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(Daily Mail)   The results are in and women agree: Men are basically good for nothing other than killing spiders, cooking with fire, and drinking   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 38
    More: Obvious  
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8070 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Aug 2013 at 7:30 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-08-06 12:30:42 AM  
7 votes:

phlegmmo: And often all at the same time.


My flaming drunk tarantulas are always a hit at the church potluck.
2013-08-06 07:46:01 AM  
4 votes:
Who the hell cares what women think?
2013-08-06 08:21:53 AM  
3 votes:

enderthexenocide: if i ever get married, my future wife will have to handle spider duty.  i have a paralyzing phobia about spiders and pretty much any kind of insect.  i don't drink either, and i have no interest in grilling or cooking with fire.  i am however very nice and polite and well-groomed, and i want to have children and have a happy family.  call me, ladies.


you better start to like cock
2013-08-06 07:56:50 AM  
3 votes:

Yanks_RSJ: Who the hell cares what women think?


I wasn't even aware they did.
2013-08-06 07:55:23 AM  
3 votes:

Tat'dGreaser: Yea, don't care. I'm not offended by this, I'm pretty happy with this role.


Non reactionary post in a troll thread?  I think I'd have to ban you if I were an admin.  Apathy and compliance don't pay the fark bills you know.  Let's contribute a little bit here, this is a team effort.
2013-08-06 07:49:15 AM  
3 votes:

enderthexenocide: if i ever get married, my future wife will have to handle spider duty.  i have a paralyzing phobia about spiders and pretty much any kind of insect.  i don't drink either, and i have no interest in grilling or cooking with fire.  i am however very nice and polite and well-groomed, and i want to have children and have a happy family.  call me, ladies.


Just how many dead bodies are in your cellar?
2013-08-06 07:37:56 AM  
3 votes:
They forgot massaging a woman's internal organs by slamming the head of a penis against her cervix.
2013-08-06 02:32:58 AM  
3 votes:

phlegmmo: And often all at the same time.


They say women are superior multi-taskers but men are more driven with single tasks. My ass. My father could drive a stick in city traffic while smoking a cigarette and drinking coffee while smacking the left side of my face. The man had skills.

/it was a Corvette, so there wasn't room to scoot over even when you saw that backhand coming
//sounds like a sad story but it actually makes me laugh now
2013-08-06 12:15:04 AM  
3 votes:
And often all at the same time.
2013-08-06 07:18:08 PM  
2 votes:
PsiChick:
Seriously. I don't care if you have a penis, if I'm out working and you're out working, we're dividing dishes in half.

This is why my wife and I do the dishes standing together at the sink. We take in turns doing one dish each so we know it's 100% even.

/If both of us aren't available to stand there it doesn't get done.
//If it's an odd number of dishes we both clean the last one together.
///Some other third thing to illustrate how dumb that is.
2013-08-06 10:27:49 AM  
2 votes:

NutWrench: phlegmmo: OgreMagi: bring to a festering boil: "If you really loved me you'd make the effort to get it right."

Any sentence that starts with "if you love me ..." is a trap.

Along with: "Does this _____ make my _____ look _____?"

That's a trick question with NO right answer. If you can't change the subject, you're doomed.
(What works for me is to point over her shoulder, say, "hey, look at that" and then run the other way.)


That's why I told the wife (ex now...go figure) 'Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to'.

My favorite was *points to random hot girl* "Do you think she's pretty"?
'Yeah, she's good looking'
"Oh, you like her better than me?"
'No, that's why I am married to you and not her'
"But you think she's prettier than I am?"
'Yeah, so what? Brad Pitt is 100 times better looking than me. You know it, I know it. But you don't see me getting all offended'
"Well, if you think she's so damn hot, why don't you go fark her then?"
*seeing as how there was no correct answer at any point in this conversation, and no good way out of this at all, I went with:* 'Do you think she'd let me?'

Totaly worth it. No sex for 4 days, but she stopped asking that question.
2013-08-06 08:20:54 AM  
2 votes:
I'll always be needed as long as women continue to have lousy luck getting raises.
2013-08-06 07:53:26 AM  
2 votes:

Tat'dGreaser: enderthexenocide: if i ever get married, my future wife will have to handle spider duty.  i have a paralyzing phobia about spiders and pretty much any kind of insect.  i don't drink either, and i have no interest in grilling or cooking with fire.  i am however very nice and polite and well-groomed, and i want to have children and have a happy family.  call me, ladies.

Just how many dead bodies are in your cellar?


