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(Patheos)   Progressive Christian (yes, they exist) lays out case for Evangelical Republicans being guilty of Onanism, and no he isn't talking about when they think of Saint Sarah at night   (patheos.com) divider line 318
    More: Obvious, progressive Christians, Republican, sister-in-law  
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3347 clicks; posted to Politics » on 19 Aug 2013 at 2:25 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-08-19 02:22:00 PM  
I wrote a paper similar to the first half of this on the flawed interpretation of the story of Onan for school once.
It was not well received.
 
2013-08-19 02:27:16 PM  
. Her husband's brother shall go in to her

tee hee
 
2013-08-19 02:27:44 PM  
Republicans sure spend a lot of time worrying about other people having sex.
 
2013-08-19 02:29:04 PM  
...which also proves that these weird little stories in the Bible can be interpreted in any way you see fit to justify your own worldview.
 
2013-08-19 02:29:36 PM  
Kinda like how people think Sodom was destroyed because of teh ghey even though the reasons are explicitly and implicitly spelled out multiple times in the Bible as not having anything to do with said ghey?
 
2013-08-19 02:29:57 PM  
So every sperm isn't sacred? Don't let the men's rights weirdos find out.
 
2013-08-19 02:30:19 PM  

syrynxx: Republicans sure spend a lot of time worrying about other people having sex.


Indeed they do.
 
2013-08-19 02:32:43 PM  

syrynxx: Republicans sure spend a lot of time worrying about other people having sex.


They also spend alot of time making sure other people don't live a decent life.
 
2013-08-19 02:32:56 PM  
But Er, Judah's firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the Lord, and the Lord put him to death.

Then Judah said to Onan, "Go in to your brother's wife and perform the duty of a brother-in-law to her; raise up offspring for your brother." But since Onan knew that the offspring would not be his, he spilled his semen on the ground whenever he went in to his brother's wife, so that he would not give offspring to his brother.

What he did was displeasing in the sight of the Lord, and he put him to death also.

This seems less a condemnation of masturbating, and more a condemnation of pulling out.
 
2013-08-19 02:34:02 PM  

make me some tea: syrynxx: Republicans sure spend a lot of time worrying about other people having sex.

Indeed they do.


It's almost as if they have a need to live vicariously, what with the strictures of their own beliefs.  I've wondered - what if everyone did do as they profess and become like them?  Whose sex lives would they obsess over then?
 
2013-08-19 02:34:04 PM  

Bloody William: But Er, Judah's firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the Lord, and the Lord put him to death.

Then Judah said to Onan, "Go in to your brother's wife and perform the duty of a brother-in-law to her; raise up offspring for your brother." But since Onan knew that the offspring would not be his, he spilled his semen on the ground whenever he went in to his brother's wife, so that he would not give offspring to his brother.

What he did was displeasing in the sight of the Lord, and he put him to death also.
This seems less a condemnation of masturbating, and more a condemnation of pulling out.


It's a condemnation of not caring for old, childless women in your family.
 
2013-08-19 02:34:08 PM  
I'm stuck in my temple (have to help out later) with a calender describing Halitzah
so getting a kick, etc.
 
2013-08-19 02:34:10 PM  

Bloody William: But Er, Judah's firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the Lord, and the Lord put him to death.

Then Judah said to Onan, "Go in to your brother's wife and perform the duty of a brother-in-law to her; raise up offspring for your brother." But since Onan knew that the offspring would not be his, he spilled his semen on the ground whenever he went in to his brother's wife, so that he would not give offspring to his brother.

What he did was displeasing in the sight of the Lord, and he put him to death also.
This seems less a condemnation of masturbating, and more a condemnation of pulling out.


Try reading the story in context. It's clear that it's not about masturbating. It's about not fulfilling his duty to give her a child.
 
2013-08-19 02:34:10 PM  
That was a very well written article. Damn shame the lesson is lost on the modern evangelical movement tho.
 
2013-08-19 02:34:52 PM  
People credulous enough to be Christian in this day and age should generally not be trusted to do something as complicated and logically complicated as interpret scripture.
 
2013-08-19 02:35:29 PM  

Princess Ryans Knickers: Bloody William: But Er, Judah's firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the Lord, and the Lord put him to death.

Then Judah said to Onan, "Go in to your brother's wife and perform the duty of a brother-in-law to her; raise up offspring for your brother." But since Onan knew that the offspring would not be his, he spilled his semen on the ground whenever he went in to his brother's wife, so that he would not give offspring to his brother.

