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(WMCTV)   "Satan couldn't be everywhere, so he created liquor stores, nightclubs and beer joints"   (wmctv.com) divider line 135
    More: Obvious, Satans, Mid South, Valley Drive around, Memphis Police Department, joints, WMC-TV, society, Dollywood  
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4674 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Aug 2013 at 4:42 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



135 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-08-21 02:44:22 PM
Thank you, Satan.
 
2013-08-21 02:50:33 PM
Praise be to Satan!
 
2013-08-21 02:56:02 PM
He also built my hotrod.
 
2013-08-21 02:57:51 PM
That Satan guy makes me think that not all Christians are bad after all.
 
2013-08-21 02:58:26 PM
i105.photobucket.com
 
2013-08-21 02:58:44 PM
Thank God!
 
2013-08-21 03:05:22 PM
And Slim Whitman records
 
2013-08-21 03:19:04 PM
He also played hockey in the late 90s-early2000s. He was kind of busy then.
 
2013-08-21 03:19:05 PM

jasonvatch: Thank you, Satan.


Gecko Gingrich: Praise be to Satan!


I was going to go with "Hail Satan" but those will do nicely.

/Do wish we had more pubs as opposed to beer joints...
 
2013-08-21 03:19:40 PM

dickfreckle: He also built my hotrod.



Did you ding a ding dang your dang a long ling long?
 
2013-08-21 03:28:43 PM
img1.imagesbn.com

/Obscure?
 
2013-08-21 03:31:02 PM
I just read the article, and you know what?  I think I learned something today...
 
2013-08-21 03:39:10 PM
There was an Australian comedian I saw one night on HBO. Yes, I'd had a few by then. He talked of the fight between God and the Devil. And he said 'really, if I were the devil, and I was the worst of the worst and I was trying to get everyone to totally do bad and be sent to hell, would I really want my followers to suffer? No. I'd want to reward them. With hookers. And blow. And beer. And good times for everyone. Yeah, nice job on giving God the finger. He doesn't want you. Come on in.'

Something like that. Anyways, awesome take on the devil. Made me a fan.
 
2013-08-21 03:42:01 PM
I'm beginning to think this Satan guy is getting a bad rap.
 
2013-08-21 04:06:26 PM
Last I knew Satan was playing hockey back in Slovakia.
 
2013-08-21 04:11:51 PM

meat0918: Last I knew Satan was playing hockey back in Slovakia.


I don't know about that, but some IT guy had fun with the raw URL at Yahoo! Sports...

http://sports.yahoo.com/nhl/players/666
 
2013-08-21 04:12:14 PM
i105.photobucket.com
 
2013-08-21 04:15:00 PM

impaler: I'm beginning to think this Satan guy is getting a bad rap.


In Keith Laumer's short "The Devil You Don't", Lucifer comes to Earth looking for help from a physics professor because extra-dimension imps had invaded Hell, causing an upset to the laws of chance.

--------------------------

'"Everything has been going to Hell," Lucifer said gloomily. "What I mean to say is," he said, making an effort to straighten up and focus properly, "that everything that can go wrong, does go wrong."'

"That would appear to be contrary to the statistics of causality," Dimpleby said carefully.

"That's it, Professor! They're upsetting the laws of chance! Now, in the old days, when a pair of our lads stepped outside for a little hearty sword-fighting between drinks, one would be a little drunker than the other, and he'd soon be out of it for the day, while the other chap reeled back inside to continue the party. Now, they each accidentally knee each other in the groin and they both lie around groaning until sundown, which upsets everybody. The same for the lute players and lovers: the strings break just at the most climactic passage, or they accidentally pick a patch of poison ivy for their tryst, or possibly just a touch of diarrhea at the wrong moment, but you can imagine what it's doing to morale."''

--------------------------

Sounds like Hell is normally a fun place.
 
2013-08-21 04:33:29 PM
If you're advertising for a religion, you're doing it wrong.

Unless that religion is Satanism, then I suppose you can carry on.
 
2013-08-21 04:46:20 PM
"I am not confident in my ability to control my impulses or to positively influence my community, so I'm gonna blame the devil for everything!"
 
2013-08-21 04:46:57 PM
upload.wikimedia.org
 
2013-08-21 04:47:01 PM
Nothing exists without God's consent.

Right?
 
2013-08-21 04:47:32 PM

impaler: I'm beginning to think this Satan guy is getting a bad rap.


I'm tending to agree here
 
2013-08-21 04:47:48 PM
That sounds remarkably like something Larry Fishburne said in Boyz in the Hood, though replace Satan with white people (which is pretty much the same thing).

www.kcrw.com
 
2013-08-21 04:47:51 PM
I thought the bible was pretty clear that satan can't "make" anything?

These signs are tricks!

"He just kept saying Dyersburg needs to be taught a lesson," said Marsh who said the caller hung up on him.

The lesson is some christians are self-righteous douchebags?
 
2013-08-21 04:48:02 PM
#1 in Customer Service: Satan!
 
2013-08-21 04:49:45 PM
Something tells me the sign maker's wife got drunk and boned the neighbor.
 
