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(The Consumerist)   Just a reminder - Thanksgiving decorations are now on sale at your local supermarket   (consumerist.com) divider line 77
    More: Stupid, Thanksgiving, warehouse clubs, just stop  
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2345 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Aug 2013 at 9:29 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



77 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-08-21 08:25:20 AM
Look, my giant Thanksgiving yard display complete with animatronic Pilgrims and corn-planting-action Squanto takes a lot of advance planning.
 
2013-08-21 08:43:50 AM
They need to move that stuff to make room for the valentine's day decorations.
 
2013-08-21 09:00:25 AM
You do have to put something on the shelves. I worked in a store that once filled 40 feet with 1-gallon bottles of water (due to exceptionally poor planning.) Over 1000 gallons of 'baby water,' which had to be moved later when the real stock came in.
 
2013-08-21 09:22:02 AM
What do you think people would've said 30 years ago if you told them that, in 2013, people would be using computers to express outrage over stores selling ceramic turkeys?

There isn't a dystopian futurist alive or dead who could've possibly foreseen the cultural canker that is The Consumerist.
 
2013-08-21 09:31:04 AM
Wait, does this mean that slutty Halloween costumes are also on sale?  I need to pick up a couple things for the misses to wear around the house.
 
2013-08-21 09:33:55 AM
Combine them with Christmas decorations and and make a Halloween costume representing "the creeping horror of pre-mature commercial holiday-related sales".

Too conceptual?
 
2013-08-21 09:34:01 AM

sigdiamond2000: What do you think people would've said 30 years ago if you told them that, in 2013, people would be using computers to express outrage over stores selling ceramic turkeys?

There isn't a dystopian futurist alive or dead who could've possibly foreseen the cultural canker that is The Consumerist.


Foreknowledge of I Can Haz Cheezburger? would have driven Philip K. Dick to suicide.
 
2013-08-21 09:38:30 AM
The people who whine about holiday decorations coming out too early have always baffled me. Why do you even care? If you don't want a lead-laden Chinese cornucopia in mid-August just don't buy one. Did you think the space its taking was going to be used for some super-important thing if not for these damned early decorations or what? You really wanted a cheap plastic pool toy instead?

I don't get why I'm supposed to care about this every holiday every year.
 
2013-08-21 09:40:26 AM

jayhawk88: sigdiamond2000: What do you think people would've said 30 years ago if you told them that, in 2013, people would be using computers to express outrage over stores selling ceramic turkeys?

There isn't a dystopian futurist alive or dead who could've possibly foreseen the cultural canker that is The Consumerist.

Foreknowledge of I Can Haz Cheezburger? would have driven Philip K. Dick to suicide.


"Although less easily mapped onto his exact 2-3-74 experiences than Albemuth, VALIS is also sharply autobiographical, incorporating Dick's experiences in mental clinics, his suicide attempts, and the most personal aspects of his spiritual life."
 
2013-08-21 09:40:47 AM
One would assume a Consumerist reader would eventually get Carpal Tunnel Syndrome from the perpetual pearl-clutching.
 
2013-08-21 09:46:53 AM
my local store had Halloween candy last month and the Hallmark stores already have Christmas ornaments.
 
2013-08-21 09:47:19 AM
They started selling Christmas decorations in Costco already in mid August. I takes the wind out of holiday anticipation.
 
2013-08-21 09:49:24 AM

revn67: They started selling Christmas decorations in Costco already in mid August. I takes the wind out of holiday anticipation.


If big-box retail stores are hurting your ability to enjoy the holidays you have bigger problems than when the decorations come out.
 
2013-08-21 09:49:27 AM
Yeah where I live after Labor Day they whip out the Halloween stuff, and after Halloween they skip right to Christmas.
 
