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(Toronto Star)   This just in. Men more likely to pick up tab on dates. Apparently, this is more effective than praying for sex   (thestar.com) divider line 116
    More: Obvious, Community Code of Conduct, American Sociological Association, value-systems  
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3035 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Aug 2013 at 3:31 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-08-12 06:04:27 AM

The sound of one hand clapping: Altoid: This clearly bears repeating...

From Stephen Snyder, MD, Psychiatrist based in New York, advice to men:

"1. Be interested in sex.
2. Pay her some attention.
3. Be a leader.

"Most women are practical creatures. They won't mind that you're not a billionaire. Just be interested in sex. Pay her some attention. And don't be afraid to take charge sometimes. Even if you're not a billionaire, you might get treated like one."

All women need to know really is this.

1.  If she's on a date with a man, it's already implied that he's interested in sex.  If he doesn't seem like he is, it's because he feels he should downplay the fact that he's hoping to get laid on the first date.
2.  If the guy isn't paying her any attention either he thinks she's hideous or he's secretly gay.  I've never heard of a guy going on a date with a girl he likes and not paying her attention.
3.  If the girl is on a date with a leader type, then she sure as hell better be considering putting out on the first date because in my experience those guys don't mess around.  Remember ladies, the more powerful/assertive the guy, the more options he has.


Dominant men with options are still looking for the quality woman to wife up once they grow tired of their PUA ways. If you want to bag an Alpha, you'll have to present a challenge to him, (since something that takes effort to win will be viewed as more valuable than something that doesn't) but not TOO MUCH of a challenge (since he could easily dump you for the next ready girl.) If you sleep with a powerful man on the first date, chances are good he'll only view you as a sex toy. You have to bring something else to the table to get him to commit.

Just having a non-biatchy attitude and being grateful for the nice things he does for you will put you head and shoulders above most modern women these days...
 
2013-08-12 06:05:23 AM
While I always assume that I'm paying, (and will generally do so without discussion,) my bigger hangup tends to be reading what it means when she offers to split the check (or simply asserts that she will pay for her own food.) It can be a very innocuous thing which doesn't reflect at all on whether or not she likes you, or it can be a way in and of itself of saying "this was really boring, don't call me again."
 
2013-08-12 06:07:18 AM

The more you eat the more you fart: For the record, im older than 35, younger than 40.

*wink wink nudge nudge*

What they say about older women in the bedroom...TOTALLY true. Just sayin. Lol


You have to find an older woman who's just out of a sexually-frustrating long-term relationship.
 
2013-08-12 06:12:52 AM

Martian_Astronomer: While I always assume that I'm paying, (and will generally do so without discussion,) my bigger hangup tends to be reading what it means when she offers to split the check (or simply asserts that she will pay for her own food.) It can be a very innocuous thing which doesn't reflect at all on whether or not she likes you, or it can be a way in and of itself of saying "this was really boring, don't call me again."


My advice would be to say, "C'mon, let me get this one - you can pick up the next one." How she responds should help you determine the answer.
 
2013-08-12 06:13:42 AM
And the old saying is still true: "Somewhere out there right now is a woman who regrets ordering the lobster."
 
2013-08-12 06:16:09 AM

pedobearapproved: DenisBergkamp: pedobearapproved: DenisBergkamp: Even when the girl offers to pay or tries to pay I usually have paid it all or at least my share.

So you spend a lot of money and don't get laid as much as you should?

It always seems to be a turn off when I search for my red lobster coupons in my fanny pack when the cheque comes.

A true playa pulls out his "2-for-1 coupon," forgets his wallet/asks the girl to pay, then brags to the girl how he helped her out and will always be there for her.


Preach it brother.

had a buddy in high school that pulled the old whoops forgot my wallet with every girl that he didnt figure would sleep with him asap.

he forgot his wallet lots.
 
2013-08-12 06:16:11 AM

AverageAmericanGuy: The more you eat the more you fart: cheap_thoughts: AverageAmericanGuy: The more you eat the more you fart: AverageAmericanGuy: The more you eat the more you fart: From The Woods: Call me crazy, but I usually get to know the girl pretty well through talking/texting/whatever long before I take her out to dinner. I'm not about to spend money on some chick I don't even know. If I'm taking her to dinner, that means we're already good friends or lovers.

Most people spend a couple weeks texting/talking first in order to weed out the crazy ones.

By the time a first date happens, you should be reasonably sure you aren't wasting your time.

One of my most memorable first dates: she wanted a new mountain bike so i helped her pick it out. To thank me for taking my one day off that week to help her, she bought dinner. At the end of dinner she said "Well...this has been one of the best first dates i've ever had...what do you think?"