2013-08-21 04:50:22 PM
 Wanted for questioning:


wp.patheos.com.s3.amazonaws.com
 
2013-08-21 04:50:26 PM
Beer joint?  Who says that?  It's a brew pub.
 
2013-08-21 04:51:20 PM
Don't forget his minons in the GOP
 
2013-08-21 04:51:43 PM
You see. There's a little bit of good in anyone.

Hail Satan [BURP]!
 
2013-08-21 04:52:05 PM
And dinosaur bones, don't forget those!
 
2013-08-21 04:52:11 PM
"Satan couldn't be everywhere, so he created liquor stores, nightclubs and beer joints"

Subby forgot the bestus...Devil Weed. :)
 
2013-08-21 04:52:26 PM
If Satan is responsible for all that then the least he could do is pay a round once in a while.
 
2013-08-21 04:52:32 PM
Small town news is just the greatest. I'm glad that "The Investigators" are on the case, working hard to find out the truth.
 
2013-08-21 04:52:49 PM
He created church *first*

For the suckers
 
2013-08-21 04:53:22 PM
Satan, the savior of the human race, by giving access to knowledge, as was told in the fictional book the Bible.

/I bring you knowledge as that dumbf*ck God over there is jerking off to your nakedness 24/7.
//And don't even ask what happens while you sleep so soundly at night.
///Atheists also brought knowledge via the Internet and computers. To bad that Facebook creator breeds retards.
 
2013-08-21 04:54:06 PM
i3.ytimg.com
Eye... Warship... Satin?

/"Excrement!"
 
2013-08-21 04:54:10 PM
Hail Satin
 
2013-08-21 04:55:03 PM
upload.wikimedia.org
"I hate it when those nitwits confuse me with Satan."

On another note, it's pretty difficult to find an image of Bacchus that doesn't have naked chicks or Bacchus dick. God of Tits and Wine indeed.
 
2013-08-21 04:55:16 PM
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com
 
2013-08-21 04:55:21 PM

LeroyBourne: Beer joint?  Who says that?  It's a brew pub.


Technically, beer joints(or bars, saloons, etc.) sell other breweries' beer.
Brew pubs brew on premises and sell their own beer, and possibly other craft beer, depending upon state alcohol laws.
\TMYK.
 
2013-08-21 04:57:14 PM
If Christ's truth is offensive to you, perhaps you need to rethink your life.
 
2013-08-21 04:57:22 PM

LeroyBourne: Beer joint?  Who says that?  It's a brew pub.


When I was a kid in East Tennessee, I lived in a damp county. No liquor/wine stores outside the city of Oak Ridge, no beer sold in groceries, but there was a local beer joint. A cinderblock roadhouse with neon Bud signs in the window. Nobody went there but drunks. The attitude toward alcohol was you were a teetotaller, or a drunk. Nothing in between.
 
2013-08-21 04:58:14 PM

talkertopc: If Satan is responsible for all that then the least he could do is pay a round once in a while.


He buys the last round. The one you should have skipped.

Usually well Tequila...
 
2013-08-21 04:58:30 PM

FunkOut: "I hate it when those nitwits confuse me with Satan."

On another note, it's pretty difficult to find an image of Bacchus that doesn't have naked chicks or Bacchus dick. God of Tits and Wine indeed.


Has the Orgy pit been scraped and oiled as to my specifications?
 
2013-08-21 04:58:53 PM
I thank Satan every day for gay porn as I spill my seed on the rug under the computer desk.
 
2013-08-21 04:59:19 PM
Omg I LOVE Satan and liquor stores and nightclubs AND beer joints!!! Where do I sign up? Is there a waiting list?
 
2013-08-21 04:59:58 PM

Matthew Keene: I thank Satan every day for gay porn as I spill my seed on the rug under the computer desk.


Ew. Ever heard of Kleenex, for cryi?
 
2013-08-21 05:00:04 PM

UberDave: jasonvatch: Thank you, Satan.

Gecko Gingrich: Praise be to Satan!

I was going to go with "Hail Satan" but those will do nicely.

/Do wish we had more pubs as opposed to beer joints...


So will this:
kimkiminy.com
 
2013-08-21 05:00:06 PM
Remember when Jesus drank wine at the last supper with all his friends (and at least one frenemy) and encouraging this followers to do the same in his name for all time. Good times, good times.
 
2013-08-21 05:00:06 PM

Rev. Skarekroe: If Christ's truth is offensive to you, perhaps you need to rethink your life.


Satan was Christ's lawyer. He's just drumming up business.
 
2013-08-21 05:00:13 PM
The guy they interviewed for this is Stan Marsh?

Isn't he a little young to be drinking?

/not obscure at all
//a little surprised I'm the first to mention it
 
2013-08-21 05:00:29 PM

Oldiron_79: FunkOut: "I hate it when those nitwits confuse me with Satan."

On another note, it's pretty difficult to find an image of Bacchus that doesn't have naked chicks or Bacchus dick. God of Tits and Wine indeed.

Has the Orgy pit been scraped and oiled as to my specifications?


You really love that orgy pit. But who doesn't? Well, aside from the janitor.
 
2013-08-21 05:00:46 PM

mediablitz: talkertopc: If Satan is responsible for all that then the least he could do is pay a round once in a while.

