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(Sun News Network)   Alberta brothers and stranger, possibly George Zimmerman, save seven-year-old boy from drowning   (sunnewsnetwork.ca) divider line 49
    More: Hero, Alberta, forest road, John Chapman  
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4427 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Aug 2013 at 1:18 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



49 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-08-08 11:29:03 AM
He's now walking the Earth, like Caine, in Kung Fu.
 
vpb [TotalFark]
2013-08-08 11:52:49 AM
I hear he can be summoned by shining an image of a hoodie onto a cloud with a searchlight.
 
2013-08-08 12:25:42 PM
CSB time.  Last week I was out taking a stroll in the woods when something hit me in the head.  I looked down, and it was a frisbee.  I look around and can't see anyone then I look up and sitting there in a tree is George Zimmerman.  He smiled and said "Nobody will ever believe you" before running off into the brush.  He was right, no one ever has.
 
2013-08-08 12:56:47 PM
DRINK!

/possibly
 
2013-08-08 01:20:34 PM
He's the hero we deserve
 
2013-08-08 01:23:07 PM
fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net
/wat
 
2013-08-08 01:24:16 PM
The boy was black so Zimmerman immediately shoots him.
 
2013-08-08 01:28:26 PM
www.highdefdiscnews.com
It's a sign.
 
2013-08-08 01:31:31 PM

AeAe: The boy was black so Zimmerman immediately shoots him.


In Alberta Canada? Not likely.
 
2013-08-08 01:31:40 PM
George Zimmerman once dove on a grenade when we were in a bad spot in Iwo Jima and saved the entire platoon. True story.
 
2013-08-08 01:36:47 PM

PC LOAD LETTER: George Zimmerman once dove on a grenade when we were in a bad spot in Iwo Jima and saved the entire platoon. True story.


That's nothing.  Zimmerman once saved an entire family from a gang of rabid gorillas. True story.
 
2013-08-08 01:38:28 PM

Carth: AeAe: The boy was black so Zimmerman immediately shoots him.

In Alberta Canada? Not likely.


You got me.
 
2013-08-08 01:40:59 PM
I bought a coffee today and with tax it rang up to $2.03.  I only had $2.00.  A hand reached past me to hand the cashier three pennies.  That hand, my friends, belonged to George Zimmerman.
 
2013-08-08 01:44:26 PM
George Zimmerman once donated both his arms to Afghanistan war veterans  who lost their limbs in the war. He played a perfect game of tennis later that evening.
 
2013-08-08 01:44:38 PM
This article was also posted on Yahoo where there was nothing but rage for the mother (in the comments) for swimming to shore in the first place.  Meanwhile, on Fark, it becomes about Zimmerman.

I love the internet :)
 
2013-08-08 01:46:54 PM
A month ago George Zimmerman strapped a paramotor to his back and began flying from town to town, righting the world's wrongs
 
2013-08-08 01:50:13 PM
I heard that Chuck Norris finally decided to take a day off......you know who stepped in to save the day.......That's right......George Zimmerman
 
2013-08-08 01:51:48 PM

Klippoklondike: A month ago George Zimmerman strapped a paramotor to his back and began flying from town to town, righting the world's wrongs


Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird! A plane! No, it's ZimmerMan!!
 
2013-08-08 01:52:52 PM

super_grass: [fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net image 767x480]
/wat


epic.
 
2013-08-08 01:54:01 PM
George Zimmerman once filled in for me on bass and played all of our original songs perfectly. Sure the reason I couldn't play was because George shot me, but dammit he put an unparalleled level of soul into that perfomance!
 
2013-08-08 01:54:25 PM
Early this morning, I received a phone call from my elderly, blind, sickly mother. Apparently, she and her senile dog were sleeping and suddenly, she wakes up being carried through her smoke-filled house. She is gently placed on the grass a good distance from the house and the stranger takes off BACK to the house which was now engulfed in flames. The stranger emerged from the smoke and fire carrying her beloved dog just as the burning house buckled.

That stranger was George Zimmerman.
 
2013-08-08 01:58:55 PM

Albert911emt: PC LOAD LETTER: George Zimmerman once dove on a grenade when we were in a bad spot in Iwo Jima and saved the entire platoon. True story.

