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(The New Yorker)   Christie forced out of GOP presidential race because is heart grew 3 sizes   (newyorker.com ) divider line 53
    More: Satire  
•       •       •

1820 clicks; posted to Politics » on 20 Aug 2013 at 5:15 PM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-08-20 01:56:16 PM  
That was satire, subby. Though I admit, it's getting harder to tell with conservatives, these days.
 
2013-08-20 01:58:54 PM  
"Showing empathy for gays or children would have been bad enough," says Republican strategist Harland Dorrinson, one of many party leaders who called for Mr. Christie to withdraw. "But empathy for gay children is a flat-out betrayal."

In a brief statement to reporters, Mr. Christie expressed remorse for what he called "my unfortunate and ill-considered display of understanding for people different from myself," and urged the people of New Jersey to remember "my strong record of cutting funds for schools and the elderly."


I got a hearty laugh out of this one.
 
2013-08-20 01:59:29 PM  
I wouldn't be surprised if his heart did grow three sizes. The guy must be overdue for a coronary.
 
2013-08-20 02:05:32 PM  

NutWrench: That was satire, subby. Though I admit, it's getting harder to tell with conservatives, these days.


Heh, it really is.
 
vpb [TotalFark]
2013-08-20 02:07:21 PM  

NutWrench: That was satire, subby. Though I admit, it's getting harder to tell with conservatives, these days.


Probably, but it seemed like something that could actually happen.
 
2013-08-20 02:40:00 PM  
Christie really scares dems/libs....
 
2013-08-20 02:44:57 PM  

ferretman: Christie really scares dems/libs....


Not really.  The article is satire, but it does reflect the actual feelings of a large portion of the GOP regarding him.  I think Christie or Huntsman could be the strongest contenders the GOP could put forth in the actual national election, but neither one has a hope of making it through the primaries.
 
2013-08-20 03:13:04 PM  
Okay, which one of you guys is the BOROWITZ ???
 
2013-08-20 04:23:57 PM  
that reminds me of the Onion headline:


Mitt Romney haunted by past of trying to help uninsured sick people

BELMONT, MA-Though Mitt Romney is considered to be a frontrunner for the 2012 Republican presidential nomination, the national spotlight has forced him to repeatedly confront a major skeleton in his political closet: that as governor of Massachusetts he once tried to help poor, uninsured sick people.
Romney, who signed the state's 2006 health care reform act, has said he "deeply regrets" giving people in poor physical and mental health the opportunity to seek medical attention, admitting that helping very sick people get better remains a dark cloud hovering over his political career, and his biggest obstacle to becoming president of the United States of America.

"Every day I am haunted by the fact that I gave impoverished Massachusetts citizens a chance to receive health care," Romney told reporters Wednesday, adding that he feels ashamed whenever he looks back at how he forged bipartisan support to help uninsured Americans afford medicine to cure their illnesses
 
2013-08-20 04:47:53 PM  

TuteTibiImperes: but neither one has a hope of making it through the primaries


He's gonna follow the Giuliani playbook of "I remember 9/11 the most biggest"
 
2013-08-20 05:14:15 PM  
pbs.twimg.com
 
2013-08-20 05:18:45 PM  

basemetal: NutWrench: That was satire, subby. Though I admit, it's getting harder to tell with conservatives, these days.

Heh, it really is.


'Empathy' is a bad word.
 
2013-08-20 05:19:19 PM  

vernonFL: that reminds me of the Onion headline:


Mitt Romney haunted by past of trying to help uninsured sick people

BELMONT, MA-Though Mitt Romney is considered to be a frontrunner for the 2012 Republican presidential nomination, the national spotlight has forced him to repeatedly confront a major skeleton in his political closet: that as governor of Massachusetts he once tried to help poor, uninsured sick people.
Romney, who signed the state's 2006 health care reform act, has said he "deeply regrets" giving people in poor physical and mental health the opportunity to seek medical attention, admitting that helping very sick people get better remains a dark cloud hovering over his political career, and his biggest obstacle to becoming president of the United States of America.