He buys the last round. The one you should have skipped.

Usually well Tequila...


Or Jäger
 
2013-08-21 05:01:17 PM
Hail Satan!

/chug, chug, chug
 
2013-08-21 05:02:04 PM

Oldiron_79: mediablitz: talkertopc: If Satan is responsible for all that then the least he could do is pay a round once in a while.

He buys the last round. The one you should have skipped.

Usually well Tequila...

Or Jäger


"Buttery Nipples for everyone!!!"
 
2013-08-21 05:02:35 PM
So who is worse, a God who creates a species with the intent of giving them the desire to do things that are against the rules he spelled out, rules that if broken will fark them up for eternity or the dude who says, "Hey, this guy gave you these predilections that he's just waiting for you to succumb to and he's really just farking with you". Who would you believe?
 
2013-08-21 05:02:53 PM

LeroyBourne: Beer joint?  Who says that?  It's a brew pub.


A beer joint is when you use a beer bottle's label as a rolling paper.
 
2013-08-21 05:03:08 PM
...subby's mom.
 
2013-08-21 05:03:43 PM

Metaluna Mutant: Remember when Jesus drank wine at the last supper with all his friends (and at least one frenemy) and encouraging this followers to do the same in his name for all time. Good times, good times.


Fundagelicals claim that the "wine" that Jesus drank was non-alcoholic. For serious.
 
2013-08-21 05:04:01 PM

mbillips: LeroyBourne: Beer joint?  Who says that?  It's a brew pub.

When I was a kid in East Tennessee, I lived in a damp county. No liquor/wine stores outside the city of Oak Ridge, no beer sold in groceries, but there was a local beer joint. A cinderblock roadhouse with neon Bud signs in the window. Nobody went there but drunks. The attitude toward alcohol was you were a teetotaller, or a drunk. Nothing in between.


So calling a bar a beer joint a Tennessee thing?  I've never heard the term.  And that cinder block roadhouse sounds like a wonderful place, the kind of place where you can spit on the floor and no one gives a damn.
 
2013-08-21 05:04:35 PM
There is no Satan or God. These people are really getting themselves worked up over something that doesn't exist.
 
2013-08-21 05:05:52 PM

LeroyBourne: mbillips: LeroyBourne: Beer joint?  Who says that?  It's a brew pub.

When I was a kid in East Tennessee, I lived in a damp county. No liquor/wine stores outside the city of Oak Ridge, no beer sold in groceries, but there was a local beer joint. A cinderblock roadhouse with neon Bud signs in the window. Nobody went there but drunks. The attitude toward alcohol was you were a teetotaller, or a drunk. Nothing in between.

So calling a bar a beer joint a Tennessee thing?  I've never heard the term.  And that cinder block roadhouse sounds like a wonderful place, the kind of place where you can spit on the floor and no one gives a damn.


Technically, a beer joint can't legally serve anything harder than beer. A bar serves wine and liquor as well. Beer joints were quite prevalent in the Quixotic mix of local liquor laws in Appalachia.
 
2013-08-21 05:06:16 PM

cheezitmojo: The guy they interviewed for this is Stan Marsh?

Isn't he a little young to be drinking?

/not obscure at all
//a little surprised I'm the first to mention it



03:31:02 PM
 
2013-08-21 05:06:34 PM
 
2013-08-21 05:06:38 PM

LeroyBourne: mbillips: LeroyBourne: Beer joint?  Who says that?  It's a brew pub.

When I was a kid in East Tennessee, I lived in a damp county. No liquor/wine stores outside the city of Oak Ridge, no beer sold in groceries, but there was a local beer joint. A cinderblock roadhouse with neon Bud signs in the window. Nobody went there but drunks. The attitude toward alcohol was you were a teetotaller, or a drunk. Nothing in between.

So calling a bar a beer joint a Tennessee thing?  I've never heard the term.  And that cinder block roadhouse sounds like a wonderful place, the kind of place where you can spit on the floor and no one gives a damn.


Well a beer only bar(usually in a dry county with no hard liquor) is often called a beer joint. Im in a very wet county so Ive never had to frequent a beer joint, I get to go to a proper bar.
 
2013-08-21 05:06:39 PM
Satan couldn't be everywhere so he created liquor stores, nightclubs, and beer, and joints

a misplaced and can do wonders for a sentence.
 
2013-08-21 05:06:55 PM

LeroyBourne: mbillips: LeroyBourne: Beer joint?  Who says that?  It's a brew pub.

When I was a kid in East Tennessee, I lived in a damp county. No liquor/wine stores outside the city of Oak Ridge, no beer sold in groceries, but there was a local beer joint. A cinderblock roadhouse with neon Bud signs in the window. Nobody went there but drunks. The attitude toward alcohol was you were a teetotaller, or a drunk. Nothing in between.

So calling a bar a beer joint a Tennessee thing?  I've never heard the term.  And that cinder block roadhouse sounds like a wonderful place, the kind of place where you can spit on the floor and no one gives a damn.


Well, it's wonderful until you spit on some hillbilly's shoe, and he splits your head open. Mountain men plus alcohol = danger.
 