What he did was displeasing in the sight of the Lord, and he put him to death also.
This seems less a condemnation of masturbating, and more a condemnation of pulling out.

Try reading the story in context. It's clear that it's not about masturbating. It's about not fulfilling his duty to give her a child.


And exploiting the situation and misfortune of others for personal pleasure and gain.
 
vpb [TotalFark]
2013-08-19 02:35:34 PM  

syrynxx: Republicans sure spend a lot of time worrying about other people having sex.


It's easier than taking responsibility for your own life.
 
2013-08-19 02:35:36 PM  
Asshole conservatives exploit religious passages to support their personal interests and prejudices?  Must be a day that ends in "y".
 
2013-08-19 02:35:41 PM  
I don't want them using the Bible to tell me how to live my life any more than I want some conservative evangelical whackjob using the Bible to tell me how to live my life.
 
2013-08-19 02:35:49 PM  
As a Progressive Christian (at least occasionally) I have to say this is a bit of a stretch.  The guy spends 95% of the article on a detailed analysis of Genesis 38 and the context it needs to be understandable.  So far, so good.  Then at the end he tacks on "Oh, by the way, fark Republicans."
 
2013-08-19 02:36:26 PM  

ikanreed: People credulous enough to be Christian in this day and age should generally not be trusted to do something as complicated and logically complicated as interpret scripture.


Or send email. Ye gods people! Stop with all the forwarding!
 
2013-08-19 02:36:26 PM  
If they spilled their seed like Onan did, they were warned, they might go ow-ow-out like a blister in the sun.

userserve-ak.last.fm
Saw what you did there.
 
2013-08-19 02:36:42 PM  

Princess Ryans Knickers: Bloody William: But Er, Judah's firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the Lord, and the Lord put him to death.

Then Judah said to Onan, "Go in to your brother's wife and perform the duty of a brother-in-law to her; raise up offspring for your brother." But since Onan knew that the offspring would not be his, he spilled his semen on the ground whenever he went in to his brother's wife, so that he would not give offspring to his brother.

What he did was displeasing in the sight of the Lord, and he put him to death also.
This seems less a condemnation of masturbating, and more a condemnation of pulling out.

Try reading the story in context. It's clear that it's not about masturbating. It's about not fulfilling his duty to give her a child.


This. He only got farked over for masturbating because God had plans for that particular load.
 
2013-08-19 02:36:49 PM  
Progressive Christian(yes they exist)

They? Before I even hovered over the link, I figured it would be Fred Clark (okay, the Patheos link was a big clue). Clark is literally the only person I've read on the Internet who claims to be both a progressive and an Evangelical Christian. "They" may exist, but in the same way that Bigfoot may exist.
 
2013-08-19 02:36:50 PM  

Bloody William: But Er, Judah's firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the Lord, and the Lord put him to death.

Then Judah said to Onan, "Go in to your brother's wife and perform the duty of a brother-in-law to her; raise up offspring for your brother." But since Onan knew that the offspring would not be his, he spilled his semen on the ground whenever he went in to his brother's wife, so that he would not give offspring to his brother.

What he did was displeasing in the sight of the Lord, and he put him to death also.
This seems less a condemnation of masturbating, and more a condemnation of pulling out.


Would it kill you to read the rest of the article where the context is explained better, and almost explicitly contrary rules from the old Testament highlight the exact purpose?  That's not it either.
 
2013-08-19 02:36:54 PM  

Weaver95: That was a very well written article. Damn shame the lesson is lost on the modern evangelical movement tho.


Someone should compile a list of lessons taught in the bible that are completely lost on modern evangelical movements.

Lessons: the Bible's Good Teachings or LBGT for short.
 
2013-08-19 02:38:13 PM  

Disposable Rob: Progressive Christian(yes they exist)

They? Before I even hovered over the link, I figured it would be Fred Clark (okay, the Patheos link was a big clue). Clark is literally the only person I've read on the Internet who claims to be both a progressive and an Evangelical Christian. "They" may exist, but in the same way that Bigfoot may exist.


Has anyone taken a grainy, out of focus picture of Fred Clark and Bigfoot at the same time?  How do you know they're not one and the same?
 
vpb [TotalFark]
2013-08-19 02:38:26 PM  

Bloody William: What he did was displeasing in the sight of the Lord, and he put him to death also.
This seems less a condemnation of masturbating, and more a condemnation of pulling out.


