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(Washington Post)   Jews worried about monopoly on the afterlife   (washingtonpost.com) divider line 131
    More: Interesting, Jewish, Greater Washington, Jewish leaders  
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8741 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Aug 2013 at 10:02 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-08-26 10:03:48 AM  
Anne Frankly, I won't stand for this kind of crap.
 
2013-08-26 10:04:58 AM  
Jews worried about monopoly on the afterlife


Just go after the red and green properties. If you can lock that corner of the board down, you'll be in good position to win the game.
 
2013-08-26 10:07:05 AM  
You know who else made Jews worry...
 
2013-08-26 10:08:16 AM  
I'm pretty sure Yahweh has a wide assortment of boardgames available.
 
2013-08-26 10:08:17 AM  

danielscissorhands: You know who else made Jews worry...


George W. Bush?
 
2013-08-26 10:09:14 AM  
www.boardgameworld.com
 
2013-08-26 10:10:11 AM  
Jewish funerals is one of the reasons I am proud to be Jewish.

The body is buried quickly (within 24 hours).
There is a very defined set of grieving rituals for the surviving family members.
It's done in a respectable fashion (vs. parading around the dead like a marionette).
 
2013-08-26 10:11:01 AM  

NostroZ: Jewish funerals is one of the reasons I am proud to be Jewish.

The body is buried quickly (within 24 hours).
There is a very defined set of grieving rituals for the surviving family members.
It's done in a respectable fashion (vs. parading around the dead like a marionette).


Do they do the chair dance there too?
 
2013-08-26 10:11:32 AM  

Shostie: I'm pretty sure Yahweh has a wide assortment of boardgames available.


Just remember: always let jealous gods win.
 
2013-08-26 10:11:50 AM  
--Insert miserly Jewish joke here--
 
2013-08-26 10:12:18 AM  
why can't these people just give up their cultural heritage and assimilate with the rest of us? - "Bobby" Jindal
 
2013-08-26 10:13:29 AM  

Wellon Dowd: [750x476 from https://www.boardgameworld.com/HEBREWMonopA.jpg image 750x476]


If you get all 4 railroads, do you automatically win or lose?
 
2013-08-26 10:14:20 AM  

hardinparamedic: NostroZ: Jewish funerals is one of the reasons I am proud to be Jewish.

The body is buried quickly (within 24 hours).
There is a very defined set of grieving rituals for the surviving family members.
It's done in a respectable fashion (vs. parading around the dead like a marionette).

Do they do the chair dance there too?


Quiet the opposite... you are not allowed to speak to the affected family members unless they speak to you first... so as to avoid the unnecessary burden of having to 'entertain' people, as each one comes up and pays their condolence.
 
2013-08-26 10:16:27 AM  

NostroZ: Quiet the opposite... you are not allowed to speak to the affected family members unless they speak to you first... so as to avoid the unnecessary burden of having to 'entertain' people, as each one comes up and pays their condolence.


That's horrible.

You know what? I want my funeral to have beer, and strippers, and blackjack.

And I want there to be fireworks. And everyone telling everyone what an asshole I was.

And I want everyone to pay .25 cents for a solo cup at the door.
 
2013-08-26 10:17:06 AM  

NostroZ: Jewish funerals is one of the reasons I am proud to be Jewish.

The body is buried quickly (within 24 hours).
There is a very defined set of grieving rituals for the surviving family members.
It's done in a respectable fashion (vs. parading around the dead like a marionette).


Muslim funerals are much the same, are they not?
 
2013-08-26 10:19:03 AM  

hardinparamedic: NostroZ: Quiet the opposite... you are not allowed to speak to the affected family members unless they speak to you first... so as to avoid the unnecessary burden of having to 'entertain' people, as each one comes up and pays their condolence.

That's horrible.

You know what? I want my funeral to have beer, and strippers, and blackjack.

And I want there to be fireworks. And everyone telling everyone what an asshole I was.

And I want everyone to pay .25 cents for a solo cup at the door.


That's FANTASTIC for YOU... but a six thousand year tradition requires a bit more depth than a college kegger.
Because if you may realize, there's OTHER PEOPLE involved in your life... people who may not wish to do beer bongs at your funeral... or they might... I don't know you.
 
2013-08-26 10:19:54 AM  

hardinparamedic: danielscissorhands: You know who else made Jews worry...

George W. Bush?


No...

Nein Cat.

farm7.staticflickr.com
 
2013-08-26 10:21:09 AM  

NostroZ: Because if you may realize, there's OTHER PEOPLE involved in your life... people who may not wish to do beer bongs at your funeral...


Not to start an argument, but who cares about what they want during YOUR funeral?
 
2013-08-26 10:23:20 AM  
I'd be worried too, put that crap away and play Settlers or Dominion instead.
 
2013-08-26 10:24:08 AM  

NostroZ: Jewish funerals is one of the reasons I am proud to be Jewish.

The body is buried quickly (within 24 hours).
There is a very defined set of grieving rituals for the surviving family members.
It's done in a respectable fashion (vs. parading around the dead like a marionette).



You're farked if Allah if the correct God, YHWH is his biatch and you've wasted your time on earth having been mutilated as a baby, and made to say, 'oy vay' every 2 minutes.
 
2013-08-26 10:25:03 AM  

NostroZ: Jewish funerals is one of the reasons I am proud to be Jewish.

The body is buried quickly (within 24 hours).
There is a very defined set of grieving rituals for the surviving family members.
It's done in a respectable fashion (vs. parading around the dead like a marionette).


Leave Alfred Hitchcock alone!
 
2013-08-26 10:25:10 AM  

GungFu: You're farked if Allah if the correct God, YHWH is his biatch and you've wasted your time on earth having been mutilated as a baby, and made to say, 'oy vay' every 2 minutes.


Uh, Muslims get circumcised too.

There's more in common between the two than either will readily admit.
 
2013-08-26 10:25:25 AM  

hardinparamedic: danielscissorhands: You know who else made Jews worry...

George W. Bush?


Animated version...

24.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-08-26 10:25:50 AM  
How hard is it to have someone build a pine box?  Don't they have any carpenters?
 
2013-08-26 10:28:52 AM  

NostroZ: hardinparamedic: NostroZ: Quiet the opposite... you are not allowed to speak to the affected family members unless they speak to you first... so as to avoid the unnecessary burden of having to 'entertain' people, as each one comes up and pays their condolence.

That's horrible.

You know what? I want my funeral to have beer, and strippers, and blackjack.

And I want there to be fireworks. And everyone telling everyone what an asshole I was.

And I want everyone to pay .25 cents for a solo cup at the door.

That's FANTASTIC for YOU... but a six thousand year tradition requires a bit more depth than a college kegger.
Because if you may realize, there's OTHER PEOPLE involved in your life... people who may not wish to do beer bongs at your funeral... or they might... I don't know you.


Lighten up, Faivish.

/Six thousand years? Abraham supposedly was born in 1948 AM, give or take a millennium. Since he's the first Jew, and we're in 5773, that's less than 4,000 years.
//Three thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax, YOU GODDAM RIGHT I'M LIVING IN THE FARKIN' PAST.
 
2013-08-26 10:30:51 AM  

J. Frank Parnell: GungFu: You're farked if Allah if the correct God, YHWH is his biatch and you've wasted your time on earth having been mutilated as a baby, and made to say, 'oy vay' every 2 minutes.

Uh, Muslims get circumcised too.

There's more in common between the two than either will readily admit.


Er, are you saying the Jew might get consolation points in Allah heaven because they both believe in the no-foreskin fetish?
 
