If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(xoJane)   Remember the Jon Favreau answering machine scene in "Swingers"? This man wrote a letter that is the equivalent   (xojane.com) divider line 83
    More: Amusing, Japanese films  
•       •       •

14613 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Aug 2013 at 2:03 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



83 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all
 
2013-08-26 02:08:02 PM
This kind of shiat happens weekly in TFD
 
2013-08-26 02:10:10 PM
In all honesty, I hope all the self referenced "Nice Guys" read this and mebbee take a moment or two of reflection.
 
2013-08-26 02:11:07 PM
Nothing worse than teen angst.

Except reliving teen angst in a public forum.
 
2013-08-26 02:18:28 PM
That letter pains me to read.... almost as much as it pains me to read that blog.
 
2013-08-26 02:20:20 PM
No, it isn't. The scene in the movie was funny.
 
2013-08-26 02:21:25 PM
The letter author needs to chill, clearly.

But I did think that it was funny that the blog author notes that friends have called her cold and then goes on to the conclusion "People simply are not thinking about you."

She can't conceive that maybe SHE is cold.  She assumed the world is like her.

I see a sad over-emotional letter written to a clueless person here.
 
2013-08-26 02:21:36 PM
Mandy had sex in high school. Adam did not.
 
2013-08-26 02:22:09 PM
Yeah how farking awkward...hopefully that guy has had a lot of reflections and personal improvements over the years. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WsnXQdkqChg NSFW language
 
2013-08-26 02:22:13 PM
Remember the Jon Favreau answering machine scene in "Swingers"?

No.
 
2013-08-26 02:22:41 PM
Never saw swingers.
 
2013-08-26 02:23:25 PM

hubiestubert: In all honesty, I hope all the self referenced "Nice Guys" read this and mebbee take a moment or two of reflection.


The result of his efforts?  Being confined to life long friend zone
 
2013-08-26 02:23:35 PM
I think I almost wrote one of those to an ex-gf. SOOOO GLAD that I DIDN'T

But on the other hand, I didn't really read that article, since it was too long and boring.
 
2013-08-26 02:26:21 PM
For those of you like me who did not remember the scene, here it is:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMrKsKQWrl8
 
2013-08-26 02:30:25 PM
So the takeaway from this is to treat women like shiat? Got it.

//Learned that a long time ago
///Only gets you through college though
 
2013-08-26 02:32:14 PM
I preferred pictures.

lisadelay.com
 
2013-08-26 02:32:49 PM
meh, i've probably written worse letters.  my only defense was that they were not as long.  my only hope is that they were destroyed.

/ news flash, some people were awkward when they were young
 
2013-08-26 02:34:16 PM
blocked at work.

Copypasta anyone?
 
2013-08-26 02:34:19 PM

hubiestubert: In all honesty, I hope all the self referenced "Nice Guys" read this and mebbee take a moment or two of reflection.


Yep. Women can spot weakness like a hawk. But somehow they can't spot the difference between confidence and douchiness until after being burned a few times, or in some cases many many times.
 
2013-08-26 02:34:43 PM
tl; don't care.
 
2013-08-26 02:34:45 PM

Salmon: I preferred pictures.

[205x270 from http://lisadelay.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/5737924_std.jpg image 205x270]


Looks like you spent a long time on the shading!
 
2013-08-26 02:37:20 PM

Satan's Bunny Slippers: blocked at work.

Copypasta anyone?


***

"The Fool on the Hill"

I'm sure I'll often wonder why I even bothered to write this letter. Bet then again, what that we do really matters? This has been a confusing week of disheartening realizations and I feel as if I've been the recipient of ill will from a lot of people.

It started with finally figuring out that you could give less than a nanosecond of thought to the fact that I exist. Actually, you are probably languishing over the thought of having to interact with me again since you have my CDs and I have your coat. This is a bad time.

