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(Daily Mail)   The results are in and women agree: Men are basically good for nothing other than killing spiders, cooking with fire, and drinking   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 68
    More: Obvious  
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8054 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Aug 2013 at 7:30 AM (51 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-08-06 07:44:11 AM
8 votes:
A man's job, since the dawn of time, has been to provide. And we excel at it.
We will take any risk to accomplish that. And run over anyone who gets in our way.

The pissing and moaning in that article about men's shortcomings? Just another screed (written by women, no doubt) to tell men that we suck at being women.

I couldn't be prouder of that fact.
2013-08-06 12:18:37 AM
8 votes:
FTFA:
Men can also be relied upon to buy the wrong sized clothes for their partner



That would be a lot easier to do correctly if women's sizes made any gosh darn sense, and if the same size between different brands and different stores was always the same actual size.
2013-08-06 07:52:41 AM
7 votes:
Younger farkers and farkettes, don't buy into this battle of the sexes bullshiat. With the experience of an epic early dating career and a subsequent 17 years of marriage under my belt, I can tell you it's a wash. Men and women are equally blind, selfish and crazy, and nobody ever changes.
2013-08-06 07:46:01 AM
5 votes:
Who the hell cares what women think?
2013-08-06 01:16:35 AM
5 votes:

bring to a festering boil: "If you really loved me you'd make the effort to get it right."


Any sentence that starts with "if you love me ..." is a trap.
2013-08-06 07:41:54 AM
3 votes:
With the demise of home economics classes and the advent of things like Ritalin women no longer are good for things like cooking (to include sandwich making), housekeeping or childrearing so the only reason to have them around is for sex.
2013-08-06 07:32:22 AM
3 votes:
Women who complain about men need to choose their company better.
2013-08-06 01:52:43 AM
3 votes:
So men are crap at useless skills like buying other people's clothing and putting up with your awful in laws sober.

Who was the woman who runs a private space exploration company with feasible plans to mine comets for heavy elements and a moon base, again? Her name must have slipped my mind.
2013-08-06 01:47:41 AM
3 votes:

OgreMagi: bring to a festering boil: "If you really loved me you'd make the effort to get it right."

Any sentence that starts with "if you love me ..." is a trap.


Along with: "Does this _____ make my _____ look _____?"
2013-08-06 01:15:04 AM
3 votes:

TuteTibiImperes: FTFA:
Men can also be relied upon to buy the wrong sized clothes for their partner


That would be a lot easier to do correctly if women's sizes made any gosh darn sense, and if the same size between different brands and different stores was always the same actual size.


I learned the reason women take so long to shop is because the MUST try on everything to make sure it fits.  A size 4 is not always a size 4.  While I can go in, grab a stack of medium polo shirts and a couple of 30x32 Wrangers and I'm done.
2013-08-06 12:53:31 PM
2 votes:
"According to the research, men are also pretty useless at cooking anything complicated."

If that's true then why are pretty much all good chefs men?

"Men can also be relied upon to buy the wrong sized clothes for their partner."

Because they have 500 different sizes for clothing. You have Misses sizes, junior sizes, women's sizes, plus sizes, full figure sizes, petite sizes, half sizes and a dozen more. Every single one of those come numbered from 00 to 40 as well as XXXS to XXXL. Hell women can't even figure it out because they have to try on every single thing before they buy it. Men have three sizes, S, M & L and we don't give a shiat if something makes our ass look fat as long as it's comfortable.

"Men are also pretty useless at buying gifts in general"

Because a woman has her mind made up what she want's for xmas/b-day/anniversary 6 months before hand and if you don't get her that exact item she gets mad because you're not a farking mind reader. Something for you ladies to keep in mind, you suck at buying us gifts too. We treat gifts from you like we do the ones from our kids, no mater how dumb, ugly or ridiculous it is, we smile and act like it's just what we wanted because we don't want to hurt your feelings.
2013-08-06 10:27:49 AM
2 votes:

NutWrench: phlegmmo: OgreMagi: bring to a festering boil: "If you really loved me you'd make the effort to get it right."

Any sentence that starts with "if you love me ..." is a trap.

Along with: "Does this _____ make my _____ look _____?"

That's a trick question with NO right answer. If you can't change the subject, you're doomed.
(What works for me is to point over her shoulder, say, "hey, look at that" and then run the other way.)


That's why I told the wife (ex now...go figure) 'Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to'.

My favorite was *points to random hot girl* "Do you think she's pretty"?
'Yeah, she's good looking'
"Oh, you like her better than me?"
'No, that's why I am married to you and not her'
"But you think she's prettier than I am?"
'Yeah, so what? Brad Pitt is 100 times better looking than me. You know it, I know it. But you don't see me getting all offended'
"Well, if you think she's so damn hot, why don't you go fark her then?"
*seeing as how there was no correct answer at any point in this conversation, and no good way out of this at all, I went with:* 'Do you think she'd let me?'

