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(Slate)   Dear Prudence, My slutty good for nothing niece is about to marry my bastard son. What should I do?   (slate.com) divider line 141
    More: Obvious, Prudi, David Plotz, Emily Yoffe, nieces, biological fathers, Prudie advises  
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18151 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Aug 2013 at 4:11 PM (46 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



141 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-08-20 02:05:16 PM
From a genetic standpoint, their relationship is actually still distant enough for the risks to be negligible.

From a financial standpoint, Maury would probably pay a small fortune for this one.
 
2013-08-20 02:22:33 PM
I was feelin' pretty down
'Till my girlfriend came around
We're just so alike in every way
I gotta say

In fact, I just thought I might
Pop the question there that night
I was kissing her so tenderly
But woe is me

Who would have guessed
Her family crest
I'd suddely spy
Tattooed on her thigh
And son-of-a-gun
It's just like the one on me

Tell me
How was I supposed to know we were both related?
Believe me, if I knew she was my cousin we never would have dated
What to do now? Should I go ahead and propose
And get hitched and have kids with eleven toes
And move to Alabama where that kind of thing is tolerated?
 
2013-08-20 02:27:56 PM
Any link that can directly reference Weird Al lyrics gets my vote!
 
2013-08-20 02:41:44 PM
"slutty" you say?
 
2013-08-20 02:46:29 PM
Spay or neuter your pests.
 
2013-08-20 03:17:39 PM
Was Dear Prudence always like Anon-DIT?
 
2013-08-20 03:27:56 PM
Woe is she
Shame and scandal in the family.
 
2013-08-20 03:33:49 PM

Diogenes: Was Dear Prudence always like Anon-DIT?


lol
 
2013-08-20 04:13:33 PM
I thought Sean Bean died in first season.
 
2013-08-20 04:13:45 PM
post photos of the wedding, thats what you should do.
 
2013-08-20 04:13:58 PM
This is why the preacher asks "If anyone here knows of a reason these two should not be wed speak now"  He should definitely speak up at that point I'm sure all involved would thank him.
 
2013-08-20 04:15:18 PM
Prudie rolls 8 ball: "Ask me again."
 
2013-08-20 04:15:44 PM
The weirder part of that whole question is the Prudi response, which is basically,
"don't tell anyone they're cousins, and btw I think cousin farking should be legal."
 
2013-08-20 04:16:07 PM
I have three incredibly hot cousins.  There, I said it.
 
2013-08-20 04:17:25 PM
It's going to come out eventually.  There's a very awkward day coming in this couples future.
 
2013-08-20 04:18:54 PM
cue the letter in a year:

Prudie,
My family and in-laws lied to me and let me marry my cousin. I thought I loved her, but this breach of trust really gives me second thoughts.  But the hot cousin sex is good.  What should I do?
 
2013-08-20 04:19:12 PM
How much does slate pay for these links?
 
2013-08-20 04:19:49 PM

blatz514: I have three incredibly hot cousins.  There, I said it.


What are you saying?  You want to date one?  Post pictures and we'll help you choose.
 
2013-08-20 04:19:52 PM
Reply from Dear Prudence:

"Congratulate your bastard son on a job well done"

/had one friend in school with a buncha red-hot (and very wild) cousins
//he was bangin' all of them and all us other guys were green with envy
 
2013-08-20 04:20:31 PM
Your only hope is to put on your best pair of crotchless panties, slather yourself in pickled egg juice, roll in ground up pork rinds then tell that bastard son you are his late night love snack.
 
2013-08-20 04:21:18 PM
Now that they're in love, there's absolutely no way to stop this without farking them up for life. Unless the family already has a lot of recessive genetic disorders, the chances of farked-up babies from a one-off first cousin marriage is really slim. Just leave them alone.
 
2013-08-20 04:21:26 PM

PhilGed: The weirder part of that whole question is the Prudi response, which is basically,
"don't tell anyone they're cousins, and btw I think cousin farking should be legal."


I noticed that, too and snortled as I was reading it.  This is a weird aside, but I remember reading an advice column on Boston.com where an older divorced woman had not dated in decades and asked for advice.  The usually normal advice columnist told her to shave her vagina.
 