There was a quote in The Daily today that was tell-tale of your actions toward me over the past two and a half weeks: "(After we first hook up), when I see him I'll say 'hi'. Then if I'm not interested, I'll usually end up blowing him off." And girls wonder why I can be so insecure and self-deprecating! They do it to me. Everything will seem fine between us, then she'll simply act like I'm a stranger without elaboration. Case-in-point illustration: After we went out all seemed fine except maybe I'd been a little too bashful at times. I called you a couple of times a week, most of the time having to leave a message.

When I did get to you, you'd say you're behind on school or be doing something else. Hint taken. I know that if someone likes you -- extreme circumstances aside -- they're going to find a way to spend time with you. So I pretty much knew what the deal was, but I still felt like pursuing it a bit, getting no positive feedback. Your roommate acts like my friends and I are trash when we run into her at frat parties. Then two weeks to the day since I'd last seen you, I see you approaching with a group of about four other people. We make brief eye contact.

As I get ready to open my mouth to say hello, you turn to someone on the opposite side of me to say something. My mind is thrown into a whirlwind of rage and my body starts shaking. How could you act so differently from the mild-mannered, extremely mature and laid-back girl I met nearly a month before? What has changed? Have you met 6,000 new people and now have no need for me? Do you think I'm a dork and never want to see me again? Have I done you some grave injustice? Was I too obvious in my intentions? And If I was, what's wrong with that? Or am I the victim of some ignominious rumor? Or have I been type cast as if in high school? It sure as hell feels like I have. And now I'm sitting here listening to Abbey Road, one of your favorite CDs.

How am I going to ever listen to Pearl Jam or the Beatles in the same way ever again? Boy, you're gonna carry that weight a long time. You have such a powerful effect on me -- almost mesmerizing. Friends tell me to forget about you and move on. How can I or should it be that easy? When you really like someone, you can't lose sight of them that easily. And how painful it is when they're forcing you to try. I'm no simpleton. I'm not one who can lie down and simply go to sleep when I go to bed. My mind races constantly -- when I'm trying to sleep, listening to a lecture or staring dumbfoundedly at the object of my desire.

I feel like I've always got a headache, and I often have trouble thinking clearly and succinctly. And often I fail to organize what's important in life. But what does this have to do with the topic of the letter? I guess it's part of my subjective character synopsis. This letter may seem extremely self-pitying, but dammit, I deserve it. Please tell me if this makes any sense, if I'm misreading the situation, or if you want to keep blowing me off, that's your prerogative (didn't misuse that one). Silence speaks so much louder than words.

***
 
2013-08-26 02:37:46 PM
I once got a note written on a napkin on my windshield from a teenage girl coworker I had just started flirting with, not a long note, mostly just saying hi. I thought it was cute. She was a character, someone who purposely colored outside the lines.
 
2013-08-26 02:38:41 PM

abhorrent1: Never saw swingers.


Money, baby.
 
2013-08-26 02:39:07 PM
FTAThis letter may seem extremely self-pitying, but dammit, I deserve it.
wow, sounds like you dodged a bullet there lady. Just think how soul sucking and crushing this guy would have been. Hope he grew out of it.
 
2013-08-26 02:41:52 PM

hubiestubert: In all honesty, I hope all the self referenced "Nice Guys" read this and mebbee take a moment or two of reflection.


My reflection here is this: nobody you're obsessing over is worth the effort. But that might not have enough self-blaming in it for you.
 
2013-08-26 02:43:07 PM
I think we all have stories we wish weren't told.  I know I have a similar story with a girl...
 
2013-08-26 02:45:05 PM

abhorrent1: Never saw swingers.


Really? Go watch it. Its a bit dated, but generally great. Launched several careers.


hubiestubert: In all honesty, I hope all the self referenced "Nice Guys" read this and mebbee take a moment or two of reflection.


imgs.xkcd.com
 
2013-08-26 02:46:03 PM
OH Jesus someone buy that guy a sloppy slut ASAP.
 
2013-08-26 02:46:51 PM
I obsessed over my fiancée for about 3 months, while she avoided me.

Finally, one day it happened.  She gave reasons for the distance, which were extremely valid.

Not to encourage any sad sacks out there, but, just imagine if I had not continued in my pursuit.

It did get close, of course, to me sucking it up and walking away.

This was 12 years ago, and we're still together.
 
