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(Salon)   You thought it said what??: 5 ways fundamentalists misinterpret the Bible   ( divider line
    More: Interesting, jesus, sustainable business, multiculturalisms, liberal democracy, liberal Christian, new citizen, Glastonbury Festival, gospels  
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6393 clicks; posted to Politics » on 08 Aug 2013 at 12:07 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-08-08 12:33:08 PM  
2 votes:
2013-08-08 09:28:35 PM  
1 vote:

demaL-demaL-yeH: scottydoesntknow: Only 5?

Give them time, they're still working on the first aliyah of parsha bereshiat.

Seriously Fark? Filterpwning the transliterated Hebrew name of the first book of the Torah, בראשית, is taking it one step too far.
2013-08-08 02:07:26 PM  
1 vote:
a sermon for the Republicans

"Here beginneth the Gospel according to the silver Marks. In those days the pope said to the Romans: When the Son of Man shall come to the throne of our majesty, first say to him: Friend, why comest thou? And if he continue to knock, giving you nothing, ye shall cast him into outer darkness. And it came to pass that a certain poor clerk came to the court of the lord pope and cried out, saying: Have mercy on me, ye gate-keepers of the pope, for the hand of poverty hath touched me. I am poor and hungry, I pray you to help my misery. Then were they wroth and said: Friend, thy poverty perish with thee; get thee behind me Satan, for thou knowest not the odor of money. Verily, verily, I say unto thee that thou shalt not enter into the joy of thy Lord until thou hast given thy last farthing.{625} "Then the poor man went away and sold his cloak and his coat and all that he had, and gave it to the cardinals and gate-keepers and chamberlains. But they said: What is this among so many? And they cast him beyond the gates, and he wept bitterly and could find nought to comfort him. Then came to the court a rich clerk, fat and broad and heavy, who in his wrath had slain a man. First he gave to the gate-keeper, then to the chamberlain, then to the cardinals; and they thought they were about to receive more. But the lord pope, hearing that the cardinals and servants had many gifts from the clerk, fell sick unto death. Then unto him the rich man sent an electuary of gold and silver, and straightway he was cured. Then the lord pope called unto him the cardinals and servants, and said unto them: Brethren, take heed that no one seduce you with empty words. I set you an example; even as I take, so shall ye take."
 approx 1510, a Franciscan was complaining about the rampant Simone in the Church.
2013-08-08 02:01:20 PM  
1 vote:

gnosis301: Tyee: Either this is satire or the author knows very little about the vast majority of Christians and has placed the exceptions as the rule.

Fundamentalists are not the vast majority of Christians.

But they desperately want us to think they are, since they are so very foully oppressed.

Seriously!! The ObaMarxoHippies are, like, going out and burning hundreds and hundreds of fundies alive every single day in America. And shooting them and gassing them and hanging them off streetlights and crucifying them on telephone poles and such as.

Thus, they must get in the media and make constant LOUDNOISE.

PS your dum Tyee.
/I think I got lost in there.
2013-08-08 01:12:41 PM  
1 vote:
Leviticus 20:13:  "If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable..."

Has anyone pointed out to fundamentalists that this clearly applies to neither women nor gay men who bottom?  I'd love to hear what they have to say when they learn that tidbit.
2013-08-08 01:05:16 PM  
1 vote:
Basing any form of rational morality On a book written thousands of years ago, By slaveowning misogynistic goatherder's with an ax to grind, is no way to go through life son.
2013-08-08 01:00:21 PM  
1 vote:

Crewmannumber6: You seem like an intelligent and well reasoned person, why are you here?

Eh, I'm usually more bull-headed and use the tab to vent suppressed frustration like everyone else, amateur theology is just one of my real-life hobbies (like many atheists, I got there kind of the long way) so I sometimes forget to imply that you're all losers when discussing it and write closer to the way I talk in RL to students or colleagues instead.

I'm sure I'll be back to calling you all dicks in the next gun thread or whatever.
2013-08-08 12:57:11 PM  
1 vote:

Ennuipoet: Let's be fair, Fundies do not misinterpret the Bible, that would imply the actually READ the book.

This too. I have met soooo many evangelical Christians and almost none of them have ever bothered to read the whole bible they claim to revere. Then they get all confused when I explain to them that I, an atheist, have. Every single one assumes I must not have read it because I don't believe. Then I quote a few bible verses.
2013-08-08 12:46:17 PM  
1 vote:

DirtyDeadGhostofEbenezerCooke: He couldn't come up with even one white guy or a woman to put on the list.

Jesus was white.

/ runs away
2013-08-08 12:45:40 PM  
1 vote:

Jim_Callahan: Karac: Fundamentalists expect me to believe that gays should be stoned because of one single sentence written 3000 years ago and translated about a dozen times - when the same book has trouble consistently counting past 9?

Strictly speaking, in US protestant theology:

1. Leviticus (where most of the 'stoning' bits are) is part of the fulfilled law, and non-Jewish Christians aren't required to obey it because it's part of the pact with the tribe of Israel specifically rather than the general covenant between Jesus and the Church.  Technically the same can be said of the ten commandments, save that they're mostly reaffirmed in the new testament.

2. Similarly, hatred of homosexual acts is not based on the Leviticus shiat strictly speaking, but New Testament statements made by Paul and the post-ressurection Jesus, in what us non-Christians tend to think of as the part of the bible written after dropping the brown acid, but for the Christians the command is legit.  They're actually told _not_ to harm those that sin, though, just that gay men at least are going to hell to burn forever.  Which isn't pleasant, but at least isn't a call to violence, so there's that.

If you keep the doctrine of fullfillment or whatever in mind and remember the influence of Calvinism and the dominionist movement on US protestant thought, a lot of the behavior of the churches makes a lot more sense.  Don't get me wrong, it's still stupid, but you'll find yourself less flabbergasted by the randomness of who they decided to target this week and be more of the "eh, that's dumb, but I guess I get it" type.

You seem like an intelligent and well reasoned person, why are you here?
2013-08-08 12:43:58 PM  
1 vote:
Boyd Crowder, please report to the Fark Politics tab.
2013-08-08 12:38:34 PM  
1 vote:
I think we should all remember Matthew 21:17

Yeah, think about it!
2013-08-08 12:26:48 PM  
1 vote:
It's almost as if fundamentalist don't actually care about what is in the bible but instead are using it as an appeal to authority so they can rationalize their own poorly thought out arguments and justify their feeling of supremacy.
2013-08-08 12:12:53 PM  
1 vote:

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Ennuipoet: Let's be fair, Fundies do not misinterpret the Bible, that would imply the actually READ the book.

Read, yes.

Understand, no.

I'll go with selective reading. If you condemn homosexuals with a ham and cheese sandwich in you hand, you are doing it wrong.
2013-08-08 12:11:38 PM  
1 vote:
I'm still waiting for someone to find me a verse which outlaws gay marriage.
2013-08-08 11:43:11 AM  
1 vote:
Only 5?
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