2013-08-20 04:22:37 PM
I have six pretty good looking sister in laws, so if something happens to the wife, i can move one on in, cause it ain't like we blood related. They are all the same size as my wife, so i wouldnt have to worry about a new wardrobe.

/sister in laws mmm mmm mmm
 
2013-08-20 04:23:01 PM

blatz514: I have three incredibly hot cousins.  There, I said it.


I have two cousins I won't have minded marrying. Or at least honeymooning with.
 
2013-08-20 04:23:20 PM
31.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-08-20 04:24:00 PM
WTF? Don't they require blood tests for your marriage license up there in the DC area?
 
2013-08-20 04:24:08 PM

LeroyBourne: blatz514: I have three incredibly hot cousins.  There, I said it.

What are you saying?  You want to date one?  Post pictures and we'll help you choose.


One is married.  One lives in Oregon and the other one, well, yikes*.

*She hasn't gotten around I have been told.

/also she's only 18
 
2013-08-20 04:24:12 PM
My grandmother was the child of first cousins, and I turned out just potato.
 
2013-08-20 04:24:18 PM
Years ago I went to a friend's wedding up in the wild hinterlands of Wiscansin.

The brides cousins were already drunk and frisky during the wedding ceremony. They wanted me to drive them to the reception but I declined and drove home to my girlfriend.

I have always regretted not going with them.
 
2013-08-20 04:24:30 PM
In other news, Slate approves of wincest!
 
2013-08-20 04:25:14 PM

Chinchillazilla: Now that they're in love, there's absolutely no way to stop this without farking them up for life. Unless the family already has a lot of recessive genetic disorders, the chances of farked-up babies from a one-off first cousin marriage is really slim. Just leave them alone.


If you're a cruelly funny person, when do you think the best time to reveal this would be?  They've likely already been having sex.  They're not married yet.  The big reveal is his dad is not really his dad and he's been f*ing his cousin.
I say on a Today Show with Matt Lauer special during the reception.
 
2013-08-20 04:26:54 PM

illannoyin: Years ago I went to a friend's wedding up in the wild hinterlands of Wiscansin.

The brides cousins were already drunk and frisky during the wedding ceremony. They wanted me to drive them to the reception but I declined and drove home to my girlfriend.

I have always regretted not going with them.


I've highlighted the biggest regret you should have about that.
 
2013-08-20 04:27:13 PM

theflatline: I have six pretty good looking sister in laws, so if something happens to the wife, i can move one on in, cause it ain't like we blood related. They are all the same size as my wife, so i wouldnt have to worry about a new wardrobe.

/sister in laws mmm mmm mmm


So... in your parts if your wife dies you remarry a sister of hers, and have to supply the clothing?
 
2013-08-20 04:27:44 PM
Also...

Link
 
2013-08-20 04:27:50 PM
Actually, come to think of it, I'm surprised no one has hijacked Slate's comment thread with pictures of Spiderman.
 
2013-08-20 04:29:16 PM

varmitydog: WTF? Don't they require blood tests for your marriage license up there in the DC area?


Not in Maryland. Unless they changed it.
 
2013-08-20 04:29:18 PM

PhilGed: The weirder part of that whole question is the Prudi response, which is basically,
"don't tell anyone they're cousins, and btw I think cousin farking should be legal."


That's cause she has a hot cousin.
 
2013-08-20 04:29:29 PM

Was his name Clevon?

encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com
 
2013-08-20 04:30:10 PM

Halstread: theflatline: I have six pretty good looking sister in laws, so if something happens to the wife, i can move one on in, cause it ain't like we blood related. They are all the same size as my wife, so i wouldnt have to worry about a new wardrobe.

/sister in laws mmm mmm mmm

So... in your parts if your wife dies you remarry a sister of hers, and have to supply the clothing?


No, it is a common joke my wife makes with me, it something happens to her, I can marry one of her sisters.  We joke about it because they all share clothes, shoes, etc, so it would not be much a strain to move one in..
 
