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2211 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Aug 2013 at 12:22 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:    more»

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I guess that kills my plan to leave my fat girlfriend.

CSB: one time I noticed I went a week without uttering a single word to anyone. Never again.

Submitter obviously knows nothing about psychology.

Institute of Inaccurate Data = Slate...2013 version.

RRicochet: Submitter obviously knows nothing about psychology.

Or annoying girlfriends.

So being lonely AND fat is like seeing the ring then?

/please tell me that is obscure.

You die of a broken heart either way.

I actually had a very similar experience to the one the author describes in the first few paragraphs when I moved from San Francisco to Appleton, Wisconsin. I spent just over a year there and couldn't really connect with anyone.

Even though I had a fantastic place to live, and a good job that only took up half my week, I started having trouble sleeping and started feeling more and more detached from everything. I met a bunch of people, but nothing really clicked. Eventually I wound up moving back to the Bay Area.

Isn't that what pets are for?

=Smidge=

Extravert problems.

I see the problem here....

Emo Jeezus: Institute of Inaccurate Data = Slate...2013 version.

TFA links to a few peer reviewed studies on the issue. Also that loneliness is bad for the health, is not exactly surprising.

[THUD]

The comment thread in the article is interesting--there are a lot of people who go on and on about how desperately lonely they are and then they mention their spouse or girlfriend or boyfriend.

Honestly, if you you've been able to find someone who's attracted enough to want to either date or marry you, how lonely can you really be? They sound like people who complain about living paycheck to paycheck, and don't have any money--and then you find out they make 70 grand a year.

I think there are a lot of people out there who have never spent much time truly alone.

Actually, I am dealing with the symptoms of loneliness with a sister-in-law. She stays in her old folks complex apartment and has no interaction with anybody within the complex. She refuses to go down to the rec room or become a participant in any of the complex's organized activities. She sits in her room and worries only about current pains and problems. She has alienated her three sons by calling ten to fifteen times a day without leaving a message.

Last night she called an ambulance to take her to the hospital. The hospital sent her home after reviewing her meds saying that they could not treat her.

As to the "facts" of the article, I am not qualified to comment. I do see what my sister-in-laws is doing that isolates her in a nasty feedback loop. I have discussed her problems with her sons, and there agreement that some kind of psychological intervention is required.

Of course, because she is 69, who cares?

I see the problem here....

You owe me a new keyboard. Excellent.

lostcat: I actually had a very similar experience to the one the author describes in the first few paragraphs when I moved from San Francisco to Appleton, Wisconsin. I spent just over a year there and couldn't really connect with anyone.

Even though I had a fantastic place to live, and a good job that only took up half my week, I started having trouble sleeping and started feeling more and more detached from everything. I met a bunch of people, but nothing really clicked. Eventually I wound up moving back to the Bay Area.

So what you're saying is you were...http://youtu.be/b6Bt3op5Y60

TastyEloi: Honestly, if you you've been able to find someone who's attracted enough to want to either date or marry you, how lonely can you really be?

Having one person around doesn't necessarily prevent loneliness. What's more who knows what their relationships with their spouses or significant others are like

I see the problem here....

Empties minds far more efficiently:

Miklos

I'm a tad younger than your sister-in-law, but am otherwise (unfortunately) aligned with this scenario... I've alienated my offspring by - well - I've alienated them that much is for sure...

One thing is for sure - the medical offerings are lame and ineffective so some of us are left to wait out the years in the time between here and our inevitable dust bath. Why do we languish ourselves with pretend means of foregoing our fate. We've little time in this world,.. why spend those precious moments immersed in a stew of prozac and support groups. It doesn't buy us time but just lines the pockets of the big pharmaceutical companies peddling their wares.

So, is it the depression or the loneliness that comes first?  The whole article seemed like one could swap in the word "depressed" for "lonely" and it would make more sense.

/DRTFA
//DNRTF peer reviewed studies linked therein.

RRicochet: Submitter obviously knows nothing about psychology.

Don't sweat it.  Subby's playing to the crowd.  Psychology (i.e. not "real" doctors) is quackery to some people.

aerojockey: Extravert problems.

Not necessarily.  The author says that there were interactions, but only superficial ones. When all interactions are superficial or nonexistent, then intro/extra matters not.  Introvert doesn't mean no friends, just less need for interaction with others while still maintaining a small social circle. Loneliness may hit extraverts more, or introverts have better coping skills.  Ultimately loneliness affects both if there is no support network.