Totaly worth it. No sex for 4 days, but she stopped asking that question.
2013-08-06 10:05:24 AM
2 votes:
A hot sauce company has proven what we already know...

...that people will do dumb surveys online that they'd never do in person.
2013-08-06 09:54:49 AM
2 votes:

stevarooni: HammerMill: Never mind that men often make 60% or more of the household income, allowing the woman to spend 60% or more of the household income.

:o  Math doesn't work like that, HammerMill.


Women are better at running up credit card debt.
2013-08-06 08:41:45 AM
2 votes:
Go ahead and rent an apartment to a woman in her twenties. Single, divorced, whatever.

Place would be filthy 80% of the time within a month. There would also be a cat.

I don't know what happened, but there's a whole generation of women lacking basic domestic skills or pride. I noticed this after burning through 5 girlfriends in my early thirties. Most of them in their mid twenties.

I'm beginning to think that the reason those homes were spotless in the '50's is because it was still acceptable to go all Sean Connery on them if they sat at home and did nothing.

Maybe it's because of the workplace I was in that would encourage merciless hazing or taunting if you didn't clean up after yourself.

"Oh, look! Somebody left his plates on the table, guess he misses his Mommy so much he wants her to come by and pick them up for him!" -Then the offending objects would be carefully tucked into your bunk.
2013-08-06 08:13:41 AM
2 votes:

bring to a festering boil: TuteTibiImperes: FTFA:
Men can also be relied upon to buy the wrong sized clothes for their partner

That would be a lot easier to do correctly if women's sizes made any gosh darn sense, and if the same size between different brands and different stores was always the same actual size.

Ever heard this before?
"If you really loved me you'd make the effort to get it right."


It's a no win situation.
Get a size too small; she thinks she gained weight, dwells on it in quiet (if you're lucky) for several hours, forgets the condiments on your sammich and then begins crying just before you fall asleep.
Get a size too large; "you think I'm fat, immediately begins copping an attitude and you'll be lucky to get any sleep.  Sammich?  Make your own farkin' sammich, ***hole.
2013-08-06 08:10:05 AM
2 votes:
Instead of being offended by this article (seems like some of you are) we guys should taker it as a license to be lazy. We're not good for anything? Good, because it means we won't be expected to do anything.

Thanks for lowering the bar for us, ladies.

upload.wikimedia.org

/grumpy old bachelor
//does 100% of the housework
///has a batch of coffee-marshmallows cooling on the bench
2013-08-06 07:59:56 AM
2 votes:

Pilikia: Younger farkers and farkettes, don't buy into this battle of the sexes bullshiat. With the experience of an epic early dating career and a subsequent 17 years of marriage under my belt, I can tell you it's a wash. Men and women are equally blind, selfish and crazy, and nobody ever changes.


See, now we're getting somewhere.  You're on the way to reducing this to my primary axiom of life and other people- the world is full of assholes, the sooner you accept it, the better.  Corollary: it doesn't much matter whether they sit to pee or not.
2013-08-06 07:56:09 AM
2 votes:

Pilikia: Younger farkers and farkettes, don't buy into this battle of the sexes bullshiat. With the experience of an epic early dating career and a subsequent 17 years of marriage under my belt, I can tell you it's a wash. Men and women are equally blind, selfish and crazy, and nobody ever changes.


You've been away from single life too long. Women marry a man hoping he will change, but he doesn't. Men marry a woman hoping she'll never change, but holy shiat it's like Jekyll and Hyde with these harpies.

But not you, honeybunny, if you're reading this.
2013-08-06 07:37:56 AM
2 votes:
They forgot massaging a woman's internal organs by slamming the head of a penis against her cervix.
2013-08-06 02:38:00 AM
2 votes:
You forgot unscrewing stuck jars and reaching that cabinet above the fridge.
2013-08-06 01:03:36 AM
2 votes:

TuteTibiImperes: FTFA:
Men can also be relied upon to buy the wrong sized clothes for their partner


That would be a lot easier to do correctly if women's sizes made any gosh darn sense, and if the same size between different brands and different stores was always the same actual size.


and if women would readily admit their size when asked.  Honey, those sizes are cryptic, so whether you tell me you're a size 13 or 15, I'm not going to suddenly think you're any fatter than I thought before.
2013-08-06 12:44:37 AM
2 votes:

TuteTibiImperes: FTFA:
Men can also be relied upon to buy the wrong sized clothes for their partner


That would be a lot easier to do correctly if women's sizes made any gosh darn sense, and if the same size between different brands and different stores was always the same actual size.


