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(Alaska Dispatch News)   Fark ready headlilne: "Troopers investigating apparent horse molestation at Fairbanks fairgrounds"   (adn.com) divider line 65
    More: Sick, Fairbanks, harassment, Fairbanks fairgrounds, Alaska State Troopers, state troopers, Beth Ipsen  
•       •       •

3214 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Aug 2013 at 6:35 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



65 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-08-06 06:39:34 PM  
Anyone see Mathew Broderick in the area?
 
2013-08-06 06:39:47 PM  
"It appeared to be injured," she said. "An injury to the vaginal area."

Ron Jeremy?
 
2013-08-06 06:42:00 PM  
Fark ready headlilne

headlilne
 
2013-08-06 06:42:43 PM  
In before Eurotrip truck driver
 
2013-08-06 06:43:09 PM  
  Ipsen said she did not know the horse's age

cache.ohinternet.com
 
2013-08-06 06:45:39 PM  
i25.photobucket.com
 
2013-08-06 06:46:51 PM  
Neigh means neigh.
 
2013-08-06 06:46:56 PM  

jdbob: "It appeared to be injured," she said. "An injury to the vaginal area."

Ron Jeremy?


Shorty Mac.

(_._) (_o_) (_O_)
 
2013-08-06 06:49:29 PM  
P.S.
How in the world has this person not stepped forward?  If my junk was so big I could ruin a horse, I'd be handing out flyers.
 
2013-08-06 06:55:48 PM  
Sheriff Kessler likes horses, or so the rumor goes.
 
2013-08-06 06:58:44 PM  
3.bp.blogspot.com
"You're one sick farker, Will-burr..."
 
2013-08-06 06:59:06 PM  
You just had to trot this out, subby, huh?
 
2013-08-06 07:02:40 PM  
i309.photobucket.com
 
2013-08-06 07:06:31 PM  
Did you see the way that horse was dressed.

It was just begging for it.
 
2013-08-06 07:09:50 PM  
Look, how else are we supposed to make centaurs?
 
2013-08-06 07:10:46 PM  
What a nightmare.
 
2013-08-06 07:11:04 PM  
The Horse Molester - that was Robert Redford, right?
 
2013-08-06 07:11:14 PM  

"I did not have sexual relations with that horse behind the Gem."


static.tvtropes.org

 
2013-08-06 07:12:19 PM  
"It appeared to be injured," she said. "An injury to the vaginal area."
The person eventually alerted the horse's owner, who took it to a veterinarian for an examination. The apparent horse molestation was reported to troopers on Monday. Ipsen said she did not know the horse's age, breed or owner's name.


I don't know why, but this could be the funniest unfunny moment ever.

\I am sorry to tell you this, but your horse was molested.
\\Now stomp on the stuffed horse where the bad man touched you and neigh a few times.
 
2013-08-06 07:13:54 PM  
This needs to be fictionalized on Law and Order: HVU.
 
2013-08-06 07:27:14 PM  
They tried to interview the horse, but Sarah Jessica Parker was unavailable for comment.
 
2013-08-06 07:27:56 PM  

Enemabag Jones: "It appeared to be injured," she said. "An injury to the vaginal area."
The person eventually alerted the horse's owner, who took it to a veterinarian for an examination. The apparent horse molestation was reported to troopers on Monday. Ipsen said she did not know the horse's age, breed or owner's name.

I don't know why, but this could be the funniest unfunny moment ever.

\I am sorry to tell you this, but your horse was molested.
\\Now stomp on the stuffed horse where the bad man touched you and neigh a few times.


Oh, I'd love to see a Clever Hans testimony. One tap for yes, two taps for no.

And for shiats and giggles put the horse in that chamber that Captain Pike was in.
 
2013-08-06 07:29:13 PM  

jdbob: "It appeared to be injured," she said. "An injury to the vaginal area."

Ron Jeremy?


I don't know, but maybe we should allow a person with a pecker big enough to choke a horse to preceed, so that he doesn't get any funny ideas about impaling women.
 
2013-08-06 07:29:14 PM  

jdbob: "It appeared to be injured," she said. "An injury to the vaginal area."

Ron Jeremy?


You know if I found a horse that seemed to be in a state of distress, I wouldn't even think to check its vagina.
 
2013-08-06 07:29:55 PM  
Dr. Vosknocker: Now, I want you to say "doggy".
Cartman: Doggy.
Dr. Vosknocker: [to audience] Notice, that nothing happens.
[to Cartman]
Dr. Vosknocker: Now, say "Montana".
Cartman: Montana.
Dr. Vosknocker: Good. Now, "pillow".
Cartman: Pillow.
Dr. Vosknocker: All right. Now I want you to say "horse farker".
Mrs. Cartman: Go on, honey. It's all right.
Cartman: Horse fu...
[gets shocked by the V-chip]
Cartman: That hurts, goddamnit!
[gets shocked again]
Dr. Vosknocker: Now I want you to say "big floppy donkey dick".
Cartman: No!
Dr. Vosknocker: [to audience] Success! The child doesn't want to swear!
Cartman: This isn't fair, you sons of bi...
[gets shocked repeatedly]
 
2013-08-06 07:33:16 PM  
Zarquon's Flat Tire
jdbob: "It appeared to be injured," she said. "An injury to the vaginal area."
Ron Jeremy?
You know if I found a horse that seemed to be in a state of distress, I wouldn't even think to check its vagina.


