If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(WMCTV)   "Satan couldn't be everywhere, so he created liquor stores, nightclubs and beer joints"   (wmctv.com) divider line 135
    More: Obvious, Satans, Mid South, Valley Drive around, Memphis Police Department, joints, WMC-TV, society, Dollywood  
•       •       •

4673 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Aug 2013 at 4:42 PM (49 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



135 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all
 
2013-08-21 05:00:06 PM
Remember when Jesus drank wine at the last supper with all his friends (and at least one frenemy) and encouraging this followers to do the same in his name for all time. Good times, good times.
 
2013-08-21 05:00:06 PM

Rev. Skarekroe: If Christ's truth is offensive to you, perhaps you need to rethink your life.


Satan was Christ's lawyer. He's just drumming up business.
 
2013-08-21 05:00:13 PM
The guy they interviewed for this is Stan Marsh?

Isn't he a little young to be drinking?

/not obscure at all
//a little surprised I'm the first to mention it
 
2013-08-21 05:00:29 PM

Oldiron_79: FunkOut: "I hate it when those nitwits confuse me with Satan."

On another note, it's pretty difficult to find an image of Bacchus that doesn't have naked chicks or Bacchus dick. God of Tits and Wine indeed.

Has the Orgy pit been scraped and oiled as to my specifications?


You really love that orgy pit. But who doesn't? Well, aside from the janitor.
 
2013-08-21 05:00:46 PM

mediablitz: talkertopc: If Satan is responsible for all that then the least he could do is pay a round once in a while.

He buys the last round. The one you should have skipped.

Usually well Tequila...


Or Jäger
 
2013-08-21 05:01:17 PM
Hail Satan!

/chug, chug, chug
 
2013-08-21 05:02:04 PM

Oldiron_79: mediablitz: talkertopc: If Satan is responsible for all that then the least he could do is pay a round once in a while.

He buys the last round. The one you should have skipped.

Usually well Tequila...

Or Jäger


"Buttery Nipples for everyone!!!"
 
2013-08-21 05:02:35 PM
So who is worse, a God who creates a species with the intent of giving them the desire to do things that are against the rules he spelled out, rules that if broken will fark them up for eternity or the dude who says, "Hey, this guy gave you these predilections that he's just waiting for you to succumb to and he's really just farking with you". Who would you believe?
 
2013-08-21 05:02:53 PM

LeroyBourne: Beer joint?  Who says that?  It's a brew pub.


A beer joint is when you use a beer bottle's label as a rolling paper.
 
2013-08-21 05:03:08 PM
...subby's mom.
 
2013-08-21 05:03:43 PM

Metaluna Mutant: Remember when Jesus drank wine at the last supper with all his friends (and at least one frenemy) and encouraging this followers to do the same in his name for all time. Good times, good times.


Fundagelicals claim that the "wine" that Jesus drank was non-alcoholic. For serious.
 
2013-08-21 05:04:01 PM

mbillips: LeroyBourne: Beer joint?  Who says that?  It's a brew pub.

When I was a kid in East Tennessee, I lived in a damp county. No liquor/wine stores outside the city of Oak Ridge, no beer sold in groceries, but there was a local beer joint. A cinderblock roadhouse with neon Bud signs in the window. Nobody went there but drunks. The attitude toward alcohol was you were a teetotaller, or a drunk. Nothing in between.


So calling a bar a beer joint a Tennessee thing?  I've never heard the term.  And that cinder block roadhouse sounds like a wonderful place, the kind of place where you can spit on the floor and no one gives a damn.
 
2013-08-21 05:04:35 PM
There is no Satan or God. These people are really getting themselves worked up over something that doesn't exist.
 
2013-08-21 05:05:52 PM

LeroyBourne: mbillips: LeroyBourne: Beer joint?  Who says that?  It's a brew pub.

