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(Patheos)   Progressive Christian (yes, they exist) lays out case for Evangelical Republicans being guilty of Onanism, and no he isn't talking about when they think of Saint Sarah at night   (patheos.com) divider line 29
    More: Obvious, progressive Christians, Republican, sister-in-law  
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3344 clicks; posted to Politics » on 19 Aug 2013 at 2:25 PM (34 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-08-19 03:02:47 PM
5 votes:
The thing that always bothered me about the story of Onan is there is really no way to tell how hot the sister-in-law was.
2013-08-19 02:36:54 PM
5 votes:

Weaver95: That was a very well written article. Damn shame the lesson is lost on the modern evangelical movement tho.


Someone should compile a list of lessons taught in the bible that are completely lost on modern evangelical movements.

Lessons: the Bible's Good Teachings or LBGT for short.
2013-08-19 02:53:29 PM
4 votes:
I read that as "Onionism" and thought it meant that Evangelical Republicans don't know the difference between reality and satire.
2013-08-19 06:32:32 PM
2 votes:
spongeboob:
By the by how do you grade atheism?

well, it was really good on the approach and mount, but the dismount was pretty rough.  I'd give it a 4.3 overall.
2013-08-19 06:32:23 PM
2 votes:

walkingtall: Weaver95: it should be irrelevant to you what others think about your gods. what matters is YOUR connection to the divine, not theirs.

If you cannot defend your faith what is the use? What would happen if Im wrong? I was an atheist from the very darkest pits of atheism. Nobody was more atheist than me. However, I did come to the realization about what I believed and its implications for example how I raised my children, and I knew that if there was truth I wanted to know it no matter what the outcome might be. If it meant all was pointless in this life then so be it. If there truly was no God then so be it. If there was and was unknowable then so be it. Etc. I simply wanted to walk in truth whatever that might be.

Being able to defend my faith is very relevant. It does matter. I might never reach a single person on any site I write to but just maybe I can plant a seed. A seed to help someone seek the truth. That is why I put up with the abuse and the names and definitely being in the minority on most subjects. To be laughed at and called names even just on the Internet is painful. Nobody likes to think everyone thinks them stupid. Yet here I am.


Aaaaaaaand farkied: Chick tract. Probably bringing poeslaw to the Fark potluck.
2013-08-19 04:58:32 PM
2 votes:

draypresct: ArcadianRefugee: Infernalist: That whole mythology gets 'really' interesting when you find out that Ahura Mazda had a son named Mithras that came to earth in the flesh, had a dozen disciples, died and went to hell to fight Ahriman for the souls of mankind.

And then he rose from the dead.

And, as I understand it, the mythology predates Christianity by about a thousand years or so.

[i.imgur.com image 640x729]

I really don't think the god of wine was "King of Kings" or "Alpha and Omega". I also don't think he was born of a virgin.

Citations, please?


Were you wanting the long-form birth certificate?
2013-08-19 03:30:46 PM
2 votes:

Kristoph57: Someone should compile a list of lessons taught in the bible that are completely lost on modern evangelical movements.


You are too late, its already been compiled.  Here is what it looks like:

www.ejesusbracelets.com
2013-08-19 03:14:47 PM
2 votes:

Uranus Is Huge!: walkingtall: Problems with this article:
*walkingtall is too stupid to overcome what he's been told is true.

I have known what the true point of the story is even before I became a Christian. I have never stepped foot in a church nor talked to another Christian that interprets this in any way different then the author does. He died for violating the spirit of the law. That is what Jesus fought the Pharisees about so vehemently. They got the laws right technically and missed the entire point and spirit of the law. The author uses this like this is some kind of profound knowledge only known to world outside of Christendom. That is where the article fails so badly.

My favorite parts of the bible are the ones where Jesus tells everybody how wrong they are, but never gets around to telling them why or what's right.


Should have made this a long time ago:

i.imgur.com
2013-08-19 02:50:08 PM
2 votes:

Obama's Reptiloid Master: hubiestubert: You mean the Bible actually condones all this sort of welfare? What were these folks, dirty Commies?

Well...

Nomadic herder and agricultural communities did have a flexible system of property ownership and many mutual obligations of support, owing to a more community-organized model. It was only later adoption of specialized labor and the creation of intertribal trade markets that allowed the rise of an owner class...

Oh. You were being facetious. I apologize. Your people's ways are yet strange to me.


I maintain that if Jesus were to take up his mission in today's world, he'd be a crunch-head hippie commie.

1) He clothed the poor.

2) He fed the poor.

3) He condemned the rich.

4) He had authority issues with the established Church.

5) He hung out with a buncha dudes.

6) He slept at the strangest times.  Seriously, taking a nap while your boat is in danger of sinking?  Dude was sleepy, for real.

7) He basically told the world to be good to each other.

8) Nonviolent protester.