2013-08-26 02:55:04 PM

amundb: So the takeaway from this is to treat women like shiat? Got it.

//Learned that a long time ago
///Only gets you through college though


Sadly, it's still true into middle age.

Among my female friends I can name

1. The woman who had a baby with a felon who was out on parole (for beating her) when she got preggers, he's back inside now for armed robbery. She's living in her father's basement.

2. The woman who just got preggers with a man she temporarily left last year after living with him for five years because he "wouldn't commit" but now says "he's all in now!" even though he still won't get married. I helped her step-dad refit her old bedroom into a nursery, we're both positive that she and the baby will be back soon.

3. The woman who just dumped a guy she'd been dating for two years in order to resume an affair with a married man.

And on and on. Sure, guys make bad decisions, but those bad decisions seem to be all over the map. Women's bad choices seem to revolve men who mistreat them. It's really sad, and one of the reasons I'm glad my close female friends are either happily married or have decided to just be single instead of dealing with guys who treat them like crap.

/and it's a damned mystery to me
 
2013-08-26 02:57:01 PM

UsikFark: Satan's Bunny Slippers: blocked at work.

Copypasta anyone?

***

"The Fool on the Hill"

I'm sure I'll often wonder why I even bothered to write this letter. Bet then again, what that we do really matters? This has been a confusing week of disheartening realizations and I feel as if I've been the recipient of ill will from a lot of people.

It started with finally figuring out that you could give less than a nanosecond of thought to the fact that I exist. Actually, you are probably languishing over the thought of having to interact with me again since you have my CDs and I have your coat. This is a bad time.

There was a quote in The Daily today that was tell-tale of your actions toward me over the past two and a half weeks: "(After we first hook up), when I see him I'll say 'hi'. Then if I'm not interested, I'll usually end up blowing him off." And girls wonder why I can be so insecure and self-deprecating! They do it to me. Everything will seem fine between us, then she'll simply act like I'm a stranger without elaboration. Case-in-point illustration: After we went out all seemed fine except maybe I'd been a little too bashful at times. I called you a couple of times a week, most of the time having to leave a message.

When I did get to you, you'd say you're behind on school or be doing something else. Hint taken. I know that if someone likes you -- extreme circumstances aside -- they're going to find a way to spend time with you. So I pretty much knew what the deal was, but I still felt like pursuing it a bit, getting no positive feedback. Your roommate acts like my friends and I are trash when we run into her at frat parties. Then two weeks to the day since I'd last seen you, I see you approaching with a group of about four other people. We make brief eye contact.

As I get ready to open my mouth to say hello, you turn to someone on the opposite side of me to say something. My mind is thrown into a whirlwind of rage and my body starts shaking. How could you act ...


The guy's a whiny loser but what's so hard about actually answering the phone once and saying "It didn't work.  I don't want to see you again." instead of just ignoring someone and hoping they stop calling?
 
2013-08-26 02:57:34 PM
If this note was meaningless to her, why keep it for so long and then write about it?
 
2013-08-26 02:59:16 PM
OldManDownDRoad you sound like the guy in the comic that Cyno01 posted.

Why do you have so many close female friends?
 
2013-08-26 03:03:16 PM
tl;dr
 
2013-08-26 03:04:38 PM
You owe me 5 minutes, subby.
 
2013-08-26 03:05:45 PM
Yeah, the letter is bad, but I'll say this: You may regret the girl you were hung up on, and you may badly regret how you did it, but you don't regret the fact that you at least tried.
 
2013-08-26 03:05:52 PM

CrazyCracka420: OldManDownDRoad you sound like the guy in the comic that Cyno01 posted.

Why do you have so many close female friends?


Because I'm old (pushing 60) and macking on females is something I gave up 30 years ago when I got married?

Just a guess.
 
2013-08-26 03:08:21 PM

tripleseven: I obsessed over my fiancée for about 3 months, while she avoided me.

Finally, one day it happened.  She gave reasons for the distance, which were extremely valid.

Not to encourage any sad sacks out there, but, just imagine if I had not continued in my pursuit.

