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(Telegraph)   You have no idea what Hell is really like until you live next door to a parrot that is constantly whistling the Addams Family theme song   (telegraph.co.uk) divider line 77
    More: Strange  
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4526 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Aug 2013 at 1:22 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-08-23 11:42:20 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2013-08-24 12:48:37 AM  
 
2013-08-24 01:31:15 AM  
Prefer this parrot.

Parrot Caught Singing Let the Bodies Hit the Floor
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jGbtIdOZ-M
 
2013-08-24 01:31:32 AM  

Apos: And who got it? THIS GUY!


This one makes me smile
 
2013-08-24 01:32:51 AM  
Back in the 90's the LAPD was disciplined for making a bunch of gang members whistle the Andy Griffith theme while hand cuffed.Anybody else remember this?
 
2013-08-24 01:35:30 AM  
www.varminthunter.net
/though I'd probably not be bothered by the guy's parrot as much as everyone else's kids
//pellet rifles work on children, too
 
2013-08-24 01:37:34 AM  
In some places, they eat parrots.  If that parrot was near me, you'd have to pick out the buckshot when you ate it  ;)
 
2013-08-24 01:37:53 AM  
I would love to hear a parrot snap it's fingers
 
2013-08-24 01:38:16 AM  

Bathia_Mapes: Apos: And who got it? THIS GUY!

This one makes me smile


That cat is chill.
 
2013-08-24 01:40:25 AM  
could be worse, at least it not 'its a small world after all'
 
2013-08-24 01:44:54 AM  
Never let your parrot hear anything you don't want to hear repeated for the next 20-80 years or so.

When they say council in the article is that like low income/assisted rent apartments?  I'm having a hard time believing its actual houses.  African Greys can be loud when shrieking, but their whistling, singing and talking are usually at a medium to low level.
 
2013-08-24 01:46:41 AM  
 In New Zealand these birds are native and found in the wild. Especially after the earthquake, escaped pet birds made their way to wild populations and thrived. They then passed on words they learned. The wild birds adopted this and repeat these new words, especially in context of seeing humans.

 The upshot? there are now a couple places in new Zealand where the birds in certain areas now greet the sight of humans with certain, um, 'choice' words not at all appropriate for children, ringing through the forest canopy from all directions.
 This apparently worries bird specialists as it is altering natural wild behaviours. The rest of us just think its farking hilarious.
 
2013-08-24 01:46:57 AM  
Heh.  When I was a kid, a friend's family had cockatiels.  We could hear those bastards screeching from half a mile away when the cages were outside.
 
2013-08-24 01:47:44 AM  

Uchiha_Cycliste: I would love to hear a parrot snap it's fingers


One of our dogsitting clients has three parrots. They can eerily imitate some of the strangest noises.

/took us awhile to realize it was the bird, not the phone
//or the toaster
///or the alarm. . .
/the fart noises were straight up entertainment though, and they had good timing
 
2013-08-24 01:50:34 AM  

Bathia_Mapes: Apos: And who got it? THIS GUY!

This one makes me smile



I can see why. :)
 
2013-08-24 01:51:29 AM  
Actually, I do know what hell is.

entimg.msn.com

And it NEVER ENDS.  IT JUST GOES ON AND ON, MY FRIEND.
 
2013-08-24 01:51:52 AM  
No, I know.  My family got a parrot after I left for college and taught the thing to whistle Dixie.  They they roosted the parrot right next to my room when I came home for breaks, which would wake up and whistle Dixie at 6 AM.  It was probably the closest I ever came to mass murder.
 
2013-08-24 01:54:24 AM  
"Hell is other parrots."
-Jean Paul Cardinal
 
2013-08-24 01:58:26 AM  
So The Telegraph is another one of those papers with a website who doesn't realize that people who aren't local might visit the site once and a while and read the story.

So, what the devil is an "Asbo"?

Ah.  There.  Would it really have been so freaking hard to have put "Asbo (Anti-social behaviour order)" somewhere in the article?
 
