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(Komo)   "I swear to god if your [expletive] with me I will steal your car and melt it down to [expletive], then busy in your house and [expletive] on your [expletive] couch, paybacks a [expletive] keep playing [your dog] home alone"   (komonews.com) divider line 76
    More: Strange, Seattle Police, dogs  
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10284 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Aug 2013 at 9:35 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



76 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-08-27 08:39:58 AM
Oh, you flirt.
 
2013-08-27 08:41:27 AM
Who stabs a house?  Honestly!


I also believe that the proper translation is...

"I swear to god if your [intercoursing] with me I will steal your car and melt it down to [excrement], then busy in your house and [evacuate my bowels] on your [copulating] couch, paybacks a [female dog] keep playing [?????] home alone"
 
2013-08-27 09:04:29 AM
Oh I love Mad Libs!

1. (state of being)
2. (noun)
3. (action verb)
4. (adjective)
5. (noun)
6. (name)

Oh and it is 'you're', smitty.
 
2013-08-27 09:28:09 AM
The victim, who felt the above message was partially a threat to her dog, returned to her Ballard home early Monday morning...

Then she's a much better interpreter than I.

I was wondering if it was a different reporting of this story.
 
2013-08-27 09:36:25 AM
Please don't busy in my house.  I always have trouble getting the stains out.
 
2013-08-27 09:36:33 AM
Well then. That's a sure fire way to get her there, bucko!

Also, why aren't they printing his name?
 
2013-08-27 09:37:53 AM

I_Am_Weasel: keep playing [?????] home alone


Spot. Or maybe Rover.
 
2013-08-27 09:39:52 AM
 
2013-08-27 09:40:16 AM
You're.
 
2013-08-27 09:40:59 AM
I can understand how he feels after being rejected time and time again but this isn't helping.
 
2013-08-27 09:41:31 AM

CapeFearCadaver: Well then. That's a sure fire way to get her there, bucko!

Also, why aren't they printing his name?


Going straight to this charmer's TF handle would work too.
 
2013-08-27 09:42:34 AM

CapeFearCadaver: Well then. That's a sure fire way to get her there, bucko!


LOL.  Yeah, this line of 'thinking' always amuses me.

I was walking around DuPont Circle in DC one time and panhandler asked a nice lady walking front of me for money.  She very politely said (and even looked at him), "Sorry.  Not today."

He launched into the loudest, most profane rant.  He was red in the face as he screamed every foul insult he could think of at her.

And I'm just thinking, "Yeah, like she or anyone else is gonna give you a buck now."
 
2013-08-27 09:42:40 AM

BumpInTheNight: CapeFearCadaver: Well then. That's a sure fire way to get her there, bucko!

Also, why aren't they printing his name?

Going straight to this charmer's TF handle would work too.


Naw, he'd be a liter.
 
2013-08-27 09:42:57 AM

Nadie_AZ: Oh I love Mad Libs!

1. (state of being)
2. (noun)
3. (action verb)
4. (adjective)
5. (noun)
6. (name)

Oh and it is 'you're', smitty.


"I swear to god if your is with me I will steal your car and melt it down to horse, then busy in your house and twerking on your dildoy couch, paybacks a cookie keep playing Homer home alone"
 
2013-08-27 09:43:38 AM

BumpInTheNight: CapeFearCadaver: Well then. That's a sure fire way to get her there, bucko!

Also, why aren't they printing his name?

Going straight to this charmer's TF handle would work too.


Wait wait wait, this article does in fact say what this farker's handle is! LOL!
 
2013-08-27 09:44:07 AM
 
2013-08-27 09:44:10 AM

Diogenes: CapeFearCadaver: Well then. That's a sure fire way to get her there, bucko!

LOL.  Yeah, this line of 'thinking' always amuses me.

I was walking around DuPont Circle in DC one time and panhandler asked a nice lady walking front of me for money.  She very politely said (and even looked at him), "Sorry.  Not today."

He launched into the loudest, most profane rant.  He was red in the face as he screamed every foul insult he could think of at her.

And I'm just thinking, "Yeah, like she or anyone else is gonna give you a buck now."


Hrm, I wonder why he's on the streets.....
 
2013-08-27 09:44:26 AM

Nadie_AZ: Oh I love Mad Libs!