Ever heard this before?
"If you really loved me you'd make the effort to get it right."
2013-08-06 07:18:08 PM
1 votes:
PsiChick:
Seriously. I don't care if you have a penis, if I'm out working and you're out working, we're dividing dishes in half.

This is why my wife and I do the dishes standing together at the sink. We take in turns doing one dish each so we know it's 100% even.

/If both of us aren't available to stand there it doesn't get done.
//If it's an odd number of dishes we both clean the last one together.
///Some other third thing to illustrate how dumb that is.
2013-08-06 06:34:08 PM
1 votes:

TuteTibiImperes: FTFA:
Men can also be relied upon to buy the wrong sized clothes for their partner


That would be a lot easier to do correctly if women's sizes made any gosh darn sense, and if the same size between different brands and different stores was always the same actual size.


Let me help with this (from a man with three older sisters who were all either cheerleaders or pagent winners who has successfully bought clothes for his wife -and when I was single for girlfriends I was dating).

1. Get her measurements (not what size she says she is -this is meaningless for various reasons.. different manufacturers, etc.).
2. Find her favorite store online.
3. You won't find a dress that *exactly* fits her measurements unless you are really lucky. Get that out of your head early, and you'll be fine. What you will find is a dress that fits her measurements *proportionally*...
4. Say you start with 36-24-36, and find a dress that is 38-26-38... that *will* fit and will look good on her.
5. Say you start with 36-24-36, and find a dress that is 36-30-38... that *will not* fit right and will look awful on her.
6. Tend at least one inch up and you can account for water weight, and sucking in (which women do when you take their measurements), but typically don't go more than 2 inches in *any* direction.

It's that simple. Seriously.

I bought my wife several dresses early on as we had a few formal occasions to go to, and bought them online (sight unseen). Every single one of them fit her beautifully.

In fact, she asked me how I did it so well, because she's never been able to find clothes that fit her right.

That's what a tailor would do to sew her a dress, all you have to do is look for something online that she would like that fits her proportionally.
2013-08-06 05:48:55 PM
1 votes:
50-50 is never equal.

It didn't matter how we split the chores, I always had to do more because the ex dawdled with hers. Of course because I was done with mine it wasn't "equal." I could take 30 minutes to clean the bathroom top to bottom but she spent an easy 4 hours in there. Because she wasted more time on it, she was doing "more work," and in her mind I needed to do more to be "fair."

The goal posts will continue to move and we will never reach even a draw. If you point out the clear error in their ways, you're in the wrong.

I've noticed women are pretty good at diminishing your accomplishments and claim they could do the very same yet fail time and again to prove such an assertion.
2013-08-06 05:02:14 PM
1 votes:

PsiChick: I like that you even totally disregarded the rest of the post, where it was all about how women think men are 'playing' when they're really WORKING FOR THE GOOD OF EVERYONE, DON'T YOU GET HOW SPECIAL WE ARE?! He might not have meant it, but his post sure as hell said it.


Alright well that's a pretty extrordinary conclusion based on what he wrote but I'll let you have it if you show your work.

Mose: PsiChick:
Here in the land of reality, neither men nor women need to go out and hunt the sabertooth tiger, so most of us value, in either gender, a partner who can share basic chores, since the chores for men and women are going to be  exactly the same unless you want to go the housewife\breadwinner route.

Seriously. I don't care if you have a penis, if I'm out working and you're out working, we're dividing dishes in half.

This is still slightly location dependent.  My 103 lb wife is not going to cut and split 6 - 8 cords of firewood a year, or even half that, with a 14 lb chainsaw and an 8 lb splitting maul.  Things I'm better at I do exclusively.  The rest we split.

I do recognize that most people don't live out in the boonies though.

2013-08-06 04:31:42 PM
1 votes:

Super_pope: PsiChick: So because you fix one or two things a year you get a free pass on all other housework? Is that what you're trying to say?

I like that you even totally disregarded the part where he said they split things equally unless one party is the obvious choice because they do it better.

Also he's talking about splitting enough wood to heat a house for months.  I can tell you have at best a passing acquaintance with using your body to do anything even remotely difficult (I peg you as someone who gets out of breath climbing the stairs, but hey uhhhh elevators have you heard of them teee heee) as you think the effort required to do that is apparently equivalent to the regular household tasks that he does.


I like that you even totally disregarded the rest of the post, where it was all about how women think men are 'playing' when they're really WORKING FOR THE GOOD OF EVERYONE, DON'T YOU GET HOW SPECIAL WE ARE?! He might not have  meant it, but his post sure as hell  said it.

