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(Vice)   With its surprisingly scary crime problem, Meridian Mississippi police are hot on the trail of satanists. Fark: who turn people gay. TotalFark: in the afterlife   (vice.com) divider line 75
    More: Fail, Meridian, Meridian Mississippi, dead people, satanists, Westboro Baptist Church  
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8341 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Aug 2013 at 9:13 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-08-11 12:33:02 AM
Gee, no wonder the Mormons are so anti-gay. They're competing for the same deceased ancestors.

The Satanists turn 'em gay and the Mormons baptize 'em.

Heaven may end up full of gay Mormons.
 
2013-08-11 12:39:13 AM

brantgoose: Gee, no wonder the Mormons are so anti-gay. They're competing for the same deceased ancestors.

The Satanists turn 'em gay and the Mormons baptize 'em.

Heaven may end up full of gay Mormons.


No wonder there's so many zombies
 
2013-08-11 02:20:38 AM

brantgoose: Gee, no wonder the Mormons are so anti-gay. They're competing for the same deceased ancestors.

The Satanists turn 'em gay and the Mormons baptize 'em.

Heaven may end up full of gay Mormons.


funny you should say - in mormon cultures, gay dudes have no problem finding some girl who actually bought into a "sex is only for procreation" philosophy and marrying her for eternity in the temple, then fathering 3-5 children. some of them can keep it in their pants and some can't, and some of them end up divorcing when they grow up and decide that pretending to be straight isn't worth it.

If there is a genetic component to gayness, mormons have it in spades.

Ballroom dance is huge out here.
 
2013-08-11 08:56:24 AM
Oh my dark prince. The comments in this article are hillarious.

Meridian, Mississippi needs a tornado.
 
2013-08-11 09:18:49 AM
well, this IS Mississippi we're talking about here

/why isn't there a Mississippi tag yet?
 
2013-08-11 09:19:27 AM
Eh, I don't know, might not be so bad.  I was straight in this whole life, maybe in the afterlife I'll try a little gay!
 
2013-08-11 09:21:35 AM
In the middle of the night there is a room in my house haunted by the sounds of two snaps up.
 
2013-08-11 09:21:40 AM
P.A.G.A.N.
 
2013-08-11 09:24:13 AM
I think they confused Satanists and Satirists.
 
2013-08-11 09:25:28 AM
"I believe it quite possible that I could find myself in a holding cell witnessing the Meridian Police devolve into a sweaty, grunting, savage orgy of uncaged homosexuality... all influenced by the idea that they were utterly powerless against my sexual conversion magic."

We can only hope.
 
2013-08-11 09:27:39 AM
www.ponyfictionarchive.net
 
2013-08-11 09:32:59 AM
That Newscaster has a terrible face to head ratio, there must have been some inbreeding and drug abuse in his gene pool.
 
2013-08-11 09:37:51 AM
They can easily protect their dead by surrounding the area with powerful anti-evil-eye charms.
I can supply them with all they need for $9.95 each.
"something something something"
-PT Barnum

upload.wikimedia.org
 
2013-08-11 09:39:37 AM
They could be headed for the serious strife
 
2013-08-11 09:39:47 AM
Mississippi Police Want to Arrest the Satanists Who Turn Dead People Gay

Today, in Madlib-generated headlines...

It is an unusual crime that we haven't come across-to my knowledge-in a while.

In a while? Just when was the most recent previous case of satanists trying to turn dead people gay in that town, I wonder?
 
2013-08-11 09:43:03 AM
Don't laugh.  Satanists made me gay once.  I got better...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzYO0joolR0
 
2013-08-11 09:44:02 AM

RobSeace: Mississippi Police Want to Arrest the Satanists Who Turn Dead People Gay

Today, in Madlib-generated headlines...

It is an unusual crime that we haven't come across-to my knowledge-in a while.

In a while? Just when was the most recent previous case of satanists trying to turn dead people gay in that town, I wonder?


The Village People made a short tour stop there one night.
 
2013-08-11 09:47:30 AM
well, I do not see how it is against the law to have a religious service at a grave.
 
2013-08-11 09:48:17 AM
Have they given Jesus teh ghey?
 
2013-08-11 09:51:30 AM
Is this like those Bolivian Rape Ghosts?
 
2013-08-11 09:53:27 AM
Not sure if serious, Satanic Temple.
 
