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(Daily Mail)   The results are in and women agree: Men are basically good for nothing other than killing spiders, cooking with fire, and drinking   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 208
    More: Obvious  
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8076 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Aug 2013 at 7:30 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-08-06 10:05:30 AM  
My wedding vows involved the phrase "squish and remove scary insects". Fortunately spiders are arachnids, so they don't get killed.

/wife is an editor
//she should have known better with the words an' all
 
2013-08-06 10:07:18 AM  

C0rf: My wedding vows involved the phrase "squish and remove scary insects".


Oh lord, those wedding are the worst....
 
2013-08-06 10:10:16 AM  

odinsposse: This article and thread are both full of reverse racism.


Well, those blacks do love hot sauce, it would ruin their demographic to use forward racism.
 
2013-08-06 10:13:59 AM  

The Muthaship: C0rf: My wedding vows involved the phrase "squish and remove scary insects".

Oh lord, those wedding are the worst....


Now, now, no need to type out loud what everyone else was thinking.
 
2013-08-06 10:27:49 AM  

NutWrench: phlegmmo: OgreMagi: bring to a festering boil: "If you really loved me you'd make the effort to get it right."

Any sentence that starts with "if you love me ..." is a trap.

Along with: "Does this _____ make my _____ look _____?"

That's a trick question with NO right answer. If you can't change the subject, you're doomed.
(What works for me is to point over her shoulder, say, "hey, look at that" and then run the other way.)


That's why I told the wife (ex now...go figure) 'Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to'.

My favorite was *points to random hot girl* "Do you think she's pretty"?
'Yeah, she's good looking'
"Oh, you like her better than me?"
'No, that's why I am married to you and not her'
"But you think she's prettier than I am?"
'Yeah, so what? Brad Pitt is 100 times better looking than me. You know it, I know it. But you don't see me getting all offended'
"Well, if you think she's so damn hot, why don't you go fark her then?"
*seeing as how there was no correct answer at any point in this conversation, and no good way out of this at all, I went with:* 'Do you think she'd let me?'

Totaly worth it. No sex for 4 days, but she stopped asking that question.
 
2013-08-06 10:41:13 AM  
I don't understand all these "I'm an arachnophobe, my wife kills the spiders" comments.  I am a huge arachnophobe, I have nightmares and everything, and I immediately and violently kill every spider I see in my house.  Fear leads to violence and repression, like it's supposed to!
 
2013-08-06 10:44:47 AM  

serial_crusher: so whether you tell me you're a size 13 or 15, I'm not going to suddenly think you're any fatter than I thought before.


content.internetvideoarchive.com

Which you are.
 
2013-08-06 11:00:50 AM  
I'm still working on perfecting the drinking part.

/practice, practice
 
2013-08-06 11:00:53 AM  

mike_d85: Pants full of macaroni!!:
//clown spiders would be dividing by zero

No, Clown Spiders nets to Tim Curry.

Skunkwolf: Go ahead and rent an apartment to a woman in her twenties. Single, divorced, whatever.

Place would be filthy 80% of the time within a month. There would also be a cat.

I don't know what happened, but there's a whole generation of women lacking basic domestic skills or pride. I noticed this after burning through 5 girlfriends in my early thirties. Most of them in their mid twenties.
.

THIS.  My house was cleaner than any girl's room I was in from age 18-30.  2 exceptions that comes to mind and several messy ones above that age bracket.


I live with my GF. Before we started dating, I only needed to clean my bathroom every couple of weeks, maybe three or more if I traveled for work. After we starting dating it was a weekly occurrence, if not tackled every few days. Now that we live together, it's every few days without fail. I acknowledge being messier than her in most things (ie I'll let folded clothes sit in the hamper for a few days until I put them away) but she will not acknowledge that the bathroom ever gets messy. She says it doesn't count and we both use it. Well I don't use makeup and my hair isn't longer than my forearm, so there are noticeably few suspects in that department.

It's really not a big deal at all, just amusing to see the mental gymnastics turn into an outright denial.
 
2013-08-06 11:18:15 AM  

MythDragon: NutWrench: phlegmmo: OgreMagi: bring to a festering boil: "If you really loved me you'd make the effort to get it right."

Any sentence that starts with "if you love me ..." is a trap.

Along with: "Does this _____ make my _____ look _____?"

That's a trick question with NO right answer. If you can't change the subject, you're doomed.
(What works for me is to point over her shoulder, say, "hey, look at that" and then run the other way.)

That's why I told the wife (ex now...go figure) 'Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to'.