2013-08-26 10:31:35 AM  

GungFu: NostroZ: Jewish funerals is one of the reasons I am proud to be Jewish.

The body is buried quickly (within 24 hours).
There is a very defined set of grieving rituals for the surviving family members.
It's done in a respectable fashion (vs. parading around the dead like a marionette).


You're farked if Allah if the correct God, YHWH is his biatch and you've wasted your time on earth having been mutilated as a baby, and made to say, 'oy vay' every 2 minutes.


Trolltastic response that could apply to any religion...  3/10

*There are many paths to G-d... humility, community, and ritual are the guide posts on that journey.
**If you are looking for a  correct answer in religion... you will be sorely disappointed
***Being one with G-d is a verb... an action of being... not a place to occupy

(plus I don't believe in a G-d that would create a roulette style version of faith to believe in... that's a strawman argument you've made up for yourself)
 
2013-08-26 10:32:31 AM  
I didn't realize practically all funeral homes are owned by SCI or Stewart. Your local Smith Family Funeral Services may have started out independent, but are now owned by one of those two. Not a single funeral home in our area is independent anymore and we have about 30 of them. It is very misleading. This merger is actually a big deal and will mean higher prices for everyone.

They actually train the people at these places to prey on the weakest family member. If there is someone levelheaded there, they will pull them in another room and then quickly make the bereaved widow sign to horrible money bilking contracts. They also do crappy things like insinuate if you don't spend $20,000 on the funeral then it proves you didn't really love the deceased. It is sickening to think these people take advantage of people in their most desperate hours and that it is perfectly legal.

That's why I'm specifying in my will ahead of time to send me to the body farm or make me a cadvier. Free cremation afterward. Then if my family stupidly decides to pay for a niche that is their own damn fault, but at least I saved them about $6,000.
 
2013-08-26 10:33:21 AM  

cameroncrazy1984: NostroZ: Because if you may realize, there's OTHER PEOPLE involved in your life... people who may not wish to do beer bongs at your funeral...

Not to start an argument, but who cares about what they want during YOUR funeral?


Ah screw you, you're dead; it's not like you're gonna know what's happening. Funerals are for the living.

/I want to be cremated, loaded into a five-inch shell, and fired from a destroyer over the Atlantic. Now, THAT's a burial at sea.
//Separate memorial wake with lots of booze.
 
2013-08-26 10:34:28 AM  

GungFu: J. Frank Parnell: GungFu: You're farked if Allah if the correct God, YHWH is his biatch and you've wasted your time on earth having been mutilated as a baby, and made to say, 'oy vay' every 2 minutes.

Uh, Muslims get circumcised too.

There's more in common between the two than either will readily admit.

Er, are you saying the Jew might get consolation points in Allah heaven because they both believe in the no-foreskin fetish?


It's the same God. Allah is Arabic for "God." They just disagree on which prophets to listen to.
 
2013-08-26 10:35:31 AM  

mbillips: /Six thousand years? Abraham supposedly was born in 1948 AM, give or take a millennium. Since he's the first Jew, and we're in 5773, that's less than 4,000 years.
//Three thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax, YOU GODDAM RIGHT I'M LIVING IN THE FARKIN' PAST.


You got me there... I just rounded up from 5773

I'd also agree that there's a HUGE distinction between Abrahamic Judaism and the 'ten commandments, etc.' version as we know coming from Egypt by Moses.

Still... the traditions might be older than the religion itself, especially when it comes to something so important as death.
 
2013-08-26 10:36:47 AM  

GungFu: Er, are you saying the Jew might get consolation points in Allah heaven because they both believe in the no-foreskin fetish?


Why not. Makes as much sense as anything else in religious discussions.
 
2013-08-26 10:37:27 AM  

hailin: I didn't realize practically all funeral homes are owned by SCI or Stewart. Your local Smith Family Funeral Services may have started out independent, but are now owned by one of those two. Not a single funeral home in our area is independent anymore and we have about 30 of them. It is very misleading. This merger is actually a big deal and will mean higher prices for everyone.

They actually train the people at these places to prey on the weakest family member. If there is someone levelheaded there, they will pull them in another room and then quickly make the bereaved widow sign to horrible money bilking contracts. They also do crappy things like insinuate if you don't spend $20,000 on the funeral then it proves you didn't really love the deceased. It is sickening to think these people take advantage of people in their most desperate hours and that it is perfectly legal.

That's why I'm specifying in my will ahead of time to send me to the body farm or make me a cadvier. Free cremation afterward. Then if my family stupidly decides to pay for a niche that is their own damn fault, but at least I saved them about $6,000.


Oh, yeah, SCI is EEEvull. I've joined a memorial society; they contract with a crematory to provide cremation for a few hundred bucks, and cut the funeral homes out of the loop.

/My mother went the donated cadaver route.
 
2013-08-26 10:41:14 AM  

NostroZ: mbillips: /Six thousand years? Abraham supposedly was born in 1948 AM, give or take a millennium. Since he's the first Jew, and we're in 5773, that's less than 4,000 years.
//Three thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax, YOU GODDAM RIGHT I'M LIVING IN THE FARKIN' PAST.

You got me there... I just rounded up from 5773

I'd also agree that there's a HUGE distinction between Abrahamic Judaism and the 'ten commandments, etc.' version as we know coming from Egypt by Moses.

Still... the traditions might be older than the religion itself, especially when it comes to something so important as death.


They might be a LOT older, since Homo sapiens sapiens has been around for 200,000 years or so. And Homo sapiens neanderthalensis did ritual burial, too.
 
2013-08-26 10:41:19 AM  

hailin: They actually train the people at these places to prey on the weakest family member. If there is someone levelheaded there, they will pull them in another room and then quickly make the bereaved widow sign to horrible money bilking contracts. They also do crappy things like insinuate if you don't spend $20,000 on the funeral then it proves you didn't really love the deceased. It is sickening to think these people take advantage of people in their most desperate hours and that it is perfectly legal.


It's despicable!

If JEWS are saying THIS IS NOT THE TIME to make money.  Then it's probably NOT the time to fleece people out of their money...  I mean, all stereotypes aside... ritual burial IS WHAT makes us HUMAN!

It's what archaeologists look for thousands of years later as proof of our civilization and average living.

Do you want a THIS to be our mark on civilization?

cdn.ebaumsworld.com
 
2013-08-26 10:42:30 AM  

mbillips: GungFu: J. Frank Parnell: GungFu: You're farked if Allah if the correct God, YHWH is his biatch and you've wasted your time on earth having been mutilated as a baby, and made to say, 'oy vay' every 2 minutes.

Uh, Muslims get circumcised too.

There's more in common between the two than either will readily admit.

Er, are you saying the Jew might get consolation points in Allah heaven because they both believe in the no-foreskin fetish?

It's the same God. Allah is Arabic for "God." They just disagree on which prophets to listen to.


Well if they didn't cut off their "sorting hats" then they wouldn't have to worry about following the wrong traditions at Hogwarts.
 
2013-08-26 10:42:53 AM  
I'm pretty sure you only have to play Monopoly if you go to hell.
 
2013-08-26 10:43:46 AM  

mbillips: I've joined a memorial society; they contract with a crematory to provide cremation for a few hundred bucks, and cut the funeral homes out of the loop.


they have co-ops for everything!
 
2013-08-26 10:50:34 AM  

mbillips: Oh, yeah, SCI is EEEvull. I've joined a memorial society; they contract with a crematory to provide cremation for a few hundred bucks, and cut the funeral homes out of the loop.


sounds like a plan.
 