That's nothing.  Zimmerman once saved an entire family from a gang of rabid gorillas. True story.


Zimmerman then saved that gang of gorillas from poachers. True story.
 
2013-08-08 01:59:01 PM

Lando Lincoln: He's now walking the Earth, like Caine, in Kung Fu.


He's trying, Lando.  He's trying real hard to be the shepherd.
 
2013-08-08 01:59:54 PM
i.imgur.com
 
2013-08-08 02:00:08 PM
Ok, enough of all this. TFA clearly states that the guy was an Asian stranger with a knife.

Like Zimmerman would have had a gun and the kid, uh, free.
 
2013-08-08 02:02:35 PM
A neighborhood was being plagued by a rash of burglaries. A local man, concerned with the burglaries, kept a watchful eye on the neighborhood. He followed an individual whom he suspected might have been casing houses, but who was actually just coming home from a store with snacks. When that individual attacked him, the local man shot him dead. That local man, my friends, was George Zimmerman.

/wait, that sucked. You guys' stories are much better.
 
2013-08-08 02:03:34 PM

brimed03: Ok, enough of all this. TFA clearly states that the guy was an Asian stranger with a knife.

Like Zimmerman would have had a gun and the kid, uh, free.


Ok, stupid phone killed my punchline.

Delete "Like." Insert "shot." Shot the kid free.

You know what: screw it. Even,Zimmerman couldn't save this one.
 
2013-08-08 02:03:35 PM

megarian: Early this morning, I received a phone call from my elderly, blind, sickly mother. Apparently, she and her senile dog were sleeping and suddenly, she wakes up being carried through her smoke-filled house. She is gently placed on the grass a good distance from the house and the stranger takes off BACK to the house which was now engulfed in flames. The stranger emerged from the smoke and fire carrying her beloved dog just as the burning house buckled.

That stranger was George Zimmerman.


that's nothing, zimmerman jumped in the niagra river and pulled a barrel full of orphan children, just seconds before going over the falls back to the bank
 
2013-08-08 02:04:42 PM

Carth: AeAe: The boy was black so Zimmerman immediately shoots him.

In Alberta Canada? Not likely.


Why not? They have darkies in Canada
 
2013-08-08 02:06:14 PM
The crime rate in the U.S. dropped to zero when Zimmerman was acquitted because the bad guys knew Zimmerman was now free to track them down for some easy justice. True story.
 
2013-08-08 02:06:38 PM
The last thing he said to me, "Doc," he said, "some time when the crew is up against it, and the breaks are beating the boys, tell them to get out there and give it all they got and win just one for the Zimmer. I don't know where I'll be then, Doc," he said, "but I won't smell too good, that's for sure
 
2013-08-08 02:27:20 PM
Now this here is a funny thread. Keep em coming farkers. This afternoon at work is boring anyway.
 
2013-08-08 02:30:32 PM

JameZZ82: Carth: AeAe: The boy was black so Zimmerman immediately shoots him.

In Alberta Canada? Not likely.

Why not? They have darkies in Canada


yea... a little more than 1% of the population in Alberta. I didn't say impossible. I said not likely.
 
2013-08-08 02:33:51 PM
George Zimmerman and Jay Leno helped me change a flat tire the other day. They even gave me an oil change and took me to lunch.
 
2013-08-08 02:45:59 PM
Guess what....this is not supposed to be released to the public yet but I heard from a friend of a friend that George Zimmerman cured Cancer. They're just waiting to present the findings to the Nobel Committee for Physiology and Medicine.
 
2013-08-08 02:48:00 PM
George Zimmerman is my father. And apparently I have a twin sister.
 
2013-08-08 02:49:16 PM
George Zimmerman came from the future to prevent Trayvon Martin's son from becoming the next Hitler and taking over the world.
 
2013-08-08 02:50:33 PM
BMFPitt: George Zimmerman came from the future to prevent Trayvon Martin's son from becoming the next Hitler and taking over the world.

i1.kym-cdn.com
 
2013-08-08 02:56:09 PM
Alberta Represent! Really, subby, read the article. The kid was 5.
 