"Every day I am haunted by the fact that I gave impoverished Massachusetts citizens a chance to receive health care," Romney told reporters Wednesday, adding that he feels ashamed whenever he looks back at how he forged bipartisan support to help uninsured Americans afford medicine to cure their illnesses


Bah, as soon as I read this headline I went to go find that. Fine, go steal my thunder. WHATEVER.

Here's the stupid link.

*sulks*
 
2013-08-20 05:20:56 PM  

ferretman: Christie really scares dems/libs....


Why do you think that? He can't eat all of us.
 
2013-08-20 05:27:51 PM  

Craptastic: ferretman: Christie really scares dems/libs....

Why do you think that? He can't eat all of us.


maybe he has aspergers and can't read social situation, when he sees liberals saying "thank god this guy isn't totally bat shiat insane like the rest of them" he interprets that to be fear.
 
2013-08-20 05:28:02 PM  
That's literally unbelievable!
 
2013-08-20 05:36:03 PM  
I enjoyed the 'Amazon founder says he clicked on Washington Post by mistake" article more.
 
2013-08-20 05:42:38 PM  

Headso: Craptastic: ferretman: Christie really scares dems/libs....

Why do you think that? He can't eat all of us.

maybe he has aspergers and can't read social situation, when he sees liberals saying "thank god this guy isn't totally bat shiat insane like the rest of them" he interprets that to be fear.


Nah, being a sociopath is not the same as having Asperger's
 
2013-08-20 05:43:07 PM  

ferretman: Christie really scares dems/libs....


I would be THRILLED if the Republicans nominated Christie. It would mean that even if he won there would be the assumption of at least some competency in the White House.

Couldn't say the same about Santorum, Palin, or the rest of the retards that look likely to run.
 
2013-08-20 05:43:09 PM  

ferretman: Christie really scares dems/libs....


I have often been accused of being a liberal democrat and I really don't mind the guy all that much. He seems to have a touch of common sense about him
 
2013-08-20 05:46:02 PM  
I'm leaning toward satire, but I just cannot be 100% sure.
 
2013-08-20 05:50:13 PM  

ferretman: Christie really scares dems/libs....


You really don't get it, do you?

I'm a Democrat.  I would like nothing better than an actual Republican to run against.  Someone in the mold of a William F. Buckley Jr. who had reasoned positions and a functional intellect.

But no, about all we have left of that stripe is McCain.  And the rest of the GOP seems to consist of reactionaries.

Good government is a compromise between visions.  Bad government is simply parroting talking points.  You may have noticed that Washington is paralyzed of late.  You may have noticed the reason for this paralysis is the Republican party has become incapable of negotiation.  You may also have noticed that, although the Republicans got less than 50% of the House votes, they hold more than 60% of the House seats.  We have a problem here, and it isn't going to be fixed until true 'Conservatives' take back the Republican party.

I might even vote for them if they did.
 
2013-08-20 05:55:39 PM  
No thank you. Despite all the 'he wouldn't be so bad' I hear on FARK, I am not going to support Chrisite. Even as much as I don't really want to see Hillary get the Democratic nod, I will do everything I can to assure the GOP does not get a Supremes appointment for at least the next two decades.
 
2013-08-20 05:58:45 PM  

Lunchlady: ferretman: Christie really scares dems/libs....

I would be THRILLED if the Republicans nominated Christie. It would mean that even if he won there would be the assumption of at least some competency in the White House.

Couldn't say the same about Santorum, Palin, or the rest of the retards that look likely to run.


Except for the fact that he's for the NSA spying on us with impunity, kinda like the guy.

But much like scat play, that issue is a dealbreaker.
 
2013-08-20 06:00:26 PM  
Hmm, just sayin':

http://opa.ahsc.arizona.edu/newsroom/news/2007/link-between-obesity- an d-enlarged-heart-discovered-ua-researchers

I'd bet that the fat fark's ticker is more than three sizes enlarged at this point.
 
2013-08-20 06:03:43 PM  
The sad part is that it is realistic. The GOP hates everyone who has anything good to say to any Democrat or approves with anything Obama says or does. The GOP are sociopaths.
 
2013-08-20 06:04:20 PM  
Alright, these are getting a little better.  Not quite Onion territory yet, but he's finding his voice.
 