1. (state of being)
2. (noun)
3. (action verb)
4. (adjective)
5. (noun)
6. (name)

Oh and it is 'you're', smitty.


Know how I know that you....

sendtodave: You're.


and you didn't read the article?

/Hint: subby is quoting directly from the article.
//Not subby.
 
2013-08-27 09:47:10 AM
I don't know why [suspect] isn't already married.  What a [expletive] keeper!
 
2013-08-27 09:47:23 AM

Arkanaut


Please don't busy in my house. I always have trouble getting the stains out.


I once got busied in a Burger King bathroom.
 
2013-08-27 09:48:30 AM
Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy.

/Yikes.
 
2013-08-27 09:49:34 AM

I_Am_Weasel: Who stabs a house?  Honestly!


The house looked at him funny.
 
2013-08-27 09:50:42 AM
My house could stand to be busied, it's far too [???].
 
2013-08-27 09:50:47 AM
Rule #1 - identify the nutcases, rule#2, avoid the nutcases
 
2013-08-27 09:51:10 AM
I swear I just heard a TFette just tell this exact same story.
 
2013-08-27 09:53:57 AM
stabbed a woman's house and threatened her dog

How can you tell a Seattlite has been by?

Your house has been stabbed and your dog's pregnant.
 
2013-08-27 09:54:51 AM
Police are investigating the incident as possible stalking and burglary.

The Zimmerman trial is way over. It was established that stalkers have every right to shoot if they feel threatened.
 
2013-08-27 09:55:26 AM
Hey....A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.
 
2013-08-27 09:55:57 AM

I_Am_Weasel: Who stabs a house?  Honestly!


img.thesun.co.uk
 
2013-08-27 09:57:58 AM
I hope she sends the friend who set her up a gift basket or something.
 
2013-08-27 09:58:04 AM
"Busy" is just one text tap away from "bust"

Humor can be just that simple.
 
2013-08-27 09:58:24 AM

99sportster: Know how I know that you....

sendtodave: You're.

and you didn't read the article?


I did check that, actually.

It still should be you're.
 
2013-08-27 09:59:43 AM

Englebert Slaptyback: Arkanaut

Please don't busy in my house. I always have trouble getting the stains out.


I once got busied in a Burger King bathroom.


*takes the bottle of Hennesy down off the shelf and hides it*
 
2013-08-27 09:59:52 AM
Way to overshare, angry man.
 
2013-08-27 10:02:06 AM

99sportster: Nadie_AZ: Oh I love Mad Libs!

1. (state of being)
2. (noun)
3. (action verb)
4. (adjective)
5. (noun)
6. (name)

Oh and it is 'you're', smitty.

Know how I know that you....

sendtodave: You're.

and you didn't read the article?

/Hint: subby is quoting directly from the article.
//Not subby.


Yea but ... madlibs, man.
 
2013-08-27 10:04:36 AM
Seems like a rather stable fellow.  Looks like she missed out on a real winner.
 
2013-08-27 10:07:50 AM
Forget the anger problem, the guy has a punctuation problem.
 
2013-08-27 10:08:55 AM
But he's just showing her how much he cares!
 
2013-08-27 10:11:01 AM

big pig peaches: I hope she sends the friend who set her up a gift basket or something.


Awwwww poop, I was going to say this! Hmmmph...oh well, at least it was said. I can leave pleased.
 
2013-08-27 10:20:46 AM
I swear to god if your spelunking with me i will steal your car and melt it down to barbecue sauce, then busy in your house and break dance on your flatulent couch, paybacks a chinaman keep playing fortune teller home alone
 
2013-08-27 10:24:04 AM
According to the police report for the incident, the victim recently met the suspect through a [former] friend, though she specifically told officers they weren't dating.
 
2013-08-27 10:28:44 AM
FTA:


Police are investigating the incident as possible stalking and burglary.


i.chzbgr.com
 
2013-08-27 10:30:20 AM
Just imagined what he would have said if she turned him down for the date.
 
2013-08-27 10:37:03 AM

ciberido


*takes the bottle of Hennesy down off the shelf and hides it*


*eats up all your crackers and your licorice*
 
2013-08-27 10:44:13 AM
'you're'

fark you people are stupid
and getting stupider
 
2013-08-27 10:44:55 AM

Nadie_AZ: 99sportster: Nadie_AZ: Oh I love Mad Libs!

