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(Washington Post)   Jews worried about monopoly on the afterlife   (washingtonpost.com) divider line 131
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8726 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Aug 2013 at 10:02 AM (47 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-08-26 10:03:48 AM
Anne Frankly, I won't stand for this kind of crap.
 
2013-08-26 10:04:58 AM
Jews worried about monopoly on the afterlife


Just go after the red and green properties. If you can lock that corner of the board down, you'll be in good position to win the game.
 
2013-08-26 10:07:05 AM
You know who else made Jews worry...
 
2013-08-26 10:08:16 AM
I'm pretty sure Yahweh has a wide assortment of boardgames available.
 
2013-08-26 10:08:17 AM

danielscissorhands: You know who else made Jews worry...


George W. Bush?
 
2013-08-26 10:09:14 AM
www.boardgameworld.com
 
2013-08-26 10:10:11 AM
Jewish funerals is one of the reasons I am proud to be Jewish.

The body is buried quickly (within 24 hours).
There is a very defined set of grieving rituals for the surviving family members.
It's done in a respectable fashion (vs. parading around the dead like a marionette).
 
2013-08-26 10:11:01 AM

NostroZ: Jewish funerals is one of the reasons I am proud to be Jewish.

The body is buried quickly (within 24 hours).
There is a very defined set of grieving rituals for the surviving family members.
It's done in a respectable fashion (vs. parading around the dead like a marionette).


Do they do the chair dance there too?
 
2013-08-26 10:11:32 AM

Shostie: I'm pretty sure Yahweh has a wide assortment of boardgames available.


Just remember: always let jealous gods win.
 
2013-08-26 10:11:50 AM
--Insert miserly Jewish joke here--
 
2013-08-26 10:12:18 AM
why can't these people just give up their cultural heritage and assimilate with the rest of us? - "Bobby" Jindal
 
2013-08-26 10:13:29 AM

Wellon Dowd: [750x476 from https://www.boardgameworld.com/HEBREWMonopA.jpg image 750x476]


If you get all 4 railroads, do you automatically win or lose?
 
2013-08-26 10:14:20 AM

hardinparamedic: NostroZ: Jewish funerals is one of the reasons I am proud to be Jewish.

The body is buried quickly (within 24 hours).
There is a very defined set of grieving rituals for the surviving family members.
It's done in a respectable fashion (vs. parading around the dead like a marionette).

Do they do the chair dance there too?


Quiet the opposite... you are not allowed to speak to the affected family members unless they speak to you first... so as to avoid the unnecessary burden of having to 'entertain' people, as each one comes up and pays their condolence.
 
2013-08-26 10:16:27 AM

NostroZ: Quiet the opposite... you are not allowed to speak to the affected family members unless they speak to you first... so as to avoid the unnecessary burden of having to 'entertain' people, as each one comes up and pays their condolence.


That's horrible.

You know what? I want my funeral to have beer, and strippers, and blackjack.

And I want there to be fireworks. And everyone telling everyone what an asshole I was.

And I want everyone to pay .25 cents for a solo cup at the door.
 
2013-08-26 10:17:06 AM

NostroZ: Jewish funerals is one of the reasons I am proud to be Jewish.

The body is buried quickly (within 24 hours).
There is a very defined set of grieving rituals for the surviving family members.
It's done in a respectable fashion (vs. parading around the dead like a marionette).


Muslim funerals are much the same, are they not?
 
2013-08-26 10:19:03 AM

hardinparamedic: NostroZ: Quiet the opposite... you are not allowed to speak to the affected family members unless they speak to you first... so as to avoid the unnecessary burden of having to 'entertain' people, as each one comes up and pays their condolence.

That's horrible.

You know what? I want my funeral to have beer, and strippers, and blackjack.

And I want there to be fireworks. And everyone telling everyone what an asshole I was.

And I want everyone to pay .25 cents for a solo cup at the door.


That's FANTASTIC for YOU... but a six thousand year tradition requires a bit more depth than a college kegger.
Because if you may realize, there's OTHER PEOPLE involved in your life... people who may not wish to do beer bongs at your funeral... or they might... I don't know you.
 