He spoiled the porno God was shooting.

That's the actual purpose of humanity, to provide limitless porn for the celestial realm.
 
2013-08-19 02:39:03 PM  

Kristoph57: Weaver95: That was a very well written article. Damn shame the lesson is lost on the modern evangelical movement tho.

Someone should compile a list of lessons taught in the bible that are completely lost on modern evangelical movements.

Lessons: the Bible's Good Teachings or LBGT for short.


Yeah, homosexuality is one area where the bible is outright morally incorrect.  Not a good example to cite.
 
2013-08-19 02:39:10 PM  
What he did was displeasing in the sight of the Lord, and he put him to death also.

Ceiling God is watching you masturbate.
 
2013-08-19 02:39:25 PM  

Bloody William: This seems less a condemnation of masturbating, and more a condemnation of pulling out.


Or or not mopping the jizz off of the floor.
 
2013-08-19 02:39:41 PM  

Kristoph57: Weaver95: That was a very well written article. Damn shame the lesson is lost on the modern evangelical movement tho.

Someone should compile a list of lessons taught in the bible that are completely lost on modern evangelical movements.

Lessons: the Bible's Good Teachings or LBGT for short.


It's weird that I'm pagan and I know more about the bible than most Christians.
 
2013-08-19 02:39:52 PM  

Disposable Rob: Progressive Christian(yes they exist)

They? Before I even hovered over the link, I figured it would be Fred Clark (okay, the Patheos link was a big clue). Clark is literally the only person I've read on the Internet who claims to be both a progressive and an Evangelical Christian. "They" may exist, but in the same way that Bigfoot may exist.


The Catholic and Episcopalian churches (among others I'm not naming right now) are not considered to be Evangelical.
 
2013-08-19 02:41:14 PM  
So now I'm allowed to masturbate? Way to take all the fun out of it!

Okay, not ALL the fun.
 
2013-08-19 02:41:31 PM  
TFA: Christians have twisted a story about the evil of neglecting the weak and poor into a tale condemning masturbation.

Par.  For.  Course.
 
2013-08-19 02:41:43 PM  
The Slacktivist is pretty damn awesome. If you haven't checked out his epically brutal ongoing page-by-page dissection of the Left Behind series, you really should.
 
2013-08-19 02:42:37 PM  
You mean the Bible actually condones all this sort of welfare? What were these folks, dirty Commies?
 
2013-08-19 02:42:52 PM  
I dunno...I consider most evangelicals to be flat out heretics anyways. Most if not all of their views directly contradict the new testament. Especially the prosperity gospel people...farking bottom feeders.
 
2013-08-19 02:43:00 PM  

make me some tea: ...which also proves that these weird little stories in the Bible can be interpreted in any way you see fit to justify your own worldview.


Religious views can show a lot about the way a person wishes the world worked.

Especially if they weren't born into it.
 
2013-08-19 02:43:17 PM  
Lewis Black explains why Christian shouldn't interpret the Old Testament.
 
2013-08-19 02:43:20 PM  

ikanreed: Disposable Rob: Progressive Christian(yes they exist)

They? Before I even hovered over the link, I figured it would be Fred Clark (okay, the Patheos link was a big clue). Clark is literally the only person I've read on the Internet who claims to be both a progressive and an Evangelical Christian. "They" may exist, but in the same way that Bigfoot may exist.

Has anyone taken a grainy, out of focus picture of Fred Clark and Bigfoot at the same time?  How do you know they're not one and the same?


Bigfoot don't eat babies, and Dick Clark wasn't hunted down by John Marsden.
 
2013-08-19 02:43:54 PM  

Princess Ryans Knickers: Bloody William: But Er, Judah's firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the Lord, and the Lord put him to death.

Then Judah said to Onan, "Go in to your brother's wife and perform the duty of a brother-in-law to her; raise up offspring for your brother." But since Onan knew that the offspring would not be his, he spilled his semen on the ground whenever he went in to his brother's wife, so that he would not give offspring to his brother.

What he did was displeasing in the sight of the Lord, and he put him to death also.
This seems less a condemnation of masturbating, and more a condemnation of pulling out.

Try reading the story in context. It's clear that it's not about masturbating. It's about not fulfilling his duty to give her a child.


