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(Cosmopolitan)   Cosmo shares its wisdom on how to try bondage for the first time. Tip #2: Try a blindfold if it's your first time. Tip #4: Don't use a blindfold if it's your first time. Tip #9: Tie your man up with toilet paper   (cosmopolitan.com) divider line 82
    More: Dumbass, blindfold, toilet paper  
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5493 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Aug 2013 at 9:40 AM (45 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



82 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-08-25 02:31:44 AM
Toilet paper? So THAT'S how that Castro guy kept those women captive for years.
 
2013-08-25 09:05:17 AM
That list sounds like it was written by Millhouse.
 
2013-08-25 09:43:50 AM
img832.imageshack.us
 
2013-08-25 09:43:51 AM
What kind of pansy-ass man can even pretend to be tied up with toilet paper? Metrosexuality has gone too far this time. Too far.
 
2013-08-25 09:43:53 AM
www.topnews.in
Hey ladies...
 
2013-08-25 09:44:30 AM
Don't use handcuffs. They're sharp and metal and cut into your wrists. Invest in a pair of bondage wrist restraints or learn to tie a knot.

Talk with your partner about what they like and what you like, and what your limits are.

Have fun.

It's not rocket science people.
 
2013-08-25 09:45:57 AM
I saw a nipple in slide 3.
 
2013-08-25 09:46:28 AM

Vexed Thespian: I saw a nipple in slide 3.


As I race to click on the article...
 
2013-08-25 09:46:45 AM
If you are following any advice from Cosmo, you're doing it wrong. Especially if it involves genitalia. Had an ex that used to buy that stuff all the time. Never knew what the hell she was gonna pull.
 
2013-08-25 09:46:59 AM

Sudo_Make_Me_A_Sandwich: It's not rocket science people.


Sometimes it is rocket science people. Nerds are notoriously kinky.
 
2013-08-25 09:48:02 AM
You start with silk scarves. Then move up to cloth rope. (synthetic is available in more colors, but has a lower burn speed when pulled across skin).

Always keep scissors handy to get someone free in a hurry if they have a seizure or something goes numb.

No leaving your partner alone. What if you leave your lover tied up and go to the store, and they have to watch, tied to the bed, as your romantic candle sets the bedroom on fire and immolates them.
 
2013-08-25 09:49:37 AM
Oh yeah. Talk out what you're going to do before hand. All of it. Consent consent consent.
 
2013-08-25 09:50:51 AM
The safety word is banana.
gs1.wac.edgecastcdn.net
 
2013-08-25 09:51:30 AM
I really feel sorry for my heterosexual sisters when I read things like this.
 
2013-08-25 09:51:39 AM

untaken_name: What kind of pansy-ass man can even pretend to be tied up with toilet paper? Metrosexuality has gone too far this time. Too far.


Probably the kind who isn't so insecure he has to rant about metrosexuality when it's not even the topic of conversation.
 
2013-08-25 09:51:41 AM
Does it mention how to keep her from kicking and mmmppphhhhhhhing while she's in the trunk of the car on the way to the woods?
 
2013-08-25 09:52:12 AM
Gerald's Game ruined bondage for me.
 
2013-08-25 09:52:30 AM
Subby dnrtfa apparently. It says not to use blindfolds the first time you get tied up, but to use blindfolds before tying to get used to the idea of being out of control a bit.

/the rest is still dumb
 
2013-08-25 09:53:23 AM
Sign #12
She reads Cosmo
 
2013-08-25 09:55:01 AM
Is this the episode where they tell you to rub a hot stone on your guy's taint?  I swear I read that somewhere, and it was even printed on heavier, perforated paper so you could punch it out and keep it, I dunno, in your recipe book or something.
 
2013-08-25 09:55:18 AM
Which is more embarrassing: this article, or the fact that subby read an issue of Cosmo?
 
