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(NW Florida Daily News)   Man arrested outside convenience store for conveniencing himself   (nwfdailynews.com) divider line 50
    More: Florida, Fort Walton  
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4112 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Aug 2013 at 2:42 PM (33 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



50 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-08-26 02:41:07 PM
Ahhh...A two-for-one deal. Thanks, FL!


a0.twimg.com
24.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-08-26 02:43:00 PM
Removable genitals. How convenient.
 
2013-08-26 02:44:55 PM
Forrest ?
 
2013-08-26 02:44:58 PM
Berserker!
 
2013-08-26 02:46:35 PM
What's a pay phone?
 
2013-08-26 02:46:35 PM
They said he would turn toward Beal Parkway while doing this, then turn back toward the building. He changed his position several times.

Ahhhhhh. The old lawn sprinkler technique.
I see our perp is well versed in his craft.
 
2013-08-26 02:47:00 PM
Don't act like y'all haven't gotten shiathammered and jerked off between some payphones.
 
2013-08-26 02:49:04 PM
Originally there were 50 witnesses, but as it was pay-per-view, the crowd dwindled.
 
2013-08-26 02:52:52 PM
can he use the 'stand your ground' defense?
 
2013-08-26 02:53:14 PM

ultraholland: Don't act like y'all haven't gotten shiathammered and jerked off between some payphones.


Some of us aren't complete savages and wait until the children aren't looking or are passed out. Jeez.
 
2013-08-26 02:53:51 PM
Not again dad.
 
2013-08-26 02:54:07 PM
FTFA: "they were told by two witnesses that 37-year-old John Earl Eutzy of Fort Walton Beach was standing at the south corner of the building next to the pay phones when he unzipped his pants, removed his genitals and began masturbating. They said he would turn toward Beal Parkway while doing this, then turn back toward the building. He changed his position several times."

The witness added, "He was gently stroking the shaft, lovingly massaging the head with each stroke. His member was swollen and engorged, as if it was ready to explode. As he climaxed, the look on his face was pure ecstasy. I was both disgusted and aroused by his display of wanton sexuality."
 
2013-08-26 02:55:49 PM
He should cum in the coin return slot so when some other bum comes looking for change he'll get a surprise.
 
2013-08-26 02:56:54 PM
Talk about shooting yourself in the foot.
 
2013-08-26 02:57:34 PM
The Japanese kanji (便 ) can be read as both "convenient" and "poop."

I read the headline and thought maybe he'd lost control of his bowels at the KwikTrip.
 
2013-08-26 02:58:09 PM
Big Gulp?
 
2013-08-26 02:58:35 PM
Cagey B: Some of us aren't complete savages and wait until the children aren't looking or are passed out. Jeez.

you're such a farking elitist
 
2013-08-26 03:00:39 PM
How convenient.
 
2013-08-26 03:03:47 PM
Impossibru
 
2013-08-26 03:09:41 PM
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com
 
2013-08-26 03:11:45 PM
FORT WALTON BEACH - A man was arrested after witnesses say he masturbated outside a convenience store.

Soooo...they wanted him to go into the store to jerk off?
 
2013-08-26 03:12:07 PM

lostcat: The Japanese kanji (便 ) can be read as both "convenient" and "poop."

I read the headline and thought maybe he'd lost control of his bowels at the KwikTrip.


The tattoo artist told me it meant "forever warrior"!!!!!
 
2013-08-26 03:13:08 PM
ultraholland


Don't act like y'all haven't gotten shiathammered and jerked off between some payphones.

The way you say it makes it sound so dirty.
 
2013-08-26 03:16:40 PM
Now he can run for Mayor of San Diego.
 
2013-08-26 03:31:59 PM
upload.wikimedia.org
 
2013-08-26 03:33:41 PM
i406.photobucket.com

What's a Eutzy?
 
2013-08-26 03:36:00 PM
www.nwfdailynews.com

"Was that wrong? Should I have not done that? I tell you I gotta plead ignorance on this thing because if anyone had said anything to me at all that that sort of thing was frowned upon, you know, cause I've been to a lot of convenience stores and I gotta tell you, people do that all the time."
 
2013-08-26 03:41:24 PM
Was it this place?
dongwondemarco.files.wordpress.com


or this place?
www.shinycrap.com
 
2013-08-26 03:41:41 PM
Not yet?
farm4.static.flickr.com
 
2013-08-26 03:43:20 PM
17 seconds *shakes tiny fist rapidly back and forth in front of crotch*
 
2013-08-26 03:45:31 PM
bigworld2000:Taco_Puttin_on_the_Ritz
Lulz...that music video would be so much better with this guy in it.
 