2013-08-24 01:58:51 AM  
At one time I wanted a parrot.  I thought it would be cool.  Then I worked two different jobs where the owners' kept their pet parrots in the office.  After learning that they NEVER SHUT THE FARK UP, I was cured of any desire to have my own parrot.
 
2013-08-24 02:03:05 AM  

ciberido: So The Telegraph is another one of those papers with a website who doesn't realize that people who aren't local might visit the site once and a while and read the story.

So, what the devil is an "Asbo"?

Ah.  There.  Would it really have been so freaking hard to have put "Asbo (Anti-social behaviour order)" somewhere in the article?


I learned that term a long time ago.  It came in handy once when watching a British tv show a character said, "I'm pretty sure this violates my asbo", after killing someone (in self defense) and dumping his body.  I forget the name of the show (bunch of punks get super powers) but it basically sucked other than that one line.
 
2013-08-24 02:03:22 AM  

SpinStopper: In some places, they eat parrots.  If that parrot was near me, you'd have to pick out the buckshot when you ate it  ;)


Just don't buy the cookies.
upload.wikimedia.org
They're not made with all-natural ingredients, organically grown, with no preservatives.
 
2013-08-24 02:04:48 AM  
The family living in the house behind my brother have some sort of parrot (maybe an African grey) and when they put it out on their back porch it makes this screeching noise that sounds like someone is being murdered back there. You can hear that shiat in his house with the windows shut and the AC on. You can hear it in his garage which is pointed in the opposite direction from the other house. Its farking bullshiat is what it is.
 
2013-08-24 02:11:33 AM  

ciberido: So The Telegraph is another one of those papers with a website who doesn't realize that people who aren't local might visit the site once and a while and read the story.

So, what the devil is an "Asbo"?

Ah.  There.  Would it really have been so freaking hard to have put "Asbo (Anti-social behaviour order)" somewhere in the article?


 ASBO's are evil. They can pretty be used by local petty officials to write up whatever restrictions they want, without real judicial process (technically yes to a minor local degree, in practice no), yet violation of them is criminally punishable.
 Imagine giving the most annoying busybody in the neighborhood the ability to tell you how to live your life, and you go to jail if you don't follow it.
 Artists have even been enjoined from producing any artistic work, even for their own use, if something they made was deemed possibly offensive to someone. A garden gnome was the subject of one. Being sarcastic to one neighbors was another. Taking pictures of public buildings was yet another.

/I only know all this as I was personally threatened with an ASBO for wearing a sarcastic t-shirt. Yes, a t-shirt. Not even a lewd or offensive one.
//When I told them to fark off as I was not a citizen but only visiting their orwellian hellhole, they threatened to block my ability to enter the country again. They weren't a cop, so i just gave them more and more ridiculous names and laughed at them until they went away eventually.
 
2013-08-24 02:11:39 AM  
. . . so when they guy opens the freezer, the parrot walks out and offers the most gracious, abject apology for its behavior he has ever seen. Then it says, "And if you don't mind my asking, what exactly did the chicken do?"

ALSO

So Bob was leaving work one day, and about to head to the bar, when his buddy goes, "Hey man, isn't tonight your anniversary?" So Bob goes, oh shiat, I have to get her a present. His wife was always talking about how their house was too quiet with no pets, so he went down to the pet store to see what he could get. He asked the shopkeeper about getting a puppy, but he didn't want to spend $1000 on a cockapoobull. So he asks the shopkeeper about the ferrets, but then he realizes how much they stink. Then the shopkeeper goes, "Hey, why don't you take this parrot? Your wife will love him, he's specially trained." So Bob tries talking to it, but it doesn't make a peep. He asks the shopkeeper what the deal is, and the shopkeeper explains that it gives the best cunnilingus in the world. Sold!, says Bob.

Later that night, Bob shows his wife her present. She had some doubts about a loud squawking bird, until he explained what it could do. So they take it to the bedroom, she lays back, and . . . nothing. Crackers the Cunny Linguist just looks around and shrugs. So Bob calls the shopkeeper and absolutely biatches him out, demands his money back. The shopkeeper goes, "Wait, let me come over and see if I can fix it." Ten minutes later the shopkeeper shows up. He examines the bird. He looks at the wife. Then he turns back to the bird and goes, "Now watch carefully, Crackers, cause I'm only gonna show you how to do this one more time!"
 