2013-08-20 06:05:49 PM  
IF Christie wins the primaries (and this is a big if). they would still  pair him up with a batshiat crazy teabagger.
 
2013-08-20 06:10:29 PM  

Goimir: Lunchlady: ferretman: Christie really scares dems/libs....

I would be THRILLED if the Republicans nominated Christie. It would mean that even if he won there would be the assumption of at least some competency in the White House.

Couldn't say the same about Santorum, Palin, or the rest of the retards that look likely to run.

Except for the fact that he's for the NSA spying on us with impunity, kinda like the guy.

But much like scat play, that issue is a dealbreaker.


Sad fact is that Obama is too, and the next Democrat probably will be as well.

I'd vote for a third party except I'm not an idiot.
 
2013-08-20 06:16:57 PM  

Lunchlady: ferretman: Christie really scares dems/libs....

I would be THRILLED if the Republicans nominated Christie. It would mean that even if he won there would be the assumption of at least some competency in the White House.

Couldn't say the same about Santorum, Palin, or the rest of the retards that look likely to run.


I'm a pretty libby lib and I might even vote for Christy over Hillary(if I have the option to) solely for the sake of healing the hatred of the conservatives. Conservatives hated Obama from day 1 with a passion, and he's certainly not the most liberal President ever, in fact he's done almost nothing to deserve hatred, everything that ever goes wrong or displeases conservatives is blown way out of proportion and is all Obama's fault even when half the time Obama had nothing to do with it at all. To be perfectly honest it's because he's Black. No white president ever has inspired this much hatred for such little cause. The people who hate him hate him with a passion. That hate spreads to everything associated with him, including liberalism. Obama caused a huge shift to the right for moderate conservatives and more worryingly a shift away from even trying to work together.

The same thing would happen if Hillary because she's a woman. Sexism is strong in America even if, like racism it's not usually shown overtly. We're already seeing the absolute hatred of Hillary with little to no reason for it (like those slap Hillary flash games by conservative superpacs). If we're ever going to accomplish anything, we have to heal the partisan divide and I hate to say it but another white male president stands a much better of doing this.
 
2013-08-20 06:19:31 PM  

NutWrench: That was satire, subby. Though I admit, it's getting harder to tell with conservatives, these days.


Honestly, this guy has been making some really good choices since the hurricane wrecked his state.  I asked a buddy the other day if he knew if he was up for re-election this year or something.
 
2013-08-20 06:20:35 PM  

Grandiloquent Grapefruit: Lunchlady: ferretman: Christie really scares dems/libs....

I would be THRILLED if the Republicans nominated Christie. It would mean that even if he won there would be the assumption of at least some competency in the White House.

Couldn't say the same about Santorum, Palin, or the rest of the retards that look likely to run.

I'm a pretty libby lib and I might even vote for Christy over Hillary(if I have the option to) solely for the sake of healing the hatred of the conservatives. Conservatives hated Obama from day 1 with a passion, and he's certainly not the most liberal President ever, in fact he's done almost nothing to deserve hatred, everything that ever goes wrong or displeases conservatives is blown way out of proportion and is all Obama's fault even when half the time Obama had nothing to do with it at all. To be perfectly honest it's because he's Black. No white president ever has inspired this much hatred for such little cause. The people who hate him hate him with a passion. That hate spreads to everything associated with him, including liberalism. Obama caused a huge shift to the right for moderate conservatives and more worryingly a shift away from even trying to work together.

The same thing would happen if Hillary because she's a woman. Sexism is strong in America even if, like racism it's not usually shown overtly. We're already seeing the absolute hatred of Hillary with little to no reason for it (like those slap Hillary flash games by conservative superpacs). If we're ever going to accomplish anything, we have to heal the partisan divide and I hate to say it but another white male president stands a much better of doing this.


No we don't. Republicans have no plan for the country other than privatizing everything and the continued concentration of wealth at the top. They can go to hell.
 
2013-08-20 06:25:39 PM  

TuteTibiImperes: ferretman: Christie really scares dems/libs....