2013-08-26 03:47:36 PM

blatz514: Not again dad.


You might notice the "Things to Do" link in that article doesn't really go anywhere, son.
 
2013-08-26 03:56:52 PM
Who hasn't engaged in a little lewd or lascivious exhibition from time to time?
 
2013-08-26 03:59:12 PM
Them're some crazy eyes right there.
 
2013-08-26 04:01:54 PM
FTFA: "One of the witnesses had to escort a woman and her child to their car because Eutzy had frightened the child."

...instead of asking the bum to stop whackin it, the witness wanted to play the hero to some random MILF?
 
2013-08-26 04:03:30 PM
www.iconsoffright.com

/shameful, fark
 
2013-08-26 04:04:23 PM

FrancoFile: Them're some crazy eyes right there.


24.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-08-26 04:04:41 PM

doctor wu: Who hasn't engaged in a little lewd or lascivious exhibition from time to time?


I banged a townie chick on the speed bump on the only entrance road to our remote college campus and the poor dean had to stop and honk his horn to get us to stop so he could drive in one late night.
Oppsies.

At least it wasn't his wife.

that night.
 
2013-08-26 04:06:20 PM
You know, I just don't get what the big crime is here. If some random guy ran up, disrobed and started jacking off, even finishing, I think I would watch with bemusement. Then, I would feel bad for him because he must be mentally ill. I might even give him $10. And I would just tell my kid that some people in the world don't have anyone to love. Then we'd get ice cream.
 
2013-08-26 04:06:50 PM

vudukungfu: doctor wu: Who hasn't engaged in a little lewd or lascivious exhibition from time to time?

I banged a townie chick on the speed bump on the only entrance road to our remote college campus and the poor dean had to stop and honk his horn to get us to stop so he could drive in one late night.
Oppsies.

At least it wasn't his wife.

that night.


jaydeanhcr.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-08-26 04:09:40 PM
An inconvenient truth.
 
2013-08-26 04:16:15 PM
He was just waiting for his papers to clear division.

filmdope.com
 
2013-08-26 04:25:42 PM

Witness99: Then we'd get ice cream.


You could go here.  It's in Florida and all hand churned.


cdn.brevardnightlife.com
 
2013-08-26 04:30:49 PM

Witness99: You know, I just don't get what the big crime is here. If some random guy ran up, disrobed and started jacking off, even finishing, I think I would watch with bemusement. Then, I would feel bad for him because he must be mentally ill. I might even give him $10. And I would just tell my kid that some people in the world don't have anyone to love. Then we'd get ice cream.


Are you Jack Handy?
/deep thoughts
 
2013-08-26 04:42:58 PM
He should have asked Dante if he could use the restroom.

- and softer toilet paper

-- and a girly magazine
 
2013-08-26 04:46:44 PM
Fort Walton Beach
upload.wikimedia.org

"Good night Ma!"

"Good night Pa!"

Good night John Earl!  John Earl?  John..... FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"
 
2013-08-26 04:57:31 PM

LeroyBourne: Witness99: You know, I just don't get what the big crime is here. If some random guy ran up, disrobed and started jacking off, even finishing, I think I would watch with bemusement. Then, I would feel bad for him because he must be mentally ill. I might even give him $10. And I would just tell my kid that some people in the world don't have anyone to love. Then we'd get ice cream.

Are you Jack Handy?
/deep thoughts


I'm a good person. And people like me :)
 
2013-08-26 05:21:49 PM

Witness99: LeroyBourne: Witness99: You know, I just don't get what the big crime is here. If some random guy ran up, disrobed and started jacking off, even finishing, I think I would watch with bemusement. Then, I would feel bad for him because he must be mentally ill. I might even give him $10. And I would just tell my kid that some people in the world don't have anyone to love. Then we'd get ice cream.

Are you Jack Handy?
/deep thoughts

I'm a good person. And people like me :)


I liked everything about all of this^
 
2013-08-26 08:05:45 PM
Bunch of savages in this town...
 
2013-08-27 02:34:58 PM

Witness99: If some random guy ran up, disrobed and started jacking off, even finishing, I think I would watch with bemusement. Then, I would feel bad for him because he must be mentally ill. I might even give him $10


You pay $10 to watch dudes jack off? That's cool. I could use a ten-spot...BRT.
 
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