2013-08-21 05:07:32 PM
"Satan couldn't be everywhere, so he created liquor stores, nightclubs and beer joints"

Satan: Everywhere you want him to be! More locations to serve you!
 
2013-08-21 05:07:58 PM
He is a busy guy
assets.sbnation.com
 
2013-08-21 05:08:15 PM

mediablitz: Something tells me the sign maker's wife got drunk and boned the neighbor.


Yeah... his wife... that was it.
 
2013-08-21 05:08:18 PM
knuckledraggin.com

Agrees.
 
2013-08-21 05:08:27 PM

FunkOut: Oldiron_79: FunkOut: "I hate it when those nitwits confuse me with Satan."

On another note, it's pretty difficult to find an image of Bacchus that doesn't have naked chicks or Bacchus dick. God of Tits and Wine indeed.

Has the Orgy pit been scraped and oiled as to my specifications?

You really love that orgy pit. But who doesn't? Well, aside from the janitor.


Yeah orgy pit scraper is probably the only job worse than adult store jizz mopper.
 
2013-08-21 05:09:29 PM

Brick-House: ...subby's mom.


sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net
 
2013-08-21 05:10:40 PM

Oldiron_79: FunkOut: Oldiron_79: FunkOut: "I hate it when those nitwits confuse me with Satan."

On another note, it's pretty difficult to find an image of Bacchus that doesn't have naked chicks or Bacchus dick. God of Tits and Wine indeed.

Has the Orgy pit been scraped and oiled as to my specifications?

You really love that orgy pit. But who doesn't? Well, aside from the janitor.

Yeah orgy pit scraper is probably the only job worse than adult store jizz mopper.


Assistant crack whore.
 
2013-08-21 05:11:13 PM
A wise man once wrote:

i43.tinypic.com

Meanwhile, you just know Satan did the graphic design on these signs.

i43.tinypic.com

I mean, four clashing typefaces on a single document? Come on, that's just evil.
 
2013-08-21 05:12:46 PM

mbillips: Oldiron_79: FunkOut: Oldiron_79: FunkOut: "I hate it when those nitwits confuse me with Satan."

On another note, it's pretty difficult to find an image of Bacchus that doesn't have naked chicks or Bacchus dick. God of Tits and Wine indeed.

Has the Orgy pit been scraped and oiled as to my specifications?

You really love that orgy pit. But who doesn't? Well, aside from the janitor.

Yeah orgy pit scraper is probably the only job worse than adult store jizz mopper.

Assistant crack whore.


Assistant adult store jizz mopper?
 
2013-08-21 05:13:25 PM
thank god!
 
2013-08-21 05:13:33 PM

mbillips: Ew. Ever heard of Kleenex, for cryi?


It's all okay. The cat usually licks it up of the rug.
 
2013-08-21 05:14:32 PM

Nadie_AZ: There was an Australian comedian I saw one night on HBO. Yes, I'd had a few by then. He talked of the fight between God and the Devil. And he said 'really, if I were the devil, and I was the worst of the worst and I was trying to get everyone to totally do bad and be sent to hell, would I really want my followers to suffer? No. I'd want to reward them. With hookers. And blow. And beer. And good times for everyone. Yeah, nice job on giving God the finger. He doesn't want you. Come on in.'

Something like that. Anyways, awesome take on the devil. Made me a fan.


I saw that too. Jim Jefferies. Up, gunta, up!
 
2013-08-21 05:15:32 PM
Satan's cool.

Satan's rad.

Thank you, Satan,

For being my Dad!
 
2013-08-21 05:18:56 PM

Uranus Is Huge!: Nothing exists without God's consent.

Right?


God created Satan, so I wouldn't take his word as law by any means. That's like voting congressman I. M. Faithful back into office after you saw a video of him balls deep in a Russian tranny hooker.
 
2013-08-21 05:19:06 PM
i105.photobucket.com
 
2013-08-21 05:24:14 PM
img.fark.net

So drink liquor instead of wine?
 
2013-08-21 05:24:57 PM
Busybody know-it-alls couldn't be everywhere to run all aspects of your life, so they created the Satan myth so as to frighten you into submitting to their will.
 
2013-08-21 05:26:38 PM

elffster: He created church *first*

For the suckers

and to identify his best customers
 
2013-08-21 05:40:02 PM

Canton: Meanwhile, you just know Satan did the graphic design on these signs.

[i43.tinypic.com image 640x360]

I mean, four clashing typefaces on a single document? Come on, that's just evil.


No, you wanna know evil? True evil?

The DMV.

Now, you might well say, "Oh, I already know the DMV is evil," but you do not truly grasp the depths of their evil.

About a month ago, I was at the DMV here in Roanoke (Va.) and noticed this:

farm8.staticflickr.com

That blur is an overhead fan. That mesh grate behind it is the screen protecting a speaker for the music being piped in.

You'll notice that the fan's blades "cover" the speaker, so that the net effect is audio with a constant, annoying pulsing.

And every single speaker was this way, mounted behind a fan's whirling blades.
Now that is evil.
 
2013-08-21 05:41:30 PM

Oldiron_79: mbillips: Oldiron_79: FunkOut: Oldiron_79: FunkOut: "I hate it when those nitwits confuse me with Satan."