Not really.  The article is satire, but it does reflect the actual feelings of a large portion of the GOP regarding him.  I think Christie or Huntsman could be the strongest contenders the GOP could put forth in the actual national election, but neither one has a hope of making it through the primaries.


I dunno. Lots of people thought Romney would be put down in the primaries because of his actions as governor. He benefited from the rest of field being so laughably insane. It would be a grisly fight, but all he'd have to do is wait for the other candidates to say something too stupid to ignore.
 
2013-08-20 06:27:29 PM  

UrukHaiGuyz: Grandiloquent Grapefruit: Lunchlady: ferretman: Christie really scares dems/libs....

I would be THRILLED if the Republicans nominated Christie. It would mean that even if he won there would be the assumption of at least some competency in the White House.

Couldn't say the same about Santorum, Palin, or the rest of the retards that look likely to run.

I'm a pretty libby lib and I might even vote for Christy over Hillary(if I have the option to) solely for the sake of healing the hatred of the conservatives. Conservatives hated Obama from day 1 with a passion, and he's certainly not the most liberal President ever, in fact he's done almost nothing to deserve hatred, everything that ever goes wrong or displeases conservatives is blown way out of proportion and is all Obama's fault even when half the time Obama had nothing to do with it at all. To be perfectly honest it's because he's Black. No white president ever has inspired this much hatred for such little cause. The people who hate him hate him with a passion. That hate spreads to everything associated with him, including liberalism. Obama caused a huge shift to the right for moderate conservatives and more worryingly a shift away from even trying to work together.

The same thing would happen if Hillary because she's a woman. Sexism is strong in America even if, like racism it's not usually shown overtly. We're already seeing the absolute hatred of Hillary with little to no reason for it (like those slap Hillary flash games by conservative superpacs). If we're ever going to accomplish anything, we have to heal the partisan divide and I hate to say it but another white male president stands a much better of doing this.

No we don't. Republicans have no plan for the country other than privatizing everything and the continued concentration of wealth at the top. They can go to hell.


Ya I'm gonna agree. My acceptance of Christie notwithstanding voting for him because it would help reactionary dumbfarks be more comfortable is a terrible frigin reason. The only way we as a country are going to get anywhere is by showing that we outnumber them and we don't really care to assist them in their close-mindedness.
 
2013-08-20 06:51:44 PM  

Grandiloquent Grapefruit: Lunchlady: ferretman: Christie really scares dems/libs....

I would be THRILLED if the Republicans nominated Christie. It would mean that even if he won there would be the assumption of at least some competency in the White House.

Couldn't say the same about Santorum, Palin, or the rest of the retards that look likely to run.

I'm a pretty libby lib and I might even vote for Christy over Hillary(if I have the option to) solely for the sake of healing the hatred of the conservatives. Conservatives hated Obama from day 1 with a passion, and he's certainly not the most liberal President ever, in fact he's done almost nothing to deserve hatred, everything that ever goes wrong or displeases conservatives is blown way out of proportion and is all Obama's fault even when half the time Obama had nothing to do with it at all. To be perfectly honest it's because he's Black. No white president ever has inspired this much hatred for such little cause. The people who hate him hate him with a passion. That hate spreads to everything associated with him, including liberalism. Obama caused a huge shift to the right for moderate conservatives and more worryingly a shift away from even trying to work together.

The same thing would happen if Hillary because she's a woman. Sexism is strong in America even if, like racism it's not usually shown overtly. We're already seeing the absolute hatred of Hillary with little to no reason for it (like those slap Hillary flash games by conservative superpacs). If we're ever going to accomplish anything, we have to heal the partisan divide and I hate to say it but another white male president stands a much better of doing this.


That would be effectively rewarding the GOP for their temper tantrum, which would be awful.

There's another way to get things done - win the House back and keep control of the Senate and the White House.  With full control over the executive and legislative branches the Democrats won't have to listen to the Republican biatching and screaming, we'll just pass everything without their consent while laughing as their faces get redder and redder and they start to froth at the mouth.
 
2013-08-20 06:55:10 PM  
m8.i.pbase.com
"I  still don't trust him!"

/Obscure?
 
2013-08-20 06:57:57 PM  

ferretman: Christie really scares dems/libsreps/cons....