And sorry to disappoint you, but if that much wood needed to be split, I would split the damn wood. I don't  like doing heavy physical labor, but that doesn't mean I'm some lardass who can't handle it. Especially since I've been helping my parents under duress with various yard renovations since I was a kid.

/Protip: If you want sculpted abs, shovel gravel for a few hours a day.
2013-08-06 04:06:53 PM
1 votes:

PsiChick: So because you fix one or two things a year you get a free pass on all other housework? Is that what you're trying to say?


I like that you even totally disregarded the part where he said they split things equally unless one party is the obvious choice because they do it better.

Also he's talking about splitting enough wood to heat a house for months.  I can tell you have at best a passing acquaintance with using your body to do anything even remotely difficult (I peg you as someone who gets out of breath climbing the stairs, but hey uhhhh elevators have you heard of them teee heee) as you think the effort required to do that is apparently equivalent to the regular household tasks that he does.
2013-08-06 03:32:33 PM
1 votes:

PsiChick: Basily Gourt: A man's job, since the dawn of time, has been to provide. And we excel at it.
We will take any risk to accomplish that. And run over anyone who gets in our way.

The pissing and moaning in that article about men's shortcomings? Just another screed (written by women, no doubt) to tell men that we suck at being women.

I couldn't be prouder of that fact.

Here in the land of reality, neither men nor women need to go out and hunt the sabertooth tiger, so most of us value, in either gender, a partner who can share basic chores, since the chores for men and women are going to be  exactly the same unless you want to go the housewife\breadwinner route.

Seriously. I don't care if you have a penis, if I'm out working and you're out working, we're dividing dishes in half.


Hope you change the oil in your car every second time, mow the lawn every second week, shovel half the driveway, rake half the leaves, fix every second plumbing problem, etc

I get where you're comming from but I've found a lot of time women think we're just playing when we're out bashing our knuckles fixing/maintaining something so we don't have to spend another $1000 we don't have on something. IE in response to the back breaking work of processing firewood ("There's this wonderful invention called a 'heater'...:p" - yeah I have, and we can afford to run a bunch for a month and still be cold, while for the same money I can heat our house the whole winter and be warm)

May partner gets it, I just hope you do.
2013-08-06 02:34:12 PM
1 votes:

Virtuoso80: Obviously, two can play at this game:

Top 10 skills women lack

1. Understanding that the world doesn't revolve around them.
2. Having interesting personalities.
3. Having interesting hobbies.
4. Making sense.
5. Controlling their emotions.
6. Having in-depth knowledge of anything important in the world: Politics, Economics, History, Global Affairs. etc.
7. Understanding there are more important things in the world than clothes and fashion.
8. Either way, the DVD player does not take a PhD to operate, and you should be able to figure it out yourself.
9. Needing help with a friggin' spider, let alone staying calm in any sort of actual crisis.
10. Understanding that they are half of the relationship too, and men do not exist just to do things for them.


11. Getting along with other women in a professional environment
2013-08-06 02:17:35 PM
1 votes:

PsiChick: Basily Gourt: A man's job, since the dawn of time, has been to provide. And we excel at it.
We will take any risk to accomplish that. And run over anyone who gets in our way.

The pissing and moaning in that article about men's shortcomings? Just another screed (written by women, no doubt) to tell men that we suck at being women.

I couldn't be prouder of that fact.

Here in the land of reality, neither men nor women need to go out and hunt the sabertooth tiger, so most of us value, in either gender, a partner who can share basic chores, since the chores for men and women are going to be  exactly the same unless you want to go the housewife\breadwinner route.


Researchers have found the happiest couples have territories that do not intermingle. A couple where one is responsible for an area (the car/the lawn/the kitchen/the laundry room) that is completely different than the other generally have longer marriages and consider themselves happier overall. Equally sharing the same job brings disharmony usually because at some point it appears that it is not done at the same level as the other person could do it. When areas of responsibility are split, people can generate enough mental distance from that area not to find it too annoying.
2013-08-06 12:52:54 PM
1 votes:
1.Buying clothes for partner 52 per cent


If you weren't so neurotic about keeping your size a secret... from someone who has expressed that he loves you while you were that size... we'd be better at it.


2. Remembering anniversary 41 per cent


Sorry ladies, commemorating anniversaries means buying you shiat like jewelry that has no value beyond what you pay for it. Tough to get excited about that.


3. Dancing 33 per cent


Stop dating meat heads who are too cool to learn to dance.


4. Ironing 31 per cent


Stop dating mama's boys.


5. Cooking 30 per cent


Ditto


6. Domestic chores 30 per cent


Don't believe the hype.We do those badly so you will tell us to stop doing them.


7. Buying gifts 28 per cent


We buy practical gifts for others and things we can both enjoy for you.