When I was a kid in East Tennessee, I lived in a damp county. No liquor/wine stores outside the city of Oak Ridge, no beer sold in groceries, but there was a local beer joint. A cinderblock roadhouse with neon Bud signs in the window. Nobody went there but drunks. The attitude toward alcohol was you were a teetotaller, or a drunk. Nothing in between.

So calling a bar a beer joint a Tennessee thing?  I've never heard the term.  And that cinder block roadhouse sounds like a wonderful place, the kind of place where you can spit on the floor and no one gives a damn.


Technically, a beer joint can't legally serve anything harder than beer. A bar serves wine and liquor as well. Beer joints were quite prevalent in the Quixotic mix of local liquor laws in Appalachia.
 
2013-08-21 05:06:16 PM

cheezitmojo: The guy they interviewed for this is Stan Marsh?

Isn't he a little young to be drinking?

/not obscure at all
//a little surprised I'm the first to mention it



03:31:02 PM
 
2013-08-21 05:06:34 PM
 
2013-08-21 05:06:38 PM

LeroyBourne: mbillips: LeroyBourne: Beer joint?  Who says that?  It's a brew pub.

When I was a kid in East Tennessee, I lived in a damp county. No liquor/wine stores outside the city of Oak Ridge, no beer sold in groceries, but there was a local beer joint. A cinderblock roadhouse with neon Bud signs in the window. Nobody went there but drunks. The attitude toward alcohol was you were a teetotaller, or a drunk. Nothing in between.

So calling a bar a beer joint a Tennessee thing?  I've never heard the term.  And that cinder block roadhouse sounds like a wonderful place, the kind of place where you can spit on the floor and no one gives a damn.


Well a beer only bar(usually in a dry county with no hard liquor) is often called a beer joint. Im in a very wet county so Ive never had to frequent a beer joint, I get to go to a proper bar.
 
2013-08-21 05:06:39 PM
Satan couldn't be everywhere so he created liquor stores, nightclubs, and beer, and joints

a misplaced and can do wonders for a sentence.
 
2013-08-21 05:06:55 PM

LeroyBourne: mbillips: LeroyBourne: Beer joint?  Who says that?  It's a brew pub.

When I was a kid in East Tennessee, I lived in a damp county. No liquor/wine stores outside the city of Oak Ridge, no beer sold in groceries, but there was a local beer joint. A cinderblock roadhouse with neon Bud signs in the window. Nobody went there but drunks. The attitude toward alcohol was you were a teetotaller, or a drunk. Nothing in between.

So calling a bar a beer joint a Tennessee thing?  I've never heard the term.  And that cinder block roadhouse sounds like a wonderful place, the kind of place where you can spit on the floor and no one gives a damn.


Well, it's wonderful until you spit on some hillbilly's shoe, and he splits your head open. Mountain men plus alcohol = danger.
 
2013-08-21 05:07:32 PM
"Satan couldn't be everywhere, so he created liquor stores, nightclubs and beer joints"

Satan: Everywhere you want him to be! More locations to serve you!
 
2013-08-21 05:07:58 PM
He is a busy guy
assets.sbnation.com
 
2013-08-21 05:08:15 PM

mediablitz: Something tells me the sign maker's wife got drunk and boned the neighbor.


Yeah... his wife... that was it.
 
2013-08-21 05:08:18 PM
knuckledraggin.com

Agrees.
 
2013-08-21 05:08:27 PM

FunkOut: Oldiron_79: FunkOut: "I hate it when those nitwits confuse me with Satan."

On another note, it's pretty difficult to find an image of Bacchus that doesn't have naked chicks or Bacchus dick. God of Tits and Wine indeed.

Has the Orgy pit been scraped and oiled as to my specifications?

You really love that orgy pit. But who doesn't? Well, aside from the janitor.


Yeah orgy pit scraper is probably the only job worse than adult store jizz mopper.
 
2013-08-21 05:09:29 PM

Brick-House: ...subby's mom.


sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net
 
2013-08-21 05:10:40 PM

Oldiron_79: FunkOut: Oldiron_79: FunkOut: "I hate it when those nitwits confuse me with Satan."