2013-08-26 10:53:05 AM  
So I go to the funeral home the day after my father-in-law dies, and I met everyone in the funeral director's office.

He goes out to check on something, and I look around and see a book on a binder on his desk that says "JEWISH PRICE LIST."

"I wonder what that's all about?"  I ask no one in particular.

My brother in law chimes in, "what do you think they call the non Jewish prices?

Without batting an eye:  "Retail."

/ I'll be here all week
 
2013-08-26 10:56:30 AM  

mbillips: GungFu: J. Frank Parnell: GungFu: You're farked if Allah if the correct God, YHWH is his biatch and you've wasted your time on earth having been mutilated as a baby, and made to say, 'oy vay' every 2 minutes.

Uh, Muslims get circumcised too.

There's more in common between the two than either will readily admit.

Er, are you saying the Jew might get consolation points in Allah heaven because they both believe in the no-foreskin fetish?

It's the same God. Allah is Arabic for "God." They just disagree on which prophets to listen to.



Man, that's gonna be farking awkward in same-god heaven.

- Hey, whattup, Yusuf Mohammed?
- S'up, Levi Bernstein.

- Yusuf, didn't you bomb a bus and all the people inside, all Jewish, died.
- Yeah, Levi, Allah told me to. I got 72 virgins out of it.
-  My mother and sister were on that bus. But it's God's wish, so it's cool.
- Wanna bang some virgins? I've got about 30 left.
- I don't have to pay, do I?
- Oh, you Jews and your humour, LOL!!
 
2013-08-26 10:56:55 AM  

mbillips: cameroncrazy1984: NostroZ: Because if you may realize, there's OTHER PEOPLE involved in your life... people who may not wish to do beer bongs at your funeral...

Not to start an argument, but who cares about what they want during YOUR funeral?

Ah screw you, you're dead; it's not like you're gonna know what's happening. Funerals are for the living.

/I want to be cremated, loaded into a five-inch shell, and fired from a destroyer over the Atlantic. Now, THAT's a burial at sea.
//Separate memorial wake with lots of booze.


Funerals are meant to be a celebration of the deceased's life. Fark your selfishness.
 
2013-08-26 11:02:11 AM  

cameroncrazy1984: NostroZ: Because if you may realize, there's OTHER PEOPLE involved in your life... people who may not wish to do beer bongs at your funeral...

Not to start an argument, but who cares about what they want during YOUR funeral?



Irish wakes rock.
The first day has everyone laughing.
The second day has everyone crying.

/csb
When my aunt died at 60, we all (including her son) agreed that she didn't look natural in the casket. So we took the rosary out of her hands and put in a hip flask, then stuffed some lottery tickets in her pocket. We would have put a cigarette in her mouth, but it was stitched closed.
/csb
 
2013-08-26 11:02:31 AM  
The mind Boggles.
 
2013-08-26 11:03:55 AM  

GungFu: - Hey, whattup, Yusuf Mohammed?
- S'up, Levi Bernstein.

- Yusuf, didn't you bomb a bus and all the people inside, all Jewish, died.
- Yeah, Levi, Allah told me to. I got 72 virgins out of it.
-  My mother and sister were on that bus. But it's God's wish, so it's cool.


Jokes aside.  What you are referring to is a small minority view that a martyr will get 72 virgins in the after-life.  This is NOT central to Islam and is a TOOL of a manipulative Immam who wishes to use people as bombs in their holy war.  Once again, this is NOT part of the main tradition of Muslims as delivered by Mohammed and inscribed in the Koran.

Muslims and Jews actually have  more in common in their religion than they do with Christians.

The whole idolatry of the body is forbidden in both Judaism and Islam, yet go to a Catholic church and you'll see graven images all over the place.

This continues with purity laws in relation to food... menstruation... burial... etc. etc. etc.

But continue to pretend that Jews naturally hate Muslims, since that's how things WORK IN YOUR HEAD... why listen to the ACTUAL people involved in your imaginary scenario.
 
2013-08-26 11:04:07 AM  

Plant Rights Activist: How hard is it to have someone build a pine box?  Don't they have any carpenters?


Well, they had one once...


//window seat please
 
2013-08-26 11:09:01 AM  

NostroZ: But continue to pretend that Jews naturally hate Muslims, since that's how things WORK IN YOUR HEAD.


Considering some of your posts on Fark about certain Muslims being subhuman, this is hilarious.
 
2013-08-26 11:09:53 AM  

NostroZ: ritual burial IS WHAT makes us HUMAN!


Wrong again. What makes us human is a specific set of chromosomes.

/And I wonder how people that don't bury their dead feel about you saying they're not human.
 
2013-08-26 11:13:54 AM  
The afterlife?

The afterlife???

Don't get me started on the afterlife...
 
2013-08-26 11:14:07 AM  

NostroZ: Jewish funerals is one of the reasons I am proud to be Jewish.

The body is buried quickly (within 24 hours).
There is a very defined set of grieving rituals for the surviving family members.
It's done in a respectable fashion (vs. parading around the dead like a marionette).


I'll see your rapid, formaldehyde-free earth burial and raise you a forensics farm/sky burial where not even a tree has to be cut down.

Don't kid yourself. Jewish customs are less heinous than the full Western monty of handling the dead, but it's still just a corpse. Packaging only delays the inevitable, and kills a tree.
 
2013-08-26 11:14:42 AM  

GungFu: NostroZ: Jewish funerals is one of the reasons I am proud to be Jewish.

The body is buried quickly (within 24 hours).
There is a very defined set of grieving rituals for the surviving family members.
It's done in a respectable fashion (vs. parading around the dead like a marionette).


You're farked if Allah if the correct God, YHWH is his biatch and you've wasted your time on earth having been mutilated as a baby, and made to say, 'oy vay' every 2 minutes.


But the Allah-ites circumcize also.  And what does he care, he's dead and had a dignified burial.
 
2013-08-26 11:15:26 AM  

NostroZ: The body is buried quickly (within 24 hours).


Well, that actually clears up a lot. We had a Jewish neighbor die last winter and everyone in the hood was a bit put off because there was no visitation, memorial service, or anything like that. I'd know the guy my entire life, worked with him on community projects, volunteer fire dept, etc, and then he was just gone without any ceremony or anything. It still feels very strange.
 
2013-08-26 11:16:37 AM  

cameroncrazy1984: NostroZ: Jewish funerals is one of the reasons I am proud to be Jewish.

The body is buried quickly (within 24 hours).
There is a very defined set of grieving rituals for the surviving family members.
It's done in a respectable fashion (vs. parading around the dead like a marionette).

Muslim funerals are much the same, are they not?


Shh. Don't point out that you never see Allah, God and Yahweh in the same room. You might start something you can't even finish.
 
2013-08-26 11:17:51 AM  

hardinparamedic: NostroZ: Jewish funerals is one of the reasons I am proud to be Jewish.

The body is buried quickly (within 24 hours).
There is a very defined set of grieving rituals for the surviving family members.
It's done in a respectable fashion (vs. parading around the dead like a marionette).

Do they do the chair dance there too?


There's only so much slack good taste in bourbon will get you.
 
2013-08-26 11:17:54 AM  

Tyrone Slothrop: NostroZ: ritual burial IS WHAT makes us HUMAN!

Wrong again. What makes us human is a specific set of chromosomes.

/And I wonder how people that don't bury their dead feel about you saying they're not human.


