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(Sun News Network)   FBI: "Did you kill Canadians?" Serial Killer: "Canadians don't count"   (sunnewsnetwork.ca) divider line 72
    More: Scary, FBI, Canadians, serial killers, Canadian Forces, hand outs  
•       •       •

12172 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Aug 2013 at 5:32 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



72 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-08-13 03:09:04 PM  
Well they don't
 
2013-08-13 03:23:40 PM  
Canadians are like pre-season games.
 
2013-08-13 04:40:03 PM  
Oh come on, they count.  Just for less than real people.
 
2013-08-13 04:54:57 PM  
What is the exchange rate on a Canadian?
 
2013-08-13 04:56:48 PM  

cgraves67: Canadians are like pre-season games.


Zing.
 
2013-08-13 04:58:29 PM  
Wait a minute - is the OBVIOUS tag out of order or something?
 
2013-08-13 05:06:29 PM  
Canadians are exceedingly easy to kill. Unless they are named Zap Rowsdower.
 
2013-08-13 05:34:42 PM  
Well, he's not wrong.
 
2013-08-13 05:35:29 PM  
Did you kill that guy?
Nope.
 
2013-08-13 05:35:31 PM  

Lando Lincoln: Canadians are exceedingly easy to kill. Unless they are named Zap Rowsdower.


He's half Zioxian, eh.
 
2013-08-13 05:37:10 PM  
He's got a point.
 
2013-08-13 05:37:31 PM  
This guy's face just looks so punchable.  Pity we all didn't get a chance.
 
2013-08-13 05:38:15 PM  
"He seemed to take enjoyment out of killing people," Feldis said.

encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com
 
2013-08-13 05:38:23 PM  
He seemed to take enjoyment out of killing people," Feldis said.

Ya think?
 
2013-08-13 05:38:55 PM  
seasweetie.files.wordpress.com
Scene of the crime
 
2013-08-13 05:39:27 PM  
Wait... Killing one of their "musicians" still counts right?
 
2013-08-13 05:40:18 PM  

Anne.Uumellmahaye: He seemed to take enjoyment out of killing people," Feldis said.

Ya think?


Wow, I almost wrote the same exact thing but decided that a Jean-Luc face palm was in order.
 
2013-08-13 05:43:37 PM  
Did you kill anybody?

A few cops.

No real people?

Just cops.
 
2013-08-13 05:43:48 PM  
i40.tinypic.com
 
2013-08-13 05:44:24 PM  

Anne.Uumellmahaye: He seemed to take enjoyment out of killing people," Feldis said.

Ya think?


I hate it when someone takes the enjoyment out of something. Now killing is no fun, what do we do for a hobby?
 
2013-08-13 05:44:40 PM  

blatz514: Anne.Uumellmahaye: He seemed to take enjoyment out of killing people," Feldis said.

Ya think?

Wow, I almost wrote the same exact thing but decided that a Jean-Luc face palm was in order.


It's funny that they were posted at the same time, too, since I had to rewrite mine because autocorrect changed Ya to Us.

My first quasi-simulpost!
 
2013-08-13 05:44:47 PM  
Canadians don't speak up when you kill one of them.  "Um...ah...'scuse me...would you mind maybe not doing that sort of thing quite so much?"
 
2013-08-13 05:46:58 PM  
From the comments in-article:

"one less murderer 2 worry about."

So you'll replace "to" with "2", but spell out "one"? HATE.
 
2013-08-13 05:48:59 PM  
That's just rude.
 
2013-08-13 05:49:20 PM  

asynchron: From the comments in-article:

"one less murderer 2 worry about."

So you'll replace "to" with "2", but spell out "one"? HATE.


Makes you want to kill someone doesn't it.
 
2013-08-13 05:50:22 PM  
If he'd been suspected of killing folks in Toronto or Ottawa, I'd quibble.

But the guy went to Montreal.  So not only are they Canadian, but they are FRENCH Canadian.

The French Canadians are a group that both normal Canadians and normal Frenchians both reject.  And they otherwise can't agree on anything.
 
2013-08-13 05:51:54 PM  

Gyrfalcon: Lando Lincoln: Canadians are exceedingly easy to kill. Unless they are named Zap Rowsdower.

He's half Zioxian, eh.


Just where the hell does Canada get off sharing a border with countries far superior to it?

/lousy, stinking, francophonic, bacon-loving bastards,
 
2013-08-13 05:52:42 PM  
He does have a point.
 
2013-08-13 05:52:53 PM  

asynchron: From the comments in-article:

"one less murderer 2 worry about."

So you'll replace "to" with "2", but spell out "one"? HATE.


That's because, sadly, many people do not know the difference between two, to, and too, so they gimp it and go with 2
 
2013-08-13 05:53:06 PM  
He's not wrong. He's just an asshole.
 
2013-08-13 05:53:23 PM  

Warthog: If he'd been suspected of killing folks in Toronto or Ottawa, I'd quibble.

But the guy went to Montreal.  So not only are they Canadian, but they are FRENCH Canadian.

The French Canadians are a group that both normal Canadians and normal Frenchians both reject.  And they otherwise can't agree on anything.