On another note, it's pretty difficult to find an image of Bacchus that doesn't have naked chicks or Bacchus dick. God of Tits and Wine indeed.

Has the Orgy pit been scraped and oiled as to my specifications?

You really love that orgy pit. But who doesn't? Well, aside from the janitor.

Yeah orgy pit scraper is probably the only job worse than adult store jizz mopper.

Assistant crack whore.

Assistant adult store jizz mopper?


The last fear factor contestants known to man?

ll-media.tmz.com
 
2013-08-21 05:43:44 PM
www.nhlsnipers.com

hail.
 
2013-08-21 05:45:05 PM

whatsupchuck: Busybody know-it-alls couldn't be everywhere to run all aspects of your life, so they created the Satan myth so as to frighten you into submitting to their will.


No, you're thinking of God.  Satan was invented by the Greeks as God's Gimp.
 
2013-08-21 05:47:13 PM

red5ish: There is no Satan or God. These people are really getting themselves worked up over something that doesn't exist.


That's just what Satan would have you believe!
 
2013-08-21 05:47:43 PM

blatz514: [encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com image 222x227]


Yes!
 
2013-08-21 05:49:02 PM
Residents were shocked by the phrases including "Satan Couldn't Be Everywhere" and "Boozers are Losers."

3.bp.blogspot.com

...and they'll steal the TV
 
2013-08-21 05:50:39 PM
i don't know about satan, but these religious types sure make me want to drink
 
2013-08-21 05:54:26 PM

ArcadianRefugee: Canton: Meanwhile, you just know Satan did the graphic design on these signs.

[i43.tinypic.com image 640x360]

I mean, four clashing typefaces on a single document? Come on, that's just evil.

No, you wanna know evil? True evil?

The DMV.

Now, you might well say, "Oh, I already know the DMV is evil," but you do not truly grasp the depths of their evil.

About a month ago, I was at the DMV here in Roanoke (Va.) and noticed this:

[farm8.staticflickr.com image 383x640]

That blur is an overhead fan. That mesh grate behind it is the screen protecting a speaker for the music being piped in.

You'll notice that the fan's blades "cover" the speaker, so that the net effect is audio with a constant, annoying pulsing.

And every single speaker was this way, mounted behind a fan's whirling blades.
Now that is evil.


Wow. That is truly evil. Tinny, pulsating elevator music. Clashing typefaces.

No wonder we drink...
 
2013-08-21 05:58:33 PM
I read that headline as "Santa couldn't be everywhere, so he created liquor stores, nightclubs and beer joints"
 
2013-08-21 06:03:08 PM
Go Fornicate Without a Partner: Oldiron_79: mbillips: Oldiron_79: FunkOut: Oldiron_79: FunkOut: "I hate it when those nitwits confuse me with Satan."

On another note, it's pretty difficult to find an image of Bacchus that doesn't have naked chicks or Bacchus dick. God of Tits and Wine indeed.

Has the Orgy pit been scraped and oiled as to my specifications?

You really love that orgy pit. But who doesn't? Well, aside from the janitor.

Yeah orgy pit scraper is probably the only job worse than adult store jizz mopper.

Assistant crack whore.

Assistant adult store jizz mopper?

The last fear factor contestants known to man?

[ll-media.tmz.com image 549x301]


I don't even want to ponder what they have them swallowing nowadays
 
2013-08-21 06:04:14 PM
I'm pretty sure Satan was in my underpants this morning when I woke up.
 
2013-08-21 06:10:37 PM

Kuroshin: whatsupchuck: Busybody know-it-alls couldn't be everywhere to run all aspects of your life, so they created the Satan myth so as to frighten you into submitting to their will.

No, you're thinking of God.  Satan was invented by the Greeks as God's Gimp.


Applies to both of them equally, I think.  The only difference between the two as far as I can see is that one of them is wrathful and destructive, and the other one is Satan.
 
2013-08-21 06:11:19 PM
Uranus Is Huge!: I'm pretty sure Satan was in my underpants this morning when I woke up.

Did you exorcise the demon from your underpants?
 
2013-08-21 06:12:44 PM
Satan is good.
Satan is our pal.
 
2013-08-21 06:14:32 PM
Satan, oscillate my metallic sonatas.
 
2013-08-21 06:21:36 PM

Oldiron_79: Uranus Is Huge!: I'm pretty sure Satan was in my underpants this morning when I woke up.

Did you exorcise the demon from your underpants?


I was not hasty in the 'laying on of hands' nor the 'anointing with oil.' Although I hesitate to claim any purity from the ritual.
 
2013-08-21 06:28:35 PM

Oldiron_79: Go Fornicate Without a Partner: Oldiron_79: mbillips: Oldiron_79: FunkOut: Oldiron_79: FunkOut: "I hate it when those nitwits confuse me with Satan."

On another note, it's pretty difficult to find an image of Bacchus that doesn't have naked chicks or Bacchus dick. God of Tits and Wine indeed.

Has the Orgy pit been scraped and oiled as to my specifications?

You really love that orgy pit. But who doesn't? Well, aside from the janitor.