8. Multi-tasking 22 per cent


Bullshiat corporate doublespeak word that literally means nothing.


9. Keeping up with fashion 22 per cent


Because WHO THE HELL CARES.Just know that we consider it a defect in you if you spend too much time on this.


10. Picking furniture 21 per cent


Try to remember that we think your taste in furniture is as bad as you think ours is.
2013-08-06 12:50:48 PM
1 votes:
Obviously, two can play at this game:

Top 10 skills women lack

1. Understanding that the world doesn't revolve around them.
2. Having interesting personalities.
3. Having interesting hobbies.
4. Making sense.
5. Controlling their emotions.
6. Having in-depth knowledge of anything important in the world: Politics, Economics, History, Global Affairs. etc.
7. Understanding there are more important things in the world than clothes and fashion.
8. Either way, the DVD player does not take a PhD to operate, and you should be able to figure it out yourself.
9. Needing help with a friggin' spider, let alone staying calm in any sort of actual crisis.
10. Understanding that they are half of the relationship too, and men do not exist just to do things for them.
2013-08-06 12:42:06 PM
1 votes:

moefuggenbrew: Remembering to leave the seat up


Oh God was this ever an issue.
She'd get pissed if I left the seat up. Especially if she fell in, since she never bothered to look.

"Why are you so upset? It's not my fault you plopped your ass into the toilet. You should have looked. I do every time I sit down. And if I have to lift the seat, I don't get upset. I just lift the seat. Furthermore, you have gravity on your side. Whereas I actualy have to lift the seat, all you have to do is give a little push *pushes seat, seat thumps down* and BAM! your seat is down. Most of the work is done for you."

Turns out another skill women lack is being impressed by logical facts presented in an arguement.
2013-08-06 12:06:59 PM
1 votes:
Top 10 skills women lack:
1. Buying lap dance for partner
2. Remembering to leave the seat up
3. Twerking
4. Yard work
5. Car maintenance
6. Not buying gifts for any/every day of the week 'omg it's national buy something shiny day'
8. Logical solutions to problems
9. Knowing anything about anything not on TMZ/E!
10. BJ depth


11. Actually looking at things and not just assuming - for instance, women probably didn't notice I skipped number seven.
2013-08-06 11:44:54 AM
1 votes:
I have an amazing husband I would do anything for.
When we married on July 13, his friends told him his hunting, fishing, poker playing, strip club going, women staring at days were over. . .um no.
I am learning to hunt, fish, and play poker (Texas hold 'em). I told him that for his bachelor party at the strip club my only rule was do not go to jail. .other than that, have fun. Hell, I do not care if he looks at women. I do not care where he gets hungry, as long as he eats at home.
All we ask of each other is to be faithful and honest.

I am a lucky, lucky woman.
2013-08-06 11:18:15 AM
1 votes:

MythDragon: NutWrench: phlegmmo: OgreMagi: bring to a festering boil: "If you really loved me you'd make the effort to get it right."

Any sentence that starts with "if you love me ..." is a trap.

Along with: "Does this _____ make my _____ look _____?"

That's a trick question with NO right answer. If you can't change the subject, you're doomed.
(What works for me is to point over her shoulder, say, "hey, look at that" and then run the other way.)

That's why I told the wife (ex now...go figure) 'Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to'.

My favorite was *points to random hot girl* "Do you think she's pretty"?
'Yeah, she's good looking'
"Oh, you like her better than me?"
'No, that's why I am married to you and not her'
"But you think she's prettier than I am?"
'Yeah, so what? Brad Pitt is 100 times better looking than me. You know it, I know it. But you don't see me getting all offended'
"Well, if you think she's so damn hot, why don't you go fark her then?"
*seeing as how there was no correct answer at any point in this conversation, and no good way out of this at all, I went with:* 'Do you think she'd let me?'

Totaly worth it. No sex for 4 days, but she stopped asking that question.


I usually follow that with "No, I said she's pretty. I did not compare her to you. Any other words you want to put in my mouth?"

Usually works.
2013-08-06 11:00:53 AM
1 votes:

mike_d85: Pants full of macaroni!!:
//clown spiders would be dividing by zero

No, Clown Spiders nets to Tim Curry.

Skunkwolf: Go ahead and rent an apartment to a woman in her twenties. Single, divorced, whatever.

Place would be filthy 80% of the time within a month. There would also be a cat.

I don't know what happened, but there's a whole generation of women lacking basic domestic skills or pride. I noticed this after burning through 5 girlfriends in my early thirties. Most of them in their mid twenties.
.

THIS.  My house was cleaner than any girl's room I was in from age 18-30.  2 exceptions that comes to mind and several messy ones above that age bracket.


