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(Mother Jones)   Six of the absolute craziest conspiracy theories from "Reason" editor Jesse Walker's "United States of Paranoia". Why yes, that is a dog dressed in some crazy witch costume to match the article   (motherjones.com) divider line 55
    More: Amusing, Jesse Walker, United States of Paranoia, United States, conspiracy theories, editor Jesse, Tipper Gore, new republican party, teen suicides  
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7251 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Aug 2013 at 2:00 PM (47 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-08-21 02:01:48 PM
1.bp.blogspot.com

/ " ok, we did the nose. "
 
2013-08-21 02:03:27 PM
31.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-08-21 02:04:06 PM
That is a dog that has no idea what it's doing.
 
2013-08-21 02:04:36 PM
31.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-08-21 02:06:18 PM
Goddamn that stupid woman Tipper Gore and the mass hysteria about Dungeons and Dragons.

"No mom, I'm not going to rape and murder villagers and consort with demons, you raised me better than that." is something I actually had to say to my mother when she was worried about my new fascination with AD&D (2nd Edition).
 
2013-08-21 02:09:29 PM
I heard some people think the attacks on 9/11 were done by rich cavemen from the Middle East.

Some people will believe anything...
 
2013-08-21 02:09:29 PM
Spoiler: There was no Catholic-Indian alliance, but the conspiracy theory did lead to an armed takeover of the statehouse and a subsequent colony-wide ban on Catholicism.

Funny story. In Spain, his name was Santiago Matamoros or St. James, killer of the Moors. In the New World, his name was Santiago Mataindios or St. James, killer of the indians. So much for Roman Catholic-New World Indian alliances during those heady times of the Inquisition.
 
2013-08-21 02:09:41 PM
6. PAPAL BULL

Theory: A "rumor started to circulate that 'the great men of Maryland hath hired the Seneca Indians to kill the protestants.' Ten thousand Seneca Indians were said to be gathering at the head of the Patuxent River; when that army turned out to be a fiction, a new report claimed that 9,000 were gathered at the mouth of the river and another 900 had already invaded a settlement."

Spoiler: There was no Catholic-Indian alliance, but the conspiracy theory did lead to an armed takeover of the statehouse and a subsequent colony-wide ban on Catholicism.


So, win win.
 
2013-08-21 02:11:02 PM
If you can't trust Jack Chick, who can you trust?

abruce.november-fifth.com
 
2013-08-21 02:11:52 PM
A note about #3: it would be another 45 years before Walter Reed would make the link between mosquitos and Yellow Fever/Malaria.  This explanation gets filed under the category of Scapegoating.

Oh, and the Homo Hydra grew out of the Zionist International Conspiracy.  Versions of this one have been around forever.
 
2013-08-21 02:12:28 PM
topnews.in
Did more damage to RPG games than any other human in history.  Stick that in yer #5
 
2013-08-21 02:15:07 PM

BitwiseShift: Spoiler: There was no Catholic-Indian alliance, but the conspiracy theory did lead to an armed takeover of the statehouse and a subsequent colony-wide ban on Catholicism.

Funny story. In Spain, his name was Santiago Matamoros or St. James, killer of the Moors. In the New World, his name was Santiago Mataindios or St. James, killer of the indians. So much for Roman Catholic-New World Indian alliances during those heady times of the Inquisition.


Oh, sure, and I suppose you're telling me that stone that the Pope donated to build the Washington Monument WASN'T part of a Jesuit conspiracy to subvert the Constitution? Pffft! Don't be such a gullible sap. Vote Know-Nothing!
 
2013-08-21 02:15:37 PM

mbillips: If you can't trust Jack Chick, who can you trust?


Found a chick tract in a public bathroom the other day. It was weird to see one irl.
 
2013-08-21 02:15:38 PM

gnosis301: That is a dog that has no idea what it's doing.


Most dogs don't, unless it involves fetch or a steak.
 
2013-08-21 02:16:53 PM

meat0918: Goddamn that stupid woman Tipper Gore and the mass hysteria about Dungeons and Dragons.

"No mom, I'm not going to rape and murder villagers and consort with demons, you raised me better than that." is something I actually had to say to my mother when she was worried about my new fascination with AD&D (2nd Edition).


When they invent email that can send through time, I'm going to send the illustrator for 1st Edition a message: "You're not helping"
 
2013-08-21 02:18:03 PM
RIP BLACK LEAF
 
2013-08-21 02:18:23 PM

orclover: [topnews.in image 850x998]
Did more damage to RPG games than any other human in history.  Stick that in yer #5


Oh, come on. Did anyone actually WATCH Mazes and Monsters?
 