TastyEloi: The comment thread in the article is interesting--there are a lot of people who go on and on about how desperately lonely they are and then they mention their spouse or girlfriend or boyfriend.

Honestly, if you you've been able to find someone who's attracted enough to want to either date or marry you, how lonely can you really be?

Two can be as bad as one.

WhyteRaven74: TastyEloi: Honestly, if you you've been able to find someone who's attracted enough to want to either date or marry you, how lonely can you really be?

Having one person around doesn't necessarily prevent loneliness. What's more who knows what their relationships with their spouses or significant others are like

If your relationship with a significant other is so bad you really feel lonely, then you have other problems worse than feeling lonely. There are a great many people in the world who have never had another person validate their self-worth by wanting to date them, much less marry them.

Not having many friends or family may lead to loneliness, but not having many friends or family in addition to a significant other is a magnitudes worse experience.

Abox: TastyEloi: The comment thread in the article is interesting--there are a lot of people who go on and on about how desperately lonely they are and then they mention their spouse or girlfriend or boyfriend.

Honestly, if you you've been able to find someone who's attracted enough to want to either date or marry you, how lonely can you really be?

Two can be as bad as one.

It's the loneliest number since the number one

TastyEloi: WhyteRaven74: TastyEloi: Honestly, if you you've been able to find someone who's attracted enough to want to either date or marry you, how lonely can you really be?

Having one person around doesn't necessarily prevent loneliness. What's more who knows what their relationships with their spouses or significant others are like

If your relationship with a significant other is so bad you really feel lonely, then you have other problems worse than feeling lonely. There are a great many people in the world who have never had another person validate their self-worth by wanting to date them, much less marry them.

Not having many friends or family may lead to loneliness, but not having many friends or family in addition to a significant other is a magnitudes worse experience.

You can be surrounded by friends, family a loving spouse and still feel lonely. Loneliness isn't about other people it is often about your own perceptions of your relationships.

bump: Miklos

I'm a tad younger than your sister-in-law, but am otherwise (unfortunately) aligned with this scenario... I've alienated my offspring by - well - I've alienated them that much is for sure...

One thing is for sure - the medical offerings are lame and ineffective so some of us are left to wait out the years in the time between here and our inevitable dust bath. Why do we languish ourselves with pretend means of foregoing our fate. We've little time in this world,.. why spend those precious moments immersed in a stew of prozac and support groups. It doesn't buy us time but just lines the pockets of the big pharmaceutical companies peddling their wares.

TastyEloi: WhyteRaven74: TastyEloi: Honestly, if you you've been able to find someone who's attracted enough to want to either date or marry you, how lonely can you really be?

Having one person around doesn't necessarily prevent loneliness. What's more who knows what their relationships with their spouses or significant others are like

If your relationship with a significant other is so bad you really feel lonely, then you have other problems worse than feeling lonely. There are a great many people in the world who have never had another person validate their self-worth by wanting to date them, much less marry them.

Not having many friends or family may lead to loneliness, but not having many friends or family in addition to a significant other is a magnitudes worse experience.

it is very easy to be married\in a relationship and be lonely.  work different schedules, have differing sleep schedules, not have any\many friends or family, and there you go - farking lonely.

TastyEloi: The comment thread in the article is interesting--there are a lot of people who go on and on about how desperately lonely they are and then they mention their spouse or girlfriend or boyfriend.

Honestly, if you you've been able to find someone who's attracted enough to want to either date or marry you, how lonely can you really be? They sound like people who complain about living paycheck to paycheck, and don't have any money--and then you find out they make 70 grand a year.

I think there are a lot of people out there who have never spent much time truly alone.

This.  You can also throw in "all my friends say..." to that too.

TastyEloi: WhyteRaven74: TastyEloi: Honestly, if you you've been able to find someone who's attracted enough to want to either date or marry you, how lonely can you really be?

Having one person around doesn't necessarily prevent loneliness. What's more who knows what their relationships with their spouses or significant others are like

If your relationship with a significant other is so bad you really feel lonely, then you have other problems worse than feeling lonely. There are a great many people in the world who have never had another person validate their self-worth by wanting to date them, much less marry them.

Not having many friends or family may lead to loneliness, but not having many friends or family in addition to a significant other is a magnitudes worse experience.