I live with my GF. Before we started dating, I only needed to clean my bathroom every couple of weeks, maybe three or more if I traveled for work. After we starting dating it was a weekly occurrence, if not tackled every few days. Now that we live together, it's every few days without fail. I acknowledge being messier than her in most things (ie I'll let folded clothes sit in the hamper for a few days until I put them away) but she will not acknowledge that the bathroom ever gets messy. She says it doesn't count and we both use it. Well I don't use makeup and my hair isn't longer than my forearm, so there are noticeably few suspects in that department.

It's really not a big deal at all, just amusing to see the mental gymnastics turn into an outright denial.
2013-08-06 09:59:04 AM
1 votes:

Skunkwolf: Go ahead and rent an apartment to a woman in her twenties. Single, divorced, whatever.

Place would be filthy 80% of the time within a month. There would also be a cat.

I don't know what happened, but there's a whole generation of women lacking basic domestic skills or pride. I noticed this after burning through 5 girlfriends in my early thirties. Most of them in their mid twenties.


Welcome to my world, minus the cat.  My GF either can't see or chooses to ignore her hair on the bathroom floor every single morning.  Given the choice between rinsing a dish and putting it into the dishwasher, or leaving it covered in cream cheese and jelly in the sink, she'll choose the latter 9 times out of 10.  Makeup dust on the counter in the bathroom?  She must think I like cleaning that up.

We've been home from vacation for 3 days, and she's still got an unpacked suitcase on the bedroom floor and another bag sitting exactly where she dropped it in the living room when we got home on Saturday night.

I don't know why I'm surprised, before she moved in with me, she shared an apartment with one of her GFs which was absolutely disgusting.  What a slob she is, the love of my life.
2013-08-06 09:55:46 AM
1 votes:
1. Buying clothes for partner 52 per cent

Pah.  How hard can it be to buy a pair of jeans, a few t-shirts, and a wide selection of lingerie?

2. Remembering anniversary 41 per cent

Meh.  Guilty as charged.  OTOH, women can't seem to remember to perform simple tasks like putting gasoline and the occasional quart of oil in their car, so it's a wash.

3. Dancing 33 per cent

Oh yah - useful life skill there, if I someday need Nancy Grace to show me a boob.

4. Ironing 31 per cent

See item 1.  We buy clothing that doesn't need to be ironed.

5. Cooking 30 per cent

Lies.  LIES, I say.

6. Domestic chores 30 per cent

Does sex count as a "domestic chore"?

7. Buying gifts 28 per cent

See item #1 again.

8. Multi-tasking 22 per cent

Laughable, considering women would be more like 88 percent.

9. Keeping up with fashion 22 per cent

Back to item #1 again.

10. Picking furniture 21 per cent

Men don't "pick" furniture - we build it, dammit.
2013-08-06 09:48:12 AM
1 votes:
So we can completely do away with child support, alimony and palimony cause men are useless for anything that isn't spider killing right?
PJ-
2013-08-06 09:18:02 AM
1 votes:
Call me crazy, but I tend to want a partner who can fill in the gaps in life that I can't take care of.  I am, from what I'm told, a very good cook, I know how to iron, sew, go grocery shopping.  I have a decent fashion sense when it comes to clothing, i'm also quite good with tools and power tools.  What I can't do though, is coordinate a house, I tend to spend my money on cool toys for me (3D printer!), and I say really insensitive things at the WORST possible moment ('oh, your fiance broke up with you and said he never loved you?  Well, at least he's honest right?').  So I would need someone who would buy furniture for out house and make it all come together, teach me how to harness my impulse buys (or at least put up with it), and have a great smack upside the head whenever I get that look of 'he's going to say something stupid'.

Alas, I doubt I will find anybody who will fit that bill, and I honestly don't really mind all that much.  All the money I make at work gets to go to my alcohol/toy fund, I don't have someone to greet me at home telling me how many chores I have to do, and playing on my computer will have to wait yet another day.
2013-08-06 09:14:41 AM
1 votes:
It's not that I'm bad at it, I just don't care.

Picking home furnishings: does it suit the task? Is it reasonably priced? will it not look terrible in situ?  You've got yourself a sofa.

Picking her clothing: It's very nice that you are capable of buying me a pair of 36x31 trousers, perhaps you can give me you sizes and I can get something for you (note it will have to fit into the sofa criteria above)

Cooking: What you do is not called cooking, what you do is put chips and fish fingers into an oven (how many famous female chefs are there again?)

Buying a pram / carseat: You have my undivided attention, harness, able to fold up one handed (pram) takes the correct weight, no hunny don't worry too much about the price, no I don't care about whether it's orange or green.