2013-08-21 02:21:34 PM

ArkPanda: meat0918: Goddamn that stupid woman Tipper Gore and the mass hysteria about Dungeons and Dragons.

"No mom, I'm not going to rape and murder villagers and consort with demons, you raised me better than that." is something I actually had to say to my mother when she was worried about my new fascination with AD&D (2nd Edition).

When they invent email that can send through time, I'm going to send the illustrator for 1st Edition a message: "You're not helping"


I'm looking at my original, boxed, 3-volume set of Dungeons and Dragons (Tactical Studies Rule, 1974), so I'm getting a kick...

/That is one beat-to-shiat box.
 
2013-08-21 02:21:39 PM
List fails without conspiracies believed by typical "libertarians".

Aurora, Sandy Hook were government operations to help implement gun control and confiscation.
Birf certificate
FEMA camps
North American Union, the Amero and the NAFTA super-highway
Impending race war
 
2013-08-21 02:23:59 PM

jaytkay: List fails without conspiracies believed by typical "libertarians".

Aurora, Sandy Hook were government operations to help implement gun control and confiscation.
Birf certificate
FEMA camps
North American Union, the Amero and the NAFTA super-highway
Impending race war


Yeah, but you have to add your fact-insensitive kid theories
Moon landing
9/11
Area 51
Kennedy assassination
Bigfoot
 
2013-08-21 02:25:52 PM

mbillips: ArkPanda: meat0918: Goddamn that stupid woman Tipper Gore and the mass hysteria about Dungeons and Dragons.

"No mom, I'm not going to rape and murder villagers and consort with demons, you raised me better than that." is something I actually had to say to my mother when she was worried about my new fascination with AD&D (2nd Edition).

When they invent email that can send through time, I'm going to send the illustrator for 1st Edition a message: "You're not helping"

I'm looking at my original, boxed, 3-volume set of Dungeons and Dragons (Tactical Studies Rule, 1974), so I'm getting a kick...

/That is one beat-to-shiat box.


Ah, the "white box". Saw a decent box for $70 at a local game shop a few years ago.
 
2013-08-21 02:27:47 PM

Katolu: mbillips: ArkPanda: meat0918: Goddamn that stupid woman Tipper Gore and the mass hysteria about Dungeons and Dragons.

"No mom, I'm not going to rape and murder villagers and consort with demons, you raised me better than that." is something I actually had to say to my mother when she was worried about my new fascination with AD&D (2nd Edition).

When they invent email that can send through time, I'm going to send the illustrator for 1st Edition a message: "You're not helping"

I'm looking at my original, boxed, 3-volume set of Dungeons and Dragons (Tactical Studies Rule, 1974), so I'm getting a kick...

/That is one beat-to-shiat box.

Ah, the "white box". Saw a decent box for $70 at a local game shop a few years ago.


Yeah, mine's tan from years of accumulated dust, with tape on all the seams. One panel on the end of the top is missing, and the whole thing's lopsided. Probably worth $5. Not that I'd sell it.
 
2013-08-21 02:29:15 PM

mbillips: jaytkay: List fails without conspiracies believed by typical "libertarians".

Aurora, Sandy Hook were government operations to help implement gun control and confiscation.
Birf certificate
FEMA camps
North American Union, the Amero and the NAFTA super-highway
Impending race war

Yeah, but you have to add your fact-insensitive kid theories
Moon landing
9/11
Area 51
Kennedy assassination
Bigfoot


The moon landing ones are the worst. They don't even begin to comprehend the expense and work involved in staging a fake. It would be significantly harder than just going to the moon.
 
2013-08-21 02:32:01 PM

mbillips: ArkPanda: meat0918: Goddamn that stupid woman Tipper Gore and the mass hysteria about Dungeons and Dragons.

"No mom, I'm not going to rape and murder villagers and consort with demons, you raised me better than that." is something I actually had to say to my mother when she was worried about my new fascination with AD&D (2nd Edition).

When they invent email that can send through time, I'm going to send the illustrator for 1st Edition a message: "You're not helping"

I'm looking at my original, boxed, 3-volume set of Dungeons and Dragons (Tactical Studies Rule, 1974), so I'm getting a kick...

/That is one beat-to-shiat box.


A friend of my wife's gave me a set of AD&D a month or two ago, she was just going to donate them.

I think it's the fourth or fifth printing from 1979,  I'd have to double check.

All my other books got "accidentally" destroyed by snow when they were in storage at my mothers.....
 
2013-08-21 02:33:38 PM

Another Government Employee: A note about #3: it would be another 45 years before Walter Reed would make the link between mosquitos and Yellow Fever/Malaria.  This explanation gets filed under the category of Scapegoating.