2013-08-25 09:55:50 AM

Transpogue: I really feel sorry for my heterosexual sisters when I read things like this.


thank you
 
2013-08-25 09:56:07 AM

fluffy2097: Always keep scissors handy to get someone free in a hurry if they have a seizure or something goes numb.


f
 
2013-08-25 09:57:35 AM
You could always do a trial run with these first;
ecx.images-amazon.com
http://www.amazon.com/Family-Guy-Peter-Action-Figures/dp/B0006DNT2M

/da fuq?
/Manufacturer recommended age: 10 years and up
/The perfect toy for a child of the parents you hate
 
2013-08-25 09:57:56 AM

LouDobbsAwaaaay: untaken_name: What kind of pansy-ass man can even pretend to be tied up with toilet paper? Metrosexuality has gone too far this time. Too far.

Probably the kind who isn't so insecure he has to rant about metrosexuality when it's not even the topic of conversation.


Guess metrosexuals can't take a joke, either. Well, I suppose that makes sense for "men" who can be restrained by tissue.
 
2013-08-25 09:58:33 AM
I seem to remember one of these threads where the article stated that a nice punch to the dick or balls was a great idea.
 
2013-08-25 10:01:35 AM
Cacao
 
2013-08-25 10:05:03 AM

untaken_name: What kind of pansy-ass man can even pretend to be tied up with toilet paper? Metrosexuality has gone too far this time. Too far.


Do you live in 1998?
 
2013-08-25 10:05:59 AM

The Angry Hand of God: I seem to remember one of these threads where the article stated that a nice punch to the dick or balls was a great idea.


http://www.cracked.com/article/156_7-sex-tips-from-cosmo-that-will-p ut -you-in-hospital/
 
2013-08-25 10:06:28 AM
Get that kid off my ice...

s22.postimg.org
 
2013-08-25 10:08:00 AM

Boo_Guy: The safety word is banana.


Ribulosebiphosphatecarboxylaseoxygenase!
 
2013-08-25 10:09:04 AM
During girl-on-top sex, pin his hands down and seductively say, "I like having you at my mercy." Let that spark a post-action conversation about pushing the envelope further.

apocalypstick.com

"You don't really think I was at your mercy just because you were straddling me, right?  Let's push the envelope further. Let's see how merciful we can get when I'm wearing your face."
 
2013-08-25 10:09:58 AM

The Bunyip: Get that kid off my ice...

[s22.postimg.org image 200x200]

Yer not my dad!
Yooooooooooo!

/who wants a body massage?
 
2013-08-25 10:12:53 AM

thamike: untaken_name: What kind of pansy-ass man can even pretend to be tied up with toilet paper? Metrosexuality has gone too far this time. Too far.

Do you live in 1998?


No, do you? http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2013/05/14/makeup-for-men-is-on - the-rise-and-no-longer-a-taboo.html
 
2013-08-25 10:14:03 AM

The Angry Hand of God: I seem to remember one of these threads where the article stated that a nice punch to the dick or balls was a great idea.


Might have been 7 Sex Tips from Cosmo That Will Put You in the Hospital.  That one was pretty good.
 
2013-08-25 10:14:36 AM
Cosmo: where your girl gets the best prison rape advice money can buy. Dear Cosmo Forum: last week me and my bottom biatch were lifting in the yard when he was shived in the junk and kicked in the balls. That night we had the best sex ever.
 
2013-08-25 10:15:16 AM

PainfulItching: If you are following any advice from Cosmo, you're doing it wrong. Especially if it involves genitalia. Had an ex that used to buy that stuff all the time. Never knew what the hell she was gonna pull.


That says it all about Cosmo and its readers... The first slide was instant fail. Think of how much more useful Cosmo would be to its readers and wider society if they were grounded in consent and communication.

Don't hint, just ask.
 
2013-08-25 10:21:06 AM

untaken_name: thamike: untaken_name: What kind of pansy-ass man can even pretend to be tied up with toilet paper? Metrosexuality has gone too far this time. Too far.

Do you live in 1998?

No, do you? http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2013/05/14/makeup-for-men-is-on - the-rise-and-no-longer-a-taboo.html


You're only going to make things worse.

/Courtesy warning
 
2013-08-25 10:22:42 AM
Cosmo contributes to rape culture.
 
2013-08-25 10:23:59 AM
I think they say start with a blindfold and not handcuffs and then go to handcuffs without the blindfold.