It did get close, of course, to me sucking it up and walking away.

This was 12 years ago, and we're still together.


She settled then?

Happens.
 
2013-08-26 03:12:32 PM

tripleseven: Not to encourage any sad sacks out there, but, just imagine if I had not continued in my pursuit.


you'd be with someone else that'd probably make you just as happy?
 
2013-08-26 03:14:11 PM

tripleseven: I obsessed over my fiancée for about 3 months, while she avoided me.

Finally, one day it happened.  She gave reasons for the distance, which were extremely valid.

Not to encourage any sad sacks out there, but, just imagine if I had not continued in my pursuit.

It did get close, of course, to me sucking it up and walking away.

This was 12 years ago, and we're still together.


But not married. After 12 years. She must still have doubts ;-)
 
2013-08-26 03:19:38 PM
I'll wait for the Reader's Digest condensed version, thanks.
 
2013-08-26 03:19:42 PM

OldManDownDRoad: amundb: So the takeaway from this is to treat women like shiat? Got it.

//Learned that a long time ago
///Only gets you through college though

Sadly, it's still true into middle age.

Among my female friends I can name

1. The woman who had a baby with a felon who was out on parole (for beating her) when she got preggers, he's back inside now for armed robbery. She's living in her father's basement.

2. The woman who just got preggers with a man she temporarily left last year after living with him for five years because he "wouldn't commit" but now says "he's all in now!" even though he still won't get married. I helped her step-dad refit her old bedroom into a nursery, we're both positive that she and the baby will be back soon.

3. The woman who just dumped a guy she'd been dating for two years in order to resume an affair with a married man.

And on and on. Sure, guys make bad decisions, but those bad decisions seem to be all over the map. Women's bad choices seem to revolve men who mistreat them. It's really sad, and one of the reasons I'm glad my close female friends are either happily married or have decided to just be single instead of dealing with guys who treat them like crap.

/and it's a damned mystery to me


It's no mystery at all. As a guy you get into that situation by being the object of lust instead of going after a girl you lust. Duh.
 
2013-08-26 03:20:42 PM
UsikFark:


Thanks very much!
 
2013-08-26 03:22:16 PM
The cure for sad-sackishness is life-experience.  Go on a road trip.  Accumulate some stories, including some that don't start, "We were pounding beers and..."  An interesting 6 can compete with a boring 8.

I wrote a couple of these letters in high school.  I had the good sense not to send them.
 
2013-08-26 03:24:32 PM
When I was in high school, I was complaining about some perceived slight to my mom and she turned to me and said "You know, people don't usually do things to you as much as they do things for themselves." Totally rocked my adolescent worldview because, well, I was a stupid teenager. But it helped.  Sounds the kid who wrote the letter could have used a dose of similar advice at some point.
 
2013-08-26 03:25:28 PM
1)  Jeez what a whiny ass
2)  biatch couldn't answer the phone and say "thanks, but no"?

Two losers
 
2013-08-26 03:27:37 PM

abhorrent1: Never saw swingers.


Me neither, and I didn't find the letter very interesting, what part of it I read, which wasn't much.

Fark needs a BORING tag.
 
2013-08-26 03:29:10 PM

Satan's Bunny Slippers: 1)  Jeez what a whiny ass
2)  biatch couldn't answer the phone and say "thanks, but no"?

Two losers


He laughed about it when she sent it to him before publishing. Passed it off to being a 19 year old with no self confidence.

She still seems unaware that she is a self-indulgent idiot.
 
2013-08-26 03:29:45 PM
sinfl.files.wordpress.com

RIP Favreau
 
2013-08-26 03:34:37 PM

mediablitz: Satan's Bunny Slippers: 1)  Jeez what a whiny ass
2)  biatch couldn't answer the phone and say "thanks, but no"?

Two losers

He laughed about it when she sent it to him before publishing. Passed it off to being a 19 year old with no self confidence.

She still seems unaware that she is a self-indulgent idiot.


I should clarify.

"two losers AT THE TIME"

not judging the dude now.  I don't really care enough too.  :)
 
Displayed 50 of 83 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report