My other half occasionally complains that I don't make the tea or coffee that often, which baffles me when I was single I very rarely drank hot drinks, she came into my life and started making them every hour and now I'm supposed to split this task?
2013-08-06 08:54:48 AM
1 votes:

TuteTibiImperes: FTFA:
Men can also be relied upon to buy the wrong sized clothes for their partner


That would be a lot easier to do correctly if women's sizes made any gosh darn sense, and if the same size between different brands and different stores was always the same actual size.


Any real man knows if your going to buy a woman clothing then you just get a damn gift certificate.

even if she really likes what you bought and it fits she will return it because thats how women roll.
2013-08-06 08:48:22 AM
1 votes:
That's okay, women are only good for complaining about things men have achieved (most of society forever) not being good enough, or how hard it is to lose weight/how society is fat phobic and doesn't appreciate the true beauty of their curves(one sphere is not actually multiple curves but lets just go with itl).  Oh or biatching about how wrong people are to think someone hotter than they are is attractive.

Its a lot of fun when people are assholes about the opposite sex just because they're different and think about things differently isn't it?

/Seriously if you want to have like everything I said in the first paragraph essentially proven, go get a Tumblr.

HammerMill: Nope, can't move the wheel barrow.


Is your wife a paraplegic or something?  She can't move a thing engineered to make moving things easy?
2013-08-06 08:38:56 AM
1 votes:
Never mind that men often make 60% or more of the household income, allowing the woman to spend 60% or more of the household income. Don't get me started on that pay inequality BS, when women start spending equallythen we'll talk a  paying equally.  Those Coach purses add up fast, honey.

Anyway, my wife and I were trying to find a hobby or household project she could do on her own and enjoy without me getting involved.  We couldn't think of one.  Gardening?  Nope, can't use the tools.  Finishing old furniture? Nope, same deal. Sewing? Nope, I'm the one that can sew.  Filling in holes in the backyard? Nope, can't move the wheel barrow.
2013-08-06 08:32:15 AM
1 votes:

bring to a festering boil: TuteTibiImperes: FTFA:
Men can also be relied upon to buy the wrong sized clothes for their partner


That would be a lot easier to do correctly if women's sizes made any gosh darn sense, and if the same size between different brands and different stores was always the same actual size.

Ever heard this before?
"If you really loved me you'd make the effort to get it right."


"If you really wanted it to fit you wouldn't have lied about your size or eaten so much pie."

But seriously, folks, why buy clothes for your partner? It is essentially a lose-lose scenario.
2013-08-06 08:20:51 AM
1 votes:

ChaoticLimbs: How strange, then, that the roads are paved, the buildings are heated and cooled, and there's a bridge to wherever anyone wants to go. How did all of that happen? Some woman must've done that.

Oh, and there's soft toilet paper to wipe your ass on, too. Imagine how lackluster the world is when you're wiping your bits on a tree branch.


Rounded river rocks work better. And are self washing if you throw them back in.
2013-08-06 08:16:56 AM
1 votes:
... and supporting you and paying the mortgage as the sole income earner when you are pregnant and unable to work?

/baby due in five weeks
//absolutely hate my job but doing it anyway
///Mrs LB does a great job of cheering me up by keeping me breakfasted, dinnered, and sandwhiched.
2013-08-06 08:16:13 AM
1 votes:
How strange, then, that the roads are paved, the buildings are heated and cooled, and there's a bridge to wherever anyone wants to go. How did all of that happen? Some woman must've done that.

Oh, and there's soft toilet paper to wipe your ass on, too. Imagine how lackluster the world is when you're wiping your bits on a tree branch.
2013-08-06 08:07:44 AM
1 votes:
I have a deal with the spiders in my house that they can hang out in the wall corners and under the heat vents as long as they do their fair share of catching the gnats, beetles, and pillbugs that regularly invade the premises.  But if I find them on my hairdryer or TV remote, they're getting a tissue-escorted trip to the toilet.

/figures it's easier to just learn how to do things yourself than wasting time passively-aggressively manipulating other people to do it for you for free
2013-08-06 08:04:20 AM
1 votes:

AverageAmericanGuy: Pilikia: Younger farkers and farkettes, don't buy into this battle of the sexes bullshiat. With the experience of an epic early dating career and a subsequent 17 years of marriage under my belt, I can tell you it's a wash. Men and women are equally blind, selfish and crazy, and nobody ever changes.

You've been away from single life too long. Women marry a man hoping he will change, but he doesn't. Men marry a woman hoping she'll never change, but holy shiat it's like Jekyll and Hyde with these harpies.

But not you, honeybunny, if you're reading this.


I got married when I was 28 and was almost never without a girlfriend or a hook-up between the ages of 19 and 26 (I started late but made up for it in volume and frequency). What more do I need to know?