From a genetic perspective... Yes... but from an ARCHAEOLOGICAL perspective, we tend to draw the line of civilization at a set of rituals that are done superficially in the belief of something greater than ourselves... as in trinkets or beads... unnecessary for survival and superficial, yet archeologists look for them as markers of human progress.  These markers are almost always found in graves of the diseased... that's how a vision of common life is often determined.

Now, I'm sure there's other rituals... Vikings burned their dead... Eskimos sent them off on icebergs... etc.  Yet the RITUAL of doing something superficial with the dead to signify their passage into the 'next life' is common among them all.
 
2013-08-26 11:19:17 AM  
I thought the Jehova's Witnesses had the monopoly.

/DNRTFA
 
2013-08-26 11:20:30 AM  

Valiente: NostroZ: Jewish funerals is one of the reasons I am proud to be Jewish.

The body is buried quickly (within 24 hours).
There is a very defined set of grieving rituals for the surviving family members.
It's done in a respectable fashion (vs. parading around the dead like a marionette).

I'll see your rapid, formaldehyde-free earth burial and raise you a forensics farm/sky burial where not even a tree has to be cut down.

Don't kid yourself. Jewish customs are less heinous than the full Western monty of handling the dead, but it's still just a corpse. Packaging only delays the inevitable, and kills a tree.


You have no concept of religion or the purpose of ritual.

I wish you well in your future endeavors and ask that you kindly keep your cynical view of life to yourself.
 
2013-08-26 11:21:00 AM  
The problem is that they had a price locked in for a decade. At a 4% year over year increase that's a 50% jump when someone takes over the contract in year 11 and people get sticker shock.
 
2013-08-26 11:25:02 AM  
I'm a lapsed Roman Catholic and I demand a modest funeral and a cremation. This wouldn't make my Balkan-based Sephardi Jewish ancestors happy. Yes, my great-great-great grandfather would be rather disappointed from Heaven.
 
2013-08-26 11:25:27 AM  

WhoopAssWayne: NostroZ: The body is buried quickly (within 24 hours).

Well, that actually clears up a lot. We had a Jewish neighbor die last winter and everyone in the hood was a bit put off because there was no visitation, memorial service, or anything like that. I'd know the guy my entire life, worked with him on community projects, volunteer fire dept, etc, and then he was just gone without any ceremony or anything. It still feels very strange.


Nobody in the neighborhood thought to ask a Jew or google Jewish funeral and mourning customs?
 
2013-08-26 11:26:45 AM  

WhoopAssWayne: NostroZ: The body is buried quickly (within 24 hours).

Well, that actually clears up a lot. We had a Jewish neighbor die last winter and everyone in the hood was a bit put off because there was no visitation, memorial service, or anything like that. I'd know the guy my entire life, worked with him on community projects, volunteer fire dept, etc, and then he was just gone without any ceremony or anything. It still feels very strange.


Sorry to hear that man.

If you were not in with his family, you were not part of sitting shiva... since they are the one's affected the most by the passing of a family member, they are the one's who are the center of this ritual.
 
2013-08-26 11:27:29 AM  

NostroZ: GungFu: - Hey, whattup, Yusuf Mohammed?
- S'up, Levi Bernstein.

- Yusuf, didn't you bomb a bus and all the people inside, all Jewish, died.
- Yeah, Levi, Allah told me to. I got 72 virgins out of it.
-  My mother and sister were on that bus. But it's God's wish, so it's cool.

Jokes aside.  What you are referring to is a small minority view that a martyr will get 72 virgins in the after-life.  This is NOT central to Islam and is a TOOL of a manipulative Immam who wishes to use people as bombs in their holy war.  Once again, this is NOT part of the main tradition of Muslims as delivered by Mohammed and inscribed in the Koran.

Muslims and Jews actually have  more in common in their religion than they do with Christians.

The whole idolatry of the body is forbidden in both Judaism and Islam, yet go to a Catholic church and you'll see graven images all over the place.

This continues with purity laws in relation to food... menstruation... burial... etc. etc. etc.

But continue to pretend that Jews naturally hate Muslims, since that's how things WORK IN YOUR HEAD... why listen to the ACTUAL people involved in your imaginary scenario.


That's because Christianity isn't a desert religion like Judaism and Islam. The Jews and Christians were minorities in the Arabian peninsula prior to Islam. They clearly had an effect. But Christianity drifted away from its Jewish roots when it was structurally co-opted by the Roman Empire. The whole apparatus of bishops and popes are essentially rebranded Roman state religious offices. The statuary is essentially Roman pagan statuary limited to the new "pantheon" of saints, Mary and Jesus and His Friends. For the first hundred years, it was very difficult for outsiders to tell Christians and Jews apart, because they followed the same "no bacon/no foreskin" policies. Only when Christianity started to spread away from its Eastern Med locales did some of the Jewish rules get chucked.

Christianity is a successful merger. Their previous sales model of getting martyred in the arenas was, frankly, not helping them meet their quotas.
 
2013-08-26 11:33:51 AM  

NostroZ: Jewish funerals is one of the reasons I am proud to be Jewish.

The body is buried quickly (within 24 hours).
There is a very defined set of grieving rituals for the surviving family members.
It's done in a respectable fashion (vs. parading around the dead like a marionette).



Yep -- and everyone is considered equal after death.  No fancy casket (just a plain pine box), no fancy clothes or jewelry (just a plain white cloth), no headstone, no flowers.

And yes, Muslim funerals are nearly identical (even for someone like the Ayatollah)
 
2013-08-26 11:36:41 AM  
Interesting timing on the story for me: yesterday was the 10th anniversary of my father's passing (Brain Cancer) and tomorrow will be the 10th anniversary of his Jewish funeral (congregation we went to said burial had to be within 48 hours). My mother goes by the Hebrew dates, so these anniversaries already happened as far as she's concerned. Also notable: funeral home is now an SCI, and probably was then.

Plant Rights Activist: How hard is it to have someone build a pine box?  Don't they have any carpenters?


The Romans got to him.
 
2013-08-26 11:37:27 AM  

danielscissorhands: hardinparamedic: danielscissorhands: You know who else made Jews worry...

George W. Bush?

Animated version...

[400x342 from http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m08c6tPsyX1qd26uho1_400.gif image 400x342]


I did nazi that coming.
 
2013-08-26 11:38:39 AM  

Valiente: That's because Christianity isn't a desert religion like Judaism and Islam. The Jews and Christians were minorities in the Arabian peninsula prior to Islam. They clearly had an effect. But Christianity drifted away from its Jewish roots when it was structurally co-opted by the Roman Empire. The whole apparatus of bishops and popes are essentially rebranded Roman state religious offices. The statuary is essentially Roman pagan statuary limited to the new "pantheon" of saints, Mary and Jesus and His Friends. For the first hundred years, it was very difficult for outsiders to tell Christians and Jews apart, because they followed the same "no bacon/no foreskin" policies. Only when Christianity started to spread away from its Eastern Med locales did some of the Jewish rules get chucked.

Christianity is a successful merger. Their previous sales model of getting martyred in the arenas was, frankly, not helping them meet their quotas.


You are RIGHT on the money there...  the reason we see such differences between the religion (in burial ritual & other) is that Christianity got co-opted by the Romans (@ the council of Nicaea).