Getting the referral for a horse OBGYN is really tough.
 
2013-08-06 07:33:44 PM  
Bronies wanted for questioning.
 
2013-08-06 07:35:21 PM  

Enemabag Jones: Getting the referral for a horse OBGYN is really tough.


Not to mention, you have to fight through all those neigh-saying protesters..
 
2013-08-06 07:37:07 PM  
I have family in alaska, they tell me wacky stuff all the time about fairbanks. Alcohol is a huge problem up there, especially for the natives who tend to over drink and can't handle it. Wouldn't be surprised if one of the eskimos got tanked and decided to back door boom boom Mr Ed.
 
2013-08-06 07:39:01 PM  
Thank you subby, this is truly fodder for fark.
 
2013-08-06 07:41:03 PM  
Misconduc
I have family in alaska, they tell me wacky stuff all the time about fairbanks. Alcohol is a huge problem up there, especially for the natives who tend to over drink and can't handle it. Wouldn't be surprised if one of the eskimos got tanked and decided to back door boom boom Mr Ed.


It was just frost on his mustache, and mind your own business.

\Just an old snowmobile joke. I don't know anything about Alaska.
 
2013-08-06 07:41:25 PM  
content8.flixster.com


/oblig.
 
2013-08-06 07:47:08 PM  
"It appeared to be injured," she said. "An injury to the vaginal area."

That bastard.
If he couldn't get her ready first at least he could have used lube.

\OK, I am done.
 
2013-08-06 07:49:23 PM  

Enemabag Jones: "It appeared to be injured," she said. "An injury to the vaginal area."

That bastard.
If he couldn't get her ready first at least he could have used lube.

\OK, I am done.


With the cost of KY Jelly in alaska, not surprised he didn't use lube, she'd have to be a high class biatch for that.
 
2013-08-06 07:49:38 PM  
Enemabag Jones:

\Just an old snowmobilemachine joke. I don't know anything about Alaska.

Now you do.
 
2013-08-06 07:50:49 PM  
Well it WAS a female so it wasn't queer or anything.
 
2013-08-06 07:52:38 PM  
Someone with a cock large enough to injure a horse would be pretty rare.
I'm thinking it was a Horse Fisterer.
 
2013-08-06 07:57:37 PM  
Subby here. I used to live in the Fairbanks area (Eielson AFB). I've always felt that people who don't fit in regular society end up in Alaska. The less they fit in, the further north they end up. I guess I'm not odd enough as I live in the Anchorage area.
 
2013-08-06 08:04:48 PM  

Lipspinach: Someone with a cock large enough to injure a horse would be pretty rare.
I'm thinking it was a Horse Fisterer.


Heeee's baaaaaaack.

www.alienredrum.com
 
2013-08-06 08:06:38 PM  
Hooray for my home town. No, it wasn't me.

Someday I'll get out of Fairbanks.
 
2013-08-06 08:08:28 PM  
i669.photobucket.com
 
2013-08-06 08:41:52 PM  
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com

I grew up in that town for nearly ten years.
Somehow I always knew I was surrounded by horse farkers.
 
2013-08-06 08:44:32 PM  
You are not really supposed to bite!!!
 
2013-08-06 08:56:14 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2013-08-06 09:19:48 PM  

screwzloos: Hooray for my home town. No, it wasn't me.

Someday I'll get out of Fairbanks.


I got out in 1975. I don't miss it at all. Is it still full of white-power retards, or did they move back to Idaho after construction on the pipeline shut down?
 
2013-08-06 09:28:39 PM  
25.media.tumblr.com

Sounds like some trooper encountered... The Worst. Possible. Thing.
 
2013-08-06 09:40:34 PM  
What?  Where is Ben Dover?

I can't believe you FARKers haven't linked this yet.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CS-nCS9Az94
 
2013-08-06 09:41:29 PM  
And so it begins.
www.billcasselman.com
 
2013-08-06 09:43:21 PM  
And not one single Farker accused Sarah Palin.

You guys suck.
 
2013-08-06 09:56:20 PM  

Twilight Farkle: [25.media.tumblr.com image 500x281]

Sounds like some trooper encountered... The Worst. Possible. Thing.



I think the horse had the worstest thing happen. The trooper just had to stare a horse's butt and take statements from the vet.
 
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