1. (state of being)
2. (noun)
3. (action verb)
4. (adjective)
5. (noun)
6. (name)

Oh and it is 'you're', smitty.

Know how I know that you....

sendtodave: You're.

and you didn't read the article?

/Hint: subby is quoting directly from the article.
//Not subby.

Yea but ... madlibs, man.


Good point.
 
2013-08-27 10:53:14 AM
Now that I'm single again and dating...my mom wanted to know why I haven't brought anyone I'm dating to meet her.

I'm going to show her this article.
 
2013-08-27 10:54:04 AM
i1.ytimg.com
 
2013-08-27 10:56:35 AM
"According to the police report for the incident, the victim recently met the suspect through a friend"

They were going to have a drink, . . . here.

i454.photobucket.com
 
2013-08-27 11:08:46 AM

usafdave:


Good ole poopshoot
 
2013-08-27 11:19:11 AM
Soooo, no second date then?
 
2013-08-27 11:23:19 AM
That expletive couch really tied the expletive room together, did it not?
 
2013-08-27 11:29:59 AM

I_Am_Weasel: Who stabs a house?  Honestly!


I also believe that the proper translation is...

"I swear to god if your [intercoursing] with me I will steal your car and melt it down to [excrement]...


I call my Caravan "Mr. Hankey", no melting required...
 
2013-08-27 11:39:00 AM
 
zez
2013-08-27 11:40:18 AM
Sounds like she was dating Dennis Farina
 
2013-08-27 11:45:30 AM
<b>BumpInTheNight:</b> No way! Not me! Lol..
 
2013-08-27 11:46:05 AM
BumpInTheNight: No way! Not me! Lol..
 
2013-08-27 11:48:18 AM
Jim Letten?
 
2013-08-27 11:52:22 AM
Whar?  You ass :)
 
2013-08-27 12:17:36 PM

CapeFearCadaver: Diogenes: CapeFearCadaver: Well then. That's a sure fire way to get her there, bucko!

LOL.  Yeah, this line of 'thinking' always amuses me.

I was walking around DuPont Circle in DC one time and panhandler asked a nice lady walking front of me for money.  She very politely said (and even looked at him), "Sorry.  Not today."

He launched into the loudest, most profane rant.  He was red in the face as he screamed every foul insult he could think of at her.

And I'm just thinking, "Yeah, like she or anyone else is gonna give you a buck now."

Hrm, I wonder why he's on the streets.....


With rants like that he should be middle managment
 
2013-08-27 12:28:36 PM
"After which, you will have 30 minutes to move your cube"
 
2013-08-27 12:37:25 PM

CapeFearCadaver: Well then. That's a sure fire way to get her there, bucko!


Always.  As in how the Romeo always goes, "She got a restraining order?  I'll show that biatch that I ain't dangerous!!!"
 
2013-08-27 01:35:09 PM

fruitloop: Nadie_AZ: Oh I love Mad Libs!

1. (state of being)
2. (noun)
3. (action verb)
4. (adjective)
5. (noun)
6. (name)

Oh and it is 'you're', smitty.

"I swear to god if your is with me I will steal your car and melt it down to horse, then busy in your house and twerking on your dildoy couch, paybacks a cookie keep playing Homer home alone"


You owe me a new keyboard
 
2013-08-27 02:06:51 PM
Are copies of Home Alone smeared in aniseed, that dogs like them so much?  Is there a sexy poodle scene in it I don't remember?
 
2013-08-27 02:23:57 PM

I_Am_Weasel: Who stabs a house?


Captain Stabbin', duh.
 
2013-08-27 02:31:24 PM

dj_spanmaster: I_Am_Weasel: Who stabs a house?

Captain Stabbin', duh.


Wasn't that a boat?
 
2013-08-27 02:35:26 PM
This woman should be grateful that her car broke down. I suspect a "meeting" with this guy would have been the beginning of a lovely stalker-victim relationship, if not an outright kidnapping or rape.

This fellow is unhinged. He needs to be locked up in a psychiatric institution.
 
2013-08-27 02:40:30 PM
Oh my, soon Oxford English dictionary will do away with "you're" and replace it with "your".  Just you watch.
 
2013-08-27 02:50:53 PM

Kahabut: dj_spanmaster: I_Am_Weasel: Who stabs a house?