2013-08-21 09:51:39 AM
Good. That means Earl of Sandwich will soon have their seasonal sliced turkey and cranberry sammiches. Seriously, if you see a store near you when they go on sale, get one. They are delicious.
Call me by my Indian name....

www.earlofsandwichusa.com

Snackajawea
 
2013-08-21 09:53:38 AM
Dear Consumerist,

I was at the local grocery store yesterday, trying to return a bunch of parsley that wilted after seven days in the refrigerator. I was planning on perusing the pool toys section later, in case I needed a new pool noodle, when I discovered that they sold off all of their floatable rafts, and stuck a few turkey statues in their place! After arguing with the manager for half an hour, he gave me some coupons for free croutons. So your readers might want to try that if they see any Thanksgiving decorations in August.

Sincerely,

Sudo
 
2013-08-21 09:54:05 AM

skozlaw: revn67: They started selling Christmas decorations in Costco already in mid August. I takes the wind out of holiday anticipation.

If big-box retail stores are hurting your ability to enjoy the holidays you have bigger problems than when the decorations come out.


Thanks, Dr. Phil.

Also, I will make sure I will stay off your lawn as well.
 
2013-08-21 09:55:16 AM

skozlaw: The people who whine about holiday decorations coming out too early have always baffled me. Why do you even care? If you don't want a lead-laden Chinese cornucopia in mid-August just don't buy one. Did you think the space its taking was going to be used for some super-important thing if not for these damned early decorations or what? You really wanted a cheap plastic pool toy instead?

I don't get why I'm supposed to care about this every holiday every year.


Because in the old days, stores didn't care about making money and something about Jesus, I think.
 
2013-08-21 09:58:41 AM
That's nothing. I saw Christmas decorations at Costco this past weekend. WTF?
 
2013-08-21 10:03:30 AM
You've got to be kidding me. Even worse, though, I saw 2014 calendars in a bookstore almost a month ago.  WTF?
 
2013-08-21 10:04:33 AM
Halloween-I usually don't decorate unless I'm carving a pumpkin which I may do this year if I'm ambitious enough.

Thanksgiving-ok, I have a turkey platter that I inherited from Mom and salt and pepper shakers that I bought about two years ago.  That's the extent of the decorating.

Christmas/Solstice-yeah, I have a "solstice shrub" that's about 3 ft tall.  It came prelighted.  All I have to do is hang some glass baubles on it and we're all good.

/not a consumer of early holiday decorations.  I have really begun to despise holiday creep
 
2013-08-21 10:05:57 AM

ManateeGag: my local store had Halloween candy last month and the Hallmark stores already have Christmas ornaments.


The Hallmark ornaments always come out early. Some serious collectors out there.

/already got mine. This year's Phineas and Ferb one is Perry on his scooter.
//wish they'd do a Doctor Whooves or a TARDIS
 
2013-08-21 10:07:14 AM
I'm surprised they aren't getting ramped up for Black Friday as well. But by stores selling Thanksgiving stuff now means they are clearing out grilling stuff. So time to replace my grates.
 
2013-08-21 10:07:52 AM
I wonder if Consumerist would freak out if I took pics of the Christmas decorations at my local Costco.  They skipped right past Halloween and Thanksgiving.
 
2013-08-21 10:16:09 AM

Sybarite: Look, my giant Thanksgiving yard display complete with animatronic Pilgrims and corn-planting-action Squanto takes a lot of advance planning.


Don't forget to have a fish added to the corn to grow some nice fishcorn bushes.
 
2013-08-21 10:18:13 AM
[this-is-an-outrage.jpg]
 
2013-08-21 10:21:03 AM
was gonna say that it isn't far away

/then again, realized it's likely in 'Murica
//meh, what's the big deal?
 
2013-08-21 10:21:45 AM
Big deal.  My neck-o'-the-woods has an eatery that does Thanksgiving dinner all year round.

/they dish it up cafeteria-style, and you take your little tray to your little table, and it's like the saddest Thanksgiving ever
 
2013-08-21 10:25:14 AM
 
2013-08-21 10:25:44 AM
Doesn't mean I haz to buy...
A grip...get one

Reminders to alla last minute peeps?
Not like it'll work...
 