Me: date?

Her: uh...yes. date. What did u think?

Me: DATE?!

Her: *blank look*

Me: um...how about tomorrow we go to dinner...my treat...and this time i'll know ahead of time it's a date and i wont wear jeans and a Red Sox hat.

Her: deal.


Lasted 6 years and and an engagement...almost got married.

Dodged that bullet!

Uh no. She died actually. Car wreck.

/buzzkill i know...but sadly true.

That right there is super sad and I feel bad for posting my flippant remark.

You should feel really bad! Shame on you.

Oh..he couldnt have known...and..this is fark lol

Besides...its been a few years and i've dealt with it and moved on now :)

IN YOUR FACE, cheap_thoughts!


No... IN YOUR FACE AverageAmericanGuy!

/best I could come up with.
 
2013-08-12 06:22:09 AM
Ive always paid, just part of the deal. A nice girl will offer to pay for at least her part of the bill though , I always decline but take notice if she doesnt at least offer.
 
2013-08-12 06:23:10 AM
This just in. Men more likely to pick up tab on dates. Apparently, this is more almost as effective than as praying paying for sex.

FTFY
 
2013-08-12 07:04:10 AM
I know it's just because i'm old, but I would never expect a woman to pick up the check. don't go out unless you know you can cover the tab. nothing makes you look like a 2 bit loser then expecting a girl to kick in. you don't have it, don't go. you just embarrass yourself. even a girl with means likes to be treated like a lady. you might be surprised how far opening a car door will get you whether your 20 or 60.
/it's just money,  if your that broke, take her to mcdonalds, not a real restaurant.
//you can't afford a girl friend anyway
 
2013-08-12 07:06:53 AM
if i could go back and do it again it would be hookers all the way. i'd be so much more wealthier, happier and living in contented peace and quiet.
 
2013-08-12 07:13:49 AM
First date guy always pays, after that it's up in the air. That's also why you never do something expensive for the first date.
 
2013-08-12 07:16:49 AM

cardex: Benift of being gay #7687 you split the check and still fark.


i'd still rather pick up then take it up the pooper
/I hope you didn't have Mexican.
 
2013-08-12 07:25:05 AM

cardex: Benift of being gay #7687 you split the check and still fark


But you have to fark a dude.

/NTTAWWT
 
2013-08-12 07:35:32 AM
I get that some of you are saying the person who asks should pay, but that's kind of suggesting that the other person is only there because they asked.  Isn't that a bit of a pessimistic attitude.  After all, the girl doesn't have to say yes.  If she doesn't want to go to dinner with the guy, just say no.  Don't go just cause he's going to pay for the dinner.  Because then, well, what's that quote about 'now we're just haggling over price'?

I always figure that if the girl doesn't like me, paying for dinner isn't going to do a whole lot to change that.  And if she does like me, letting her go dutch if she really insists isn't exactly going to make her decide to never see me again.  I think people get too hung up on believing that they will sabotage their chances by not doing or saying the wrong thing.  I've had first dates where I did everything right, even paid for a meal and still didn't get a second date.  And I've had first dates where I screwed up royally yet still the girl agreed to see me again.
 
2013-08-12 07:35:53 AM

blindpreacher: As a women, I'd never pay for dinner with a guy.


BurrisYeltsin: Not in 1,000 years would I let a woman pay for me.


It must be love, love, love.
 
2013-08-12 07:41:54 AM
I met my wife when I was 23. Think our first actual date I took her to a movie using free tickets I won at work (booked online so she didn't know).

First restaurant we went to I think cost less than $20 (don't know who paid).

These days I end up paying more than my fare share, but I love to shout my wife dinner. We usually split it if going to a fancy steak place though
 
2013-08-12 07:46:04 AM
Here's some hot dating tips that I wish I'd had when I was a youngun:

1) Don't date until you are at least 40. Sex is fun, bur it's not worth the problems it causes.

Actually, that's the whole list.
 
2013-08-12 07:50:35 AM

cheap_thoughts: AverageAmericanGuy: The more you eat the more you fart: AverageAmericanGuy: The more you eat the more you fart: From The Woods: Call me crazy, but I usually get to know the girl pretty well through talking/texting/whatever long before I take her out to dinner. I'm not about to spend money on some chick I don't even know. If I'm taking her to dinner, that means we're already good friends or lovers.

Most people spend a couple weeks texting/talking first in order to weed out the crazy ones.

By the time a first date happens, you should be reasonably sure you aren't wasting your time.