He's not sure. He won't go in there because of all the spiders.
2013-08-06 10:28:28 PM  
1 votes:
Good thing I invented fire, huh?

www.maxallancollins.com
2013-08-06 01:55:59 PM  
1 votes:

groppet: Must have been talking to the wrong women. I discovered over the weekend I am a master bra shopper. Had to help the roomate find a couple of 38DD bras, you women make everything so damn hard! If men had bras the sizing would be way easier. Well I found her two and she says they are the best bras ever. Score one for me!


Sooner or later she's going to realize the cups are just your hands wrapped in ribbons.
2013-08-06 12:50:48 PM  
1 votes:
Obviously, two can play at this game:

Top 10 skills women lack

1. Understanding that the world doesn't revolve around them.
2. Having interesting personalities.
3. Having interesting hobbies.
4. Making sense.
5. Controlling their emotions.
6. Having in-depth knowledge of anything important in the world: Politics, Economics, History, Global Affairs. etc.
7. Understanding there are more important things in the world than clothes and fashion.
8. Either way, the DVD player does not take a PhD to operate, and you should be able to figure it out yourself.
9. Needing help with a friggin' spider, let alone staying calm in any sort of actual crisis.
10. Understanding that they are half of the relationship too, and men do not exist just to do things for them.
2013-08-06 12:42:06 PM  
1 votes:

moefuggenbrew: Remembering to leave the seat up


Oh God was this ever an issue.
She'd get pissed if I left the seat up. Especially if she fell in, since she never bothered to look.

"Why are you so upset? It's not my fault you plopped your ass into the toilet. You should have looked. I do every time I sit down. And if I have to lift the seat, I don't get upset. I just lift the seat. Furthermore, you have gravity on your side. Whereas I actualy have to lift the seat, all you have to do is give a little push *pushes seat, seat thumps down* and BAM! your seat is down. Most of the work is done for you."

Turns out another skill women lack is being impressed by logical facts presented in an arguement.
2013-08-06 12:02:17 PM  
1 votes:

Pilikia: Getting a kick out of this thread.

Farkers, I am the silverback gorilla you should one day aspire to be. Farkettes, my apologies, I'm taken. Here are my stats:

- 41 years old
- 6'4", 245lbs, 38-inch waist
- Still have all my original teeth and most of my head hair, the latter running to salt and pepper much like George Clooney's
- Got my money right
- Average five loads of dishes and three loads of laundry per week
- Have lots of awesome tools and know how to use them around the house (if you know what I mean, and I think you do)
- Can drive non-stop for 12 hours and don't mind asking for directions
- Coach my son's soccer team
- Clean all the bathrooms in our house because nobody else knows how to do it right
- Teach a free self-defense class for bullied teens in our community (a majority of them being LGTBQ)
- My family is all in Hawai'i, so visiting the in-laws is never a chore


Cool story bro.
2013-08-06 11:24:49 AM  
1 votes:
I do it all grocery shop, cook,wash dishes, yard work etc. she's just a life support system for a pussy.
2013-08-06 10:05:24 AM  
1 votes:
A hot sauce company has proven what we already know...

...that people will do dumb surveys online that they'd never do in person.
2013-08-06 08:48:22 AM  
1 votes:
That's okay, women are only good for complaining about things men have achieved (most of society forever) not being good enough, or how hard it is to lose weight/how society is fat phobic and doesn't appreciate the true beauty of their curves(one sphere is not actually multiple curves but lets just go with itl).  Oh or biatching about how wrong people are to think someone hotter than they are is attractive.

Its a lot of fun when people are assholes about the opposite sex just because they're different and think about things differently isn't it?

/Seriously if you want to have like everything I said in the first paragraph essentially proven, go get a Tumblr.

HammerMill: Nope, can't move the wheel barrow.


Is your wife a paraplegic or something?  She can't move a thing engineered to make moving things easy?
2013-08-06 08:34:30 AM  
1 votes:
AverageAmericanGuy
That foot is extra for you! You can make a bracelet or a brooch.


I assumed it was for extra reach and sting when you have to whip your uppity wife or her unruly children again.
2013-08-06 08:13:41 AM  
1 votes:

bring to a festering boil: TuteTibiImperes: FTFA:
Men can also be relied upon to buy the wrong sized clothes for their partner

That would be a lot easier to do correctly if women's sizes made any gosh darn sense, and if the same size between different brands and different stores was always the same actual size.

Ever heard this before?
"If you really loved me you'd make the effort to get it right."


It's a no win situation.
Get a size too small; she thinks she gained weight, dwells on it in quiet (if you're lucky) for several hours, forgets the condiments on your sammich and then begins crying just before you fall asleep.
Get a size too large; "you think I'm fat, immediately begins copping an attitude and you'll be lucky to get any sleep.  Sammich?  Make your own farkin' sammich, ***hole.
2013-08-06 07:56:09 AM  
1 votes:

Pilikia: Younger farkers and farkettes, don't buy into this battle of the sexes bullshiat. With the experience of an epic early dating career and a subsequent 17 years of marriage under my belt, I can tell you it's a wash. Men and women are equally blind, selfish and crazy, and nobody ever changes.