On another note, it's pretty difficult to find an image of Bacchus that doesn't have naked chicks or Bacchus dick. God of Tits and Wine indeed.

Has the Orgy pit been scraped and oiled as to my specifications?

You really love that orgy pit. But who doesn't? Well, aside from the janitor.

Yeah orgy pit scraper is probably the only job worse than adult store jizz mopper.


Assistant crack whore.
 
2013-08-21 05:11:13 PM
A wise man once wrote:

i43.tinypic.com

Meanwhile, you just know Satan did the graphic design on these signs.

i43.tinypic.com

I mean, four clashing typefaces on a single document? Come on, that's just evil.
 
2013-08-21 05:12:46 PM

mbillips: Oldiron_79: FunkOut: Oldiron_79: FunkOut: "I hate it when those nitwits confuse me with Satan."

On another note, it's pretty difficult to find an image of Bacchus that doesn't have naked chicks or Bacchus dick. God of Tits and Wine indeed.

Has the Orgy pit been scraped and oiled as to my specifications?

You really love that orgy pit. But who doesn't? Well, aside from the janitor.

Yeah orgy pit scraper is probably the only job worse than adult store jizz mopper.

Assistant crack whore.


Assistant adult store jizz mopper?
 
2013-08-21 05:13:25 PM
thank god!
 
2013-08-21 05:13:33 PM

mbillips: Ew. Ever heard of Kleenex, for cryi?


It's all okay. The cat usually licks it up of the rug.
 
2013-08-21 05:14:32 PM

Nadie_AZ: There was an Australian comedian I saw one night on HBO. Yes, I'd had a few by then. He talked of the fight between God and the Devil. And he said 'really, if I were the devil, and I was the worst of the worst and I was trying to get everyone to totally do bad and be sent to hell, would I really want my followers to suffer? No. I'd want to reward them. With hookers. And blow. And beer. And good times for everyone. Yeah, nice job on giving God the finger. He doesn't want you. Come on in.'

Something like that. Anyways, awesome take on the devil. Made me a fan.


I saw that too. Jim Jefferies. Up, gunta, up!
 
2013-08-21 05:15:32 PM
Satan's cool.

Satan's rad.

Thank you, Satan,

For being my Dad!
 
2013-08-21 05:18:56 PM

Uranus Is Huge!: Nothing exists without God's consent.

Right?


God created Satan, so I wouldn't take his word as law by any means. That's like voting congressman I. M. Faithful back into office after you saw a video of him balls deep in a Russian tranny hooker.
 
2013-08-21 05:19:06 PM
i105.photobucket.com
 
2013-08-21 05:24:14 PM
img.fark.net

So drink liquor instead of wine?
 
2013-08-21 05:24:57 PM
Busybody know-it-alls couldn't be everywhere to run all aspects of your life, so they created the Satan myth so as to frighten you into submitting to their will.
 
2013-08-21 05:26:38 PM

elffster: He created church *first*

For the suckers

and to identify his best customers
 
2013-08-21 05:40:02 PM

Canton: Meanwhile, you just know Satan did the graphic design on these signs.

[i43.tinypic.com image 640x360]

I mean, four clashing typefaces on a single document? Come on, that's just evil.


No, you wanna know evil? True evil?

The DMV.

Now, you might well say, "Oh, I already know the DMV is evil," but you do not truly grasp the depths of their evil.

About a month ago, I was at the DMV here in Roanoke (Va.) and noticed this:

farm8.staticflickr.com

That blur is an overhead fan. That mesh grate behind it is the screen protecting a speaker for the music being piped in.

You'll notice that the fan's blades "cover" the speaker, so that the net effect is audio with a constant, annoying pulsing.

And every single speaker was this way, mounted behind a fan's whirling blades.
Now that is evil.
 
2013-08-21 05:41:30 PM

Oldiron_79: mbillips: Oldiron_79: FunkOut: Oldiron_79: FunkOut: "I hate it when those nitwits confuse me with Satan."