One of my most memorable first dates: she wanted a new mountain bike so i helped her pick it out. To thank me for taking my one day off that week to help her, she bought dinner. At the end of dinner she said "Well...this has been one of the best first dates i've ever had...what do you think?"

Me: date?

Her: uh...yes. date. What did u think?

Me: DATE?!

Her: *blank look*

Me: um...how about tomorrow we go to dinner...my treat...and this time i'll know ahead of time it's a date and i wont wear jeans and a Red Sox hat.

Her: deal.


Lasted 6 years and and an engagement...almost got married.

Dodged that bullet!

Uh no. She died actually. Car wreck.

/buzzkill i know...but sadly true.

That right there is super sad and I feel bad for posting my flippant remark.

You should feel really bad! Shame on you.


No no, you don't understand what bad taste is.  This, my fellow or fella, is bad taste that one should feel bad for:

Ya, he dodged a bullet - impressive feat...  shame she wasn't better at dodging cars...

/And now i'm going to hell
//THAT is poor taste for you
///oh poor, poor taste, horrible ... horrible taste..
//i'm sorry for your loss
/but more sorry for this horrible 'joke'... such bleak 'humor'...
 
2013-08-12 07:59:36 AM
I prefer to just pay the chick directly. No miscommunication.
 
2013-08-12 08:03:32 AM

Speef: Here's some hot dating tips that I wish I'd had when I was a youngun:

1) Don't date until you are at least 40. Sex is fun, bur it's not worth the problems it causes.

Actually, that's the whole list.


I have a hot tip, let's never listen to you again.

Sheesh
 
2013-08-12 08:03:55 AM
i.imgur.com
 
2013-08-12 08:05:59 AM
Paying (with food or money) will always increase your chances of having sex with a prostitute.
 
2013-08-12 08:07:33 AM
Feminism for thee, no for me
-Every third wave feminist
 
2013-08-12 08:08:01 AM

bigbobowski: I know it's just because i'm old, but I would never expect a woman to pick up the check. don't go out unless you know you can cover the tab. nothing makes you look like a 2 bit loser then expecting a girl to kick in. you don't have it, don't go. you just embarrass yourself. even a girl with means likes to be treated like a lady. you might be surprised how far opening a car door will get you whether your 20 or 60.
/it's just money,  if your that broke, take her to mcdonalds, not a real restaurant.
//you can't afford a girl friend anyway


What's the going rate for a decent looking woman where you're at?  It's about $100-150 / hour around here.
 
2013-08-12 08:15:41 AM

bigbobowski: I know it's just because i'm old, but I would never expect a woman to pick up the check. don't go out unless you know you can cover the tab. nothing makes you look like a 2 bit loser then expecting a girl to kick in. you don't have it, don't go. you just embarrass yourself. even a girl with means likes to be treated like a lady. you might be surprised how far opening a car door will get you whether your 20 or 60.
/it's just money,  if your that broke, take her to mcdonalds, not a real restaurant.
//you can't afford a girl friend anyway


It's not expecting the girl to kick in when she absolutely insists. I like treating people too, but it may be a generational thing (you admit you're old), women want to pay these days. Being paid for all the time is disempowering and feels like being kept or bought, and may come with implied social obligations. Strangely enough not everyone likes that.
 
2013-08-12 08:20:52 AM

The more you eat the more you fart: ....and lots of women here are still living under the delusion they are a princess to be pampered and "won".


It's not really a delusion if they are in fact able to find men to pamper and win them. And anyway, if that's what someone wants out of a personal relationship, who is anyone to tell them they're wrong?

Prospective partners may not always be compatible but it doesn't make one side any more "wrong" or deluded than the other.
 
2013-08-12 08:25:59 AM
I always offer to split on the first date because it seems like good manners to me. If they insist on paying for everything I thank them and let them know I'll take care of it next time. I like the whole egalitarian thing when it comes to dates - it feels nice to be able to treat someone you like to a meal!
 
2013-08-12 08:32:06 AM

From The Woods: Call me crazy, but I usually get to know the girl pretty well through talking/texting/whatever long before I take her out to dinner. I'm not about to spend money on some chick I don't even know. If I'm taking her to dinner, that means we're already good friends or lovers.


Funny thing is... in my dating years, I did the phone and online dating thing (hey, I'm not a bar person).  Turned out that regardless of talking,etc. for weeks sometimes, pretty much all of them lied, from mild stuff to pretty much everything...

I gave up on it for a while, then when I gave it another try, I made it clear that I wanted to meet as soon as possible due to experience.