2013-08-21 10:27:36 AM
Sad to say, but I usually feel better about getting Rick Rolled or Meat Spun than I do when I click on a Consumerist link without noticing...  At least the first two don't leave me feeling dumber for having seen the content... can't say the same for Consumerist.
 
2013-08-21 10:31:07 AM

AlwaysRightBoy: The White House has already picked out its Christmas tree.


I think you mean its next Anglo-Saxon victim.
 
2013-08-21 10:31:21 AM
That reminds me, I was at the grocery store today and they apparently have a whole section devoted to bite-size candies. WTF. Is it October already? I mean God damn it, people. Halloween is months away!!!!

Not to mention the whole flower section. Is it Valentine's day? Because I don't need a dozen f*cking roses unless it's February!!!!! How the hell am I supposed to consume live like this?

And then I went to look for organic milk and all they had was milk that would expire in 3 weeks. Ridiculous. And don't get me started about their lackluster list of wines. The best I could find was a 2006 French wine for $45. And 2006 was a terrible terrible year for French wine. And of course you KNOW any vintage after 2009 is way too tannic for me.

Seriously, what does the f*cking Food Lion think they are doing?
 
2013-08-21 10:33:00 AM

Pants full of macaroni!!: Big deal.  My neck-o'-the-woods has an eatery that does Thanksgiving dinner all year round.

/they dish it up cafeteria-style, and you take your little tray to your little table, and it's like the saddest Thanksgiving ever


Excellent. We went to a restaurant up on I-65 on our way to Birmingham,AL that advertised as an turkey-only family place. The turkey dinner was EXACTLY as you described. We had seen a couple online reviews and wanted to give it a try. They had some decent-looking turkey sausage to take home, but we passed after trying the dryest and most bland smoked turkey dinner we could remember. It was even served on the sad little school cafeteria tray you described. Not good times, but the Mrs. and I did get a giggle how bad it truly was.
 
2013-08-21 10:33:43 AM
There are some sort of ceramic Halloween pumpkins sitting outside the Kroger in my neighborhood. It was weird. What was even worse was my near compulsion to buy one.

That felt creepy enough that I walked away. I certainly don't need Halloween decorations in August but for all of 10 seconds, I nearly bought into this.
 
2013-08-21 10:34:37 AM
That's nothing. There's a local hillbilly who sells fireworks all year round! Have they no respect for the Spirit of July 4th?!?!?

I may need a fainting couch
 
2013-08-21 10:38:10 AM
Went to the local big Chinese supermarket last Sunday, the interior was festooned with gaudy Mid-Autumn Festival decorations featuring fluffy white rabbits. All well and good, until the store muzak system began pumping out Christmas tunes by The Chipmunks. Couldn't wait to get outside to the 90-degree heat.
 
2013-08-21 10:38:21 AM

bdub77: That reminds me, I was at the grocery store today and they apparently have a whole section devoted to bite-size candies.


But dude, C'mon man, the first batch of candy corn! I know it's just sugar and candle wax, but I love keeping a dish on the coffee table. Even the people that biatch about it. eventually are reaching in to 'try one'.....
or two.
 
2013-08-21 10:40:24 AM
Well then I guess I'll be spending the day putting up my Christmas decorations....

So there.
 
2013-08-21 10:40:58 AM
I hate to break it to you subby,and I hope I don't shock you, but if you go on the inetrnet you can but thanksgiving decorations, and any other holiday decoration for that matter, year farking round
 
2013-08-21 10:41:10 AM

whizbangthedirtfarmer: I wonder if Consumerist would freak out if I took pics of the Christmas decorations at my local Costco.  They skipped right past Halloween and Thanksgiving.


I double-dog-dare you to take those pics and send them to the Consumerist.

Seriously, send them in, I want to see the follow-up article that talks about how a Consumerist writer was taken to the hospital for a nervous breakdown over Christmas decorations.
 
2013-08-21 10:43:12 AM

Dahnkster: Good. That means Earl of Sandwich will soon have their seasonal sliced turkey and cranberry sammiches. Seriously, if you see a store near you when they go on sale, get one. They are delicious.
Call me by my Indian name....