9) Quit his dayjob to join a wandering commune.
2013-08-19 06:56:39 PM
1 votes:
Christians that tithe with the idea that god will reward them with riches are followers of Mammon and are in for one HELL of a surprise if Heaven and Judgment Day is real.
2013-08-19 06:31:41 PM
1 votes:

spongeboob: walkingtall: Weaver95: it should be irrelevant to you what others think about your gods. what matters is YOUR connection to the divine, not theirs.

If you cannot defend your faith what is the use? What would happen if Im wrong? I was an atheist from the very darkest pits of atheism. Nobody was more atheist than me. However, I did come to the realization about what I believed and its implications for example how I raised my children, and I knew that if there was truth I wanted to know it no matter what the outcome might be. If it meant all was pointless in this life then so be it. If there truly was no God then so be it. If there was and was unknowable then so be it. Etc. I simply wanted to walk in truth whatever that might be.

Being able to defend my faith is very relevant. It does matter. I might never reach a single person on any site I write to but just maybe I can plant a seed. A seed to help someone seek the truth. That is why I put up with the abuse and the names and definitely being in the minority on most subjects. To be laughed at and called names even just on the Internet is painful. Nobody likes to think everyone thinks them stupid. Yet here I am.

NOT BUYING THIS.
By the by how do you grade atheism?


Is 'more atheist' like being 'more pregnant'?  Or 'more dead'?
2013-08-19 04:58:16 PM
1 votes:
walkingtall:Yes it does. However you miss one thing. The Bible is both the most complex and deep work that has ever existed yet still simple enough for a child to understand. Jesus was able to boil the entire Bible down into two sentences Matthew 22:36-40. Love your Father with your whole heart and love your neighbor as yourself.

Well, there's the problem right there.  Find me a Republican that isn't, at his or her core, self-loathing.
2013-08-19 04:39:32 PM
1 votes:
There are lots of progressive Christians.

Like Jesus, for one.
2013-08-19 04:05:26 PM
1 votes:

Esc7: /oh no i'm smug!  literally the worst thing a person could be!


Smug monster, rubbing the noses of fundies/evangelicals in their hypocrisy.

They're only faithfully following the teachings of Conservative(SM) Jebus, who said:
Starve the poor. (Kill SNAP)
Throw the deadbeats out on the streets. (Kill Section 8)
Kill the ill. (Repeal Obamacare and defund Medicaid.)
Rob the elders of treasure and health. (Privatize Medicare and Social Security.)
Criminalize being born elsewhere. (No Anmestey[sic] for Messicans and other non melanin-challenged people.)
Punish prisoners while they're already being punished. (Mandatory minimum sentences, privatized prisons, exporting prisoners to other states away from their families, and ending and defunding reform and education programs.)
2013-08-19 03:33:15 PM
1 votes:
1) Treat others as you would like to be treated.
2) Be kind to the less fortunate.
3) This existence is temporary and less important than what lies ahead.
4) Be grateful for the good things.

Somehow this got twisted into Prop 8 and all sorts of other weirdness.
2013-08-19 03:10:19 PM
1 votes:

walkingtall: Problems with this article:
*walkingtall is too stupid to overcome what he's been told is true.

I have known what the true point of the story is even before I became a Christian. I have never stepped foot in a church nor talked to another Christian that interprets this in any way different then the author does. He died for violating the spirit of the law. That is what Jesus fought the Pharisees about so vehemently. They got the laws right technically and missed the entire point and spirit of the law. The author uses this like this is some kind of profound knowledge only known to world outside of Christendom. That is where the article fails so badly.


My favorite parts of the bible are the ones where Jesus tells everybody how wrong they are, but never gets around to telling them why or what's right.
2013-08-19 03:01:41 PM
1 votes:

Karac: 10) Handed out free health-care. Even for the really expensive, really terminal cases.


Don't forget about the already terminal cases too
2013-08-19 02:59:41 PM
1 votes:

Karac: Infernalist: Obama's Reptiloid Master: hubiestubert: You mean the Bible actually condones all this sort of welfare? What were these folks, dirty Commies?

Well...

Nomadic herder and agricultural communities did have a flexible system of property ownership and many mutual obligations of support, owing to a more community-organized model. It was only later adoption of specialized labor and the creation of intertribal trade markets that allowed the rise of an owner class...

Oh. You were being facetious. I apologize. Your people's ways are yet strange to me.

I maintain that if Jesus were to take up his mission in today's world, he'd be a crunch-head hippie commie.

1) He clothed the poor.

2) He fed the poor.

3) He condemned the rich.

4) He had authority issues with the established Church.

5) He hung out with a buncha dudes.

6) He slept at the strangest times.  Seriously, taking a nap while your boat is in danger of sinking?  Dude was sleepy, for real.

7) He basically told the world to be good to each other.

8) Nonviolent protester.

9) Quit his dayjob to join a wandering commune.

10) Handed out free health-care.  Even for the really expensive, really terminal cases.