FTFY
 
2013-08-20 07:07:41 PM  

Nadie_AZ: "Showing empathy for gays or children would have been bad enough," says Republican strategist Harland Dorrinson, one of many party leaders who called for Mr. Christie to withdraw. "But empathy for gay children is a flat-out betrayal."

In a brief statement to reporters, Mr. Christie expressed remorse for what he called "my unfortunate and ill-considered display of understanding for people different from myself," and urged the people of New Jersey to remember "my strong record of cutting funds for schools and the elderly."

I got a hearty laugh out of this one.


ok now that is funny
 
2013-08-20 07:17:41 PM  

Lunchlady: Goimir: Lunchlady: ferretman: Christie really scares dems/libs....

I would be THRILLED if the Republicans nominated Christie. It would mean that even if he won there would be the assumption of at least some competency in the White House.

Couldn't say the same about Santorum, Palin, or the rest of the retards that look likely to run.

Except for the fact that he's for the NSA spying on us with impunity, kinda like the guy.

But much like scat play, that issue is a dealbreaker.

Sad fact is that Obama is too, and the next Democrat probably will be as well.

I'd vote for a third party except I'm not an idiot.


That reminds me, what ever happened to a farker named Gat?
 
2013-08-20 07:17:54 PM  

UrukHaiGuyz: Grandiloquent Grapefruit: Lunchlady: ferretman: Christie really scares dems/libs....

I would be THRILLED if the Republicans nominated Christie. It would mean that even if he won there would be the assumption of at least some competency in the White House.

Couldn't say the same about Santorum, Palin, or the rest of the retards that look likely to run.

I'm a pretty libby lib and I might even vote for Christy over Hillary(if I have the option to) solely for the sake of healing the hatred of the conservatives. Conservatives hated Obama from day 1 with a passion, and he's certainly not the most liberal President ever, in fact he's done almost nothing to deserve hatred, everything that ever goes wrong or displeases conservatives is blown way out of proportion and is all Obama's fault even when half the time Obama had nothing to do with it at all. To be perfectly honest it's because he's Black. No white president ever has inspired this much hatred for such little cause. The people who hate him hate him with a passion. That hate spreads to everything associated with him, including liberalism. Obama caused a huge shift to the right for moderate conservatives and more worryingly a shift away from even trying to work together.

The same thing would happen if Hillary because she's a woman. Sexism is strong in America even if, like racism it's not usually shown overtly. We're already seeing the absolute hatred of Hillary with little to no reason for it (like those slap Hillary flash games by conservative superpacs). If we're ever going to accomplish anything, we have to heal the partisan divide and I hate to say it but another white male president stands a much better of doing this.

No we don't. Republicans have no plan for the country other than privatizing everything and the continued concentration of wealth at the top. They can go to hell.


So having half the electorate and elected officials constantly hate us so much that they will never listen to our views and obstruct us from doing anything at every turn is the best way to function? Right got it.
 
2013-08-20 07:20:29 PM  

Grandiloquent Grapefruit: UrukHaiGuyz: Grandiloquent Grapefruit: Lunchlady: ferretman: Christie really scares dems/libs....

I would be THRILLED if the Republicans nominated Christie. It would mean that even if he won there would be the assumption of at least some competency in the White House.

Couldn't say the same about Santorum, Palin, or the rest of the retards that look likely to run.

I'm a pretty libby lib and I might even vote for Christy over Hillary(if I have the option to) solely for the sake of healing the hatred of the conservatives. Conservatives hated Obama from day 1 with a passion, and he's certainly not the most liberal President ever, in fact he's done almost nothing to deserve hatred, everything that ever goes wrong or displeases conservatives is blown way out of proportion and is all Obama's fault even when half the time Obama had nothing to do with it at all. To be perfectly honest it's because he's Black. No white president ever has inspired this much hatred for such little cause. The people who hate him hate him with a passion. That hate spreads to everything associated with him, including liberalism. Obama caused a huge shift to the right for moderate conservatives and more worryingly a shift away from even trying to work together.