[www.earlofsandwichusa.com image 688x529]

Snackajawea


My first thought was "My God, there is a sandwich chain called Earl of Sandwich. BRILLIANT! What an awesome name."

Then I wiki it an I find out it was opened by the actual Earl of Sandwich. Even awesomer.
 
2013-08-21 10:43:58 AM

Some Coke Drinking Guy: Wait, does this mean that slutty Halloween costumes are also on sale?  I need to pick up a couple things for the misses to wear around the house.


Too late - they've all been put back into stock to make way for St. Patrick's and Easter decorations.
 
2013-08-21 10:49:51 AM

baltimoreblonde: ManateeGag: my local store had Halloween candy last month and the Hallmark stores already have Christmas ornaments.

The Hallmark ornaments always come out early. Some serious collectors out there.

/already got mine. This year's Phineas and Ferb one is Perry on his scooter.
//wish they'd do a Doctor Whooves or a TARDIS


If you don't care that it's not Hallmark, you can definitely get a  TARDIS ornament And it's not exclusive to that shop, despite what the site says. Think Geek sells them, and so does HMV, I think.
 
2013-08-21 10:50:55 AM
Gobble, Gobble, Motherfarker!

coedmagazine.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-08-21 10:55:36 AM

skozlaw: I don't get why I'm supposed to care about this every holiday every year.


Because it forces people into accepting the fact that they live on a planet, in a country, and in an economy fueled by a mass populace that believes in black friday sales, buys items with the word "Improved" on it, and determines the worth of a product based on how well they relate to actors in commercials.  And there's nothing they can do about this majority sea of uncultured apes they watch ebb and flow except build that boat of self-important sanctimonious smug and try to ride the waves out.  Pissing off the side.
 
2013-08-21 11:06:00 AM

Dahnkster: Good. That means Earl of Sandwich will soon have their seasonal sliced turkey and cranberry sammiches. Seriously, if you see a store near you when they go on sale, get one. They are delicious.
Call me by my Indian name....

[www.earlofsandwichusa.com image 688x529]

Snackajawea


yumm, that looks tasty
 
2013-08-21 11:10:03 AM
Don't fark with Thanksgiving. It's serious business.

White meat, dark meat. All will be carved. (NSFW)
 
2013-08-21 11:10:34 AM
I have a pet supply store, kick, replies etc. but I had resolved not to put Christmas stuff out until Black Friday. The problem is customers start asking for it around Halloween. I've lost sales over it though so this year stuff is going up November 1st.
 
2013-08-21 11:12:39 AM

Arthur Prefect: baltimoreblonde: ManateeGag: my local store had Halloween candy last month and the Hallmark stores already have Christmas ornaments.

The Hallmark ornaments always come out early. Some serious collectors out there.

/already got mine. This year's Phineas and Ferb one is Perry on his scooter.
//wish they'd do a Doctor Whooves or a TARDIS

If you don't care that it's not Hallmark, you can definitely get a  TARDIS ornament And it's not exclusive to that shop, despite what the site says. Think Geek sells them, and so does HMV, I think.


Thanks! I'll check it out. Might get the string of TARDIS lights I saw at FYE, too, for the lulz.
 
2013-08-21 11:16:47 AM
It's another Festivus miracle!!1!
 
2013-08-21 11:37:36 AM
Canadian Thanksgiving isn't that far away...
 
2013-08-21 11:45:52 AM

Cloudchaser Sakonige the Red Wolf: Gobble, Gobble, Motherfarker!

[coedmagazine.files.wordpress.com image 300x300]


That was a horrible, horrible movie.  Horrible.  Kill it with fire, or roast it slowly.  Serve with gravy and mashed potatoes.
 
2013-08-21 11:47:14 AM
ts2.mm.bing.net
Good now I can start on my Zombie Pilgrim costume.
 
2013-08-21 11:47:46 AM
Costco has their Xmas crap out already

Grocery stores have their Halloween candy out already

Hallmark has their Groundhog Day cards out already.
 