2013-08-24 02:17:40 AM  
That one whistles and my cockatoo is afraid of potato chips. Why did I have to end up with a retarded bird?

/Yeah, I know: pets eventually take after their owners.
//I wanna be Gomez Addams when I grow up.
 
2013-08-24 02:19:54 AM  

JDJoeE: African Greys can be loud when shrieking, but their whistling, singing and talking are usually at a medium to low level.


Agree. I grew up with an African Grey. They are capable of being loud with their "gather the flock" sounds, but the talking and whistling really doesn't travel that far, especially with the windows closed. My mothers Macaw was capable of being loud. Thing sounded like Godzilla.
 
2013-08-24 02:20:03 AM  
Big deal.  Try working for a theater next to a bookstore that blasts Heart's "Crazy On You" 24/7.
 
2013-08-24 02:26:55 AM  

JDJoeE: When they say council in the article is that like low income/assisted rent apartments?  I'm having a hard time believing its actual houses.  African Greys can be loud when shrieking, but their whistling, singing and talking are usually at a medium to low level.



African Greys are fine, but I really prefer the Norwegian Blue.
 
2013-08-24 02:32:25 AM  

OgreMagi: At one time I wanted a parrot.  I thought it would be cool.  Then I worked two different jobs where the owners' kept their pet parrots in the office.  After learning that they NEVER SHUT THE FARK UP, I was cured of any desire to have my own parrot.


Parrot behavior varies great greatly by species and even within the species.
they are very much individuals.
I have a Sun Conure that is very quite even though the species is notoriously loud.
The problem is that you never really know until you get them home and they have a chance to develop a personality.
By and large, they are social animal and require daily real interaction.

We trained ours how to bite, He  will come rushing over in full attack mode and then very lightly kiss your finger or hand and then laugh. Then he eye balls you until you give him a seed or some other treat.
 
2013-08-24 02:34:22 AM  

OgreMagi: At one time I wanted a parrot.  I thought it would be cool.  Then I worked two different jobs where the owners' kept their pet parrots in the office.  After learning that they NEVER SHUT THE FARK UP, I was cured of any desire to have my own parrot.


This is not true. There are some quieter parrots. Green Cheek Conures, while capable of making loud noise, are generally quiet birds. The key is give them plenty of personal time.

www.mybirdhouse.com.au
 
2013-08-24 02:35:59 AM  

Bathia_Mapes: Apos: And who got it? THIS GUY!

This one makes me smile


Aww! My old lovebird used to taunt cats from the safety of his cage. He'd nip at their paws and whiskers if they got too close. Cheeky little guy.

Lovebirds make me smile. Never fails.

Wish I had videos of Val. Just memories, though.

/They'll do.
 
2013-08-24 02:39:38 AM  
Birds don't have vocal cords.
 
2013-08-24 02:40:31 AM  
img585.imageshack.us
 
2013-08-24 02:45:47 AM  
A neighbour noted down the parrot's every squawk for two months and now the council have fitted noise monitoring equipment in her home.

Know how I know that person literally has no life?
 
2013-08-24 02:47:45 AM  

Igor Jakovsky: The family living in the house behind my brother have some sort of parrot (maybe an African grey) and when they put it out on their back porch it makes this screeching noise that sounds like someone is being murdered back there. You can hear that shiat in his house with the windows shut and the AC on. You can hear it in his garage which is pointed in the opposite direction from the other house. Its farking bullshiat is what it is.


That's probably a macaw. When the sun starts to set they crank out the screaming at a volume that goes all the way up to 11.
 
2013-08-24 02:57:39 AM  

W.C.fields forever: Back in the 90's the LAPD was disciplined for making a bunch of gang members whistle the Andy Griffith theme while hand cuffed.Anybody else remember this?


I don't remember that, but those cops should have been given medals for something so original, and epic.