The same thing would happen if Hillary because she's a woman. Sexism is strong in America even if, like racism it's not usually shown overtly. We're already seeing the absolute hatred of Hillary with little to no reason for it (like those slap Hillary flash games by conservative superpacs). If we're ever going to accomplish anything, we have to heal the partisan divide and I hate to say it but another white male president stands a much better of doing this.

No we don't. Republicans have no plan for the country other than privatizing everything and the continued concentration of wealth at the top. They can go to hell.

So having half the electorate and elected officials constantly hate us so much that they will never listen to our views ...


All the Democrats need to do is get a majority in both houses of Congress while keeping the presidency and the Republicans can hate all the want, they just won't be able to do anything about it.

Eventually if they want to have a voice in government again they're going to have to reform their party to actually appeal to sane rational people again.  Feeding the current teabagger infected monster isn't good for anyone.
 
2013-08-20 07:24:51 PM  

TuteTibiImperes: Grandiloquent Grapefruit: Lunchlady: ferretman: Christie really scares dems/libs....

I would be THRILLED if the Republicans nominated Christie. It would mean that even if he won there would be the assumption of at least some competency in the White House.

Couldn't say the same about Santorum, Palin, or the rest of the retards that look likely to run.

I'm a pretty libby lib and I might even vote for Christy over Hillary(if I have the option to) solely for the sake of healing the hatred of the conservatives. Conservatives hated Obama from day 1 with a passion, and he's certainly not the most liberal President ever, in fact he's done almost nothing to deserve hatred, everything that ever goes wrong or displeases conservatives is blown way out of proportion and is all Obama's fault even when half the time Obama had nothing to do with it at all. To be perfectly honest it's because he's Black. No white president ever has inspired this much hatred for such little cause. The people who hate him hate him with a passion. That hate spreads to everything associated with him, including liberalism. Obama caused a huge shift to the right for moderate conservatives and more worryingly a shift away from even trying to work together.

The same thing would happen if Hillary because she's a woman. Sexism is strong in America even if, like racism it's not usually shown overtly. We're already seeing the absolute hatred of Hillary with little to no reason for it (like those slap Hillary flash games by conservative superpacs). If we're ever going to accomplish anything, we have to heal the partisan divide and I hate to say it but another white male president stands a much better of doing this.

That would be effectively rewarding the GOP for their temper tantrum, which would be awful.

There's another way to get things done - win the House back and keep control of the Senate and the White House.  With full control over the executive and legislative branches the Democrats won't have to l ...


If this were possible I'd be all for it, unfortunately we'd probably need 60% of the votes in the House to break even in numbers of Reps thanks to that good old gerrymandering.
 
2013-08-20 08:14:43 PM  
lol he is fat
 
2013-08-20 09:03:37 PM  
He's trying to thread the needle by also vetoing the ban on .50 caliber rifles that he once supported. You know, the kind that can take down an airplane, the kind that people on the no fly list and terrorist watch list can still buy thanks to the NRA.
 
2013-08-20 09:11:06 PM  
Yep, he'll be the front runner until somebody on the terrorist watch list shoots down an airliner with a .50Cal sniper rifle.
 
2013-08-20 09:24:50 PM  

Dusk-You-n-Me: [pbs.twimg.com image 640x367]


I don't think anything that Ted Cruz or Rand Paul does in the name of business (and receiving money from those businesses for their Super PACs) can be considered "Populist".
 
2013-08-20 09:55:52 PM  
I remember when the modmins would fix simple typos.
 
2013-08-20 10:11:55 PM  

Cheater71: That reminds me, what ever happened to a farker named Gat?



I've been wondering the same thing. Dude used to be everywhere. I asked once or twice, probably after the threads went moribund on me, but never got an answer from anyone.

My wild guess is he got tired of this place.
 
2013-08-21 01:06:49 AM  
Dude needs to cut back on the fried food.  An enlarged heart is serious stuff, man.
 
2013-08-21 01:14:00 AM  

phaseolus: Cheater71: That reminds me, what ever happened to a farker named Gat?


I've been wondering the same thing. Dude used to be everywhere. I asked once or twice, probably after the threads went moribund on me, but never got an answer from anyone.

My wild guess is he got tired of this place.


Wow, I guess my block list contains a cultural relic now...
 
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