Not that I'd ever defend Cosmo.
 
2013-08-25 10:31:18 AM

Sudo_Make_Me_A_Sandwich: It's not rocket science people.


Unless, of course, you like to role play as rocket scientists.

/NTTIAWWT
 
2013-08-25 10:34:42 AM

fluffy2097: You start with silk scarves. Then move up to cloth rope...


And it ends with razorwire. And 3000 Volt.
 
2013-08-25 10:38:14 AM

starsrift: Sudo_Make_Me_A_Sandwich: It's not rocket science people.

Sometimes it is rocket science people. Nerds are notoriously kinky.


There once was a thing called a V-2
To pilot which you did not need to-
You just pushed a button,
And it would leave nuttin'
But stiffs and big holes and debris, too.

Ja, ja, ja, ja!
In Prussia they never eat pussy!
There ain't hardly cats enough,
There's garbage and that's enough,
So waltz me around again, Russky!

There was a young fellow named Crockett,
Who had an affair with a rocket.
If you saw them out there
You'd be tempted to stare,
But if you ain't tried it, don't knock it!

There was a young fellow named Hector,
Who was fond of a launcher-erector.
But the squishes and pops
Of acute pressure drops
Wrecked Hector's hydraulic connector.

There once was a fellow named Moorehead,
Who had an affair with a warhead.
His wife moved away
The very next day-
She *was* always kind of a sorehead.

There was a technician named Urban,
Who had an affair with a turbine.
"It's much nicer," he said,
"Than a woman in bed,
And it's sure as hell cheaper than bourbon!

"There once was a fellow named Slattery
Who was fond of the course-gyro battery.
With that 50-volt shock,
What was left of his cock
Was all slimy and sloppy and spattery.

There was a young fellow named Pope,
Who plugged into an *os*-cillo-*scope*.
The cyclical trace
Of their carnal embrace
Had a damn nearly infinite slope.

There was a young fellow named Yuri,
Farked the nozzle right up its venturi.
He had woes without cease
From his local police,
And a hell of a time with the jury

There was a young man named McGuire,
Who was fond of the pitch amplifier.
But a number of shorts
Left him covered with warts,
And set half the bedroom on fire.

There once was a fellow named Ritter,
Who slept with a guidance transmitter.
It shriveled his cock,
Which fell off in his sock,
And made him exceedingly bitter.

There once was a fellow named Schroeder,
Who buggered the vane servomotor.
He soon grew a prong
On the end of his schlong,
And hired himself a promoter.

There was a young man from Decatur,
Who slept with a LOX generator.
His balls and his prick
Froze solid read quick,
And his asshole a little bit later.
 
2013-08-25 10:41:21 AM

truelateral: PainfulItching: Don't hint, just ask.


Yea hints don't work well with some guys,  Some (like me) have to be swatted in the head with something like it was a newspaper before realizing some things.

So dont be subtle ladies,  if you want something then ask!
 
2013-08-25 10:48:08 AM

untaken_name: thamike: untaken_name: What kind of pansy-ass man can even pretend to be tied up with toilet paper? Metrosexuality has gone too far this time. Too far.

Do you live in 1998?

No, do you? http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2013/05/14/makeup-for-men-is-on - the-rise-and-no-longer-a-taboo.html


You seem remarkably well informed on this topic.
 
2013-08-25 10:48:37 AM
Use a trucking winch to secure your partner. If she can break 1600 pounds of tension, she DESERVES to be free. Also, chains around the neck secured with padlocks are a MAJOR turn-on.
 
2013-08-25 10:55:34 AM

Tigger: You seem remarkably well informed on this topic.


It's not his fault. Everyone at the nail salon was talking about. It's not like he had a choice to listen while his cuticles were getting done.
 
2013-08-25 10:56:16 AM
Isn't tying someone up with toilet paper just telling them not to move?
 
2013-08-25 10:59:38 AM
I want to believe that subby is a farkette interested in trying bondage, and realized that the article was FARK-worthy. And if so, how you doin?...
 
2013-08-25 11:07:01 AM
50 shades of stupid
 
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