Story of my life for the last five years. No connection to family and most friendships severed because I've moved around so much chasing work. The only company I get are when my friend and his wife drive from three towns over to stay at my place once a week because it's closer to his work. That entails him working all night, sleeping all day, eating my food, handing me some cash and leaving.

It's hard to meet anyone in this bible humping city that even remotely shares my view of the world and can respect my opinions and tastes in recreation.

At least I'm going back to college in the Spring, so there's that to look forward to; at this point I just need a reset button.

bump: Miklos

One thing is for sure - the medical offerings are lame and ineffective so some of us are left to wait out the years in the time between here and our inevitable dust bath. Why do we languish ourselves with pretend means of foregoing our fate. We've little time in this world,.. why spend those precious moments immersed in a stew of prozac and support groups. It doesn't buy us time but just lines the pockets of the big pharmaceutical companies peddling their wares.

It beats stewing in your own mind and miseries.  Life isn't meant to be spent waiting to die - those that are waiting are truly worthy of compassion and pity because they're in hospice or are at the end of their lives.  If one is in relatively acceptable health (physical and mental), sitting around waiting to die is a disgrace.

I don't meant to be overly harsh, but for some, prozac and support groups help them cope with the miseries of life.  For others, there are other methods.  But everyone has to find some method.  While you still draw breath, there's hope.

/sorry, touchy subject for me right now

TastyEloi: The comment thread in the article is interesting--there are a lot of people who go on and on about how desperately lonely they are and then they mention their spouse or girlfriend or boyfriend.

Honestly, if you you've been able to find someone who's attracted enough to want to either date or marry you, how lonely can you really be? They sound like people who complain about living paycheck to paycheck, and don't have any money--and then you find out they make 70 grand a year.

I think there are a lot of people out there who have never spent much time truly alone.

I think they think they feel lonely when, in fact, they are depressed.

If one is in relatively acceptable health (physical and mental), sitting around waiting to die is a disgrace.

I understand your stance, to a certain degree - however one might perceive your harshness as reinforcement of already lowered sense of self evaluation. Please understand I know what you're saying as - yes - life could be much worse, physically... but the mind tends to steer the ship so to speak... and regardless of capability, if you are enveloped in low self esteem, the body seems a distant second on occasion.

I know it appears as self-pity to most (and what the hell do I know - maybe it is) - I really don't have a concessionary summary to this p-host but am physically capable enough I guess, but wake every morning wondering how I can steady the barrel of a gun to make sure I get things done in one shot.

gnosis301: CSB: one time I noticed I went a week without uttering a single word to anyone. Never again.

My record is sometime between six months and one year. I stopped noticing/counting after six months. And I know it was less than a year because I spoke to my mother for my birthday. Right now it's been about its been about a week but that is because my bored neighbor came and bugged me about some movie he had seen on Youtube...or at least that is what he claimed. I think he was wondering it I was dead and could get all my stuff :-) Thanks to the wonders of the internet, I rarely speak--as in terms of actual physical talking--to anyone anymore.

Not every person who is physically alone feels alone in an emotional sense. I love being emotionally alone, personally. It is interacting with people that is so damn depressing.

lostcat: I actually had a very similar experience to the one the author describes in the first few paragraphs when I moved from San Francisco to Appleton, Wisconsin. I spent just over a year there and couldn't really connect with anyone.

Even though I had a fantastic place to live, and a good job that only took up half my week, I started having trouble sleeping and started feeling more and more detached from everything. I met a bunch of people, but nothing really clicked. Eventually I wound up moving back to the Bay Area.

This.

I moved from Denver to Wichita, KS a little over four years ago.  I've hung out with a few people, tried to meet similar people at the gym, social events, even through Meetup.com, but I simply cannot find people I click with. It was one hell of a discovery when one day I realized - not only had I made no real friends in four years (other than my GF), but that finding friends (and by implication, the fun/fulfilling activities done with friends) seemed unimportant.

I'm going to guess my theory of people in Wichita, Kansas holds true for those in Appleton, Wisconsin, as well - they're either working towards a comfortably mediocre life of mortgages and backyard grilling, or they are actually talented and are leaving for a city with true offerings and potential.

/finally getting my exit strategy together
//L.A., S.F. or N.Y., depending upon the C/B of moving my business
///fark WichitaaaAAAAAAAAAAGH

lostcat: I actually had a very similar experience to the one the author describes in the first few paragraphs when I moved from San Francisco to Appleton, Wisconsin. I spent just over a year there and couldn't really connect with anyone.