So, are you saying they're fair game?
 
2013-08-13 05:53:32 PM  

Agent Smiths Laugh: asynchron: From the comments in-article:

"one less murderer 2 worry about."

So you'll replace "to" with "2", but spell out "one"? HATE.

Makes you want to kill someone doesn't it.


maybe
 
2013-08-13 05:54:21 PM  

Lando Lincoln: Canadians are exceedingly easy to kill. Unless they are named Zap Rowsdower.


You cannot mess with the denim armor.
 
2013-08-13 05:56:16 PM  

Burr: Gyrfalcon: Lando Lincoln: Canadians are exceedingly easy to kill. Unless they are named Zap Rowsdower.

He's half Zioxian, eh.

Just where the hell does Canada get off sharing a border with countries far superior to it?

/lousy, stinking, francophonic, bacon-loving bastards,


Careful, you might catch a bad case of hockey hair
 
2013-08-13 05:56:24 PM  

Agent Smiths Laugh: Warthog: If he'd been suspected of killing folks in Toronto or Ottawa, I'd quibble.

But the guy went to Montreal.  So not only are they Canadian, but they are FRENCH Canadian.

The French Canadians are a group that both normal Canadians and normal Frenchians both reject.  And they otherwise can't agree on anything.

So, are you saying they're fair game?


Only with the appropriate hunting license.  Canada's one of those hyper-regulated socialist places after all.  You need a permit for EVERYTHING.
 
2013-08-13 05:57:08 PM  

Ego edo infantia cattus: Wait... Killing one of their "musicians" still counts right?


Considering she is still alive and kicking, no. You get that girl. You get that Bieber. We can talk after that.
 
2013-08-13 05:58:45 PM  
I'm Canadian. And I count, dammit!

1 - 2 - 4 - 5....
 
2013-08-13 06:03:45 PM  

Ego edo infantia cattus: Wait... Killing one of their "musicians" still counts right?


Oh those aren't our musicians. They're our covert offensive.
 
2013-08-13 06:05:06 PM  
I think he was just telling the Feds how to do their jobs.  He couldn't be tried for murdering Canadians in an American court after all, could he?
 
2013-08-13 06:05:25 PM  
Pftt...they arent Dutch

/well someone had to say it
 
2013-08-13 06:13:54 PM  
That had to be an awkward conversation with the RCMP liaison.

"Based on what he said, you should check your own records for any possible victims."

"Oh, well, what did he say there, now, eh?"

"He said, uh, well, he said that, ah, it doesn't matter specifically, really, he may have been joking."

"Come on, what? What did he say?"

"He said that you guys, well, he said you don't count."

"For what purpose?"

*silence*

"Murdering us? He said MURDERING US doesn't count?"

"Yeah."

*silence*

"Sorry."
 
2013-08-13 06:40:58 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2013-08-13 06:55:11 PM  
And police fear they will never know because Keyes slit his wrists in an Alaskan jail in 2012 awaiting trial for Koenig's murder.


RIght. up. to. date.


Subby?  wtf?
 
2013-08-13 06:56:29 PM  
Who's missing from this thread?

If we put our heads together, maybe we can guess his Fark handle.
 
2013-08-13 07:01:21 PM  

Ego edo infantia cattus: Wait... Killing one of their "musicians" still counts right?


Counts double for the following at least:
Bieber, Nickelback, Celine Dion, Lavigne...
 
2013-08-13 07:12:18 PM  

moto-geek: Ego edo infantia cattus: Wait... Killing one of their "musicians" still counts right?

Counts double for the following at least:
Bieber, Nickelback, Celine Dion, Lavigne...


...Lee, Lifeson, Peart...
 
2013-08-13 07:14:37 PM  
They're like CFL yardage....
 
2013-08-13 08:15:48 PM  
Ok, anybody else getting a Henry Lee Lucas vibe here?
 
2013-08-13 08:49:09 PM  

Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: Canadians don't speak up when you kill one of them.  "Um...ah...'scuse me...would you mind maybe not doing that sort of thing quite so much?"


More like "Oh! Sorry, you almost got me with your knife there."
 
2013-08-13 08:52:47 PM  

basemetal: What is the exchange rate on a Canadian?



"5 American, 6 Canadian"/obscure?
 
2013-08-13 08:55:44 PM  
Keyes, 34, told FBI interrogators that he made several trips to Montreal to sleep with prostitutes.


Sleep??
 
2013-08-13 09:05:09 PM  
:-/

/good thing I'm only ALMOST Canadian
 
2013-08-13 09:51:36 PM  
For a while, that f*cking bastard was a person of interest in the murder of my neighbor and her daughter while they were on a day hike near Mt. Pilchuck in '06.  The FBI has ruled him out though.  Too bad, it would have been good to have some closure for the family.