Yeahhhh, I kinda got that. That was the joke. And yet "onanism" is a term for masturbation and the passage is often used to invoke a ban on jerking off.I was basically (admittedly, unnecessarily) parroting the exact same point of TFA. Like, the exact same point.
 
2013-08-19 02:45:55 PM  

hubiestubert: You mean the Bible actually condones all this sort of welfare? What were these folks, dirty Commies?


Well...

Nomadic herder and agricultural communities did have a flexible system of property ownership and many mutual obligations of support, owing to a more community-organized model. It was only later adoption of specialized labor and the creation of intertribal trade markets that allowed the rise of an owner class...

Oh. You were being facetious. I apologize. Your people's ways are yet strange to me.
 
2013-08-19 02:46:41 PM  
Wow there is so much wrong with that article I don't even know where to begin. I knew fark would be all over this as soon as I saw it.
 
2013-08-19 02:46:44 PM  

Disposable Rob: Progressive Christian(yes they exist)

They? Before I even hovered over the link, I figured it would be Fred Clark (okay, the Patheos link was a big clue). Clark is literally the only person I've read on the Internet who claims to be both a progressive and an Evangelical Christian. "They" may exist, but in the same way that Bigfoot may exist.


I'm not evangelical, but progressive Christians do exist.

/Episcopal, recovering Catholic
//Lutherans (at least ELCA) are generally more liberal too
 
2013-08-19 02:47:28 PM  

Weaver95: Kristoph57: Weaver95: That was a very well written article. Damn shame the lesson is lost on the modern evangelical movement tho.

Someone should compile a list of lessons taught in the bible that are completely lost on modern evangelical movements.

Lessons: the Bible's Good Teachings or LBGT for short.

It's weird that I'm pagan and I know more about the bible than most Christians.


Not weird. Normal. They aren't taught to think.
 
2013-08-19 02:48:32 PM  

walkingtall: Wow there is so much wrong with that article I don't even know where to begin. I knew fark would be all over this as soon as I saw it.


You kidding me? That's not even a controversial interpretation of the Onan story. Like, everyone but southern big tent revival preachers who got their degrees at Hollerin' Bob's School a'Divinity and Faith Healin' agrees with that interpretation because it's so painstakingly straightforward.
 
2013-08-19 02:50:08 PM  

Obama's Reptiloid Master: hubiestubert: You mean the Bible actually condones all this sort of welfare? What were these folks, dirty Commies?

Well...

Nomadic herder and agricultural communities did have a flexible system of property ownership and many mutual obligations of support, owing to a more community-organized model. It was only later adoption of specialized labor and the creation of intertribal trade markets that allowed the rise of an owner class...

Oh. You were being facetious. I apologize. Your people's ways are yet strange to me.


I maintain that if Jesus were to take up his mission in today's world, he'd be a crunch-head hippie commie.

1) He clothed the poor.

2) He fed the poor.

3) He condemned the rich.

4) He had authority issues with the established Church.

5) He hung out with a buncha dudes.

6) He slept at the strangest times.  Seriously, taking a nap while your boat is in danger of sinking?  Dude was sleepy, for real.

7) He basically told the world to be good to each other.

8) Nonviolent protester.

9) Quit his dayjob to join a wandering commune.
 
2013-08-19 02:52:09 PM  

Infernalist: Obama's Reptiloid Master: hubiestubert: You mean the Bible actually condones all this sort of welfare? What were these folks, dirty Commies?

Well...

Nomadic herder and agricultural communities did have a flexible system of property ownership and many mutual obligations of support, owing to a more community-organized model. It was only later adoption of specialized labor and the creation of intertribal trade markets that allowed the rise of an owner class...

Oh. You were being facetious. I apologize. Your people's ways are yet strange to me.

I maintain that if Jesus were to take up his mission in today's world, he'd be a crunch-head hippie commie.

1) He clothed the poor.

2) He fed the poor.

3) He condemned the rich.

4) He had authority issues with the established Church.

5) He hung out with a buncha dudes.

6) He slept at the strangest times.  Seriously, taking a nap while your boat is in danger of sinking?  Dude was sleepy, for real.

7) He basically told the world to be good to each other.

8) Nonviolent protester.

9) Quit his dayjob to join a wandering commune.


See, but those are all things republicans claim to be, while they act the opposite.
 
2013-08-19 02:52:44 PM  
Infernalist:

I maintain that if Jesus were to take up his mission in today's world, he'd be a crunch-head hippie commie.

A dude like that nowadays would be crucifie...
 
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