my phone in the toilet.
 
2013-08-27 04:31:02 PM
Only thing that bothered me about that is how Madonna destroyed herself with surgery.
 
2013-08-27 04:32:45 PM
Heck, I wanted to punch that site.
 
2013-08-27 04:33:46 PM

cman: Spielberg and Howard Stern I can understand

But Madonna getting $125 million? Jesus how in the fark does she still have that many fans left?


how about James Patterson?!? His last book came out in 09!


We cant be talking about the same person
 
2013-08-27 04:34:29 PM

Uncle Pooky: Only thing that bothered me about that is how Madonna didn't destroy herself with enough surgery.


FTFY
 
2013-08-27 04:41:05 PM

cman: Spielberg and Howard Stern I can understand

But Madonna getting $125 million? Jesus how in the fark does she still have that many fans left?


Spielberg I can understand, how did Stern even make that list and a really, how the fark did madonna make the top of the list?
 
2013-08-27 04:42:54 PM

StrandedInAZ: dahmers love zombie: I had to look up who E. L. James was.  Yeah, I really don't do popular fiction.  She was a fanfic writer until she wrote the 50 Shades stuff.

I'd hate her, but I'm too busy being jealous. I've been trying to write the next great American novel for a decade, and she turns fanfic into three best-sellers. I should be so lucky.


Yeah, milk it for all you can, honey, but don't expect that lightning to strike twice.

/fuggit, who am I kidding - she can probably churn out (more) shlock and the morans will eat it up
 
2013-08-27 04:46:38 PM
I really can't hate on the list. If I had a shred of good looks or talent, I would sell myself out in a heartbeat. Working five days a week is absurd.
 
2013-08-27 04:50:04 PM

impaler: You know what's awesome? Using animated gifs in a top-ten list, when the animation doesn't convey anything useful. Even better if the gif has nothing to do with the person being listed.


You wanted an actual picture of James Patterson? Just wait ten minutes and hit a channel at random, he'll be up there talking about how great his own books are.
 
2013-08-27 04:55:38 PM
Madonna is number one? Wow, the gristle market must be bigger than I thought.
 
2013-08-27 05:16:33 PM

Uncle Pooky: Only thing that bothered me about that is how Madonna destroyed herself with surgery.


The satisfaction that this she-beast has willing and permanently disfigured herself was the only thing about the list that I enjoyed.
 
2013-08-27 05:35:34 PM

The Stealth Hippopotamus: cman: Spielberg and Howard Stern I can understand

But Madonna getting $125 million? Jesus how in the fark does she still have that many fans left?

how about James Patterson?!? His last book came out in 09!

We cant be talking about the same person


You must be thinking of a different author. His wiki page indicates he "wrote" 13 books this year alone.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Patterson_bibliography
 
2013-08-27 05:38:25 PM

cman: Spielberg and Howard Stern I can understand

But Madonna getting $125 million? Jesus how in the fark does she still have that many fans left?


Homosexuals.
 
2013-08-27 05:43:10 PM

Bslim: cman: Spielberg and Howard Stern I can understand

But Madonna getting $125 million? Jesus how in the fark does she still have that many fans left?

Homosexuals.


So Madonna is the new Cher
 
2013-08-27 05:46:27 PM

Brick-House: Bslim: cman: Spielberg and Howard Stern I can understand

But Madonna getting $125 million? Jesus how in the fark does she still have that many fans left?

Homosexuals.

So Madonna is the new Cher


Then Gaga is the new Madonna?
 
2013-08-27 05:51:37 PM

GRCooper: Brick-House: Bslim: cman: Spielberg and Howard Stern I can understand

But Madonna getting $125 million? Jesus how in the fark does she still have that many fans left?

Homosexuals.

So Madonna is the new Cher

Then Gaga is the new Madonna?


Yes and Miley Cyrus is the new Lady Gaga
 
2013-08-27 05:59:02 PM
I like the if there was any justice rant before spewing off niche entertainers who mainly stick to quality and niche entertainment. Either derp or pointless pandering.
 
2013-08-27 06:04:48 PM
They didn't get one penny from me.
 
2013-08-27 06:11:24 PM

cman: Spielberg and Howard Stern I can understand

But Madonna getting $125 million? Jesus how in the fark does she still have that many fans left?


She may have fewer fans, but the fans have more disposable income. Tickets to the latest pop diva (non-scalper prices) are $30-$60. Tickets to see Madonna (again, non-scalper prices)are five to ten times that amount. And Madonna tends to sell out her venues. Add to that royalties and merchandise (including books an clothing lines), and Madge is rolling in it.