2013-08-20 04:30:43 PM
Are Dear Prudence letters sponsored links now?  I swear, we see more of these than we ever saw Cracked lists.
 
2013-08-20 04:30:47 PM

Uncle Pooky: illannoyin: Years ago I went to a friend's wedding up in the wild hinterlands of Wiscansin.

The brides cousins were already drunk and frisky during the wedding ceremony. They wanted me to drive them to the reception but I declined and drove home to my girlfriend.

I have always regretted not going with them.

I've highlighted the biggest regret you should have about that.


Yes. It has been many years and I will probably never be able to let it go.

Also, if the niece in question is slutty she's at least good for something right?
 
2013-08-20 04:31:02 PM
Don't show up for the wedding?
 
2013-08-20 04:31:38 PM

Nana's Vibrator: Chinchillazilla: Now that they're in love, there's absolutely no way to stop this without farking them up for life. Unless the family already has a lot of recessive genetic disorders, the chances of farked-up babies from a one-off first cousin marriage is really slim. Just leave them alone.

If you're a cruelly funny person, when do you think the best time to reveal this would be?  They've likely already been having sex.  They're not married yet.  The big reveal is his dad is not really his dad and he's been f*ing his cousin.
I say on a Today Show with Matt Lauer special during the reception.


Probably busting in on them while they're having sex
 
2013-08-20 04:32:15 PM
prudy joins the rest
incest is the best !


/not on my shift
 
2013-08-20 04:34:21 PM

blatz514: I have three incredibly hot cousins.  There, I said it.


Wellon Dowd: I have two cousins I won't have minded marrying. Or at least honeymooning with.


You're not the only ones, true for me too; and I've got several friends who have also confessed screwing around with cousins too.
 
2013-08-20 04:35:00 PM
Holy shiat. I'd be terrified. The friggin' odds of that happening in the first place....and then what IF something goes bad and there's some kind of genetic problem and the son finds out the truth. Now your son, your sister AND your niece all hate your f*cking guts forever. In addition to...you know...having a grandson with life problems that you could have prevented.
 
2013-08-20 04:35:44 PM

Nana's Vibrator: Chinchillazilla: Now that they're in love, there's absolutely no way to stop this without farking them up for life. Unless the family already has a lot of recessive genetic disorders, the chances of farked-up babies from a one-off first cousin marriage is really slim. Just leave them alone.

If you're a cruelly funny person, when do you think the best time to reveal this would be?  They've likely already been having sex.  They're not married yet.  The big reveal is his dad is not really his dad and he's been f*ing his cousin.
I say on a Today Show with Matt Lauer special during the reception.


The meanest time would be when she's a couple days away from popping out their second child.
 
2013-08-20 04:36:17 PM

PhilGed: The weirder part of that whole question is the Prudi response, which is basically,
"don't tell anyone they're cousins, and btw I think cousin farking should be legal."


She wasn't paying attention to her response
She was slitchin it.
 
2013-08-20 04:36:27 PM

theflatline: Halstread: theflatline: I have six pretty good looking sister in laws, so if something happens to the wife, i can move one on in, cause it ain't like we blood related. They are all the same size as my wife, so i wouldnt have to worry about a new wardrobe.

/sister in laws mmm mmm mmm

So... in your parts if your wife dies you remarry a sister of hers, and have to supply the clothing?

No, it is a common joke my wife makes with me, it something happens to her, I can marry one of her sisters.  We joke about it because they all share clothes, shoes, etc, so it would not be much a strain to move one in..


How..exactly does that conversation go?

Wife: They borrow all my stuff they may as well borrow you, too!
You: *no response due to awkwardness*
Wife: ha ha ha ha you should bang my sisters!  Ha ha ha!
You: maybe just ask Brittany to give me a handy while we're all drunk?
Wife *Slap!*  you're such a sick pervert!  I'm leaving you!
You: OK, I'll get the lube
 
2013-08-20 04:38:02 PM

Wellon Dowd: blatz514: I have three incredibly hot cousins.  There, I said it.

I have two cousins I won't have minded marrying. Or at least honeymooning with.



Awwww shiat. Is this where this thread is going?

/homerbackingintothebushes.jpg
 
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