Oh, and the Homo Hydra grew out of the Zionist International Conspiracy.  Versions of this one have been around forever.


GIS for "Homo Hydra" must be nightmarish.  Not gonna try it.
 
2013-08-21 02:33:54 PM

Ned Stark: mbillips: jaytkay: List fails without conspiracies believed by typical "libertarians".

Aurora, Sandy Hook were government operations to help implement gun control and confiscation.
Birf certificate
FEMA camps
North American Union, the Amero and the NAFTA super-highway
Impending race war

Yeah, but you have to add your fact-insensitive kid theories
Moon landing
9/11
Area 51
Kennedy assassination
Bigfoot

The moon landing ones are the worst. They don't even begin to comprehend the expense and work involved in staging a fake. It would be significantly harder than just going to the moon.


Thanks, Obama!
 
2013-08-21 02:36:19 PM

mbillips: Katolu: mbillips: ArkPanda: meat0918: Goddamn that stupid woman Tipper Gore and the mass hysteria about Dungeons and Dragons.

"No mom, I'm not going to rape and murder villagers and consort with demons, you raised me better than that." is something I actually had to say to my mother when she was worried about my new fascination with AD&D (2nd Edition).

When they invent email that can send through time, I'm going to send the illustrator for 1st Edition a message: "You're not helping"

I'm looking at my original, boxed, 3-volume set of Dungeons and Dragons (Tactical Studies Rule, 1974), so I'm getting a kick...

/That is one beat-to-shiat box.

Ah, the "white box". Saw a decent box for $70 at a local game shop a few years ago.

Yeah, mine's tan from years of accumulated dust, with tape on all the seams. One panel on the end of the top is missing, and the whole thing's lopsided. Probably worth $5. Not that I'd sell it.


Oh, hell no, never sell that! I wish I'd picked up the one I saw...
 
2013-08-21 02:39:17 PM

Ned Stark: mbillips: If you can't trust Jack Chick, who can you trust?

Found a chick tract in a public bathroom the other day. It was weird to see one irl.


Spent time in grade school hanging out in a Christian bookstore my mom worked at during the summer. Bored to death and loved to read. Read every frickin' Chick tract and most of the 80's best sellers. Boy that will screw up a young mind.

Seriously, Chick is demented. The tracts are hilarious except for the fact some people take them seriously.
 
2013-08-21 02:40:37 PM
DEATH BY DUNGEONS & DRAGONS

I see the DnD threat as more of a moral panic than a conspiracy  theory.
Moral panics often createconspiracy theories, but the panic comes first.

I'd also enjoy a book about the history of moral panics.
comic books
video nasties
video games
I'm sure there is a lot of older examples that I haven't heard of.
 
2013-08-21 02:42:37 PM

elchupacabra: Another Government Employee: A note about #3: it would be another 45 years before Walter Reed would make the link between mosquitos and Yellow Fever/Malaria.  This explanation gets filed under the category of Scapegoating.

Oh, and the Homo Hydra grew out of the Zionist International Conspiracy.  Versions of this one have been around forever.

GIS for "Homo Hydra" must be nightmarish.  Not gonna try it.


Instead of multiple heads, it has multiple penises.  At least that's my guess.  (not gonna try it either)
 
2013-08-21 02:43:47 PM
Mother Jones + Reason? This could be fun.
 
2013-08-21 02:44:54 PM

Pants full of macaroni!!: elchupacabra: Another Government Employee: A note about #3: it would be another 45 years before Walter Reed would make the link between mosquitos and Yellow Fever/Malaria.  This explanation gets filed under the category of Scapegoating.

Oh, and the Homo Hydra grew out of the Zionist International Conspiracy.  Versions of this one have been around forever.

GIS for "Homo Hydra" must be nightmarish.  Not gonna try it.

Instead of multiple heads, it has multiple penises.  At least that's my guess.  (not gonna try it either)


Wow, and here I thought the Japanese invented tentacle porn in the 80's.  Great minds think alike?
 
2013-08-21 02:45:20 PM
www.timewarptoys.com
tikiloungetalk.com


/mah lawn, get off of it.
 
2013-08-21 02:52:20 PM

satanscock: I'm sure there is a lot of older examples that I haven't heard of.


Older by a damn sight.  Even beyond Elvis' hips, the origin of the word "jazz" as a derogatory, etc., Socrates talked about how writing things down would lead to the downfall of society.  Moral panics have been around for as long as there have been "moral values" (I'd draw a distinction between those and morals/morality), and they've always been just as stupid as they are today.
 
2013-08-21 02:59:05 PM

meat0918: Goddamn that stupid woman Tipper Gore and the mass hysteria about Dungeons and Dragons.