Punishment level: Andy Griffith
 
2013-08-24 03:05:47 AM  
If I ever own a parrot the first thing I will do is teach it to say "Help, I've been turned into a parrot."
 
2013-08-24 03:07:38 AM  

OgreMagi: ciberido: So The Telegraph is another one of those papers with a website who doesn't realize that people who aren't local might visit the site once and a while and read the story.

So, what the devil is an "Asbo"?

Ah.  There.  Would it really have been so freaking hard to have put "Asbo (Anti-social behaviour order)" somewhere in the article?

I learned that term a long time ago.  It came in handy once when watching a British tv show a character said, "I'm pretty sure this violates my asbo", after killing someone (in self defense) and dumping his body.  I forget the name of the show (bunch of punks get super powers) but it basically sucked other than that one line.


MISFITS. Great first/second season, downhill from there.
 
2013-08-24 03:17:13 AM  
My first day in Hell is drawing to a close. They don't really have a sunset here, but the fires seem to dim a bit, and the screaming gets more subdued. Most of the demons are asleep now, their pointy tails curled up around them. They look so innocent, it's hard to believe that just a few hours ago they were raping and torturing us.
The day started off at a party at the Chelsea Hotel, where some friends were daring me to do something. The next thing I knew, I was in Hell. At first, it seemed like a dream, but then I remembered that five-Martini dreams are usually a lot worse.
There's a kind of customs station when you arrive here, where a skeleton in a black robe checks a big book to make sure your name's there. And as he slowly scans the pages with his bony finger you can't help thinking, Why does a skeleton need a robe? Especially since it's so hot. That's the first thing you notice about Hell, how hot it is. I know it's a cliché, but it's true. Fortunately, it's a steamy, sulfury kind of hot. Like a spa or something.
You might think that people in Hell are all nude. But that's a myth. You wear what you were last wearing on earth. For instance, I am dressed like the German U-boat captain in the movie "Das Boot," because that's what I wore to the party. It's an easy costume, because all you really need is the hat. The bad part is, people are always asking you who you are, even in Hell. Come on! "Das Boot"!
The food here turns out to be surprisingly good. The trouble is, just about all of it is poisoned. So a few minutes after you finish eating you're doubled over in agony. The weird thing is, as soon as you recover you're ready to dig in all over again.
Despite the tasty food and warm weather, there's a dark side to Hell. For one thing, it's totally disorganized. That anything gets done down here is a miracle. You'll be herded along in one big line, then it'll separate into three lines, then the lines will all come back together again! For no apparent reason! It's crazy. You try to ask a demon a question, but he just looks at you. I don't mean to sound prejudiced, but you wonder if they even speak English.
To relieve the boredom, you can throw rocks at other people in line. They just think it was a demon. But I discovered the hard way that the demons don't like it when they're beating someone and you join in.
It's odd, but Hell can be a lonely place, even with so many people around. They all seem caught up in their own little worlds, running to and fro, wailing and tearing at their hair. You try to make conversation, but you can tell they're not listening.

A malaise set in within a couple hours of my arriving. I thought getting a job might help. It turns out I have a lot of relatives in Hell, and, using connections, I became the assistant to a demon who pulls people's teeth out. It wasn't actually a job, more of an internship. But I was eager. And at first it was kind of interesting. After a while, though, you start asking yourself: Is this what I came to Hell for, to hand different kinds of pliers to a demon? I started wondering if I should even have come to Hell at all. Maybe I should have lived my life differently, and gone to Heaven instead.I decided I had to get away-the endless lines, the senseless whipping, the forced sing-alongs. You get tired of trying to explain that you've already been branded, or that something that big won't fit in your ear, even with a hammer. I wandered off. I needed some me time. I came to a cave and went inside. Maybe I would find a place to meditate, or some gold nuggets.
That's when it happened, one of those moments which could only happen in Hell. I saw Satan. Some people have been in Hell for hundreds of years and have never seen Satan, but there he was: he was shorter than I thought he'd be, but he looked pretty good. He was standing on a big rock with his reading glasses on. I think he was practicing a speech. "Hey, Satan," I yelled out, "how's it going?" I was immediately set upon by demons. I can't begin to describe the tortures they inflicted on me, because apparently they are trade secrets. Suffice it to say that, even as you endure all the pain, you find yourself thinking, Wow, how did they think of that?
My stitches are a little itchy, but at least the demons sewed most of my parts back on. More important, my faith in Hell as an exciting place where anything can happen has been restored.
I had better get some rest. They say the bees will be out soon and that it's hard to sleep with the constant stinging. I lost my internship, but I was told I can reapply in a hundred years. Meanwhile, I've been assigned to a construction crew. Tomorrow we're supposed to build a huge monolith, then take picks and shovels and tear it down, then beat each other to death. It sounds pointless to me, but what do I know. I'm new here.
 