Yeah orgy pit scraper is probably the only job worse than adult store jizz mopper.

Assistant crack whore.

Assistant adult store jizz mopper?

The last fear factor contestants known to man?

[ll-media.tmz.com image 549x301]

I don't even want to ponder what they have them swallowing nowadays


according to Joe Rogan, that was the last taping.  They cancelled the show after it came to light that they had contestants drinking mule-jizz
 
2013-08-21 06:39:31 PM
I always get confused by the folks opposed - on Biblical grounds - to consuming alcohol, for two reasons:

-One of Jesus' miracles was turning water into wine.
-During communion one drinks wine...unless you're Methodist.
 
2013-08-21 06:47:13 PM

Gecko Gingrich: I always get confused by the folks opposed - on Biblical grounds - to consuming alcohol, for two reasons:

-One of Jesus' miracles was turning water into wine.
-During communion one drinks wine...unless you're Methodist.


If you're Catholic, that's not wine, it's the actual factual literal blood of Jesus.  That's why there's no problem

I went through Communion and everything in 3rd grade or something, and somehow didn't learn what the transubstantiation was until I was 22.

//I got better.
 
2013-08-21 06:56:38 PM

meat0918: If you're Catholic, that's not wine, it's the actual factual literal blood of Jesus.  That's why there's no problem

I went through Communion and everything in 3rd grade or something, and somehow didn't learn what the transubstantiation was until I was 22.


When I was Catholic, that was something I could never quite wrap my head around.

Religion teacher: "And now it's the body and blood of Christ."
Me: "So it symbolizes the body and blood of Christ?"
Teacher: "No, it is the body and blood of Christ."
Me: "So we pretend it really is the body and blood of Christ."
Teacher: "No, we don't pretend."
Me: "I'm confused."
 
2013-08-21 06:57:59 PM

meat0918: If you're Catholic, that's not wine, it's the actual factual literal blood of Jesus. That's why there's no problem


Sure, but there are other Christian sects besides Catholicism.
 
2013-08-21 06:59:11 PM

impaler: meat0918: If you're Catholic, that's not wine, it's the actual factual literal blood of Jesus.  That's why there's no problem

I went through Communion and everything in 3rd grade or something, and somehow didn't learn what the transubstantiation was until I was 22.

When I was Catholic, that was something I could never quite wrap my head around.

Religion teacher: "And now it's the body and blood of Christ."
Me: "So it symbolizes the body and blood of Christ?"
Teacher: "No, it is the body and blood of Christ."
Me: "So we pretend it really is the body and blood of Christ."
Teacher: "No, we don't pretend."
Me: "I'm confused."


Yeah...I'm gonna need a diagram or something.
 
2013-08-21 07:00:10 PM

Gecko Gingrich: meat0918: If you're Catholic, that's not wine, it's the actual factual literal blood of Jesus. That's why there's no problem

Sure, but there are other Christian sects besides Catholicism.


Well, yeah, but most of them don't seem to consider Catholics as Christians.

It's all rather silly to me.

Mormon's ain't Christian though.  They're an interesting evolution of religion with it's roots in Christianity, but they're as Christian as a Christian is Jewish.
 
2013-08-21 07:02:52 PM

meat0918: Gecko Gingrich: I always get confused by the folks opposed - on Biblical grounds - to consuming alcohol, for two reasons:

-One of Jesus' miracles was turning water into wine.
-During communion one drinks wine...unless you're Methodist.

If you're Catholic, that's not wine, it's the actual factual literal blood of Jesus.  That's why there's no problem

I went through Communion and everything in 3rd grade or something, and somehow didn't learn what the transubstantiation was until I was 22.

//I got better.


Evangelicals, Baptists and Methodists tend to be the ones who object.  They do not drink wine at communion, they drink "the fruit of the vine", which is grape juice.  They also believe that belief in transubstantiation is blasphemy.  And finally, they argue that the "wine" Jesus made from water was non-alcoholic, and "wine" meant something completely different back in the day, kind of a diluted grape juice.  At least, that's what I was taught growing up.
 
2013-08-21 07:04:30 PM

Gecko Gingrich: I always get confused by the folks opposed - on Biblical grounds - to consuming alcohol, for two reasons:

-One of Jesus' miracles was turning water into wine.
-During communion one drinks wine...unless you're Methodist.


To add to your points...
If you read Genesis, it states that God created everything, including all the plants and animals, and he specifically created them so man can have dominion over all of them, and all was good.  So God must have created the ingredients necessary for beer, wine, vodka, etc., AND he must have created magic mushrooms, peyote, marijuana, etc.  If God is all knowing, then he surely must have known that Man would have turned them into alcohol or might have used said plants for drug purposes.  And if drug use is evil or bad, God is contradicting himself, because God is all-good.  So God can't be all knowing, let alone all-good.  In addition, if God is all-powerful, why can't God get rid of Satan for spreading such evil?  And if Satan is evil, how can God tolerate that?
Also in Genesis, Noah planted grapes and made wine.  God didn't smite Noah dead for making wine, so surely God must have allowed for wine to be used, for God is all good and doesn't tolerate bad things, let alone evil.  And God didn't smite Noah for getting pissed out of his mind, unconscious drunk, so getting drunk can't be that bad.  God also let Lot's daughters get him drunk so they could have sex with him.  So alcohol and drunkenness can't be that bad.
Given this, if we are to take the Bible literally and we are to assume that God is all good, all powerful, and all knowing, we get a massive contradiction.  Drugs and alcohol can't be bad or evil because God created everything, including plants that can be turned into drugs and alcohol; we cannot interpret the Bible literally, as we get contradictions; or God is not all powerful, all knowing, and all good.
Then again, logic doesn't work with some people.
 