11) Turned water into party time.
2013-08-19 02:58:20 PM
1 votes:

walkingtall: Wow there is so much wrong with that article I don't even know where to begin. I knew fark would be all over this as soon as I saw it.


Please proceed, governor....
2013-08-19 02:52:59 PM
1 votes:

Infernalist: Obama's Reptiloid Master: hubiestubert: You mean the Bible actually condones all this sort of welfare? What were these folks, dirty Commies?

Well...

Nomadic herder and agricultural communities did have a flexible system of property ownership and many mutual obligations of support, owing to a more community-organized model. It was only later adoption of specialized labor and the creation of intertribal trade markets that allowed the rise of an owner class...

Oh. You were being facetious. I apologize. Your people's ways are yet strange to me.

I maintain that if Jesus were to take up his mission in today's world, he'd be a crunch-head hippie commie.

1) He clothed the poor.

2) He fed the poor.

3) He condemned the rich.

4) He had authority issues with the established Church.

5) He hung out with a buncha dudes.

6) He slept at the strangest times.  Seriously, taking a nap while your boat is in danger of sinking?  Dude was sleepy, for real.

7) He basically told the world to be good to each other.

8) Nonviolent protester.

9) Quit his dayjob to join a wandering commune.


10) Handed out free health-care.  Even for the really expensive, really terminal cases.
2013-08-19 02:52:44 PM
1 votes:
Infernalist:

I maintain that if Jesus were to take up his mission in today's world, he'd be a crunch-head hippie commie.

A dude like that nowadays would be crucifie...
2013-08-19 02:52:09 PM
1 votes:

Infernalist: Obama's Reptiloid Master: hubiestubert: You mean the Bible actually condones all this sort of welfare? What were these folks, dirty Commies?

Well...

Nomadic herder and agricultural communities did have a flexible system of property ownership and many mutual obligations of support, owing to a more community-organized model. It was only later adoption of specialized labor and the creation of intertribal trade markets that allowed the rise of an owner class...

Oh. You were being facetious. I apologize. Your people's ways are yet strange to me.

I maintain that if Jesus were to take up his mission in today's world, he'd be a crunch-head hippie commie.

1) He clothed the poor.

2) He fed the poor.

3) He condemned the rich.

4) He had authority issues with the established Church.

5) He hung out with a buncha dudes.

6) He slept at the strangest times.  Seriously, taking a nap while your boat is in danger of sinking?  Dude was sleepy, for real.

7) He basically told the world to be good to each other.

8) Nonviolent protester.

9) Quit his dayjob to join a wandering commune.


See, but those are all things republicans claim to be, while they act the opposite.
2013-08-19 02:48:32 PM
1 votes:

walkingtall: Wow there is so much wrong with that article I don't even know where to begin. I knew fark would be all over this as soon as I saw it.


You kidding me? That's not even a controversial interpretation of the Onan story. Like, everyone but southern big tent revival preachers who got their degrees at Hollerin' Bob's School a'Divinity and Faith Healin' agrees with that interpretation because it's so painstakingly straightforward.
2013-08-19 02:45:55 PM
1 votes:

hubiestubert: You mean the Bible actually condones all this sort of welfare? What were these folks, dirty Commies?


Well...

Nomadic herder and agricultural communities did have a flexible system of property ownership and many mutual obligations of support, owing to a more community-organized model. It was only later adoption of specialized labor and the creation of intertribal trade markets that allowed the rise of an owner class...

Oh. You were being facetious. I apologize. Your people's ways are yet strange to me.
2013-08-19 02:41:31 PM
1 votes:
TFA: Christians have twisted a story about the evil of neglecting the weak and poor into a tale condemning masturbation.

Par.  For.  Course.
2013-08-19 02:41:14 PM
1 votes:
So now I'm allowed to masturbate? Way to take all the fun out of it!

Okay, not ALL the fun.
2013-08-19 02:39:10 PM
1 votes:
What he did was displeasing in the sight of the Lord, and he put him to death also.

Ceiling God is watching you masturbate.
vpb [TotalFark]
2013-08-19 02:38:26 PM
1 votes:

Bloody William: What he did was displeasing in the sight of the Lord, and he put him to death also.
This seems less a condemnation of masturbating, and more a condemnation of pulling out.


He spoiled the porno God was shooting.

That's the actual purpose of humanity, to provide limitless porn for the celestial realm.
2013-08-19 02:38:13 PM
1 votes:

Disposable Rob: Progressive Christian(yes they exist)

They? Before I even hovered over the link, I figured it would be Fred Clark (okay, the Patheos link was a big clue). Clark is literally the only person I've read on the Internet who claims to be both a progressive and an Evangelical Christian. "They" may exist, but in the same way that Bigfoot may exist.


Has anyone taken a grainy, out of focus picture of Fred Clark and Bigfoot at the same time?  How do you know they're not one and the same?
 
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