2013-08-26 10:19:54 AM

hardinparamedic: danielscissorhands: You know who else made Jews worry...

George W. Bush?


No...

Nein Cat.

farm7.staticflickr.com
 
2013-08-26 10:21:09 AM

NostroZ: Because if you may realize, there's OTHER PEOPLE involved in your life... people who may not wish to do beer bongs at your funeral...


Not to start an argument, but who cares about what they want during YOUR funeral?
 
2013-08-26 10:23:20 AM
I'd be worried too, put that crap away and play Settlers or Dominion instead.
 
2013-08-26 10:24:08 AM

NostroZ: Jewish funerals is one of the reasons I am proud to be Jewish.

The body is buried quickly (within 24 hours).
There is a very defined set of grieving rituals for the surviving family members.
It's done in a respectable fashion (vs. parading around the dead like a marionette).



You're farked if Allah if the correct God, YHWH is his biatch and you've wasted your time on earth having been mutilated as a baby, and made to say, 'oy vay' every 2 minutes.
 
2013-08-26 10:25:03 AM

NostroZ: Jewish funerals is one of the reasons I am proud to be Jewish.

The body is buried quickly (within 24 hours).
There is a very defined set of grieving rituals for the surviving family members.
It's done in a respectable fashion (vs. parading around the dead like a marionette).


Leave Alfred Hitchcock alone!
 
2013-08-26 10:25:10 AM

GungFu: You're farked if Allah if the correct God, YHWH is his biatch and you've wasted your time on earth having been mutilated as a baby, and made to say, 'oy vay' every 2 minutes.


Uh, Muslims get circumcised too.

There's more in common between the two than either will readily admit.
 
2013-08-26 10:25:25 AM

hardinparamedic: danielscissorhands: You know who else made Jews worry...

George W. Bush?


Animated version...

24.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-08-26 10:25:50 AM
How hard is it to have someone build a pine box?  Don't they have any carpenters?
 
2013-08-26 10:28:52 AM

NostroZ: hardinparamedic: NostroZ: Quiet the opposite... you are not allowed to speak to the affected family members unless they speak to you first... so as to avoid the unnecessary burden of having to 'entertain' people, as each one comes up and pays their condolence.

That's horrible.

You know what? I want my funeral to have beer, and strippers, and blackjack.

And I want there to be fireworks. And everyone telling everyone what an asshole I was.

And I want everyone to pay .25 cents for a solo cup at the door.

That's FANTASTIC for YOU... but a six thousand year tradition requires a bit more depth than a college kegger.
Because if you may realize, there's OTHER PEOPLE involved in your life... people who may not wish to do beer bongs at your funeral... or they might... I don't know you.


Lighten up, Faivish.

/Six thousand years? Abraham supposedly was born in 1948 AM, give or take a millennium. Since he's the first Jew, and we're in 5773, that's less than 4,000 years.
//Three thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax, YOU GODDAM RIGHT I'M LIVING IN THE FARKIN' PAST.
 
2013-08-26 10:30:51 AM

J. Frank Parnell: GungFu: You're farked if Allah if the correct God, YHWH is his biatch and you've wasted your time on earth having been mutilated as a baby, and made to say, 'oy vay' every 2 minutes.

Uh, Muslims get circumcised too.

There's more in common between the two than either will readily admit.


Er, are you saying the Jew might get consolation points in Allah heaven because they both believe in the no-foreskin fetish?
 
2013-08-26 10:31:35 AM

GungFu: NostroZ: Jewish funerals is one of the reasons I am proud to be Jewish.

The body is buried quickly (within 24 hours).
There is a very defined set of grieving rituals for the surviving family members.
It's done in a respectable fashion (vs. parading around the dead like a marionette).


You're farked if Allah if the correct God, YHWH is his biatch and you've wasted your time on earth having been mutilated as a baby, and made to say, 'oy vay' every 2 minutes.


