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Golf course shooting leaves hole in one, thieves steal Robert Luongo's tires rather than waiting for the wheels to come off by themselves, and how to turn a fish vegetarian: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 8/11 - 8/17 
Posted by Unfreakable at 2013-08-19 6:38:01 PM (4 comments) | Permalink

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1876 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Aug 2013 at 6:40 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Some good ones this week. My personal favorite was the Hole in One headline, but several favorites to choose from.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2013-08-11 to Sat 2013-08-17:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  That must be some important potato  

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  One man is going on-strike for "Middle Child Day," which is designed to get middle children all the "respect and attention they deserve." Naturally, he's being ignored  

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Bernard Madoff was in a love triangle with a former employee. Which is no surprise since without triangles you can't make a pyramid  

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Judge rules baby must change name from Messiah to Martin because it "could put him at odds with a lot of people" in an area with a large Christian population. Because nobody named Martin ever got in a big feud with Christianity  

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Do you find it suspicious that a millionaire's wife drowns after falling overboard in the middle of the night while yachting in the Hamptons? Natalie would  

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Shootout near golf course leaves hole in one  

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Over 40 multi-millionaires killed in Nigeria attack. Next-of-kin to receive notification by email  

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Nudist says nudists are "protective of all their members." Me too; it's why I wear clothes  

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Human rights group calls for a boycott of Hitler wine. Experts say you can tell it's a true bottle of Hitler when all the French wines in your cellar refuse to come out of hiding  

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Body found in fridge is that of missing boy; positive I.D. made after seeing his face on a milk carton  

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Police locate missing video store owner, who was most likely over at the Quick Stop the whole time  


Sports:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Atlanta Falcons fans didn't hear about the new NFL bag rule, resulting in "hundreds" of purses being held at the security station. Considering they just recently started figuring out what time the games actually start, baby steps  

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Thieves steal Roberto Luongo's tires. Should have just waited till April when the wheels come off all by themselves  

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Tejada they come, Tejada they fall  


Geek:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Scientists turn a carnivorous fish into a vegetarian, presumably by the tried-and-true method: give him a vegetarian girlfriend  

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Today may or may not be Erwin Schrodinger's birthday  

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Lab scientists get regenerated human heart tissue to beat on its own, try to bury it under the floorboards to make the damn thing stop  


Entertainment:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Oprah Winfrey on the Switzerland flap: "I'm in a store and the person doesn't obviously know that I carry the black card." They know now that you've played it  

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Snooki visits DNA testing facility to determine the identity of her birth species  

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Spunky Brewster  


Politics:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  A new trend in DC has emerged as members of both political parties have been compromising on issues in hopes the get things done. Pundits are calling this trend "Democracy" and if it's not stopped they fear it could spread to the rest of the nation  

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Haters gonna hate: Mayor Bloomberg is having a custom-built $13,000 copper bathtub installed in his Upper East Side townhouse. Experts say it will hold at least 140 64oz Big Gulps  

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  The Sheriff of the Florida county whose officers shot an unarmed black man in the legs two weeks ago complains that he is "hobbled by the law". Which, as we all can agree, is the worst way to be hobbled  


Business:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  BlackBerry CEO states that the future of his company is so bright he's looking to sell it, or form a partnership, or a joint venture, or anything really if someone is willing to give him money  

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Hedge fund manager John Paulson buys a $512 million Steinway, gets the black keys thrown in for free  

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  AOL chief apologizes for firing a worker during a meeting, says he should have done it on AOL where no one would have known about it
· · ·
(view entire blog)


4 Comments   (+0 »)
   
 
2013-08-19 08:35:16 PM  
I like the "important potato" headline...
 
2013-08-19 08:56:35 PM  
I liked "Shootout near golf course leaves hole in one."
 
2013-08-19 09:29:59 PM  
Best was the stealing of Robert Luongo's tires...when the wheels would just have come off in April.  You don't have to be Vancouverian to get that one.  Maybe Cory Schneider didn't find it funny...
 
Oak
2013-08-19 11:17:16 PM  
3.  "Black card."
2.  Hobbled.
1.  Luongo.  Chicken dinner.
 
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