2013-08-21 07:11:46 PM
Benevolent Misanthrope:
Evangelicals, Baptists and Methodists tend to be the ones who object.  They do not drink wine at communion, they drink "the fruit of the vine", which is grape juice.  They also believe that belief in transubstantiation is blasphemy.  And finally, they argue that the "wine" Jesus made from water was non-alcoholic, and "wine" meant something completely different back in the day, kind of a diluted grape juice.  At least, that's what I was taught growing up.
Which is laughable logic.  As stated above, back then, they knew what "wine" was and it sure as Hell wasn't diluted grape juice.  If Noah can make wine and get so drunk he gets unconscious, it's not grape juice.  And if Lot's daughters get him so drunk on wine that he's so passed out that they manage to have sex with him, it's not grape juice.
And the New Testament.  The Holy Land was under the rule of the Romans and they knew how to make alcoholic wine.  Hell, wine is probably the second oldest alcoholic drink; the first was most likely beer.  It's a whole lot of wishful thinking and ignorance of history to believe it was just grape juice.
 
2013-08-21 07:17:04 PM

eyeq360: It's a whole lot of wishful thinking and ignorance of history to believe it was just grape juice.


Man, theres a helluvalot more wishful thinking than that in Christianity.
 
2013-08-21 07:47:28 PM

Gecko Gingrich: I always get confused by the folks opposed - on Biblical grounds - to consuming alcohol, for two reasons:

-One of Jesus' miracles was turning water into wine.
-During communion one drinks wine...unless you're Methodist.


Not just them; Presbyterians used grape juice for that, at least when I attended church services (1980's)

/ haven't sipped that "Kool-Aid" for decades...
 
2013-08-21 07:55:13 PM

eyeq360: Also in Genesis, Noah planted grapes and made wine.  God didn't smite Noah dead for making wine, so surely God must have allowed for wine to be used, for God is all good and doesn't tolerate bad things, let alone evil.  And God didn't smite Noah for getting pissed out of his mind, unconscious drunk, so getting drunk can't be that bad.  God also let Lot's daughters get him drunk so they could have sex with him.  So alcohol and drunkenness can't be that bad.
Given this, if we are to take the Bible literally and we are to assume that God is all good, all powerful, and all knowing, we get a massive contradiction.  Drugs and alcohol can't be bad or evil because God created everything, including plants that can be turned into drugs and alcohol; we cannot interpret the Bible literally, as we get contradictions; or God is not all powerful, all knowing, and all good.
Then again, logic doesn't work with some people.


Well you could turn a stick into a deadly weapon, making sticks doesn't make God evil.

But yes I agree with the fact that it's extremely contradictory. I see more contradiction in the whole fate/God's plan/prayer moving mountains bit. If God has a plan, and it's He's all knowing, why do we pray for things? If God "puts desires in our hearts" to pray for, why do we not get things we desire and pray for? There either is a fate or there is not. It just seems silly and circular to me.
 
2013-08-21 07:58:25 PM
Out of my fear of Satan, I stay away from liquor stores and bars.

I keep safe in gay bath houses.
 
2013-08-21 08:32:55 PM
If God can be everywhere, why not Satan?

/ Or Zoidberg?
 
2013-08-21 08:33:33 PM
I wonder how people can badmouth things like the cardinal sins, when God(tm) has shown aspects of all of them.

Wrath: um the "wrath of God"? How is it magically no longer a sin just because some sky wizard does it?

Pride, gluttony, vanity and greed: how does one being need so many damned "houses"

Envy: "you shall have no other gods before me" jealous much?

Sloth: expects people to spread "his word" for him.

Lust: God is the ultimate voyeur, watching some man spill his seed upon the ground.

Mind you, this is God as taught by the church, so they can't exactly be trusted for fact checking, but if you're going to teach that these things are bad, make sure that the guy you're following isn't doing them.
 
2013-08-21 08:39:06 PM
To quote Voltaire:

God thinks all blacks are obsolete farm equipment
God thinks the Jews killed his son and must be punished
God thinks the white man is Satan
God, they know what God thinks

God thinks we should all convert to Judaism
God thinks we must all be Christians and
God thinks we should all embrace Islam
God thinks the only true religion is Hinduism

And I? I know what God thinks
God thinks you're a waste of flesh
God prefers an atheist
God God

God thinks all people like you are hateful
God thinks all people like you are an embarrassment to creation
Self-righteous, judgmental, first to throw a stone
and using His name for your own protection

God thinks the sun revolves around the Earth
God thinks there was something very wrong with Copernicus
God thinks abortion is murder and
God thinks everything that science gave us is wrong
God thinks women deserve it
God thinks AIDS is a form of punishment
I hate people who blame the Devil for their own shortcomings and
I hate people who thank God when things go right

And I? I know what God thinks
God thinks you're an idiot
God prefers a heretic
God God

God thinks all people like you are hateful
God thinks all people like you are an embarrassment to creation.
Self-righteous, judgmental, first to throw the stone,
and using His name for your own agenda

God is a liberal
God is a Democrat
God wants you to vote Republican
Never trust a man who puts his words in the mouth of God
and says it's absolute truth
It's lies and it smells like death
It's all in a day's work taking money from the poor
Why do you think that God would need your dirty money
if He wants to start a holy war?