Now, compare Madge to whatever disposable pop diva who is out there, and you'll see some major differences. The pop-tarts designed to appeal to straight men are meant to have an expiration date. As soon as they show the least sign of aging, those women are treated like dirt. Few of them last long enough to even make some real money (which is made by owning the songs, not singing them). The trip from "tap that" to "slap that" is short. But a diva for the gays? That's some extended shelf-life. She grows more interesting as she weathers. And he keeps on buying.
 
2013-08-27 06:13:23 PM

The Stealth Hippopotamus: GRCooper: Brick-House: Bslim: cman: Spielberg and Howard Stern I can understand

But Madonna getting $125 million? Jesus how in the fark does she still have that many fans left?

Homosexuals.

So Madonna is the new Cher

Then Gaga is the new Madonna?

Yes and Miley Cyrus is the new Lady Gaga


No. Miley lacks a built-in gay fan base.
 
2013-08-27 06:22:15 PM

steamingpile: Spielberg I can understand, how did Stern even make that list and a really, how the fark did madonna make the top of the list?


By single-handedly propping up an entire broadcast media?
 
2013-08-27 06:25:49 PM

GRCooper: StrandedInAZ: dahmers love zombie: I had to look up who E. L. James was.  Yeah, I really don't do popular fiction.  She was a fanfic writer until she wrote the 50 Shades stuff.

I'd hate her, but I'm too busy being jealous. I've been trying to write the next great American novel for a decade, and she turns fanfic into three best-sellers. I should be so lucky.

Yeah, milk it for all you can, honey, but don't expect that lightning to strike twice.

/fuggit, who am I kidding - she can probably churn out (more) shlock and the morans will eat it up


Yeah, got to figure she's got at least one more Mom porn book. If it's a flop, that's it, but she'll still make a shiatload off of it.
 
2013-08-27 06:42:20 PM

DeaH: The Stealth Hippopotamus: GRCooper: Brick-House: Bslim: cman: Spielberg and Howard Stern I can understand

But Madonna getting $125 million? Jesus how in the fark does she still have that many fans left?

Homosexuals.

So Madonna is the new Cher

Then Gaga is the new Madonna?

Yes and Miley Cyrus is the new Lady Gaga

No. Miley lacks a built-in gay fan base.


Madonna, Cher and Gaga are all great performers. Their music is about on par with their contemporaries, but they understand that the pop world is all theater. It's fake, all of it. Pop has never had depth, it's not supposed to. It's catchy and danceable, and the great pop stars pair it with impressive live performances. Yes, they're all lip syncing, it's all a lot of flash and no substance. That's not a bug. It's a feature. It's like going to a musical, minus the storyline. But nobody really cares about the storyline in a musical, they're there for the spectacle, the entertainment.

What Miley Cyrus lacks is the intelligence to figure that out, and the talent to make use of that knowledge. I'm not a fan of pop music, but I know good from bad. The music I like seems to rarely ever be popular, and I can accept that. Much like a cochinita pibil taco drenched in Habañero salsa isn't for everyone, neither is Rudy and the Mob.
 
2013-08-27 07:04:19 PM
Punchable? Probably

Taxable? Definitely.
 
2013-08-27 07:18:59 PM
Okay, there are a few I'm on the fence about in there.  I mean, I don't hate Gaga, or Bruckheimer, and at least Spielberg isn't Lucas.  And I don't really care about Patterson because I don't read his books (hell, I barely read Sandford's anymore, and I like him).

The rest? Ya, they're punchable all right, but no less so than the people responsible for the gifs, the "article" itself, the submitter, and the person who greenlit it.
 
2013-08-27 07:29:57 PM
No, really, look at the TRUE bright side: No one, as of yet, has wasted to money on a bullet to shoot any of these cretins.
 
2013-08-27 07:41:18 PM

dahmers love zombie: Dog Welder: The fact that a complete assbag like Glenn Beck earns $90 a year bothers and sickens me.  Also, I'm jealous that I didn't think of turning myself into a hypocritical, hate-spewing, conspiracy-loving, Teahadist a-hole for the purpose of bilking gullible rubes, racist hillbillies and Christian fundamentalists out of their hard-earned dollars.

I need a new business plan.

I like to think that my ethical standards keep me from being financially successful.  I really can't imagine that being true, but it's a great fantasy that keeps me from opening an artery in the bathtub.