2013-08-24 03:38:53 AM  

Gordon Bennett: If I ever own a parrot the first thing I will do is teach it to say "Help, I've been turned into a parrot."


"Here, kitty kitty kitty."
 
2013-08-24 03:43:23 AM  
Two of my neighbors have cockatiels.  I want to kill and feed both to my cats.  Or let my cats do the job.  Noisy farkers.  Can't imagine living in the same house with one;  each is at least a half mile away and capable of emitting enough dB to wake the dead.  Why would anyone want something like this for a pet?
 
2013-08-24 03:45:05 AM  
Because hell ... hell is for hell .. hell is for Parrots.
/Pat Benatar disapproves
 
2013-08-24 03:45:24 AM  

Gordon Bennett: If I ever own a parrot the first thing I will do is teach it to say "Help, I've been turned into a parrot."


We had a parakeet that my dad taught to say, clearly, "Reeeediculous, birds can't talk." Mort (the bird) would also call our springer spaniel by name until the dog would go into a frenzy of barking and spinning beneath Mort's hanging cage.

Good times . . .
 
2013-08-24 03:57:58 AM  

R. Paulson: OgreMagi: ciberido: So The Telegraph is another one of those papers with a website who doesn't realize that people who aren't local might visit the site once and a while and read the story.

So, what the devil is an "Asbo"?

Ah.  There.  Would it really have been so freaking hard to have put "Asbo (Anti-social behaviour order)" somewhere in the article?

I learned that term a long time ago.  It came in handy once when watching a British tv show a character said, "I'm pretty sure this violates my asbo", after killing someone (in self defense) and dumping his body.  I forget the name of the show (bunch of punks get super powers) but it basically sucked other than that one line.

MISFITS. Great first/second season, downhill from there.


That's it, though I disagree about it being a great first season.  I got through about three episodes when I realized that I hated every single one of the characters and wanted to see them all die painfully gruesome deaths.
 
2013-08-24 05:22:06 AM  
Keep the ball!  I have a whole bucket full!
 
2013-08-24 05:31:18 AM  

goddamndroogs!: Actually, I do know what hell is.

[entimg.msn.com image 125x150]

And it NEVER ENDS.  IT JUST GOES ON AND ON, MY FRIEND.


Somebody started singing it not knowing what it was.
 
2013-08-24 06:46:57 AM  

AgentPothead: A neighbour noted down the parrot's every squawk for two months and now the council have fitted noise monitoring equipment in her home.

Know how I know that person literally has no life?


The parrot owner isn't being reasonable by just brushing off complaints and if this has been going on for two years, that's too much. Sometimes you have to document this stuff to move things forward. And for heaven's sake he's just documenting it, not writing War and Peace! Just jot a note down somewhere, how is that not having a life?
 
GBB
2013-08-24 07:26:25 AM  

Lee Jackson Beauregard: Gordon Bennett: If I ever own a parrot the first thing I will do is teach it to say "Help, I've been turned into a parrot."

"Here, kitty kitty kitty."


"Jesus is watching you."
 
2013-08-24 07:32:32 AM  
Knew a guy with a parrot who played World of Warcraft.

The parrot started mimicking his character from the game "Not enough rage".

So even after he quit playing... he still has to hear it.
 
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