2013-08-21 12:07:04 PM

Pants full of macaroni!!: Big deal.  My neck-o'-the-woods has an eatery that does Thanksgiving dinner all year round.

/they dish it up cafeteria-style, and you take your little tray to your little table, and it's like the saddest Thanksgiving ever


Little known fact: the happiest Thanksgiving ever involved birdzilla at Diane's place.

/Obscure?
 
2013-08-21 12:19:41 PM
I'm thinking this whole thing started in the southern states. Them wishing Thxgiving and Xmas season would get here so they can go back outside without instantly dieing.
 
2013-08-21 12:23:06 PM

InfrasonicTom: Costco has their Xmas crap out already

Grocery stores have their Halloween candy out already

Hallmark has their Groundhog Day cards out already.


homevideos.com

/again??
 
2013-08-21 12:27:38 PM
Thanksgiving already?

25.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-08-21 12:36:38 PM

specialkae: Cloudchaser Sakonige the Red Wolf: Gobble, Gobble, Motherfarker!

[coedmagazine.files.wordpress.com image 300x300]

That was a horrible, horrible movie.  Horrible.  Kill it with fire, or roast it slowly.  Serve with gravy and mashed potatoes.


I'LL DRINK YOUR BLOOD LIKE CRANBERRY SAUCE!
 
2013-08-21 12:55:48 PM
Our grocery store won't put out Halloween candy for another two weeks.
 
2013-08-21 01:11:10 PM

Cloudchaser Sakonige the Red Wolf: I'LL DRINK YOUR BLOOD LIKE CRANBERRY SAUCE!


Isn't that what John Lennon says during the fadeout of "Strawberry Fields Forever"?
 
2013-08-21 01:12:23 PM
Yeah - how is this news or green lit?  Hallmark and a bunch of "Hobby Stores," always release their Xmas/Holiday cards and décor in August!!!  WTF?
 
2013-08-21 01:21:18 PM

trappedspirit: And there's nothing they can do about this majority sea of uncultured apes they watch ebb and flow except build that boat of self-important sanctimonious smug and try to ride the waves out. Pissing off the side.


Why would I have to ride out any waves? The ways in which this affects me could be best described with the ancient Roman number "fark all". My enjoyment of life is impacted to the exact measure of "jack shiat" if the person in front of me at the grocery store is buying a Thanksgiving decoration in August. There are no waves. There is no need for sanctimony. There is literally no meaningful impact on my life at all when Thanksgiving decorations come out in August. In fact, if it weren't for somebody at The Consumerist crying about it, I wouldn't have even thought about it. And the only reason I'm even paying it any mind now is because my day has been unusually slow and I'm killing time until my staff meeting later.

Now, if I get run over by a Wal-Mart truck delivering Christmas ornaments in September I guess I might reevaluate all this, but even then I'm guessing not.
 
2013-08-21 01:26:10 PM

baltimoreblonde: This year's Phineas and Ferb one is Perry on his scooter.


I have a similar one from the Disney store from last year.
 
2013-08-21 01:35:12 PM

ManateeGag: baltimoreblonde: This year's Phineas and Ferb one is Perry on his scooter.

I have a similar one from the Disney store from last year.


I missed that one. Thought the "wrapped in a string of lights" thing was adorable, and reminded me of what Doof did to him in the first Christmas special (yes, I'm a Perry fan), but never got out to the local DS to pick it up.
 
2013-08-21 01:53:56 PM
We are starting to get Christmas merchandise in at work.

Actually, we started getting it a couple weeks ago.
 
2013-08-21 04:00:46 PM

John Buck 41: You've got to be kidding me. Even worse, though, I saw 2014 calendars in a bookstore almost a month ago.  WTF?


That would be something I can see since it is an office supply.  You have a budget surplus at the end of june so you start ordering stuff for the next year.
 
2013-08-21 05:29:32 PM

Hyjamon: John Buck 41: You've got to be kidding me. Even worse, though, I saw 2014 calendars in a bookstore almost a month ago. WTF?