On another note, it's pretty difficult to find an image of Bacchus that doesn't have naked chicks or Bacchus dick. God of Tits and Wine indeed.

Has the Orgy pit been scraped and oiled as to my specifications?

You really love that orgy pit. But who doesn't? Well, aside from the janitor.

Yeah orgy pit scraper is probably the only job worse than adult store jizz mopper.

Assistant crack whore.

Assistant adult store jizz mopper?


The last fear factor contestants known to man?

ll-media.tmz.com
 
2013-08-21 05:43:44 PM
www.nhlsnipers.com

hail.
 
2013-08-21 05:45:05 PM

whatsupchuck: Busybody know-it-alls couldn't be everywhere to run all aspects of your life, so they created the Satan myth so as to frighten you into submitting to their will.


No, you're thinking of God.  Satan was invented by the Greeks as God's Gimp.
 
2013-08-21 05:47:13 PM

red5ish: There is no Satan or God. These people are really getting themselves worked up over something that doesn't exist.


That's just what Satan would have you believe!
 
2013-08-21 05:47:43 PM

blatz514: [encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com image 222x227]


Yes!
 
2013-08-21 05:49:02 PM
Residents were shocked by the phrases including "Satan Couldn't Be Everywhere" and "Boozers are Losers."

3.bp.blogspot.com

...and they'll steal the TV
 
2013-08-21 05:50:39 PM
i don't know about satan, but these religious types sure make me want to drink
 
2013-08-21 05:54:26 PM

ArcadianRefugee: Canton: Meanwhile, you just know Satan did the graphic design on these signs.

[i43.tinypic.com image 640x360]

I mean, four clashing typefaces on a single document? Come on, that's just evil.

No, you wanna know evil? True evil?

The DMV.

Now, you might well say, "Oh, I already know the DMV is evil," but you do not truly grasp the depths of their evil.

About a month ago, I was at the DMV here in Roanoke (Va.) and noticed this:

[farm8.staticflickr.com image 383x640]

That blur is an overhead fan. That mesh grate behind it is the screen protecting a speaker for the music being piped in.

You'll notice that the fan's blades "cover" the speaker, so that the net effect is audio with a constant, annoying pulsing.

And every single speaker was this way, mounted behind a fan's whirling blades.
Now that is evil.


Wow. That is truly evil. Tinny, pulsating elevator music. Clashing typefaces.

No wonder we drink...
 
2013-08-21 05:58:33 PM
I read that headline as "Santa couldn't be everywhere, so he created liquor stores, nightclubs and beer joints"
 
2013-08-21 06:03:08 PM
Go Fornicate Without a Partner: Oldiron_79: mbillips: Oldiron_79: FunkOut: Oldiron_79: FunkOut: "I hate it when those nitwits confuse me with Satan."

On another note, it's pretty difficult to find an image of Bacchus that doesn't have naked chicks or Bacchus dick. God of Tits and Wine indeed.

Has the Orgy pit been scraped and oiled as to my specifications?

You really love that orgy pit. But who doesn't? Well, aside from the janitor.

Yeah orgy pit scraper is probably the only job worse than adult store jizz mopper.

Assistant crack whore.

Assistant adult store jizz mopper?

The last fear factor contestants known to man?

[ll-media.tmz.com image 549x301]


I don't even want to ponder what they have them swallowing nowadays
 
2013-08-21 06:04:14 PM
I'm pretty sure Satan was in my underpants this morning when I woke up.
 
2013-08-21 06:10:37 PM

Kuroshin: whatsupchuck: Busybody know-it-alls couldn't be everywhere to run all aspects of your life, so they created the Satan myth so as to frighten you into submitting to their will.

No, you're thinking of God.  Satan was invented by the Greeks as God's Gimp.


Applies to both of them equally, I think.  The only difference between the two as far as I can see is that one of them is wrathful and destructive, and the other one is Satan.
 
Displayed 50 of 135 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report