I hear you on the Jekyll and Hyde - I used to think that about my wife. But when I look back now I realize it was always all there: the nagging, the mercernary outlook, the eating too much cake. I just chose to ignore it because BY GOD PENIS WAS GETTING WHAT IT NEEDED.
2013-08-06 08:01:45 AM
1 votes:

Onkel Buck: We can't be that worthless. You read stories all the time about how some crazy biatch attacked another crazy biatch for messing with her man. So yes we might be POS ladies, but we're your POS


I was just going to say something similar. We might be completely useless but they can't stop thinking or talking about us.
2013-08-06 07:56:50 AM
1 votes:

Yanks_RSJ: Who the hell cares what women think?


I wasn't even aware they did.
2013-08-06 07:55:23 AM
1 votes:

Tat'dGreaser: Yea, don't care. I'm not offended by this, I'm pretty happy with this role.


Non reactionary post in a troll thread?  I think I'd have to ban you if I were an admin.  Apathy and compliance don't pay the fark bills you know.  Let's contribute a little bit here, this is a team effort.
2013-08-06 07:52:05 AM
1 votes:
So taking a survey asking "do you think your man is good at ____" and spouting random results from it somehow leads to women don't need men?  Well, that seems like a valid conclusion.

/fark ironing, that's why dry cleaners exist
2013-08-06 07:51:54 AM
1 votes:
"A spokesman for Frank's Red Hot, a sauce brand which carried out the survey "

Spamvert masquerading as something slightly more meaningful than an attack of involuntary flatulence.
2013-08-06 07:49:15 AM
1 votes:

enderthexenocide: if i ever get married, my future wife will have to handle spider duty.  i have a paralyzing phobia about spiders and pretty much any kind of insect.  i don't drink either, and i have no interest in grilling or cooking with fire.  i am however very nice and polite and well-groomed, and i want to have children and have a happy family.  call me, ladies.


Just how many dead bodies are in your cellar?
2013-08-06 07:44:36 AM
1 votes:

NutWrench: phlegmmo: OgreMagi: bring to a festering boil: "If you really loved me you'd make the effort to get it right."

Any sentence that starts with "if you love me ..." is a trap.

Along with: "Does this _____ make my _____ look _____?"

That's a trick question with NO right answer. If you can't change the subject, you're doomed.
(What works for me is to point over her shoulder, say, "hey, look at that" and then run the other way.)


I just pretend to get distracted by her cleavage. She buys it.
2013-08-06 07:42:03 AM
1 votes:

phlegmmo: OgreMagi: bring to a festering boil: "If you really loved me you'd make the effort to get it right."

Any sentence that starts with "if you love me ..." is a trap.

Along with: "Does this _____ make my _____ look _____?"


That's a trick question with NO right answer. If you can't change the subject, you're doomed.
(What works for me is to point over her shoulder, say, "hey, look at that" and then run the other way.)
2013-08-06 07:35:04 AM
1 votes:
Really, though. What the fark are women good for?

You want to talk about useless, just look at the women in your family.
2013-08-06 03:10:33 AM
1 votes:

Mike Chewbacca: You forgot unscrewing stuck jars and reaching that cabinet above the fridge.


I farking hate that cabinet above the fridge, and have sworn eternal vigilance against it - and loyalty with all men tasked with it. I'm only 5'11 so there's all sorts of weird-ass yoga and the summoning of every fiber in my body to get that that damned smoothie mixer she uses once a year (invariably in the back of the cabinet for some reason).

Christ, I was going to bed but just thinking of that cabinet, and glancing at t just now, pisses me off.
2013-08-06 02:32:58 AM
1 votes:

phlegmmo: And often all at the same time.


They say women are superior multi-taskers but men are more driven with single tasks. My ass. My father could drive a stick in city traffic while smoking a cigarette and drinking coffee while smacking the left side of my face. The man had skills.

/it was a Corvette, so there wasn't room to scoot over even when you saw that backhand coming
//sounds like a sad story but it actually makes me laugh now
2013-08-06 01:10:17 AM
1 votes:
-The males in my house are terrified of spiders.  Killing spiders is my job.
-My husband doesn't drink.
-He's pretty good with the bbq, but is teaching me so that he doesn't have to anymore.

I guess I keep him around for sex, massages, cuddles, and someone to snark with.
2013-08-06 12:30:42 AM
1 votes:

phlegmmo: And often all at the same time.


My flaming drunk tarantulas are always a hit at the church potluck.
2013-08-06 12:17:28 AM
1 votes:

phlegmmo: And often all at the same time.


Unintentional multitasking.
2013-08-06 12:15:04 AM
1 votes:
And often all at the same time.
 
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