2013-08-11 09:54:21 AM
*Scans article*

I got $10 this is /b
 
2013-08-11 09:55:01 AM
How do gay ghosts make love?

They put the willies up each other!!
 
2013-08-11 09:55:33 AM
Mississippi - the Florida of America.
 
2013-08-11 09:56:51 AM
Well, it's not as if going to Hell can be worse than Mississippi.
 
2013-08-11 10:00:48 AM
Its trolls all the way down.
 
2013-08-11 10:01:16 AM
Satanists, alleged dead gay people & a town with a crime rate near par with Detroit? Wow, This is awesome! (for the high weirdness factor) Plus, I was thinking it is about time someone started farking with them Westboro Baptist Church crazies. Strange it happened to be Satanist to be the ones, I thought it might be anyone else.

I'm guessing that it will not end well for the Satanic Temple, as their religion is always frowned upon everywhere. I laugh at people who trust & worship a well known trickster who supposedly never actually gives followers what they want or expect. It just doesn't make sense to me.
 
2013-08-11 10:02:00 AM
You know who ELSE was from Meridian, Mississippi?

i50.tinypic.com
 
2013-08-11 10:03:40 AM

DoctorCal: I think they confused Satanists and Satirists.


But beware of the satyrists
www.lessingimages.comfvankeur.myweb.uga.edu
 
2013-08-11 10:04:48 AM

mbillips: You know who ELSE was from Meridian, Mississippi?

[i50.tinypic.com image 560x330]


Gun Jesus?
 
2013-08-11 10:11:19 AM

Jayberrysparklesalot: I'm guessing that it will not end well for the Satanic Temple, as their religion is always frowned upon everywhere.


I suspect these particular Satanists are as equally satanic as members of FSM. Or Southern Baptists, for that matter.
 
2013-08-11 10:11:20 AM
That guy is fantastic.

"...I believe it quite possible that I could find myself in a holding cell witnessing the Meridian Police devolve into a sweaty, grunting, savage orgy of uncaged homosexuality... all influenced by the idea that they were utterly powerless against my sexual conversion magic. Perhaps they are merely looking for such a scapegoat. "
 
2013-08-11 10:13:07 AM
Yes but the cocktail and weenie parties they throw are *fabulous*.
 
2013-08-11 10:13:47 AM
So what do they do to the people who were gay when they were alive? Turn them straight?
 
2013-08-11 10:14:20 AM
In fact, while we're at it:
www.venganza.org
FSM heartily approves this thread. He told me so.
 
2013-08-11 10:28:10 AM

Rand's lacy underwear: mbillips: You know who ELSE was from Meridian, Mississippi?

[i50.tinypic.com image 560x330]

Gun Jesus?


I was going to go with Republican Jesus.
 
2013-08-11 10:31:34 AM

hillary: In fact, while we're at it:
[www.venganza.org image 240x212]
FSM heartily approves this thread. He told me so.


FSM turned me half-gay.
 
2013-08-11 10:32:48 AM
The links at the top of the WBC "press release" are a hoot.  You can't get the full depth of WBC crazy unless you check out the full breadth of their hate.  I should probably say "hate" because I truly believe that all they are doing is trolling for lawsuits to fill their coffers.  Not the business model that I would endorse but it seems to work for them.
 
2013-08-11 10:32:57 AM

ZzeusS: They could be headed for the serious strife


Do they make the scene  all day?
 
2013-08-11 10:34:26 AM
so, is it homonecrophilia if the dead start gay farking with each other?
 
2013-08-11 10:36:11 AM

Molavian: I was going to go with Republican Jesus.


NRA Jesus is a serious possibility.
 
2013-08-11 10:42:10 AM

Rand's lacy underwear: mbillips: You know who ELSE was from Meridian, Mississippi?

[i50.tinypic.com image 560x330]

Gun Jesus?


Beretta Christ, Texas Ranger
 
2013-08-11 10:43:01 AM

Asa Phelps: brantgoose: Gee, no wonder the Mormons are so anti-gay. They're competing for the same deceased ancestors.

The Satanists turn 'em gay and the Mormons baptize 'em.

Heaven may end up full of gay Mormons.

funny you should say - in mormon cultures, gay dudes have no problem finding some girl who actually bought into a "sex is only for procreation" philosophy and marrying her for eternity in the temple, then fathering 3-5 children. some of them can keep it in their pants and some can't, and some of them end up divorcing when they grow up and decide that pretending to be straight isn't worth it.