I've met Christians who are looking to go back to the old school of doing things... they called themselves Noahides or Isrealites... good times visiting them in West Virginia
 
2013-08-26 11:39:21 AM  

blindio: I'm pretty sure you only have to play Monopoly if you go to hell.


rossvross.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-08-26 11:39:44 AM  
About 200 funerals are conducted each year under the contract, representing nearly a quarter of the Jewish funerals in the District and the Maryland suburbs


So if there are 200 funerals per year under the contract, and this is 1/4 of the Jewish funerals in DC/Maryland, and there are about 200,000 Jews in the DC area, that means I should be able to calculate my odds of dying in any given year.

/then again, I think something is either off or I'm going to live to be 250!
 
2013-08-26 11:40:43 AM  

NostroZ: Valiente: NostroZ: Jewish funerals is one of the reasons I am proud to be Jewish.

The body is buried quickly (within 24 hours).
There is a very defined set of grieving rituals for the surviving family members.
It's done in a respectable fashion (vs. parading around the dead like a marionette).

I'll see your rapid, formaldehyde-free earth burial and raise you a forensics farm/sky burial where not even a tree has to be cut down.

Don't kid yourself. Jewish customs are less heinous than the full Western monty of handling the dead, but it's still just a corpse. Packaging only delays the inevitable, and kills a tree.

You have no concept of religion or the purpose of ritual.

I wish you well in your future endeavors and ask that you kindly keep your cynical view of life to yourself.


This is Fark, G_dboy. Estimate the odds of that.

It's because I have a fairly comprehensive concept of religion and the purpose of ritual that I can, you know, compare them. You're just peeved that I've compared the rituals you hold dear to the "let 'em rot and 'return to the earth'" method and found them wanting.

Just as you found wanting those non-Jewish practices you find disrespective...and yet which clearly serve ritualistic ends.

Why, I'm almost inspired to quote Jesus here (an uncommon instinct for me), but I'll just say that I'm glad you are happy with your program, and I wish you and yours a very kosher checkout. The bodies will rot in much the same manner in a box with a week of sitting shiva or in the woods. In the woods is just, inarguably, I would think, easier on the pine tree.

A tree Adonai is also supposed to have designed, after all.
 
2013-08-26 11:46:39 AM  

MagicBus: About 200 funerals are conducted each year under the contract, representing nearly a quarter of the Jewish funerals in the District and the Maryland suburbs


So if there are 200 funerals per year under the contract, and this is 1/4 of the Jewish funerals in DC/Maryland, and there are about 200,000 Jews in the DC area, that means I should be able to calculate my odds of dying in any given year.

/then again, I think something is either off or I'm going to live to be 250!


I would imagine that the Jewish community skews younger and many people move outside the beltway come retirement
 
2013-08-26 11:46:46 AM  

mbillips: GungFu: J. Frank Parnell: GungFu: You're farked if Allah if the correct God, YHWH is his biatch and you've wasted your time on earth having been mutilated as a baby, and made to say, 'oy vay' every 2 minutes.

Uh, Muslims get circumcised too.

There's more in common between the two than either will readily admit.

Er, are you saying the Jew might get consolation points in Allah heaven because they both believe in the no-foreskin fetish?

It's the same God. Allah is Arabic for "God." They just disagree on which prophets to listen to.


That's why the stupidest statement ever uttered by a fundie (out of so many to choose from) was "He's trying to drag God down to the level of Allah."  by a Baptist bureaucrat upon the ex-communication of a minister who took part in a multi-faith service after 9/11.  It made me wonder what kind of rope he used.
 
2013-08-26 11:46:48 AM  

Valiente: It's because I have a fairly comprehensive concept of religion and the purpose of ritual that I can, you know, compare them. You're just peeved that I've compared the rituals you hold dear to the "let 'em rot and 'return to the earth'" method and found them wanting.


No... I'm not PEEVED at your lackluster view on what happens to our body when we die.

I've heard that view espoused by my mother since I was a teenager, when she clearly told me she does not believe in god, wants me to try it out for myself, and prefers to be burned upon her death.

What I found lacking both in your view and my mother's view of death is that the ritual is done to HELP THE SURVIVORS cope.  It is for them to have a plot of land to visit.  It is for them to believe that the person they loved is in a better place.  The ritual of death, just like life, is NOT all about you.  There are other people involved who may not share your view of life and death.

If you care about those people, you may want to include them in how THEY will be taking care of YOUR diseased body.
 
2013-08-26 11:47:28 AM  

Plant Rights Activist: How hard is it to have someone build a pine box?  Don't they have any carpenters?


Well, they did, but after the way he was treated I could understand some hesitancy in becoming a Jewish carpenter.
 
2013-08-26 11:49:15 AM  

NostroZ: No... I'm not PEEVED at your lackluster view on what happens to our body when we die.


You clearly are "peeved" if you call someone else's view "lackluster"

/words
//what do they mean
 
2013-08-26 11:50:11 AM  

hardinparamedic: NostroZ: Jewish funerals is one of the reasons I am proud to be Jewish.

The body is buried quickly (within 24 hours).
There is a very defined set of grieving rituals for the surviving family members.
It's done in a respectable fashion (vs. parading around the dead like a marionette).

Do they do the chair dance there too?


Is the tearing of garments still in play?
 
2013-08-26 11:51:09 AM  
Well they'll have to get on it then an start inducting people post mortum as it is we'll all get there and it'll be 95% Mormon
 
2013-08-26 11:51:16 AM  
Headline could have ended after 9 letters.
 
2013-08-26 11:52:26 AM  

MagicBus: And yes, Muslim funerals are nearly identical (even for someone like the Ayatollah)


Jewish funerals don't include the slapstick 'Imam popping out of the casket' part.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SwHKql3dKc
 
2013-08-26 11:53:19 AM  

NostroZ: Tyrone Slothrop: NostroZ: ritual burial IS WHAT makes us HUMAN!

Wrong again. What makes us human is a specific set of chromosomes.

/And I wonder how people that don't bury their dead feel about you saying they're not human.

From a genetic perspective... Yes... but from an ARCHAEOLOGICAL perspective, we tend to draw the line of civilization at a set of rituals that are done superficially in the belief of something greater than ourselves... as in trinkets or beads... unnecessary for survival and superficial, yet archeologists look for them as markers of human progress.  These markers are almost always found in graves of the diseased... that's how a vision of common life is often determined.

Now, I'm sure there's other rituals... Vikings burned their dead... Eskimos sent them off on icebergs... etc.  Yet the RITUAL of doing something superficial with the dead to signify their passage into the 'next life' is common among them all.

is having cities

FTFY
 
2013-08-26 11:54:09 AM  

NostroZ: Jewish funerals is one of the reasons I am proud to be Jewish.

The body is buried quickly (within 24 hours).
There is a very defined set of grieving rituals for the surviving family members.
It's done in a respectable fashion (vs. parading around the dead like a marionette).


Parading around the dead? Its called different customs for different cultures. I for one love dias de los muertos. I also love the big family gatherings we have after a family member pass on. Its celebrating that persons life. Not grieving over who gets what cut of their will.
 
2013-08-26 11:55:45 AM  

kokomo61: MagicBus: And yes, Muslim funerals are nearly identical (even for someone like the Ayatollah)

Jewish funerals don't include the slapstick 'Imam popping out of the casket' part.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SwHKql3dKc


but we do have Operation Grandma Link
 
2013-08-26 11:59:02 AM  

scroufus: NostroZ: Jewish funerals is one of the reasons I am proud to be Jewish.

The body is buried quickly (within 24 hours).
There is a very defined set of grieving rituals for the surviving family members.
It's done in a respectable fashion (vs. parading around the dead like a marionette).

