If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Washington Post)   Jews worried about monopoly on the afterlife   (washingtonpost.com) divider line 32
    More: Interesting, Jewish, Greater Washington, Jewish leaders  
•       •       •

8726 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Aug 2013 at 10:02 AM (47 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-08-26 10:13:29 AM
5 votes:

Wellon Dowd: [750x476 from https://www.boardgameworld.com/HEBREWMonopA.jpg image 750x476]


If you get all 4 railroads, do you automatically win or lose?
2013-08-26 10:25:50 AM
4 votes:
How hard is it to have someone build a pine box?  Don't they have any carpenters?
2013-08-26 10:16:27 AM
4 votes:

NostroZ: Quiet the opposite... you are not allowed to speak to the affected family members unless they speak to you first... so as to avoid the unnecessary burden of having to 'entertain' people, as each one comes up and pays their condolence.


That's horrible.

You know what? I want my funeral to have beer, and strippers, and blackjack.

And I want there to be fireworks. And everyone telling everyone what an asshole I was.

And I want everyone to pay .25 cents for a solo cup at the door.
2013-08-26 10:03:48 AM
4 votes:
Anne Frankly, I won't stand for this kind of crap.
2013-08-26 11:04:07 AM
3 votes:

Plant Rights Activist: How hard is it to have someone build a pine box?  Don't they have any carpenters?


Well, they had one once...


//window seat please
2013-08-26 10:28:52 AM
3 votes:

NostroZ: hardinparamedic: NostroZ: Quiet the opposite... you are not allowed to speak to the affected family members unless they speak to you first... so as to avoid the unnecessary burden of having to 'entertain' people, as each one comes up and pays their condolence.

That's horrible.

You know what? I want my funeral to have beer, and strippers, and blackjack.

And I want there to be fireworks. And everyone telling everyone what an asshole I was.

And I want everyone to pay .25 cents for a solo cup at the door.

That's FANTASTIC for YOU... but a six thousand year tradition requires a bit more depth than a college kegger.
Because if you may realize, there's OTHER PEOPLE involved in your life... people who may not wish to do beer bongs at your funeral... or they might... I don't know you.


Lighten up, Faivish.

/Six thousand years? Abraham supposedly was born in 1948 AM, give or take a millennium. Since he's the first Jew, and we're in 5773, that's less than 4,000 years.
//Three thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax, YOU GODDAM RIGHT I'M LIVING IN THE FARKIN' PAST.
2013-08-26 02:45:13 PM
2 votes:

MagicBus


With weddings you can just go down to City Hall or elope to Vegas. Is there an option like that for funerals?


You could probably go to Las Vegas* and kick a made guy in the beanbag and urinate on him while he's down. Your body will never be found and it won't cost you a penny.


(Information may be dated. Please substitute NY or NJ as required.)
2013-08-26 01:28:21 PM
2 votes:

Zavulon: Plant Rights Activist: How hard is it to have someone build a pine box?  Don't they have any carpenters?

Well, they had one once...


//window seat please


None that were any good at pulling nails.
2013-08-26 12:57:15 PM
2 votes:

HotWingConspiracy: NostroZ: Jewish funerals is one of the reasons I am proud to be Jewish.

That's farkin weird, man.


I know! Grammatically, it should read "Jewish funerals are..."

/When I woke up this morning, I didn't expect to be a Nazi at a Jewish funeral thread.
2013-08-26 10:56:30 AM
2 votes:

mbillips: GungFu: J. Frank Parnell: GungFu: You're farked if Allah if the correct God, YHWH is his biatch and you've wasted your time on earth having been mutilated as a baby, and made to say, 'oy vay' every 2 minutes.

Uh, Muslims get circumcised too.

There's more in common between the two than either will readily admit.

Er, are you saying the Jew might get consolation points in Allah heaven because they both believe in the no-foreskin fetish?

It's the same God. Allah is Arabic for "God." They just disagree on which prophets to listen to.



Man, that's gonna be farking awkward in same-god heaven.

- Hey, whattup, Yusuf Mohammed?
- S'up, Levi Bernstein.

- Yusuf, didn't you bomb a bus and all the people inside, all Jewish, died.
- Yeah, Levi, Allah told me to. I got 72 virgins out of it.
-  My mother and sister were on that bus. But it's God's wish, so it's cool.
- Wanna bang some virgins? I've got about 30 left.
- I don't have to pay, do I?
- Oh, you Jews and your humour, LOL!!
2013-08-26 10:53:05 AM
2 votes:
So I go to the funeral home the day after my father-in-law dies, and I met everyone in the funeral director's office.

He goes out to check on something, and I look around and see a book on a binder on his desk that says "JEWISH PRICE LIST."

"I wonder what that's all about?"  I ask no one in particular.

My brother in law chimes in, "what do you think they call the non Jewish prices?

Without batting an eye:  "Retail."

/ I'll be here all week
2013-08-26 10:19:54 AM
2 votes:

hardinparamedic: danielscissorhands: You know who else made Jews worry...

George W. Bush?


No...

Nein Cat.

farm7.staticflickr.com
2013-08-26 10:11:01 AM
2 votes:

NostroZ: Jewish funerals is one of the reasons I am proud to be Jewish.

The body is buried quickly (within 24 hours).
There is a very defined set of grieving rituals for the surviving family members.
It's done in a respectable fashion (vs. parading around the dead like a marionette).