Trolltastic response that could apply to any religion...  3/10

*There are many paths to G-d... humility, community, and ritual are the guide posts on that journey.
**If you are looking for a  correct answer in religion... you will be sorely disappointed
***Being one with G-d is a verb... an action of being... not a place to occupy

(plus I don't believe in a G-d that would create a roulette style version of faith to believe in... that's a strawman argument you've made up for yourself)
 
2013-08-26 10:32:31 AM
I didn't realize practically all funeral homes are owned by SCI or Stewart. Your local Smith Family Funeral Services may have started out independent, but are now owned by one of those two. Not a single funeral home in our area is independent anymore and we have about 30 of them. It is very misleading. This merger is actually a big deal and will mean higher prices for everyone.

They actually train the people at these places to prey on the weakest family member. If there is someone levelheaded there, they will pull them in another room and then quickly make the bereaved widow sign to horrible money bilking contracts. They also do crappy things like insinuate if you don't spend $20,000 on the funeral then it proves you didn't really love the deceased. It is sickening to think these people take advantage of people in their most desperate hours and that it is perfectly legal.

That's why I'm specifying in my will ahead of time to send me to the body farm or make me a cadvier. Free cremation afterward. Then if my family stupidly decides to pay for a niche that is their own damn fault, but at least I saved them about $6,000.
 
2013-08-26 10:33:21 AM

cameroncrazy1984: NostroZ: Because if you may realize, there's OTHER PEOPLE involved in your life... people who may not wish to do beer bongs at your funeral...

Not to start an argument, but who cares about what they want during YOUR funeral?


Ah screw you, you're dead; it's not like you're gonna know what's happening. Funerals are for the living.

/I want to be cremated, loaded into a five-inch shell, and fired from a destroyer over the Atlantic. Now, THAT's a burial at sea.
//Separate memorial wake with lots of booze.
 
2013-08-26 10:34:28 AM

GungFu: J. Frank Parnell: GungFu: You're farked if Allah if the correct God, YHWH is his biatch and you've wasted your time on earth having been mutilated as a baby, and made to say, 'oy vay' every 2 minutes.

Uh, Muslims get circumcised too.

There's more in common between the two than either will readily admit.

Er, are you saying the Jew might get consolation points in Allah heaven because they both believe in the no-foreskin fetish?


It's the same God. Allah is Arabic for "God." They just disagree on which prophets to listen to.
 
2013-08-26 10:35:31 AM

mbillips: /Six thousand years? Abraham supposedly was born in 1948 AM, give or take a millennium. Since he's the first Jew, and we're in 5773, that's less than 4,000 years.
//Three thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax, YOU GODDAM RIGHT I'M LIVING IN THE FARKIN' PAST.


You got me there... I just rounded up from 5773

I'd also agree that there's a HUGE distinction between Abrahamic Judaism and the 'ten commandments, etc.' version as we know coming from Egypt by Moses.

Still... the traditions might be older than the religion itself, especially when it comes to something so important as death.
 
2013-08-26 10:36:47 AM

GungFu: Er, are you saying the Jew might get consolation points in Allah heaven because they both believe in the no-foreskin fetish?


Why not. Makes as much sense as anything else in religious discussions.
 
2013-08-26 10:37:27 AM

hailin: I didn't realize practically all funeral homes are owned by SCI or Stewart. Your local Smith Family Funeral Services may have started out independent, but are now owned by one of those two. Not a single funeral home in our area is independent anymore and we have about 30 of them. It is very misleading. This merger is actually a big deal and will mean higher prices for everyone.

They actually train the people at these places to prey on the weakest family member. If there is someone levelheaded there, they will pull them in another room and then quickly make the bereaved widow sign to horrible money bilking contracts. They also do crappy things like insinuate if you don't spend $20,000 on the funeral then it proves you didn't really love the deceased. It is sickening to think these people take advantage of people in their most desperate hours and that it is perfectly legal.

That's why I'm specifying in my will ahead of time to send me to the body farm or make me a cadvier. Free cremation afterward. Then if my family stupidly decides to pay for a niche that is their own damn fault, but at least I saved them about $6,000.


Oh, yeah, SCI is EEEvull. I've joined a memorial society; they contract with a crematory to provide cremation for a few hundred bucks, and cut the funeral homes out of the loop.

