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(Sun Sentinel)   Dumbass: Trying to hire hitman to kill wife. Scary: Trying to hire hitman to kill wife, mother-in-law, brother-in-law, nine-month-old son   ( articles.sun-sentinel.com) divider line
    More: Florida, Dania Beach, sniper rifles, safe rooms, Broward counties  
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3390 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Aug 2013 at 3:21 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



34 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-08-14 03:00:14 PM  
We can get them for you wholesale.
 
2013-08-14 03:22:15 PM  
You Forgot Fartbongo.

/don't forget Poland either.
 
2013-08-14 03:22:33 PM  
with a backdrop of him having alleged materials to make weapons of mass destruction

This whole "weapons of mass destruction" thing has really lost its meaning when it applies to some yob with a gas cylinder and some ANFO.

Could it destroy a city?  No?  Then its not a weapon of mass destruction.
 
2013-08-14 03:23:07 PM  
He had a loyalty card. The fourth one was free anyway.
 
2013-08-14 03:25:01 PM  

ChipNASA: You Forgot Fartbongo.

/don't forget Poland either.


Huh?
 
2013-08-14 03:25:48 PM  
Dumbass indeed.

If you want your family dead, you don't hire a Hitman

www.obsessedwithwrestling.com

You hire a Rabid Wolverine
www.getbig.com
 
2013-08-14 03:25:52 PM  
Well mother in law...
 
2013-08-14 03:27:47 PM  
And then he would live happily ever after?
 
2013-08-14 03:35:12 PM  
Ok, folks, I know we all love groupon but this is ridiculous..
 
2013-08-14 03:42:04 PM  
Do we even prosecute crackers when they do crazy shiat?  I thought only brown folks got hit with the terrorist stick!
 
2013-08-14 03:48:08 PM  
redboard.rogers.com
 
2013-08-14 03:54:18 PM  
It's always cheaper when you bundle.
 
2013-08-14 03:58:18 PM  
Megumi Simione, 28, contacted sheriff's deputies Friday, saying that ever since the couple separated in February, her husband had been "abusing illegal steroids" and was prone to paranoid behavior, violent outbursts and delusional behavior, according to the affidavit.

If he appeals the steroid allegation, he should be free to go back to work for the rest of the year. Just sayin'.

www.sportspickle.com
 
2013-08-14 04:02:51 PM  
Simione forgot the first rule of "Hire A Hitman To Kill The Entire Family Club."  You don't talk about "Hire A Hitman To Kill The Entire Family Club."
 
2013-08-14 04:11:28 PM  
Sounds like he had a lot of money but was insane. Always a good combo.

/aren't there no real hit men freelancers (well working for avg joes) in the us, it's like hot girls in chat rooms back in the day.
 
2013-08-14 04:14:11 PM  
Go big or go home, subtard.
 
2013-08-14 04:17:22 PM  
I'd like to hear about his actual apprehension. Doesn't appear that he was able to play out his "last stand" daydream.
 
2013-08-14 04:20:32 PM  
How did this fat, evil, ugly pig get such a hot wife?
i.dailymail.co.uk
 
2013-08-14 04:22:44 PM  

RoboZombie: How did this fat, evil, ugly pig get such a hot wife?
[i.dailymail.co.uk image 634x389]


I'd bury my face right in that.

Easy he had/has money and is a douche
 
2013-08-14 04:28:08 PM  

RoboZombie: How did this fat, evil, ugly pig get such a hot wife?


It should also be pointed out she is asian and has a really nice ass.
 
2013-08-14 04:33:49 PM  
She is smoking hot.
 
2013-08-14 04:50:13 PM  
I may have mentioned this guy is ugly and his wife is hot!
i.dailymail.co.uk
 
2013-08-14 05:06:45 PM  

beezeltown: I'd like to hear about his actual apprehension. Doesn't appear that he was able to play out his "last stand" daydream.


The article mentions his "fortified" last stand room, with its outline of a body on the door, presumably for aid in shooting through it.

It's not much of a fortified room if you can shoot through the door.

And who the hell needs 50+ rifles for your last stand? I guarantee it isn't quicker to just throw the rifle and grab a new one than to reload.
 
2013-08-14 05:10:03 PM  
First rule of hiring a hitman, is that every hitman is a cop.

/dumbass
 
2013-08-14 05:16:23 PM  
Obviously she married him for his charm and intellect.
 
2013-08-14 06:02:11 PM  

Druid5: First rule of hiring a hitman, is that every hitman is a cop.

/dumbass


Apparently this idiot just offered one of his employees (presumably El Salvadorian, though maybe just some brown guy) a fat wad of cash to find a hitman from MS-13. Cops didn't even have to go through the effort to fake being one.

Also loving his earlier ex-wife's comments:

Simione's ex-wife, Tara Simione, 40, of West Palm Beach, said her ex is headstrong, has a big mouth and dabbled in steroid use years ago, but is not a violent man.

"He might talk a big story, but I don't think he could ever hurt a human being, animal or anything," she said. "Anybody who knows him knows he's a kitten."


Yeah, sure, because the mountains of cocaine he got into with his new stripper trophy wife certainly didn't set off any steroid-fueled rampages.
 
2013-08-14 07:00:07 PM  
Aaand of course he's a tacticool NutnFancy militarized civilian tryhard.

When they ban assault weapons, you people will nobody to blame but yourselves for not reining in these freaks. You should have worked harder to stamp out the Derps, and now it's going to cost you.
 
2013-08-14 07:28:00 PM  

KidneyStone: RoboZombie: How did this fat, evil, ugly pig get such a hot wife?
[i.dailymail.co.uk image 634x389]

Rich South Florida guy marries a stripper?

/just a guess


Man, if I'd managed to bag London Keyes, I'd try very hard to stay out of jail.
 
2013-08-14 07:42:03 PM  

willfullyobscure: Aaand of course he's a tacticool NutnFancy militarized civilian tryhard.

When they ban assault weapons, you people will nobody to blame but yourselves for not reining in these freaks. You should have worked harder to stamp out the Derps, and now it's going to cost you.


This post hurts my head.
 
2013-08-14 09:08:27 PM  

willfullyobscure: Aaand of course he's a tacticool NutnFancy militarized civilian tryhard.

When they ban assault weapons, you people will nobody to blame but yourselves for not reining in these freaks. You should have worked harder to stamp out the Derps, and now it's going to cost you.


Yeah, sorry about that. I was going to call him up last week and tell him to knock it off, but I got busy and forgot. My bad.
 
2013-08-14 10:47:49 PM  
Nutjobs like this are why I can't go down to Wal-mart and buy some ammunition for my (relatively) small arsenal! Idiot.
 
2013-08-15 01:57:25 AM  

Marcus Aurelius: with a backdrop of him having alleged materials to make weapons of mass destruction

This whole "weapons of mass destruction" thing has really lost its meaning when it applies to some yob with a gas cylinder and some ANFO.

Could it destroy a city?  No?  Then its not a weapon of mass destruction.




Why do you hate America?
 
2013-08-15 02:01:36 AM  

logicalman: Nutjobs like this are why I can't go down to Wal-mart and buy some ammunition for my (relatively) small arsenal! Idiot.




One box a day.
 
2013-08-15 06:52:13 AM  

Druid5: First rule of hiring a hitman, is that every hitman is a cop.

/dumbass


Not quite. Plenty of real hitmen out there. The problem is you have to know the guy who knows the guy who gives you the quote for the man you'll never meet.
 
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