That would be something I can see since it is an office supply. You have a budget surplus at the end of june so you start ordering stuff for the next year.


Actually, I'd guess it's because they generally have an area dedicated to calendars, and they quit selling 2013 ones by this point in the year for obvious reasons.
 
2013-08-21 05:31:44 PM

skozlaw: trappedspirit: And there's nothing they can do about this majority sea of uncultured apes they watch ebb and flow except build that boat of self-important sanctimonious smug and try to ride the waves out. Pissing off the side.

Why would I have to ride out any waves? The ways in which this affects me could be best described with the ancient Roman number "fark all". My enjoyment of life is impacted to the exact measure of "jack shiat" if the person in front of me at the grocery store is buying a Thanksgiving decoration in August. There are no waves. There is no need for sanctimony. There is literally no meaningful impact on my life at all when Thanksgiving decorations come out in August. In fact, if it weren't for somebody at The Consumerist crying about it, I wouldn't have even thought about it. And the only reason I'm even paying it any mind now is because my day has been unusually slow and I'm killing time until my staff meeting later.

Now, if I get run over by a Wal-Mart truck delivering Christmas ornaments in September I guess I might reevaluate all this, but even then I'm guessing not.


Perhaps once the department store santas get deployed you can ask them for a new sarcasm meter for christmas.
 
2013-08-21 05:34:11 PM
I think I've figures out how this works:

1.Stores have a dedicated "seasonal" section.
2.If they don't sell all the stuff in it, they are SOL & have to fire-sale or store it until the season returns
3.They can avoid this by planning on running out of that season early
4. PROFIT!

That said, I can't imagine why they've taken it to this extreme.
 
2013-08-21 06:28:59 PM
I saw Star Wars holiday decorations at Costco last month.
 
2013-08-21 09:11:06 PM
TFA excludes places like Costco, craft stores and Hallmark and says why they do it except for Hallmark. I think that Hallmark does it because there are plenty of people who have huge xmas card lists so they want to start early and do a dozen or so a week instead of doing a marathon weekend session of hand cramping writing.

As to Halloween candy I have some bad news for you guys. They are already making xmas candy in the factories and all of the Halloween stuff is already made and sitting in warehouses somewhere. It doesn't matter when the stores put them on the shelf, they ain't going to be getting any fresher and there are people who buy the stuff for personal use and not to give to the kiddies.
 
2013-08-21 09:31:56 PM

Hyjamon: John Buck 41: You've got to be kidding me. Even worse, though, I saw 2014 calendars in a bookstore almost a month ago.  WTF?

That would be something I can see since it is an office supply.  You have a budget surplus at the end of june so you start ordering stuff for the next year.


Ok, so buy that shiat online already. Don't clutter up my gawdammed beloved indie bookstore with that shiat in late July.

Fireproof: Hyjamon: John Buck 41: You've got to be kidding me. Even worse, though, I saw 2014 calendars in a bookstore almost a month ago. WTF?

That would be something I can see since it is an office supply. You have a budget surplus at the end of june so you start ordering stuff for the next year.

Actually, I'd guess it's because they generally have an area dedicated to calendars, and they quit selling 2013 ones by this point in the year for obvious reasons.


He's generally a pretty shrewd businessman. He has to be to stay in business in this day and age. That's why I can't figure out why he devotes 2 shelves to 2014 calendars now.
 
2013-08-21 11:36:38 PM

Lorelle: I saw Star Wars holiday decorations at Costco last month.


Star Wars Labor Day decorations are completely appropriate this time of year.
 
2013-08-22 04:25:58 AM

John Buck 41: He's generally a pretty shrewd businessman. He has to be to stay in business in this day and age. That's why I can't figure out why he devotes 2 shelves to 2014 calendars now.


Some calendars start with three months of the previous year (15 month calendars). That may be it.
 
2013-08-22 10:44:17 AM
Well we need more time for the war on Christmas this year so everything get's pushed back.
 
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