It was easy to "weed' the crap out.
 
2013-08-12 08:34:34 AM
I make my gf pay half when its that time of the month
 
2013-08-12 08:39:35 AM

untaken_name: How's that more effective than just paying for sex? Oh, wait, I see the 'r' now. Never mind.


This point does bear repeating.
 
2013-08-12 08:48:04 AM
I've never been on a date since I was a teenager, I just screw whores and have my time and money for myself. A few months ago a friend set me up for a date with a woman he works with, very nice attractive woman who I'd met several times and she clearly liked me. But I turned it down when I thought of giving up my freedom and privacy. I know I'll die alone.
 
2013-08-12 08:57:43 AM
I started dating a lawyer thinking, she has money, maybe she will pick up the occasional bill.....nope.  I think it goes back to the fact that men usually do the pursuing, and it looks desperate if a woman does.  And, she will tell you that she will gladly pool financial resources with you if you will just do one thing.
 
2013-08-12 09:14:52 AM
What da ho say? Pay me and I'll let you stuff my hole, bay-bee!
 
2013-08-12 09:34:53 AM
Praying works sometimes.

cdn-i.dmdentertainment.com
 
2013-08-12 09:39:30 AM
My policy: Whomever requests the first date pays for the first date. Then it switches between parties. Repeated requests to go to expensive places by whomever is not paying, especially if they go super cheap when it's their turn, are dickish.

/I get uncomfortable if a guy is always paying for everything.
//Actually dated a few guys who apparently saw my requests to pay as some sort of affront to their manhood.
///Those guys didn't last long.
 
2013-08-12 09:48:40 AM

fiddlehead: My policy: Whomever requests the first date pays for the first date. Then it switches between parties. Repeated requests to go to expensive places by whomever is not paying, especially if they go super cheap when it's their turn, are dickish.

/I get uncomfortable if a guy is always paying for everything.
//Actually dated a few guys who apparently saw my requests to pay as some sort of affront to their manhood.
///Those guys didn't last long.


A dated a girl much like you earlier this year. I paid for the first date as I had asked her out. On the second date she insisted on paying and was pleasantly surprised when all I said was, "Sure, thanks!"

Apparently most of the men she dated insisted and fought with her about it, which annoyed the hell out of her. It never bothered me one bit. Didn't work out with her for other reasons (chemistry just wasn't there), but the whole equitable splitting of dating costs idea always struck me as a good thing.
 
2013-08-12 09:49:53 AM

blindpreacher: As a women, I'd never pay for dinner with a guy.


Gotta make those Johns pay!
 
2013-08-12 10:30:06 AM
1) On the first date, a man will always pay. No matter who asked who.
2) If the woman offers to pay, or pay half, explain to her that by paying, you feel that it is the least you can do to pay her back for the time she is spending with you to go to dinner with you (no "obligation" should be intoned).
3) If the date is sucessful and you both wish to see each other again then:
     3a) Man pays if he appears to be in a better financial position based on first date conversation.
     3b) Man offers to pay next time, but accepts "dutch" if woman offers and she appears to be in equal or a better financial position than he is based on first date conversation.
4) If date was unsucessful, you had a good meal and learned something.
5) If she gets on the "equality" wagon, you should explain that "I am all for equality, but in this instance I am paying voluntarily not because I think you are inferior, but because as a woman you are superior in this instance. It may be a sexist, but it is also a fact".

I could go on, but who will listen.

I have spoken.

/Old, but wise.
 
2013-08-12 11:16:30 AM
I think the guy should pay on a first date, after that it's up in the air.  Back in my dating days, I would always offer once and notice if they let me pay; it was kind of a mark against them as cheapskates.
 
2013-08-12 11:42:31 AM

Jesus McSordid: I'm an old fart, so I've always paid. But now that I'm a modern father of two girls, I encourage them to pay their share.  That way, there's less pressure on them to fark the guy. See how that works?


You should also teach them that there is zero pressure to fark a guy for $20, or $50, or whatever her part of the tab is (unless it gets up in the several hundred dollar range, in which case he may be trying to legally buy your sexual services).

I always laugh at the snotty women that put down prostitutes, and yet allow men to buy them for a couple drinks. What hilarious hypocrisy.

The person who invites you to dinner should pay, and the invitee to should offer to pay their share, and pay if necessary. But unless you're a half dead, STD ridden, burn it with fire crack whore, I don't know in what world a meal and a couple glasses of wine is sufficient payment for a blow job or more. Come on ladies, have a little self esteem.
 
