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Manning's future leaks will be done sitting down, player gets his first RB eye, and Delta stewardesses request aisle phones: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 8/18 - 8/24
Posted by Unfreakable at 2013-08-26 6:25:26 PM (6 comments) | Permalink
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2167 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Aug 2013 at 7:56 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Lots of great headlines last week, it was hard to pick from such a good field!

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2013-08-18 to Sat 2013-08-24:

[image from too old to be available]  Domestic drone in San Francisco ends the life of a single man  

[image from too old to be available]  Al Qaeda planning to target high speed rail, US perfectly safe  

[image from too old to be available]  CHiPs (NBC Sun. 8pm EST): Ponch and Jon rescue a motorist (special guest star: Dick Van Dyke) from a burning car on the highway  

[image from too old to be available]  Boy buried in dune for hours and spent weeks recovering in a hospital starts his first day of school, promises he's ready to assume the training necessary to become the Kwisatz Haderach  

[image from too old to be available]  The case for getting drunk at work. Might take more than a case, but I'm listening  

[image from too old to be available]  Powerful solar storm flare with superheated particles is currently surging toward Earth, but don't woɍɌy, y0u prŏþab1y woN't n0ti(e aNyƮh|nġ d\ffƏ®enŧ[%  

[image from too old to be available]  Manning's future leaks will be done sitting down  

[image from too old to be available]  San Diego Mayor Bob Filner to resign so he can spend more time sexually harassing his family  

[image from too old to be available]  Nevada to face lawsuit for shipping mentally ill patients back to California. Officials deny wrongdoing, say they just put them on a Greyhound going from Las Vegas to Los Angeles and they all seemed to blend right in  

[image from too old to be available]  Study finds that single men wash their sheets about four times per year, confirming the theory that the average single man has four dates per year  

[image from too old to be available]  Harvard approves first BDSM student group. FLÜGGÅƎNKƋEČHIŒBØLSȆN  


[image from too old to be available]  Houston Astros rookie Max Stassi gets his first ever RB Eye  

[image from too old to be available]  Women take a stand against NFL's no bag policy, say it's discriminatory, inconvenient, will limit the number crying towels they can bring to Chiefs games  

[image from too old to be available]  Notre Dame tops the nation in college football ticket prices with an average cost of $294, not including the collection plate  


[image from too old to be available]  Research shows that multitasking may be 350 degrees for 1 hour, uncovered, then let cool $24.99 free shipping for Prime members FARK YOU TROLL holy shiat Olivia Munn on a sex swing  

[image from too old to be available]  The world's longest-living bat holds clues to longevity. But enough about my mother-in-law  

[image from too old to be available]  Scientists identify 84 possible causes of obesity. Also known as the complete menu at McDonald's  


[image from too old to be available]  Robin Thicke sues Marvin Gaye's family, apparently unaware of what Marvin Gaye's family is capable of  

[image from too old to be available]  Man found dead in apparent suicide at Olivia Newton-John's house. Time of death: six minutes into the DVD of 'Xanadu'  

[image from too old to be available]  Dr. Dre wants out of his deal with HTC, blames dyslexia for an embarrassing mistake  


[image from too old to be available]  Hillary Clinton mini-series production cancelled by Fox. Tea-partiers respond with "Cancelled by who?" Democrats respond with "by whom"  

[image from too old to be available]  Those who confirmed Reince Priebus' racist comment have been sacked. We've just found out that the sackers of the spokesman who was sacked have been sacked. The GOP symbol is now a dancing llama  

[image from too old to be available]  Susan Sarandon: "You can't just vote with your vagina." Maybe you could back in the day when voting machines had levers, but they're all crappy touch screens now  


[image from too old to be available]  Wells Fargo cuts 2,300 jobs from their mortgage department, stagecoach division  

[image from too old to be available]  Nike's "Just Do It" slogan is now 25 years old... which makes it 15 years too old to make their shoes  

[image from too old to be available]  Delta Airlines gives 19,000 of its flight attendants a Windows phone. 4,000 attendants immediately ask for an aisle phone
· · ·

6 Comments     (+0 »)
2013-08-26 09:55:39 PM  
These are a lot funnier after beers.
2013-08-26 10:18:08 PM  
I'm partial to the Dr Dre headline myself.
2013-08-26 10:32:36 PM  
Headline regarding the death at the Newton-John residence gave me a good solid giggle.
2013-08-26 10:33:47 PM  
I thought my Filner headline was better:

Filner grabs headlines by announcing he is in a pinch and, although it rubs him the wrong way, he will kiss his office goodbye and resign. Will not look back on this fondly

/of course, my kids are better than yours too, so what do I know
2013-08-26 10:42:04 PM  
Am I a bad person for thinking the Chelsea Manning headline was hilarious when I'm transgender myself? =)

I missed the Dr. Dre headline originally but god damn that is funny, too.
2013-08-27 08:19:48 AM  

Myria: Am I a bad person for thinking the Chelsea Manning headline was hilarious when I'm transgender myself? =)

No, just a Farker.
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