Parading around the dead? Its called different customs for different cultures. I for one love dias de los muertos. I also love the big family gatherings we have after a family member pass on. Its celebrating that persons life. Not grieving over who gets what cut of their will.


No. Obviously there's only one right way, because a certain subset of people in one area have been doing it for 6,000 years.
 
2013-08-26 12:10:06 PM  

NostroZ: Valiente: It's because I have a fairly comprehensive concept of religion and the purpose of ritual that I can, you know, compare them. You're just peeved that I've compared the rituals you hold dear to the "let 'em rot and 'return to the earth'" method and found them wanting.

No... I'm not PEEVED at your lackluster view on what happens to our body when we die.

I've heard that view espoused by my mother since I was a teenager, when she clearly told me she does not believe in god, wants me to try it out for myself, and prefers to be burned upon her death.

What I found lacking both in your view and my mother's view of death is that the ritual is done to HELP THE SURVIVORS cope.  It is for them to have a plot of land to visit.  It is for them to believe that the person they loved is in a better place.  The ritual of death, just like life, is NOT all about you.  There are other people involved who may not share your view of life and death.

If you care about those people, you may want to include them in how THEY will be taking care of YOUR diseased body.


I would argue that if it's dead, it's completed being diseased and started to decompose. Different processes, really.

Here's the deal: This week, my aunt is in a hospice in the final act of pancreatic cancer. All my other elder relatives are now dead. I've been down this road many times now, including the rather weird "we'll have a viewing, followed by a cremation" route. It was my wife, a biologist, who first suggested to me that, if by some unfortunate circumstance, she should predecease me, her instructions were to be sent to a forensics farm, donated to science, or, if we could find a friend with a big enough woodlot, hung in a tree Native-style to feed the critters.

That is what got me thinking about our Western (yes, that includes the Middle East) rituals of death and their evolution.

If my "caring for the feelings of those left behind" involves being the star of a corpse playlet, followed by a box stuck in a field of boxes with expired product inside, no thanks.

I've left money for a party at which the finest whiskies will be served. It's my sole concession to the fact that I'll be dead and won't be doing much caring at all. If we did more of that, and less of the old ways of boxing and burying, we'd alter the character of mourning such that we would only need to summon the memory of the dead person, and not require the flash card of revering their corpse to get that mournful feeling.
 
2013-08-26 12:17:08 PM  

Alphakronik: Headline could have ended after 9 letters.


Jews worried about monopoly on the?
 
2013-08-26 12:19:14 PM  

danielscissorhands: You know who else made Jews worry...


...about mass discount funerals?
 
2013-08-26 12:27:36 PM  

zedster: MagicBus: About 200 funerals are conducted each year under the contract, representing nearly a quarter of the Jewish funerals in the District and the Maryland suburbs


So if there are 200 funerals per year under the contract, and this is 1/4 of the Jewish funerals in DC/Maryland, and there are about 200,000 Jews in the DC area, that means I should be able to calculate my odds of dying in any given year.

/then again, I think something is either off or I'm going to live to be 250!

I would imagine that the Jewish community skews younger and many people move outside the beltway come retirement


That's not just the Jewish community. That's all of DC.
 
2013-08-26 12:30:17 PM  

NostroZ: Jewish funerals is one of the reasons I am proud to be Jewish.

The body is buried quickly (within 24 hours).
There is a very defined set of grieving rituals for the surviving family members.
It's done in a respectable fashion (vs. parading around the dead like a marionette).


I'm going to add that to my will.  Now it says to cremation, but I am changing it to "Use my dead body as a marionette"   Won't the little kids be surprised!

i wonder if purple cross insurance will cover the cost?   sigh. the dissapointing thing about this idea is I won't be around, except as a marionette, to watch the videos.
 
2013-08-26 12:32:45 PM  
NostroZ: Jewish funerals is one of the reasons I am proud to be Jewish.

The body is buried quickly (within 24 hours).
There is a very defined set of grieving rituals for the surviving family members.
It's done in a respectable fashion (vs. parading around the dead like a marionette).


I highly dislike funerals.  I want to go out Big Lebowski/Danny style.  Cremate me and pick up my ashes in a coffee can.  And yes, Jewish funerals are the most sane.

Worked at a Country Club for mainly Jewish members, also have a dear, dear friend who is a Rabbi in Denver.  I have been explained to what it means to sit shiva and mourn and then into the ground the body goes.  Done deal.  Nothing like so-called Christian burials...when my Mom died and they asked what religion she was, I said Christian and got a price quote of around 8k for her casket, minimum sermon, etc.  My grandmother ended up paying for it.  I couldn't afford that kind of scratch to send her soul to Jesus and if she'd known the cost, she'd probably of smacked someone upside the head over the waste and nonsense and said she'd get there anyway no matter of what type of burial.
 
2013-08-26 12:34:45 PM  
Good, they can pay what everybody else pays. Them getting a discount fixed price means goyim get to shoulder the cost. Seriously though there would be a stink if there were special "Christian", "Muslim" or "Atheist" pricing.
 
2013-08-26 12:35:36 PM  

WordsnCollision: blindio: I'm pretty sure you only have to play Monopoly if you go to hell.


I'm glad to know this has been taken care of. I wondered who would have the cleverest version.
 
2013-08-26 12:38:30 PM  
I think that the Jewish people have it right.  Isn't it bad enough when you lose someone?  Just to have a funeral home come in and take advantage of the bereaved?  I had an interest in becoming a Funeral Director until I experienced the loss of 2 parents in 4 years and saw how they treated the living out of supposed "respect" for the dead.  Costs should be minimal not exorbitant.  Same thing i think about weddings, though so YMMV.
 
2013-08-26 12:41:46 PM  

mbillips: Oh, yeah, SCI is EEEvull. I've joined a memorial society; they contract with a crematory to provide cremation for a few hundred bucks, and cut the funeral homes out of the loop.


Communist!
My parents did a similar thing with pre-paid burials from a local funeral Co-op. Pre-paid is the way to go if you have the luxury of foresight. The deceased has already decided everything so the family doesn't have to be burdened with details while grieving.
 
2013-08-26 12:41:58 PM  

Zavulon: Plant Rights Activist: How hard is it to have someone build a pine box?  Don't they have any carpenters?

Well, they had one once...


//window seat please


THAT was funny!
 
2013-08-26 12:48:23 PM  
Do not Passover, do not collect $200?
 
2013-08-26 12:52:09 PM  

NostroZ: Jewish funerals is one of the reasons I am proud to be Jewish.


That's farkin weird, man.
 
2013-08-26 12:54:14 PM  

Hoopy Frood: Do not Passover, do not collect $200?


That is genius, make matzo coffins to save money.
 
2013-08-26 12:57:15 PM  

HotWingConspiracy: NostroZ: Jewish funerals is one of the reasons I am proud to be Jewish.

That's farkin weird, man.


I know! Grammatically, it should read "Jewish funerals are..."

/When I woke up this morning, I didn't expect to be a Nazi at a Jewish funeral thread.
 
2013-08-26 01:03:52 PM  

NostroZ: GungFu: NostroZ: Jewish funerals is one of the reasons I am proud to be Jewish.

You're farked if Allah if the correct God, YHWH is his biatch and you've wasted your time on earth having been mutilated as a baby, and made to say, 'oy vay' every 2 minutes.

Trolltastic response that could apply to any religion...  3/10

*There are many paths to G-d... humility, community, and ritual are the guide posts on that journey.
**If you are looking for a  correct answer in religion... you will be sorely disappointed
***Being one with G-d is a verb... an action of being... not a place to occupy

Anti-slashist!