You've been away from single life too long. Women marry a man hoping he will change, but he doesn't. Men marry a woman hoping she'll never change, but holy shiat it's like Jekyll and Hyde with these harpies.

But not you, honeybunny, if you're reading this.
2013-08-06 07:54:47 AM  
1 votes:
Bullshat study.

When did women learn how to change tires?
2013-08-06 07:52:41 AM  
1 votes:
Younger farkers and farkettes, don't buy into this battle of the sexes bullshiat. With the experience of an epic early dating career and a subsequent 17 years of marriage under my belt, I can tell you it's a wash. Men and women are equally blind, selfish and crazy, and nobody ever changes.
2013-08-06 07:46:11 AM  
1 votes:
Go fark yourself, fat, lonely article writer. I can do anything in that article and can do so better than any woman.

/not gay
//nttawwt
2013-08-06 07:44:36 AM  
1 votes:

NutWrench: phlegmmo: OgreMagi: bring to a festering boil: "If you really loved me you'd make the effort to get it right."

Any sentence that starts with "if you love me ..." is a trap.

Along with: "Does this _____ make my _____ look _____?"

That's a trick question with NO right answer. If you can't change the subject, you're doomed.
(What works for me is to point over her shoulder, say, "hey, look at that" and then run the other way.)


I just pretend to get distracted by her cleavage. She buys it.
2013-08-06 07:42:03 AM  
1 votes:

phlegmmo: OgreMagi: bring to a festering boil: "If you really loved me you'd make the effort to get it right."

Any sentence that starts with "if you love me ..." is a trap.

Along with: "Does this _____ make my _____ look _____?"


That's a trick question with NO right answer. If you can't change the subject, you're doomed.
(What works for me is to point over her shoulder, say, "hey, look at that" and then run the other way.)
2013-08-06 07:38:17 AM  
1 votes:
if i ever get married, my future wife will have to handle spider duty.  i have a paralyzing phobia about spiders and pretty much any kind of insect.  i don't drink either, and i have no interest in grilling or cooking with fire.  i am however very nice and polite and well-groomed, and i want to have children and have a happy family.  call me, ladies.
2013-08-06 07:35:04 AM  
1 votes:
Really, though. What the fark are women good for?

You want to talk about useless, just look at the women in your family.
2013-08-06 03:10:33 AM  
1 votes:

Mike Chewbacca: You forgot unscrewing stuck jars and reaching that cabinet above the fridge.


I farking hate that cabinet above the fridge, and have sworn eternal vigilance against it - and loyalty with all men tasked with it. I'm only 5'11 so there's all sorts of weird-ass yoga and the summoning of every fiber in my body to get that that damned smoothie mixer she uses once a year (invariably in the back of the cabinet for some reason).

Christ, I was going to bed but just thinking of that cabinet, and glancing at t just now, pisses me off.
2013-08-06 02:38:00 AM  
1 votes:
You forgot unscrewing stuck jars and reaching that cabinet above the fridge.
2013-08-06 02:11:08 AM  
1 votes:

doglover: So men are crap at useless skills like buying other people's clothing and putting up with your awful in laws sober.

Who was the woman who runs a private space exploration company with feasible plans to mine comets for heavy elements and a moon base, again? Her name must have slipped my mind.



Hazel Stone.
2013-08-06 01:47:41 AM  
1 votes:

OgreMagi: bring to a festering boil: "If you really loved me you'd make the effort to get it right."

Any sentence that starts with "if you love me ..." is a trap.


Along with: "Does this _____ make my _____ look _____?"
2013-08-06 01:03:36 AM  
1 votes:

TuteTibiImperes: FTFA:
Men can also be relied upon to buy the wrong sized clothes for their partner


That would be a lot easier to do correctly if women's sizes made any gosh darn sense, and if the same size between different brands and different stores was always the same actual size.


and if women would readily admit their size when asked.  Honey, those sizes are cryptic, so whether you tell me you're a size 13 or 15, I'm not going to suddenly think you're any fatter than I thought before.
2013-08-06 01:01:20 AM  
1 votes:

phlegmmo: And often all at the same time.


Spiders taste better raw.
2013-08-06 12:44:37 AM  
1 votes:

TuteTibiImperes: FTFA:
Men can also be relied upon to buy the wrong sized clothes for their partner


That would be a lot easier to do correctly if women's sizes made any gosh darn sense, and if the same size between different brands and different stores was always the same actual size.


Ever heard this before?
"If you really loved me you'd make the effort to get it right."
 
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