/My mother went the donated cadaver route.
 
2013-08-26 10:41:14 AM

NostroZ: mbillips: /Six thousand years? Abraham supposedly was born in 1948 AM, give or take a millennium. Since he's the first Jew, and we're in 5773, that's less than 4,000 years.
//Three thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax, YOU GODDAM RIGHT I'M LIVING IN THE FARKIN' PAST.

You got me there... I just rounded up from 5773

I'd also agree that there's a HUGE distinction between Abrahamic Judaism and the 'ten commandments, etc.' version as we know coming from Egypt by Moses.

Still... the traditions might be older than the religion itself, especially when it comes to something so important as death.


They might be a LOT older, since Homo sapiens sapiens has been around for 200,000 years or so. And Homo sapiens neanderthalensis did ritual burial, too.
 
2013-08-26 10:41:19 AM

hailin: They actually train the people at these places to prey on the weakest family member. If there is someone levelheaded there, they will pull them in another room and then quickly make the bereaved widow sign to horrible money bilking contracts. They also do crappy things like insinuate if you don't spend $20,000 on the funeral then it proves you didn't really love the deceased. It is sickening to think these people take advantage of people in their most desperate hours and that it is perfectly legal.


It's despicable!

If JEWS are saying THIS IS NOT THE TIME to make money.  Then it's probably NOT the time to fleece people out of their money...  I mean, all stereotypes aside... ritual burial IS WHAT makes us HUMAN!

It's what archaeologists look for thousands of years later as proof of our civilization and average living.

Do you want a THIS to be our mark on civilization?

cdn.ebaumsworld.com
 
2013-08-26 10:42:30 AM

mbillips: GungFu: J. Frank Parnell: GungFu: You're farked if Allah if the correct God, YHWH is his biatch and you've wasted your time on earth having been mutilated as a baby, and made to say, 'oy vay' every 2 minutes.

Uh, Muslims get circumcised too.

There's more in common between the two than either will readily admit.

Er, are you saying the Jew might get consolation points in Allah heaven because they both believe in the no-foreskin fetish?

It's the same God. Allah is Arabic for "God." They just disagree on which prophets to listen to.


Well if they didn't cut off their "sorting hats" then they wouldn't have to worry about following the wrong traditions at Hogwarts.
 
2013-08-26 10:42:53 AM
I'm pretty sure you only have to play Monopoly if you go to hell.
 
2013-08-26 10:43:46 AM

mbillips: I've joined a memorial society; they contract with a crematory to provide cremation for a few hundred bucks, and cut the funeral homes out of the loop.


they have co-ops for everything!
 
2013-08-26 10:50:34 AM

mbillips: Oh, yeah, SCI is EEEvull. I've joined a memorial society; they contract with a crematory to provide cremation for a few hundred bucks, and cut the funeral homes out of the loop.


sounds like a plan.
 
2013-08-26 10:53:05 AM
So I go to the funeral home the day after my father-in-law dies, and I met everyone in the funeral director's office.

He goes out to check on something, and I look around and see a book on a binder on his desk that says "JEWISH PRICE LIST."

"I wonder what that's all about?"  I ask no one in particular.

My brother in law chimes in, "what do you think they call the non Jewish prices?

Without batting an eye:  "Retail."

/ I'll be here all week
 
2013-08-26 10:56:30 AM

mbillips: GungFu: J. Frank Parnell: GungFu: You're farked if Allah if the correct God, YHWH is his biatch and you've wasted your time on earth having been mutilated as a baby, and made to say, 'oy vay' every 2 minutes.

Uh, Muslims get circumcised too.

There's more in common between the two than either will readily admit.

Er, are you saying the Jew might get consolation points in Allah heaven because they both believe in the no-foreskin fetish?

It's the same God. Allah is Arabic for "God." They just disagree on which prophets to listen to.



Man, that's gonna be farking awkward in same-god heaven.

- Hey, whattup, Yusuf Mohammed?
- S'up, Levi Bernstein.

