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(Washington Post)   Jews worried about monopoly on the afterlife   (washingtonpost.com) divider line 22
    More: Interesting, Jewish, Greater Washington, Jewish leaders  
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8726 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Aug 2013 at 10:02 AM (47 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-08-26 10:32:31 AM
3 votes:
I didn't realize practically all funeral homes are owned by SCI or Stewart. Your local Smith Family Funeral Services may have started out independent, but are now owned by one of those two. Not a single funeral home in our area is independent anymore and we have about 30 of them. It is very misleading. This merger is actually a big deal and will mean higher prices for everyone.

They actually train the people at these places to prey on the weakest family member. If there is someone levelheaded there, they will pull them in another room and then quickly make the bereaved widow sign to horrible money bilking contracts. They also do crappy things like insinuate if you don't spend $20,000 on the funeral then it proves you didn't really love the deceased. It is sickening to think these people take advantage of people in their most desperate hours and that it is perfectly legal.

That's why I'm specifying in my will ahead of time to send me to the body farm or make me a cadvier. Free cremation afterward. Then if my family stupidly decides to pay for a niche that is their own damn fault, but at least I saved them about $6,000.
2013-08-26 10:10:11 AM
3 votes:
Jewish funerals is one of the reasons I am proud to be Jewish.

The body is buried quickly (within 24 hours).
There is a very defined set of grieving rituals for the surviving family members.
It's done in a respectable fashion (vs. parading around the dead like a marionette).
2013-08-26 11:27:29 AM
2 votes:

NostroZ: GungFu: - Hey, whattup, Yusuf Mohammed?
- S'up, Levi Bernstein.

- Yusuf, didn't you bomb a bus and all the people inside, all Jewish, died.
- Yeah, Levi, Allah told me to. I got 72 virgins out of it.
-  My mother and sister were on that bus. But it's God's wish, so it's cool.

Jokes aside.  What you are referring to is a small minority view that a martyr will get 72 virgins in the after-life.  This is NOT central to Islam and is a TOOL of a manipulative Immam who wishes to use people as bombs in their holy war.  Once again, this is NOT part of the main tradition of Muslims as delivered by Mohammed and inscribed in the Koran.

Muslims and Jews actually have  more in common in their religion than they do with Christians.

The whole idolatry of the body is forbidden in both Judaism and Islam, yet go to a Catholic church and you'll see graven images all over the place.

This continues with purity laws in relation to food... menstruation... burial... etc. etc. etc.

But continue to pretend that Jews naturally hate Muslims, since that's how things WORK IN YOUR HEAD... why listen to the ACTUAL people involved in your imaginary scenario.


That's because Christianity isn't a desert religion like Judaism and Islam. The Jews and Christians were minorities in the Arabian peninsula prior to Islam. They clearly had an effect. But Christianity drifted away from its Jewish roots when it was structurally co-opted by the Roman Empire. The whole apparatus of bishops and popes are essentially rebranded Roman state religious offices. The statuary is essentially Roman pagan statuary limited to the new "pantheon" of saints, Mary and Jesus and His Friends. For the first hundred years, it was very difficult for outsiders to tell Christians and Jews apart, because they followed the same "no bacon/no foreskin" policies. Only when Christianity started to spread away from its Eastern Med locales did some of the Jewish rules get chucked.

Christianity is a successful merger. Their previous sales model of getting martyred in the arenas was, frankly, not helping them meet their quotas.
2013-08-26 10:33:21 AM
2 votes:

cameroncrazy1984: NostroZ: Because if you may realize, there's OTHER PEOPLE involved in your life... people who may not wish to do beer bongs at your funeral...

Not to start an argument, but who cares about what they want during YOUR funeral?


Ah screw you, you're dead; it's not like you're gonna know what's happening. Funerals are for the living.

/I want to be cremated, loaded into a five-inch shell, and fired from a destroyer over the Atlantic. Now, THAT's a burial at sea.
//Separate memorial wake with lots of booze.
2013-08-26 10:25:10 AM
2 votes:

GungFu: You're farked if Allah if the correct God, YHWH is his biatch and you've wasted your time on earth having been mutilated as a baby, and made to say, 'oy vay' every 2 minutes.


Uh, Muslims get circumcised too.

There's more in common between the two than either will readily admit.
2013-08-26 05:05:06 PM
1 votes:
i42.tinypic.com
2013-08-26 02:45:13 PM
1 votes:

MagicBus


With weddings you can just go down to City Hall or elope to Vegas. Is there an option like that for funerals?


You could probably go to Las Vegas* and kick a made guy in the beanbag and urinate on him while he's down. Your body will never be found and it won't cost you a penny.


(Information may be dated. Please substitute NY or NJ as required.)
2013-08-26 01:28:21 PM
1 votes:

Zavulon: Plant Rights Activist: How hard is it to have someone build a pine box?  Don't they have any carpenters?

Well, they had one once...


//window seat please


None that were any good at pulling nails.
2013-08-26 01:26:34 PM
1 votes:

cameroncrazy1984: mbillips: cameroncrazy1984: NostroZ: Because if you may realize, there's OTHER PEOPLE involved in your life... people who may not wish to do beer bongs at your funeral...

Not to start an argument, but who cares about what they want during YOUR funeral?

Ah screw you, you're dead; it's not like you're gonna know what's happening. Funerals are for the living.