Even though I had a fantastic place to live, and a good job that only took up half my week, I started having trouble sleeping and started feeling more and more detached from everything. I met a bunch of people, but nothing really clicked. Eventually I wound up moving back to the Bay Area.

They call that 'winter'.

/seriously tho i understand loneliness and wouldn't wish it on anyone

Inevitable consequences of the structure of this modern world. The human animal wasn't meant to live this way. Too many things that separate us and too few that bring us together.

I misread that as "lioness". I was impressed, although I think a lioness could kill twice as many obese people as non-obese people. Probably.

Seems more Obvious than Unlikely.

There is a reason that isolation(jail?), public shaming, shunning and exile have been used as punishments throughout human history.

aerojockey: Extravert problems.

Yep. Look at the premise in the article: "I knew I needed to connect to people to feel better..."

Never felt that way in my life.

Carth: TastyEloi: WhyteRaven74: TastyEloi: Honestly, if you you've been able to find someone who's attracted enough to want to either date or marry you, how lonely can you really be?

Having one person around doesn't necessarily prevent loneliness. What's more who knows what their relationships with their spouses or significant others are like

If your relationship with a significant other is so bad you really feel lonely, then you have other problems worse than feeling lonely. There are a great many people in the world who have never had another person validate their self-worth by wanting to date them, much less marry them.

Not having many friends or family may lead to loneliness, but not having many friends or family in addition to a significant other is a magnitudes worse experience.

You can be surrounded by friends, family a loving spouse and still feel lonely. Loneliness isn't about other people it is often about your own perceptions of your relationships.

If that's the case, then exacly what would it take for such a person to not feel lonely? I mean, how many people who you care about and care about you, whose company you enjoy, does it take to not feel lonely? I can't help but think that if someone is really surrounded by loving friends and family and a spouse, and still claims to be lonely, there must be some other need that has to be addressed.

I shouldn't have opened this thread.

The World Economic Forum and WHO both estimate that mental illness will cost the global economy $16.3 trillion from 2011-2030, and as of 2012 depression alone accounted for 11% of "disability years" claimed. Cardiovascular illness is only estimated at$15.8 trillion while cancer is in the \$8-9 trillion range. Overeating, alcoholism, and other forms of substance abuse, are strongly linked to depression, anxiety and mental illness. Plus, individuals with mental illness (especially depression and anxiety) are 40-60% more likely to die prematurely.

What came first: the chicken or the egg? It doesn't matter. As long as society continues to laugh off mental health issues (suffered by ~1 in 5 people) we won't see a resolution to the issue. Estimates show that even in the OECD nations, 35-50% of individuals with mental health problems do not seek or cannot access treatment for their illness. This figure rises to 75-85% in the developing world. Isolation, loneliness and illness are inextricably linked, but so long as glib attitudes remain, people will continue to die.

But what if you find people annoying? That is stressful.

TastyEloi: Carth: TastyEloi: WhyteRaven74: TastyEloi: Honestly, if you you've been able to find someone who's attracted enough to want to either date or marry you, how lonely can you really be?

Having one person around doesn't necessarily prevent loneliness. What's more who knows what their relationships with their spouses or significant others are like

If your relationship with a significant other is so bad you really feel lonely, then you have other problems worse than feeling lonely. There are a great many people in the world who have never had another person validate their self-worth by wanting to date them, much less marry them.

Not having many friends or family may lead to loneliness, but not having many friends or family in addition to a significant other is a magnitudes worse experience.

You can be surrounded by friends, family a loving spouse and still feel lonely. Loneliness isn't about other people it is often about your own perceptions of your relationships.

If that's the case, then exacly what would it take for such a person to not feel lonely? I mean, how many people who you care about and care about you, whose company you enjoy, does it take to not feel lonely? I can't help but think that if someone is really surrounded by loving friends and family and a spouse, and still claims to be lonely, there must be some other need that has to be addressed.

Maybe loneliness isn't best described as x (ones self) + 0; maybe it's best described as x + y, where y = a subjective number of connections below the number by which one feels socially engaged.

A poster above said they'd never felt they  needed the company of others. Others have said they feel lonely, yet they have an SO. Maybe, the more social the personality, the more connections are needed to not feel lonely.

Thank You Black Jesus!: I shouldn't have opened this thread.

But you did and have been stained.

It's too late for you.

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