"No mom, I'm not going to rape and murder villagers and consort with demons, you raised me better than that." is something I actually had to say to my mother when she was worried about my new fascination with AD&D (2nd Edition).


See, I was going to rape and murder, pillage and plunder, but in order to do so, I had to bullseye the 1d20, and I kept missing.
 
2013-08-21 03:02:09 PM

ChipNASA: /mah lawn, get off of it.


My favorite board game as a kid!
 
2013-08-21 03:03:27 PM
My favorite right now is the very well done contention that the moon landing was real, but that Kubrick created a fake movie to document it. He confessed to it all, abstractly, by making The Shining so different from the book (which it - annoyingly - was).

You want to watch the entire thing, but here's an excerpt.
 
2013-08-21 03:07:34 PM
You want to know what's sad about the whole D&D = satan kerfuffle? It was all started by a mother who couldn't accept the fact that her son killed himself because of mental illness. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patricia_Pulling)

The Mazes and Monsters story is based on the disappearance of a genius student James Dallas Egbert III. A PI hired by the family claimed that he had been killed during a LARP D&D session.

What actually happened was James was struggling with depression and ran away from campus. After he was found James wanted his story to die off hence the real version of events wasn't released until much later after his death from his 3rd suicide attempt. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Dallas_Egbert_III)

Pretty much every single time games (pen and paper RP, LARPs, or video games) factor into a crime the criminal has a always had a long history of mental illness.
 
2013-08-21 03:17:05 PM
I laugh at all those conspiracy theories, except for the JFK one. I don't find it hard to imagine Oswald did the shooting. I have problems with everything that happened after.

Also, glad to see Smedley Butler not being questioned on the veracity of his report.
 
2013-08-21 03:17:19 PM
 Also known as "the first six minutes of the Glenn Beck show."
 
2013-08-21 03:22:49 PM

dmax: My favorite right now is the very well done contention that the moon landing was real, but that Kubrick created a fake movie to document it. He confessed to it all, abstractly, by making The Shining so different from the book (which it - annoyingly - was).

You want to watch the entire thing, but here's an excerpt.


That was some looney toons shiat.
 
2013-08-21 03:33:53 PM
 
2013-08-21 03:36:17 PM
Night Witch, hey?

Sounds like my ex
 
2013-08-21 04:01:10 PM

Arkanaut: Mother Jones + Reason? This could be fun.


We should invite them over for a beer.  Or would that be like a Gate Keeper, Key Master sort of thing...
 
2013-08-21 04:01:16 PM

satanscock: DEATH BY DUNGEONS & DRAGONS

I see the DnD threat as more of a moral panic than a conspiracy  theory.
Moral panics often createconspiracy theories, but the panic comes first.

I'd also enjoy a book about the history of moral panics.
comic books
video nasties
video games
I'm sure there is a lot of older examples that I haven't heard of.


This focuses more on literature but...

http://www.amazon.com/Girls-Lean-Back-Everywhere-Obscenity/dp/067974 34 13
 
2013-08-21 04:01:46 PM

Salmon: Night Witch, hey?
Sounds like my ex

My favorite Night Witches were the female Russian pilots who used old propeller planes to drop bombs on Nazis during World War II during nighttime bombing raids.  They were pretty hardcore.
 
2013-08-21 04:40:12 PM
One of the craziest conspiracy theories I've ever read was the Franklin Conspiracy. Holy farking shiat that shiat is nuts and it also kinda pissed me off cause it accuses Hunter S. Thompson of being a child pornographer and filming snuff movies. I dunno just go look that shiat up and look at it. There's no other way to describe it.
/The funniest conspiracy theory is the one that says Bill Hicks faked his death and is now Alex Jones.
 
2013-08-21 04:47:55 PM
img.gawkerassets.com

The only book you'll ever need...

/Think it out of print but you should be able to still find it out there...
 
2013-08-21 05:31:21 PM

Torchsong: [img.gawkerassets.com image 317x408]

The only book you'll ever need...

/Think it out of print but you should be able to still find it out there...


Have it.
 
2013-08-21 06:25:44 PM

meat0918: Goddamn that stupid woman Tipper Gore and the mass hysteria about Dungeons and Dragons.

"No mom, I'm not going to rape and murder villagers and consort with demons, you raised me better than that." is something I actually had to say to my mother when she was worried about my new fascination with AD&D (2nd Edition).



Awwww, I remember having to sell my dungeon manuals... Just really the monster guides, didnt even have the play books. I saved my allowance for weeks and weeks to buy them and my mom was adamant that these were devilish and I had to choke back tears when she made me sell them for $2 at a garage sale to some kids who knew the bargain they had gotten.
 
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