- Yusuf, didn't you bomb a bus and all the people inside, all Jewish, died.
- Yeah, Levi, Allah told me to. I got 72 virgins out of it.
-  My mother and sister were on that bus. But it's God's wish, so it's cool.
- Wanna bang some virgins? I've got about 30 left.
- I don't have to pay, do I?
- Oh, you Jews and your humour, LOL!!
 
2013-08-26 10:56:55 AM

mbillips: cameroncrazy1984: NostroZ: Because if you may realize, there's OTHER PEOPLE involved in your life... people who may not wish to do beer bongs at your funeral...

Not to start an argument, but who cares about what they want during YOUR funeral?

Ah screw you, you're dead; it's not like you're gonna know what's happening. Funerals are for the living.

/I want to be cremated, loaded into a five-inch shell, and fired from a destroyer over the Atlantic. Now, THAT's a burial at sea.
//Separate memorial wake with lots of booze.


Funerals are meant to be a celebration of the deceased's life. Fark your selfishness.
 
2013-08-26 11:02:11 AM

cameroncrazy1984: NostroZ: Because if you may realize, there's OTHER PEOPLE involved in your life... people who may not wish to do beer bongs at your funeral...

Not to start an argument, but who cares about what they want during YOUR funeral?



Irish wakes rock.
The first day has everyone laughing.
The second day has everyone crying.

/csb
When my aunt died at 60, we all (including her son) agreed that she didn't look natural in the casket. So we took the rosary out of her hands and put in a hip flask, then stuffed some lottery tickets in her pocket. We would have put a cigarette in her mouth, but it was stitched closed.
/csb
 
2013-08-26 11:02:31 AM
The mind Boggles.
 
2013-08-26 11:03:55 AM

GungFu: - Hey, whattup, Yusuf Mohammed?
- S'up, Levi Bernstein.

- Yusuf, didn't you bomb a bus and all the people inside, all Jewish, died.
- Yeah, Levi, Allah told me to. I got 72 virgins out of it.
-  My mother and sister were on that bus. But it's God's wish, so it's cool.


Jokes aside.  What you are referring to is a small minority view that a martyr will get 72 virgins in the after-life.  This is NOT central to Islam and is a TOOL of a manipulative Immam who wishes to use people as bombs in their holy war.  Once again, this is NOT part of the main tradition of Muslims as delivered by Mohammed and inscribed in the Koran.

Muslims and Jews actually have  more in common in their religion than they do with Christians.

The whole idolatry of the body is forbidden in both Judaism and Islam, yet go to a Catholic church and you'll see graven images all over the place.

This continues with purity laws in relation to food... menstruation... burial... etc. etc. etc.

But continue to pretend that Jews naturally hate Muslims, since that's how things WORK IN YOUR HEAD... why listen to the ACTUAL people involved in your imaginary scenario.
 
2013-08-26 11:04:07 AM

Plant Rights Activist: How hard is it to have someone build a pine box?  Don't they have any carpenters?


Well, they had one once...


//window seat please
 
2013-08-26 11:09:01 AM

NostroZ: But continue to pretend that Jews naturally hate Muslims, since that's how things WORK IN YOUR HEAD.


Considering some of your posts on Fark about certain Muslims being subhuman, this is hilarious.
 
2013-08-26 11:09:53 AM

NostroZ: ritual burial IS WHAT makes us HUMAN!


Wrong again. What makes us human is a specific set of chromosomes.

/And I wonder how people that don't bury their dead feel about you saying they're not human.
 
2013-08-26 11:13:54 AM
The afterlife?

The afterlife???

Don't get me started on the afterlife...
 
2013-08-26 11:14:07 AM

NostroZ: Jewish funerals is one of the reasons I am proud to be Jewish.

The body is buried quickly (within 24 hours).
There is a very defined set of grieving rituals for the surviving family members.
It's done in a respectable fashion (vs. parading around the dead like a marionette).


I'll see your rapid, formaldehyde-free earth burial and raise you a forensics farm/sky burial where not even a tree has to be cut down.

Don't kid yourself. Jewish customs are less heinous than the full Western monty of handling the dead, but it's still just a corpse. Packaging only delays the inevitable, and kills a tree.
 
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