You are not mentally ill enough to do the job.
 
2013-08-27 07:46:02 PM

DeaH: The Stealth Hippopotamus: GRCooper: Brick-House: Bslim: cman: Spielberg and Howard Stern I can understand

But Madonna getting $125 million? Jesus how in the fark does she still have that many fans left?

Homosexuals.

So Madonna is the new Cher

Then Gaga is the new Madonna?

Yes and Miley Cyrus is the new Lady Gaga

No. Miley lacks a built-in gay fan base.


Since Katy Perry has her own grillz now, how does she fit into this scheme?
 
2013-08-27 08:12:40 PM

fusillade762: The Stealth Hippopotamus: cman: Spielberg and Howard Stern I can understand

But Madonna getting $125 million? Jesus how in the fark does she still have that many fans left?

how about James Patterson?!? His last book came out in 09!

We cant be talking about the same person

You must be thinking of a different author. His wiki page indicates he "wrote" 13 books this year alone.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Patterson_bibliography


Back when I worked shifts at the library's circulation desk, I had a conversation with an elderly couple about Patterson. The woman exclaimed, "He writes so many books each year, I can't keep up with them!". I didn't have the heart to explain to the dear old lady the concept of ghost writers.
 
2013-08-27 08:19:07 PM
List of those who got more than a dime from me:

Howard Stern. Approximately $140.

I have no problem with the list because I didn't contribute to their incomes. I contribute to those I have an interest in supporting. Beyond that I care not.
 
2013-08-27 08:54:48 PM
Rush is the smartest person on that list anyway.
 
2013-08-27 09:27:36 PM

LectertheChef: DeaH: The Stealth Hippopotamus: GRCooper: Brick-House: Bslim: cman: Spielberg and Howard Stern I can understand

But Madonna getting $125 million? Jesus how in the fark does she still have that many fans left?

Homosexuals.

So Madonna is the new Cher

Then Gaga is the new Madonna?

Yes and Miley Cyrus is the new Lady Gaga

No. Miley lacks a built-in gay fan base.

Madonna, Cher and Gaga are all great performers. Their music is about on par with their contemporaries, but they understand that the pop world is all theater. It's fake, all of it. Pop has never had depth, it's not supposed to. It's catchy and danceable, and the great pop stars pair it with impressive live performances. Yes, they're all lip syncing, it's all a lot of flash and no substance. That's not a bug. It's a feature. It's like going to a musical, minus the storyline. But nobody really cares about the storyline in a musical, they're there for the spectacle, the entertainment.

What Miley Cyrus lacks is the intelligence to figure that out, and the talent to make use of that knowledge. I'm not a fan of pop music, but I know good from bad. The music I like seems to rarely ever be popular, and I can accept that. Much like a cochinita pibil taco drenched in Habañero salsa isn't for everyone, neither is Rudy and the Mob.


Thanks for the link!
 
2013-08-27 09:31:55 PM

ParadisePornoTheater: DeaH: The Stealth Hippopotamus: GRCooper: Brick-House: Bslim: cman: Spielberg and Howard Stern I can understand

But Madonna getting $125 million? Jesus how in the fark does she still have that many fans left?

Homosexuals.

So Madonna is the new Cher

Then Gaga is the new Madonna?

Yes and Miley Cyrus is the new Lady Gaga

No. Miley lacks a built-in gay fan base.

Since Katy Perry has her own grillz now, how does she fit into this scheme?


She does not fit. Right now, she is in the disposable/designed to bring in the straight boys camp. After her peak, if she stops yelling her songs and does some real work, especially if she suffers a bit, she may turn into a gay icon.
 
2013-08-27 10:09:22 PM

enik: Rush is the smartest person on that list anyway.


static2.businessinsider.com
 
2013-08-27 10:31:37 PM
Thank goodness it didn't include Oprah.  Because I've wanted to punch her ever since the Swiss shopping affair.

The sale staff treated you rudely, even though you were in "full Oprah gear"?  Welcome to our world, where blue jeans don't rate a look at the BMW dealer or Needless Markup.
 
2013-08-27 11:02:02 PM

GoldSpider: steamingpile: Spielberg I can understand, how did Stern even make that list and a really, how the fark did madonna make the top of the list?

By single-handedly propping up an entire broadcast media?


Isn't he the majority owner of Sirius/XM now? So he gets a slice of every subscription, every commercial, and every receiver sold (including the ones in 40% of new cars).
 
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