/still like him for it
//burn in hell anyway, m*therf*cker
 
2013-08-13 10:08:36 PM  
www.punkbooks.com
 
2013-08-13 10:15:55 PM  
A friend of mine met this guy several times, and you know how everyone always has stories about the undiscovered criminal gave off a weird vibe or made other people uncomfortable in some way? She says he wasn't like that at all -- just seemed like a nice, rather shy kind of guy who enjoyed the outdoors. She would have gotten into a car with him any day of the week (though it looks like his M.O. was killing complete strangers, so she would probably have been safe, but still ...) I have no problem believing he killed a lot more people than he's credited for, unfortunately, he thought this stuff out so well that absent finding a complete written confession somewhere I doubt anyone will ever know.

/that detail about stashing a "murder kit" near the couple's house TWO YEARS before killing them is just unearthly. Never mind head-spinning and theatrical yelling, if there's anyone on earth who's legitimately possessed by the devil, it's someone like this guy.
 
2013-08-13 10:20:35 PM  

baka-san: Ok, anybody else getting a Henry Lee Lucas vibe here?


Yeah, little bit. The international travel to places besides Canada I would think makes it less likely.
 
2013-08-13 10:22:31 PM  

Miss Stein: For a while, that f*cking bastard was a person of interest in the murder of my neighbor and her daughter while they were on a day hike near Mt. Pilchuck in '06.  The FBI has ruled him out though.  Too bad, it would have been good to have some closure for the family.

/still like him for it
//burn in hell anyway, m*therf*cker


That was a weird deal. Didn't they end up finding the dog?
 
2013-08-13 10:27:40 PM  

WippitGuud: I'm Canadian. And I count, dammit!

1 - 2 - 4 - 5....


Five is right out.
 
2013-08-13 10:37:38 PM  

Weatherkiss: [i.imgur.com image 640x360]


Did you kill that guy?

/cwf-fcf.org
 
2013-08-13 10:58:22 PM  
So...Canadians are like the points on 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?'
 
2013-08-14 12:07:11 AM  
As a Canadian I don't think I can support that line of thinking...
 
2013-08-14 01:03:35 AM  

MFAWG: Miss Stein: For a while, that f*cking bastard was a person of interest in the murder of my neighbor and her daughter while they were on a day hike near Mt. Pilchuck in '06.  The FBI has ruled him out though.  Too bad, it would have been good to have some closure for the family.

/still like him for it
//burn in hell anyway, m*therf*cker

That was a weird deal. Didn't they end up finding the dog?


IIRC, that was a different female hiker, also several years ago.  The dog, a Rottweiler, emerged on its own after the hiker went missing on Sauk Mountain.  The woman's son searched for her for months, but she was never found.
 
2013-08-14 01:32:15 AM  
As a dual citizen, who is currently living in Canada... I had a guy say something interesting the other day, and it was creepy, but I don't know if it is true or not.

"We may not have as high a murder rate here as you do in the states, but you better believe we have plenty of missing persons. There's a lot of room up here. If you bury somebody out on the back 40, it's not considered a murder until they find them, if they ever find them."
 
2013-08-14 02:47:36 AM  
Slit his own wrists in prison, huh? Where was the guard then? Cameras? Where'd he get the sharp edge?
Shift change: "Hey, how's our prisoner doing? ... Oh. ... Bled out a couple hours ago. ... Oops."   *shrug*
 
2013-08-14 04:26:54 AM  

Marcintosh: And police fear they will never know because Keyes slit his wrists in an Alaskan jail in 2012 awaiting trial for Koenig's murder.


RIght. up. to. date.


Subby?  wtf?


Don't look at the subby, look at the sun. And abc news... Both of them published articles about this sick sonofabiatch yesterday
http://abcnews.go.com/US/victims-alaska-serial-killer-israel-keyes-s ou ght-fbi/story?id=19948760
 
2013-08-14 07:05:20 AM  
He killed my girlfriend who lived in Canada.
 
2013-08-14 07:45:22 AM  

dryknife: He killed my girlfriend who lived in Canada.


None of us ever met her, but she was SUPER nice, right?
 
2013-08-14 08:48:29 AM  

Dogsbody: As a dual citizen, who is currently living in Canada... I had a guy say something interesting the other day, and it was creepy, but I don't know if it is true or not.

"We may not have as high a murder rate here as you do in the states, but you better believe we have plenty of missing persons. There's a lot of room up here. If you bury somebody out on the back 40, it's not considered a murder until they find them, if they ever find them."


This. Add to the fact that the police aren't likely to bother you unless you make it an issue and being a serial killer/rapist in Canada seems like it would be pretty easy. Pickton, Bernardo, that frickin' airforce pilot... Canadians are polite because it's how they make up for being unfriendly, violent, fight-picking bastards.
 
2013-08-14 11:20:44 AM  
Thread needs some FZ
Oh Magadalena dear, do not be concerned
when your Canadian daddy comes near
I work so hard
don't you understand
making maple syrup for the pancakes of our land
 
2013-08-14 11:49:35 AM  
They only count for the tie-breaker.
 
2013-08-14 05:15:50 PM  

Burr: Just where the hell does Canada get off sharing a border with countries far superior to it?

/lousy, stinking, francophonic, bacon-loving bastards,


So, how's that whole Creation Museum thing in Kansas workin' out fer ya, my superior American brethren?
 
2013-08-14 06:24:37 PM  
Canadian serial killers probably only kill people who improperly use apostrophes.
 
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