2013-08-08 03:21:22 PM

brimed03: clearly states that the guy was an Asian


That's just the kind of stand up white hispanic asian George Zimmerman is.
 
2013-08-08 03:25:05 PM

Don't Lag Me Bro: Alberta Represent! Really, subby, read the article. The kid was 5.


Before the incident he was 7, but to make up for cutting his setbelt George Zimmerman gave the kid an extra two years of life.
 
2013-08-08 04:22:47 PM
George Zimmerman taught me how to laugh again
 
2013-08-08 05:47:28 PM

super_grass: [fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net image 767x480]
/wat


LMAO

Also, +1 interents to you subby
 
2013-08-08 08:18:24 PM

ThatDarkFellow: [i.imgur.com image 720x540]


+1 For the Quantum Leap Reference....Now get off my lawn you whippersnappers!
 
2013-08-08 08:34:40 PM
I was on a backpacking trip, when a mountain lion pounced on me.  It had me pinned to the ground, when I heard a gunshot, and the lifeless body of the mountain lion slumped down on top of me.  Adrenaline still pumping through my veins, I rolled it off me and caught a glimpse of my guardian.  I was shocked to see a rattlesnake wrapped around a handgun, that had apparently pulled the trigger with its tail.  The rattlesnake spoke:

"I have saved your life, but it comes at a price.  Your life is now mine."

It then bit into my left calf.  The venom felt like fire through my veins.  The pain was too intense for me to even walk on that leg.  I was also losing blood from the mountain lion attack, which had ripped a huge gash through my right arm.  I still somehow managed to crawl back to my car, and started driving towards the nearest town.  Blood was everywhere, my consciousness was fading fast, and I was still 20 miles from the nearest town.  I could see my peripheral vision going black, a darkness that gradually ate my entire field of vision, then everything faded into nothingness.  The last thing I saw was a hand gripping the wheel.  A hand that was not mine.

I woke up to see a familiar face.  My sister.  I was in the hospital, and asked what was going on.  She said a mysterious person had brought me in.  He had also brought rattlesnake antivenom.  The hospital didn't have any of its own, and I would have died without it.  She got visibly annoyed when I asked who the mysterious person was.  I told her I wanted to thank him.

She said "No.  No, you really don't.  It will only lead to disaster.  I could never forgive myself if I told you.  And you would never forgive yourself for what you'd do to me.  I can't."  As I tried to at least get some details as to what happened, she got more visibly upset, until she finally stormed out.  It would be a long time before I would truly understand.

Years later, I broached the subject.  I asked if she knew who it was that rescued me, and she said yes.  I asked if she could tell me who it was.  She said no.  I started to ask her why, but she interrupted me:

"This is something that I can't tell you.  I can only show you.  Have a seat."

She directed me to the TV and turned it on.  I thought she was going to show me a video, but it was only static on the screen.  I told her there was nothing, and she said "Keep watching."  Suddenly, a mountain lion and a rattlesnake leapt out.  "Holy shiat!", I screamed  My sister calmly reached down, as if to pet the big cat and snake, but instead unhooked something from behind their necks.  Then her own.  The masks all fell off, to reveal the face of George Zimmerman behind them all.  For the first time ever, it all made sense.  Everything was clear.  A huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.  I untied my mask.  I was George Zimmerman.
 
2013-08-08 08:56:36 PM
Is this the start of a Fark meme, or is old and busted already?
 
2013-08-09 01:38:03 AM
It was probably Cory Booker.
 
2013-08-09 11:12:14 AM
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with George Zimmerman.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints.
Other times there were one set of footprints.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life
When I was suffering from anguish, sorrow, or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.
So I said to George Zimmerman, "You promised me, George,
That if I followed you, you would walk with me always.
But I noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
There have only been one set of prints in the sand.
Why, When I have needed you most, you have not been there for me?"
George Zimmerman replied,
"The times when you have seen only one set of footprints
Is when I carried you."
 
2013-08-09 11:27:21 AM

JesusHoffaChrysler: ThatDarkFellow: [i.imgur.com image 720x540]

+1 For the Quantum Leap Reference....Now get off my lawn you whippersnappers!


I'm glad someone here was culturally refined enough to appreciate it
 
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