/I want to be cremated, loaded into a five-inch shell, and fired from a destroyer over the Atlantic. Now, THAT's a burial at sea.
//Separate memorial wake with lots of booze.

Funerals are meant to be a celebration of the deceased's life. Fark your selfishness.


Who's being selfish? You want to control people AFTER YOU'RE DEAD, and they're the selfish ones?
2013-08-26 12:41:58 PM
1 votes:

Zavulon: Plant Rights Activist: How hard is it to have someone build a pine box?  Don't they have any carpenters?

Well, they had one once...


//window seat please


THAT was funny!
2013-08-26 11:16:37 AM
1 votes:

cameroncrazy1984: NostroZ: Jewish funerals is one of the reasons I am proud to be Jewish.

The body is buried quickly (within 24 hours).
There is a very defined set of grieving rituals for the surviving family members.
It's done in a respectable fashion (vs. parading around the dead like a marionette).

Muslim funerals are much the same, are they not?


Shh. Don't point out that you never see Allah, God and Yahweh in the same room. You might start something you can't even finish.
2013-08-26 11:04:07 AM
1 votes:

Plant Rights Activist: How hard is it to have someone build a pine box?  Don't they have any carpenters?


Well, they had one once...


//window seat please
2013-08-26 11:03:55 AM
1 votes:

GungFu: - Hey, whattup, Yusuf Mohammed?
- S'up, Levi Bernstein.

- Yusuf, didn't you bomb a bus and all the people inside, all Jewish, died.
- Yeah, Levi, Allah told me to. I got 72 virgins out of it.
-  My mother and sister were on that bus. But it's God's wish, so it's cool.


Jokes aside.  What you are referring to is a small minority view that a martyr will get 72 virgins in the after-life.  This is NOT central to Islam and is a TOOL of a manipulative Immam who wishes to use people as bombs in their holy war.  Once again, this is NOT part of the main tradition of Muslims as delivered by Mohammed and inscribed in the Koran.

Muslims and Jews actually have  more in common in their religion than they do with Christians.

The whole idolatry of the body is forbidden in both Judaism and Islam, yet go to a Catholic church and you'll see graven images all over the place.

This continues with purity laws in relation to food... menstruation... burial... etc. etc. etc.

But continue to pretend that Jews naturally hate Muslims, since that's how things WORK IN YOUR HEAD... why listen to the ACTUAL people involved in your imaginary scenario.
2013-08-26 11:02:11 AM
1 votes:

cameroncrazy1984: NostroZ: Because if you may realize, there's OTHER PEOPLE involved in your life... people who may not wish to do beer bongs at your funeral...

Not to start an argument, but who cares about what they want during YOUR funeral?



Irish wakes rock.
The first day has everyone laughing.
The second day has everyone crying.

/csb
When my aunt died at 60, we all (including her son) agreed that she didn't look natural in the casket. So we took the rosary out of her hands and put in a hip flask, then stuffed some lottery tickets in her pocket. We would have put a cigarette in her mouth, but it was stitched closed.
/csb
2013-08-26 10:36:47 AM
1 votes:

GungFu: Er, are you saying the Jew might get consolation points in Allah heaven because they both believe in the no-foreskin fetish?


Why not. Makes as much sense as anything else in religious discussions.
2013-08-26 10:34:28 AM
1 votes:

GungFu: J. Frank Parnell: GungFu: You're farked if Allah if the correct God, YHWH is his biatch and you've wasted your time on earth having been mutilated as a baby, and made to say, 'oy vay' every 2 minutes.

Uh, Muslims get circumcised too.

There's more in common between the two than either will readily admit.

Er, are you saying the Jew might get consolation points in Allah heaven because they both believe in the no-foreskin fetish?


It's the same God. Allah is Arabic for "God." They just disagree on which prophets to listen to.
2013-08-26 10:25:50 AM
1 votes:
How hard is it to have someone build a pine box?  Don't they have any carpenters?
2013-08-26 10:23:20 AM
1 votes:
I'd be worried too, put that crap away and play Settlers or Dominion instead.
2013-08-26 10:21:09 AM
1 votes:

NostroZ: Because if you may realize, there's OTHER PEOPLE involved in your life... people who may not wish to do beer bongs at your funeral...


Not to start an argument, but who cares about what they want during YOUR funeral?
2013-08-26 10:17:06 AM
1 votes:

NostroZ: Jewish funerals is one of the reasons I am proud to be Jewish.

The body is buried quickly (within 24 hours).
There is a very defined set of grieving rituals for the surviving family members.
It's done in a respectable fashion (vs. parading around the dead like a marionette).


Muslim funerals are much the same, are they not?
2013-08-26 10:14:20 AM
1 votes:

hardinparamedic: NostroZ: Jewish funerals is one of the reasons I am proud to be Jewish.

The body is buried quickly (within 24 hours).
There is a very defined set of grieving rituals for the surviving family members.
It's done in a respectable fashion (vs. parading around the dead like a marionette).

Do they do the chair dance there too?


Quiet the opposite... you are not allowed to speak to the affected family members unless they speak to you first... so as to avoid the unnecessary burden of having to 'entertain' people, as each one comes up and pays their condolence.
2013-08-26 10:03:48 AM
1 votes:
Anne Frankly, I won't stand for this kind of crap.
 
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