Captain Stabbin', duh.

Wasn't that a boat?


He stabs a boat or a house, over a moat or near a mouse.
 
2013-08-27 02:58:10 PM
"I swear to god if your [expletive] with me I will steal your car and melt it down to [expletive], then busy in your house and [expletive] on your [expletive] couch, paybacks a [expletive] keep playing [your dog] home alone"

Here's the translation to what he most likely meant to say:

"I swear to God, if you're f•cking with me I will steal your car and melt it down to shiat, then bust into your house and shiat on your f•cking couch. Payback is a biatch! Keep leaving Spot* home alone (and see what happens.)"

* Dog may not actually be named Spot.

This leaves me with all sorts of questions:

1. This fellow seems to have the capability to melt down cars. I wonder how he accomplishes this. Is he employed by a smelting plant or something? Or is he really crazy and believes he has heat vision? This is just a really strange thing to threaten someone with. Melting down their car? Strange.

2. The article says the house was broken into, and there was a knife stabbed into the outside wall. It mentions nothing about her couch having been shat upon. So why, after going through the trouble of breaking into her house, did he not follow through with the couch-shiatting threat? Did he simply not have enough in his bowels to do it? I'd love to see how that went... He's squatting over her couch, straining, probably giving himself a hemorrhoid, but just can't force the bowel movement, so he gets pissed off (more) and, in frustration, grabs a kitchen knife and stabs the house.

3. What kind of incredibly unstable person considers a need for "payback" when someone is late to a meet-up (which at least one party does not believe was a date). I get that he thought she was standing him up, and that there may be some paranoid concern over being disrespected, but how does one go from that to "shiat on your couch and threaten your dog" status? And how could the victim not realize that a person like this was crazyballs before agreeing to meet up with him? I mean, that kind of mental instability tends to show.

4. As long as we're on the subject, how can even the most mentally defective guy think breaking & entering and threats against an animal are "even" with the "crime" of standing someone up? I think even a jury of crazy, paranoid freaks like himself would say "no, man, that was too much."
 
2013-08-27 02:59:58 PM
Feh ... women.

I'm sure it's her fault somehow. Some Farker will come along any minute and tell us all how women are whores and when men are insane, it's the always the woman's fault. Always.
 
2013-08-27 03:12:31 PM

jfivealive: I swear to god if your spelunking with me i will steal your car and melt it down to barbecue sauce, then busy in your house and break dance on your flatulent couch, paybacks a chinaman keep playing fortune teller home alone


Dude, not the prefered nomenclature...

Also:

photos1.blogger.com

"Fark yo couch!"
 
2013-08-27 03:33:19 PM
"At the Vatican, the Office of the Sacred Congregation for Divine Worship issued a clarification on Pope Francis' earlier statements...."
 
2013-08-27 05:09:27 PM

BumpInTheNight: BumpInTheNight: CapeFearCadaver: Well then. That's a sure fire way to get her there, bucko!

Also, why aren't they printing his name?

Going straight to this charmer's TF handle would work too.

Wait wait wait, this article does in fact say what this farker's handle is! LOL!


Hey now I resemble that remark!!!!
 
2013-08-28 01:33:04 PM

BumpInTheNight: BumpInTheNight: CapeFearCadaver: Well then. That's a sure fire way to get her there, bucko!

Also, why aren't they printing his name?

Going straight to this charmer's TF handle would work too.

Wait wait wait, this article does in fact say what this farker's handle is! LOL!


Um BITN... Why would you say this was me?!? Link went straight to my profile. I'm female and the least likely fark liter to stalk someone in any situation. Not the obsessive type. I do like knives though.
 
2013-08-28 01:47:41 PM

OK So Amuse Me: BumpInTheNight: BumpInTheNight: CapeFearCadaver: Well then. That's a sure fire way to get her there, bucko!

Also, why aren't they printing his name?

Going straight to this charmer's TF handle would work too.

Wait wait wait, this article does in fact say what this farker's handle is! LOL!

Um BITN... Why would you say this was me?!? Link went straight to my profile. I'm female and the least likely fark liter to stalk someone in any situation. Not the obsessive type. I do like knives though.


His link shows whoever clicks on it their own profile... Not just you...

i44.tinypic.com
 
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