Self-righteous, judgmental, first to throw a stone
and using His name for your own protection.

God thinks puppies need to die and
God thinks babies need to drown
'cause God is neither good nor bad
God is you and me
God is Everything


/disclaimer - ignostic, with a sense of humor
 
2013-08-21 08:41:38 PM
Ok.^

To quote Tool:


Deaf and blind and dumb and born to follow.
What you need is someone strong to guide you.
Deaf and blind and dumb and born to follow.
Let me lay my holy hand upon you.

My Gods will becomes me.
When he speaks out, he speaks through me.
He has needs like I do.
We both want to rape you.
 
2013-08-21 09:48:55 PM
Satan also helped strengthen devotion to Jehovah, via Job. God was the real asshole in that story.
 
2013-08-21 10:01:48 PM

ultraholland: Satan also helped strengthen devotion to Jehovah, via Job. God was the real asshole in that story.

Yeah, after reading that story, you definitely get the feeling that God ain't as great as he's made out to be and is a petty, vain, childish motherfarking jerk.  Job didn't do anything wrong and yet, God screwed him over every which way for no real reason except to prove to Satan that Job was a good and faithful servant.
 
2013-08-21 10:11:25 PM
Well, if we're throwing out song lyrics....

Marijuana plant is a hemp plant
It's used for many other things than just smokin'
One acre of hemp produces four times as much paper than an acre of trees}
Legalize it
Legalize it
Pot herb Marijuana
Legalize it
Every denomination every color every religion
Legalize it
George Washington grew hemp on his farm
Legalize it

Genesis 1:12
I have given you all the seed bearing plants on earth to use!!!!

Hits from the bong
Hits from the bong
Hits from the bong

Pick it, pack it
Fire it up, come along
And take a hit from the bong
Put the blunt down just for a second
Don't get me wrong it's not a new method
Inhale, exhale
Just got a ounce in the mail
I like a blunt or a big fat bowl
But my double barrel bong is gettin' me stoned
I'm skill it, there's water inside don't spill it
It smells like shiat on the carpet
Still it, goes down smooth when I get a clean hit
Of the skunky funky smelly green shiat
Sing my song, puff all night long
As I take hits from the bong

Hits from the bong y'all
Gonna get high
Hits from the bong
Gonna get high
Hits from the bong
Gonna get high

Let's smoke that bowl, hit the bong
And then take that finger off of that hole
Plug it, unplug it
Don't strain, I love you Mary Jane
She never complains, when I hit Mary
With that flame, I light up the cherry
She's so good to me
When I pack a fresh bowl I clean the screen
Don't get me stirred up the smoke, through the bub-bling water
Is makin' it pure so I gotta, take my hit and hold it
Just like chong, I hit the bowl and I reload it
Get my four-footer and bring it on
As I take hits from the bong

Hits from the bong
Gonna get high
Hits from the bong
Gonna get high
Hits from the bong
Gonna get high

Straighten your dick out
Gonna get high
 
2013-08-21 10:21:51 PM
www.conservativecommune.com
 
2013-08-21 10:44:15 PM
If it weren't for Satan those preachers would be out of work.
 
2013-08-21 11:25:56 PM
The Holy Rollers who are all like "The Devil and sin is y 4 all the bad things it b him" people disturb me. Simple minded naive assholes who blame everything on "sin" and "The Devil". Hey, newsflash, Adam is just as much to blame for not teling Eve "'ey, yo, dont do that. Dont eat that apple"
 
2013-08-21 11:53:33 PM
Of course satan cant be everywhere.. hes way too busy buying fossils to trick people....

And satan totally created yeast that turns sugar into alcohol... oh wait that was god.. shiat....
 
2013-08-22 12:20:05 AM
So my choice is liquor or these jackholes?

Pass the Jaegermeister and Hail Satan.
 
2013-08-22 03:10:01 AM

UHC2005: So my choice is liquor or these jackholes?

Pass the Jaegermeister and Hail Satan.


media.portland.indymedia.org
 
2013-08-22 03:25:10 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-LuQVKzZMM

If you've got the energy and anger to make signs about how evil booze is, the problem isn't the booze.
 
2013-08-22 08:34:25 AM
So, what does the existence of churches say about "god's" ability to be everywhere?
 
2013-08-22 09:25:47 AM
My absolute favorite portrayal of Satan was done by John Ritter in Wholly Moses.

This is just after the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ey0B9dfROwE
 
2013-08-22 10:41:32 AM
Sometimes Satan creates all three in the same building.
i43.tinypic.com
 
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