Do they do the chair dance there too?
2013-08-26 10:09:14 AM
2 votes:
www.boardgameworld.com
2013-08-26 10:04:58 AM
2 votes:
Jews worried about monopoly on the afterlife


Just go after the red and green properties. If you can lock that corner of the board down, you'll be in good position to win the game.
2013-08-26 05:05:06 PM
1 votes:
i42.tinypic.com
2013-08-26 05:02:14 PM
1 votes:
i40.tinypic.com
2013-08-26 04:50:43 PM
1 votes:
i40.tinypic.com
2013-08-26 01:20:29 PM
1 votes:

NostroZ: The whole idolatry of the body is forbidden in both Judaism and Islam, yet go to a Catholic church and you'll see graven images all over the place.


Well Constantine needs some way to get everyone on board with this Jesus thing.
2013-08-26 01:09:16 PM
1 votes:

Dr. Kefarkian: Zavulon: Plant Rights Activist: How hard is it to have someone build a pine box?  Don't they have any carpenters?

Well, they had one once...


//window seat please

THAT was funny!


Thanks. It's bad form to make jokes about funerals, but I just couldn't resist that one.

When I go, I'm having this done http://www.lifegem.com/

Whoever wants the inheritance has to wear the ring.
2013-08-26 12:52:09 PM
1 votes:

NostroZ: Jewish funerals is one of the reasons I am proud to be Jewish.


That's farkin weird, man.
2013-08-26 12:48:23 PM
1 votes:
Do not Passover, do not collect $200?
2013-08-26 12:41:58 PM
1 votes:

Zavulon: Plant Rights Activist: How hard is it to have someone build a pine box?  Don't they have any carpenters?

Well, they had one once...


//window seat please


THAT was funny!
2013-08-26 12:30:17 PM
1 votes:

NostroZ: Jewish funerals is one of the reasons I am proud to be Jewish.

The body is buried quickly (within 24 hours).
There is a very defined set of grieving rituals for the surviving family members.
It's done in a respectable fashion (vs. parading around the dead like a marionette).


I'm going to add that to my will.  Now it says to cremation, but I am changing it to "Use my dead body as a marionette"   Won't the little kids be surprised!

i wonder if purple cross insurance will cover the cost?   sigh. the dissapointing thing about this idea is I won't be around, except as a marionette, to watch the videos.
2013-08-26 11:50:11 AM
1 votes:

hardinparamedic: NostroZ: Jewish funerals is one of the reasons I am proud to be Jewish.

The body is buried quickly (within 24 hours).
There is a very defined set of grieving rituals for the surviving family members.
It's done in a respectable fashion (vs. parading around the dead like a marionette).

Do they do the chair dance there too?


Is the tearing of garments still in play?
2013-08-26 11:16:37 AM
1 votes:

cameroncrazy1984: NostroZ: Jewish funerals is one of the reasons I am proud to be Jewish.

The body is buried quickly (within 24 hours).
There is a very defined set of grieving rituals for the surviving family members.
It's done in a respectable fashion (vs. parading around the dead like a marionette).

Muslim funerals are much the same, are they not?


Shh. Don't point out that you never see Allah, God and Yahweh in the same room. You might start something you can't even finish.
2013-08-26 11:02:11 AM
1 votes:

cameroncrazy1984: NostroZ: Because if you may realize, there's OTHER PEOPLE involved in your life... people who may not wish to do beer bongs at your funeral...

Not to start an argument, but who cares about what they want during YOUR funeral?



Irish wakes rock.
The first day has everyone laughing.
The second day has everyone crying.

/csb
When my aunt died at 60, we all (including her son) agreed that she didn't look natural in the casket. So we took the rosary out of her hands and put in a hip flask, then stuffed some lottery tickets in her pocket. We would have put a cigarette in her mouth, but it was stitched closed.
/csb
2013-08-26 10:42:53 AM
1 votes:
I'm pretty sure you only have to play Monopoly if you go to hell.
2013-08-26 10:36:47 AM
1 votes:

GungFu: Er, are you saying the Jew might get consolation points in Allah heaven because they both believe in the no-foreskin fetish?


Why not. Makes as much sense as anything else in religious discussions.
2013-08-26 10:33:21 AM
1 votes:

cameroncrazy1984: NostroZ: Because if you may realize, there's OTHER PEOPLE involved in your life... people who may not wish to do beer bongs at your funeral...

Not to start an argument, but who cares about what they want during YOUR funeral?


Ah screw you, you're dead; it's not like you're gonna know what's happening. Funerals are for the living.

/I want to be cremated, loaded into a five-inch shell, and fired from a destroyer over the Atlantic. Now, THAT's a burial at sea.
//Separate memorial wake with lots of booze.
2013-08-26 10:25:03 AM
1 votes:

NostroZ: Jewish funerals is one of the reasons I am proud to be Jewish.

The body is buried quickly (within 24 hours).
There is a very defined set of grieving rituals for the surviving family members.
It's done in a respectable fashion (vs. parading around the dead like a marionette).


Leave Alfred Hitchcock alone!
2013-08-26 10:24:08 AM
1 votes:

NostroZ: Jewish funerals is one of the reasons I am proud to be Jewish.

The body is buried quickly (within 24 hours).
There is a very defined set of grieving rituals for the surviving family members.
It's done in a respectable fashion (vs. parading around the dead like a marionette).



You're farked if Allah if the correct God, YHWH is his biatch and you've wasted your time on earth having been mutilated as a baby, and made to say, 'oy vay' every 2 minutes.
 
Displayed 32 of 32 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report