If there is a genetic component to gayness derpy evil, mormons have it in spades.

Ballroom dance is huge out here.


FTFY.
 
2013-08-11 10:48:33 AM
WTF did I just read?
 
2013-08-11 10:48:34 AM
Why is no one talking about the awesome pic of the "Satanists" making the spirit gay? It's totes awesome! Do not deny this awesomeness!
 
2013-08-11 10:52:28 AM

EdNortonsTwin: WTF did I just read?


I think it's satire.
 
2013-08-11 10:55:19 AM

Pr1nc3ss: Why is no one talking about the awesome pic of the "Satanists" making the spirit gay? It's totes awesome! Do not deny this awesomeness!


i184.photobucket.com

This one was better.
 
2013-08-11 11:01:51 AM
The real kicker is that we went to war to keep this state IN the US. Looks like we didn't really think that one over.
 
2013-08-11 11:13:16 AM

Jayberrysparklesalot: Satanists, alleged dead gay people & a town with a crime rate near par with Detroit? Wow, This is awesome! (for the high weirdness factor) Plus, I was thinking it is about time someone started farking with them Westboro Baptist Church crazies. Strange it happened to be Satanist to be the ones, I thought it might be anyone else.

I'm guessing that it will not end well for the Satanic Temple, as their religion is always frowned upon everywhere. I laugh at people who trust & worship a well known trickster who supposedly never actually gives followers what they want or expect. It just doesn't make sense to me.


These guys arent satanists. They're trolls.
 
2013-08-11 11:17:34 AM
Okay, I live here in Meridian - well in the country outside of town. It's a big Southern Baptist town like just about all of them in the South. Sure, Southern Baptists are pretty funny, saying stupid stuff like "The Bible was written in English, so if English was good enough for Jesus, them immigrants should have to learn it!" Yup, heard that outta the mouth of a local. But face it, every place has a lot of morons and idiots, especially religious ones. Who would you have to laugh about if you didn't have the South? South Brooklyn? Dude - Southern California surfer stoners? As for the violent crime here, it's poverty and drugs, same as everywhere else.

I know Dean Harper a bit, enough to speak to him if I see him - he was a friend of my little brother growing up and one of the cops the local tv station talks to when there's a comment needed on a crime. He is NOT the Chief of Police, just the go-to guy to give the bland statement for tv when needed. I'm pretty sure Dean was parsing what he was saying in that statement wondering why the hell he had to even address something so nonsensical in the first place. Like most of America on the local news, this kind of thing barely pegs the Weird-Sh*t-O-Meter of stuff that happens in a small town. This is the first I've ever heard of this story. It's not even news here.

As for Meridian, hey, I lived in Los Angeles and the weirdos there are just as weird as here. My parents are from here, though I claim New Orleans as my 'hometown' because I was born there. Like everyone who grows up in a po-dunk town, I couldn't wait to leave when I was outta high-school, and I lived a lot of places. I was in LA for all the good stuff; the fires, hill-slides, drought and LA Riots. It was a blast, but it was tedious too. I moved back here about 8 years ago when my dad died and my mother needed someone to take care of her and I never left. I have a house in the country where no one bothers me.

Being an Atheist liberal Democrat who voted for Obama twice here isn't any easier or harder than anyplace else. Old LA friends and friends scattered around the world ask me WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU LIVE THERE??? when these sorts of things crop up, but the crime rate is nonexistent 15 miles out of Meridian, I'm living in a nice little house surrounded by trees and peace and quiet. I can crank the stereo as loud as I want, and I have the interweb tubes to get any media stuff I want like FARK. There are more than a few Southern Baptists who probably have their panties in a twist over this story, but all my friends here would just roll their eyes over this story.

The city, well, it's gone from a crazy Palin-like Republican mayor with a caricature buzz-cut Southern good-ole-boy Chief of Police recently to a black Democrat mayor and a black Chief of Police who are about 1,000 times more reasonable when they speak on tv because of this sort of nonsense that was committed on the previous admins watch. If someone presses charges or tries to make a big deal out of something outrageous like this, the police HAVE TO go through the motions.

Jesus people everywhere are probably freaked over this stuff, but more people are like you fellow FARKers. We just get a good laugh about it. Don't forget that. Meridian IS laughable, but not all of here are crazy. Not even most of us.
 
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