 
2013-08-26 01:09:13 PM  
Undertaking is a racket, and undertakers are ghouls. They take advantage of grieving people and charge them thousands of dollars for goods and services that are at most worth hundreds.

A true kosher funeral would mean wrapping the body in a white linen shroud and putting it in the ground with no box at all or embalming. Funeral homes have bribed legislators into outlawing that. 90% of what the funeral racket does with bodies is ridiculous and unnecessary.
 
2013-08-26 01:09:16 PM  

Dr. Kefarkian: Zavulon: Plant Rights Activist: How hard is it to have someone build a pine box?  Don't they have any carpenters?

Well, they had one once...


//window seat please

THAT was funny!


Thanks. It's bad form to make jokes about funerals, but I just couldn't resist that one.

When I go, I'm having this done http://www.lifegem.com/

Whoever wants the inheritance has to wear the ring.
 
2013-08-26 01:09:26 PM  

Hobodeluxe: mbillips: Oh, yeah, SCI is EEEvull. I've joined a memorial society; they contract with a crematory to provide cremation for a few hundred bucks, and cut the funeral homes out of the loop.

sounds like a plan.


I contacted a teaching hospital, and donated the whole enchilada to 'em. Who knows where I'll end up physically...

With the body gone, my family and friends can get on with the partying, as there's extra money to spend.

I can't believe people still wanna take up space on this crowded planet when they pass on.
 
2013-08-26 01:11:17 PM  

Mikeyworld: I contacted a teaching hospital, and donated the whole enchilada to 'em. Who knows where I'll end up physically...

With the body gone, my family and friends can get on with the partying, as there's extra money to spend.

I can't believe people still wanna take up space on this crowded planet when they pass on.


This. Your body, donated to a medical or teaching institution, can help Doctors, Nurses, RTs and Paramedics hone skills that can save countless lives, and give life-enhancing and limb-saving surgeries and medical techniques to thousands of other people.
 
2013-08-26 01:15:49 PM  
Is this cheap enough?
s2.postimg.org
 
2013-08-26 01:20:29 PM  

NostroZ: The whole idolatry of the body is forbidden in both Judaism and Islam, yet go to a Catholic church and you'll see graven images all over the place.


Well Constantine needs some way to get everyone on board with this Jesus thing.
 
2013-08-26 01:23:32 PM  
So, really, what the Jewish community of the DC area is worried about is that their monopoly discount relationship with one funeral provider will be affected by fair market practices, and they'll have to pay normal prices. Just like everyone else.  Or, they'll have to re-negotiate, and probably won't get as sweet a deal.

The horror.
 
2013-08-26 01:25:32 PM  

NostroZ: If you were not in with his family, you were not part of sitting shiva... since they are the one's affected the most by the passing of a family member, they are the one's who are the center of this ritual.


One of my favorite lines from a movie.

"Why are the mirrors covered?"
"So we don't see the pain on our faces."
"And why are we sitting on boxes?"
"To make sure there's pain on our faces."
 
2013-08-26 01:26:34 PM  

cameroncrazy1984: mbillips: cameroncrazy1984: NostroZ: Because if you may realize, there's OTHER PEOPLE involved in your life... people who may not wish to do beer bongs at your funeral...

Not to start an argument, but who cares about what they want during YOUR funeral?

Ah screw you, you're dead; it's not like you're gonna know what's happening. Funerals are for the living.

/I want to be cremated, loaded into a five-inch shell, and fired from a destroyer over the Atlantic. Now, THAT's a burial at sea.
//Separate memorial wake with lots of booze.

Funerals are meant to be a celebration of the deceased's life. Fark your selfishness.


Who's being selfish? You want to control people AFTER YOU'RE DEAD, and they're the selfish ones?
 
2013-08-26 01:28:21 PM  

Zavulon: Plant Rights Activist: How hard is it to have someone build a pine box?  Don't they have any carpenters?

Well, they had one once...


//window seat please


None that were any good at pulling nails.
 
2013-08-26 01:50:37 PM  
I don't understand, if the new owners do not to honor the agreement then just find another funeral home. Why would you want the government to force them into a contract? That will only cause them to hate you and send clowns to all your funerals. It shouldn't be hard to find another one, or if you have enough people just make your own.
 
2013-08-26 01:51:46 PM  

NostroZ: Jewish funerals is one of the reasons I am proud to be Jewish.

The body is buried quickly (within 24 hours).
There is a very defined set of grieving rituals for the surviving family members.
It's done in a respectable fashion (vs. parading around the dead like a marionette).


Yes, we understand you are superior to all other people.
 
2013-08-26 02:01:26 PM  

Thisbymaster: I don't understand, if the new owners do not to honor the agreement then just find another funeral home. Why would you want the government to force them into a contract? That will only cause them to hate you and send clowns to all your funerals. It shouldn't be hard to find another one, or if you have enough people just make your own.


RTFA. ALL U.S. funeral homes are being bought up by two mega-corporations, whose corporate policy is to gouge the living shiat out of their customers, and to avoid each other's territory to preserve monopoly pricing. The worry is that there WON'T be any competition to go to for a lower price.

Of course, there are alternatives to funeral homes; they could just form a burial co-op and do it themselves. But complaining is part of the process.
 
2013-08-26 02:03:06 PM  

NostroZ: Quiet the opposite... you are not allowed to speak to the affected family members unless they speak to you first... so as to avoid the unnecessary burden of having to 'entertain' people, as each one comes up and pays their condolence.


Sort of. You don't GREET the mourners with a hearty back-slap and a "Morty! Long time, what's the haps?", but you absolutely do speak to them. There may be some archaic rule about not addressing people until they address you (also a sign of respect, BTW), but in the myriad shiva homes I've been in people don't really observe the "no greeting" rule either. Maybe in the more hardcore places, it's enforced.

NostroZ: WhoopAssWayne: NostroZ: The body is buried quickly (within 24 hours).

Well, that actually clears up a lot. We had a Jewish neighbor die last winter and everyone in the hood was a bit put off because there was no visitation, memorial service, or anything like that. I'd know the guy my entire life, worked with him on community projects, volunteer fire dept, etc, and then he was just gone without any ceremony or anything. It still feels very strange.

Sorry to hear that man.

If you were not in with his family, you were not part of sitting shiva... since they are the one's affected the most by the passing of a family member, they are the one's who are the center of this ritual.


Shiva is only OBSERVED by close family members (parents, siblings, children, spouse), but anyone is welcome to pay respects to the house. There's a custom to leave the door open (also because the mourners can't greet people; see above) for that very reason. As a matter of fact, in some sad cases, they actually invite people to shiva houses to make a quorum of 10 for prayer services.

Broktun: Is the tearing of garments still in play?


Should be. That goes for the top layer of any clothing worn by the mourners (parents, siblings, children, spouse) over the week, beginning with the clothing worn when the mourner first hears the news. My grandfather had a jacket that I absolutely loved (it's how I picture him from my childhood) that he was wearing when my grandmother died.

flemardo: Them getting a discount fixed price means goyim get to shoulder the cost.


There may be a difference in the cost of services/materials as well. Jews get buried in unpainted wooden boxes. Many others get buried in ornate coffins made with stone pieces, perhaps metal rails, with fabric linings and if there's a viewing, the cost of dressing/making up the deceased.
 
2013-08-26 02:07:44 PM  

maxx2112: So I go to the funeral home the day after my father-in-law dies, and I met everyone in the funeral director's office.