2013-08-12 11:44:49 AM

Suede head: I've never been on a date since I was a teenager, I just screw whores and have my time and money for myself. A few months ago a friend set me up for a date with a woman he works with, very nice attractive woman who I'd met several times and she clearly liked me. But I turned it down when I thought of giving up my freedom and privacy. I know I'll die alone.


At least with the hooker you know the price up front.  Being married costs a helluva lot more.
 
2013-08-12 11:50:50 AM

fritolay37: Ive always paid, just part of the deal. A nice girl will offer to pay for at least her part of the bill though , I always decline but take notice if she doesnt at least offer.


This.  At least offer to pay on the first date, women.  He'll likely insist on paying the full thing anyway.  If not, he's probably not a keeper but at least you've learned that about him.

CSB:  I had a nice time with a gal on first date, things are going well, the bill comes and she reaches into her purse.  I say, "No, no, I've got this."  She grabs the cigarettes she was rummaging for in her purse and gives me a the of-course-you-got-this-you-nimrod look.  That was enough to put me off for a second date.
 
2013-08-12 11:52:49 AM
I usually just meet for drinks.. then on to meal if the drinks went well.

Sometimes, dinner doesn't go well, though, and I figure out she is just in it for the meal.

When it comes time to pay , I'll put a card in the payment book.   The card will say, 'I'll blow you if you comp my meal"

I then excuse myself to the rest room and then beat it out to the car.
 
2013-08-12 12:07:06 PM
SirEattonHogg's studman69 (trademark pending) dating rules:

1) You gotta pay to play.  It's that simple with most gals.

2) The girl offering to pay everytime however is also standard politeness.  Otherwise this isn't the type of girl you want to hang out with unless you've got deep pockets or this is someone you really, really want to have sex with. You should decline of course any offer from her (see below rule 4).

3) If she really is insisting on paying on the first date, forget it... she's probably not interested in you.

4) Pay for the first three or four dates (if it survives that long).  if she's cool she'll just pick up the tab after that.  If not, she's a gold digger and that's problems.

5) adjust above rules as necessary to suit the situation.

Follow the above and most gals will consider you a gent and you should get some action.  Good luck, I'd tell you more tips but I have to be at the gym in 26 minutes.
 
2013-08-12 12:36:04 PM

Gothnet: bigbobowski: I know it's just because i'm old, but I would never expect a woman to pick up the check. don't go out unless you know you can cover the tab. nothing makes you look like a 2 bit loser then expecting a girl to kick in. you don't have it, don't go. you just embarrass yourself. even a girl with means likes to be treated like a lady. you might be surprised how far opening a car door will get you whether your 20 or 60.
/it's just money,  if your that broke, take her to mcdonalds, not a real restaurant.
//you can't afford a girl friend anyway

It's not expecting the girl to kick in when she absolutely insists. I like treating people too, but it may be a generational thing (you admit you're old), women want to pay these days. Being paid for all the time is disempowering and feels like being kept or bought, and may come with implied social obligations. Strangely enough not everyone likes that.


paying for your companions dinner, or opening a door etc. isn't buying someone, it's called manners, and class. i'm not saying pay for a shopping spree, or a new car. it shows respect for the company you keep.
also, i'm not talking about a business lunch.
/not that old, i'm told 49 is the new 29
 
2013-08-12 01:16:27 PM

bigbobowski: it shows respect for the company you keep.


Why do you think this respect should only go one way?
 
2013-08-12 01:23:25 PM
I pay when I know there won't be a second date.  I just feel bad for wasting someone's elses money on a terrible date.  Otherwise, the check is split.  If it's in doubt who is actually paying you're not on a date and you're not getting laid.  Also, always go the coffee or drink option if it is offered.  You learn just as much about a person that way without all the messy eating.
 
2013-08-12 01:34:15 PM

sugarhi: I always offer to split on the first date because it seems like good manners to me. If they insist on paying for everything I thank them and let them know I'll take care of it next time. I like the whole egalitarian thing when it comes to dates - it feels nice to be able to treat someone you like to a meal!


You sound ... truly awesome. Honestly.
 
2013-08-12 01:57:55 PM

Jesus McSordid: I'm an old fart, so I've always paid. But now that I'm a modern father of two girls, I encourage them to pay their share.  That way, there's less pressure on them to fark the guy. See how that works?


Good luck with that dad.  Allowing the guy to pay (esp. on a first date) has become ritual, and is her subtle hint that she's interested in becoming more than just friends.  They'll catch on quick when they insist on paying thier way on first dates and wonder why the 2nd dates aren't coming.
 
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