He goes out to check on something, and I look around and see a book on a binder on his desk that says "JEWISH PRICE LIST."

"I wonder what that's all about?"  I ask no one in particular.

My brother in law chimes in, "what do you think they call the non Jewish prices?

Without batting an eye:  "Retail."

/ I'll be here all week


You'd figure they'd have a Facebook page by now. Enjoy the earworm.
http://myspace.com/livejews/music/song/beggin-for-a-bargain-49486876
 
2013-08-26 02:08:20 PM  

cptjeff: That's not just the Jewish community. That's all of DC.


well yes, but with the Jewish community, outside of Silver Spring, you don't have many 2nd or 3rd generations so people return home to die I presume
 
2013-08-26 02:19:10 PM  

Mikeyworld: Hobodeluxe: mbillips: Oh, yeah, SCI is EEEvull. I've joined a memorial society; they contract with a crematory to provide cremation for a few hundred bucks, and cut the funeral homes out of the loop.

sounds like a plan.

I contacted a teaching hospital, and donated the whole enchilada to 'em. Who knows where I'll end up physically...

With the body gone, my family and friends can get on with the partying, as there's extra money to spend.

I can't believe people still wanna take up space on this crowded planet when they pass on.


yeah what do I care about my body after I pass? If I had my way I'd send it to Africa and let the cannibals have a BBQ.
 
2013-08-26 02:25:11 PM  

specialkae: I think that the Jewish people have it right.  Isn't it bad enough when you lose someone?  Just to have a funeral home come in and take advantage of the bereaved?  I had an interest in becoming a Funeral Director until I experienced the loss of 2 parents in 4 years and saw how they treated the living out of supposed "respect" for the dead.  Costs should be minimal not exorbitant.  Same thing i think about weddings, though so YMMV.



With weddings you can just go down to City Hall or elope to Vegas.  Is there an option like that for funerals?
 
2013-08-26 02:45:13 PM  

MagicBus


With weddings you can just go down to City Hall or elope to Vegas. Is there an option like that for funerals?


You could probably go to Las Vegas* and kick a made guy in the beanbag and urinate on him while he's down. Your body will never be found and it won't cost you a penny.


(Information may be dated. Please substitute NY or NJ as required.)
 
2013-08-26 02:54:42 PM  
"Jewish afterlife": isn't that a trick statement?  I thought Jews don't believe in an afterlife, but they do have to observe the Commandments in this life, or they get a beat-down from the Assyrians or Babylonians.

RE the price hikes: not surprising, given how the relatively cash-flush Boomers are shortly going to enter the Invisible Choir pipeline.
 
2013-08-26 03:16:13 PM  

hardinparamedic: Your body, donated to a medical or teaching institution, can help Doctors, Nurses, RTs and Paramedics hone skills that can save countless lives, and give life-enhancing and limb-saving surgeries and medical techniques to thousands of other people.


Or you can be the centerpiece for some gruesomely amusing pranks!
 
2013-08-26 03:20:56 PM  

mbillips: cameroncrazy1984: mbillips: cameroncrazy1984: NostroZ: Because if you may realize, there's OTHER PEOPLE involved in your life... people who may not wish to do beer bongs at your funeral...

Not to start an argument, but who cares about what they want during YOUR funeral?

Ah screw you, you're dead; it's not like you're gonna know what's happening. Funerals are for the living.

/I want to be cremated, loaded into a five-inch shell, and fired from a destroyer over the Atlantic. Now, THAT's a burial at sea.
//Separate memorial wake with lots of booze.

Funerals are meant to be a celebration of the deceased's life. Fark your selfishness.

Who's being selfish? You want to control people AFTER YOU'RE DEAD, and they're the selfish ones?


Anyone I've pissed off, slagged, embarrassed or insulted is welcome to urinate on my corpse if it makes them feel better.

It'll only hasten the process, really. Eat a bunch of seeds and take a dump on the body. Even more productive.

/It is only an empty shell now. Please treat it as such.
 
2013-08-26 03:23:35 PM  

Therion: hardinparamedic: Your body, donated to a medical or teaching institution, can help Doctors, Nurses, RTs and Paramedics hone skills that can save countless lives, and give life-enhancing and limb-saving surgeries and medical techniques to thousands of other people.

Or you can be the centerpiece for some gruesomely amusing pranks!


Hey, give a show when you go. Leave 'em laughing, I say.
 
2013-08-26 03:29:49 PM  

Therion: hardinparamedic: Your body, donated to a medical or teaching institution, can help Doctors, Nurses, RTs and Paramedics hone skills that can save countless lives, and give life-enhancing and limb-saving surgeries and medical techniques to thousands of other people.

Or you can be the centerpiece for some gruesomely amusing pranks!


WTF would you care. You ain't using it. I hope to test jet windows...who needs a chicken?
 
2013-08-26 03:44:20 PM  
I didn't say that being the centerpiece for some gruesomely amusing pranks was a negative thing.

(wants a viking funeral in armor, or to be entombed sitting on a throne at the bottom of a lake that goes dry every century or so)
 
2013-08-26 04:09:02 PM  

hardinparamedic: NostroZ: Jewish funerals is one of the reasons I am proud to be Jewish.

The body is buried quickly (within 24 hours).
There is a very defined set of grieving rituals for the surviving family members.
It's done in a respectable fashion (vs. parading around the dead like a marionette).

Do they do the chair dance there too?


No the chairs are tiny and you wear socks.
 
2013-08-26 04:50:43 PM  
i40.tinypic.com
 
2013-08-26 05:02:14 PM  
i40.tinypic.com
 
2013-08-26 05:05:06 PM  
i42.tinypic.com
 
2013-08-26 06:19:18 PM  

mjjt: [692x900 from http://i42.tinypic.com/op5pco.jpg image 692x900]


Christ, what an asshole.

On another topic, best prank ever: according to Erroll Flynn, some of John Barrymore Sr.'s friends , purloined Barrymore's body from the mortuary on the day he died and brought it to Flynn's house. They sat him up in a chair and put a drink in his hand, and Flynn screamed like a little girl when he came home drunk.
 
2013-08-26 09:40:10 PM  

MagicBus: specialkae: I think that the Jewish people have it right.  Isn't it bad enough when you lose someone?  Just to have a funeral home come in and take advantage of the bereaved?  I had an interest in becoming a Funeral Director until I experienced the loss of 2 parents in 4 years and saw how they treated the living out of supposed "respect" for the dead.  Costs should be minimal not exorbitant.  Same thing i think about weddings, though so YMMV.


With weddings you can just go down to City Hall or elope to Vegas.  Is there an option like that for funerals?


No. Over $3k for no casket, cremation, remains in a steel can, and a military/national cemetery plot/niche. That's as close to an eloping in Vegas funeral as you can get.

I love my father dearly, it's what he wanted- no frills, but I about strangled my uncle when he told me what he had fronted for the services.
 
2013-08-26 11:12:28 PM  

hardinparamedic: NostroZ: Quiet the opposite... you are not allowed to speak to the affected family members unless they speak to you first... so as to avoid the unnecessary burden of having to 'entertain' people, as each one comes up and pays their condolence.

That's horrible.

You know what? I want my funeral to have beer, and strippers, and blackjack.

And I want there to be fireworks. And everyone telling everyone what an asshole I was.

And I want everyone to pay .25 cents for a solo cup at the door.


In fact, forget the funeral!
 
2013-08-27 12:00:52 PM  
mjjt - I presume the olde Ferguson was a devout follower of Flying Spaghetti Monster.  Maybe the pirates are later in the service.
 
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