My favorite was *points to random hot girl* "Do you think she's pretty"?
'Yeah, she's good looking'
"Oh, you like her better than me?"
'No, that's why I am married to you and not her'
"But you think she's prettier than I am?"
'Yeah, so what? Brad Pitt is 100 times better looking than me. You know it, I know it. But you don't see me getting all offended'
"Well, if you think she's so damn hot, why don't you go fark her then?"
*seeing as how there was no correct answer at any point in this conversation, and no good way out of this at all, I went with:* 'Do you think she'd let me?'

Totaly worth it. No sex for 4 days, but she stopped asking that question.


I usually follow that with "No, I said she's pretty. I did not compare her to you. Any other words you want to put in my mouth?"

Usually works.
 
2013-08-06 11:24:28 AM  

doglover: So men are crap at useless skills like buying other people's clothing and putting up with your awful in laws sober.

Who was the woman who runs a private space exploration company with feasible plans to mine comets for heavy elements and a moon base, again? Her name must have slipped my mind.


Yea, um, which man does that?
 
2013-08-06 11:24:49 AM  
I do it all grocery shop, cook,wash dishes, yard work etc. she's just a life support system for a pussy.
 
2013-08-06 11:26:08 AM  

HotIgneous Intruder: Women who complain about men need to choose their company better.


People who complain about their SOs need to choose their company better.
 
2013-08-06 11:28:45 AM  

impaler: Bullshat study.

When did women learn how to change tires?


Since I learned to read the owner's manual?
 
2013-08-06 11:28:47 AM  

firsttiger: So taking a survey asking "do you think your man is good at ____" and spouting random results from it somehow leads to women don't need men?  Well, that seems like a valid conclusion.

/fark ironing, that's why dry cleaners exist


Of course they need men.    Need men to pay for things.
 
2013-08-06 11:31:29 AM  
They forgot the most important one: paying the damn bills. Other than that, after reading these three paragraphs/sentences I'm wondering if the only women they surveyed were my ex-wife and my wife because, damn, that's a pretty accurate description:


According to the research, men are also pretty useless at choosing home fixtures and furnishings and cooking anything complicated.


Men can also be relied upon to buy the wrong sized clothes for their partner and to get drunk at family functions, the survey found.


Men are also pretty useless at buying gifts in general, however, they can still do DIY, though not always successfully as almost half (46 per cent) admit they have hurt themselves while doing so.



//not really. I can cook.
 
2013-08-06 11:40:38 AM  

MythDragon: My favorite was *points to random hot girl* "Do you think she's pretty"?
'Yeah, she's good looking'
"Oh, you like her better than me?"
'No, that's why I am married to you and not her'
"But you think she's prettier than I am?"
'Yeah, so what? Brad Pitt is 100 times better looking than me. You know it, I know it. But you don't see me getting all offended'
"Well, if you think she's so damn hot, why don't you go fark her then?"
*seeing as how there was no correct answer at any point in this conversation, and no good way out of this at all, I went with:* 'Do you think she'd let me?'

Totaly worth it. No sex for 4 days, but she stopped asking that question.


Absolutely brilliant work there, Mythdragon! High five to you, sir.
 
2013-08-06 11:44:54 AM  
I have an amazing husband I would do anything for.
When we married on July 13, his friends told him his hunting, fishing, poker playing, strip club going, women staring at days were over. . .um no.
I am learning to hunt, fish, and play poker (Texas hold 'em). I told him that for his bachelor party at the strip club my only rule was do not go to jail. .other than that, have fun. Hell, I do not care if he looks at women. I do not care where he gets hungry, as long as he eats at home.
All we ask of each other is to be faithful and honest.

I am a lucky, lucky woman.
 
2013-08-06 11:51:49 AM  
Getting a kick out of this thread.

Farkers, I am the silverback gorilla you should one day aspire to be. Farkettes, my apologies, I'm taken. Here are my stats:

- 41 years old
- 6'4", 245lbs, 38-inch waist
- Still have all my original teeth and most of my head hair, the latter running to salt and pepper much like George Clooney's
- Got my money right
- Average five loads of dishes and three loads of laundry per week
- Have lots of awesome tools and know how to use them around the house (if you know what I mean, and I think you do)
- Can drive non-stop for 12 hours and don't mind asking for directions
- Coach my son's soccer team
- Clean all the bathrooms in our house because nobody else knows how to do it right
- Teach a free self-defense class for bullied teens in our community (a majority of them being LGTBQ)
- My family is all in Hawai'i, so visiting the in-laws is never a chore
 
2013-08-06 11:53:26 AM  
Q: What is the name of the useless flap of skin found on the end of a penis?
A: A man.
 
2013-08-06 11:54:46 AM  
Women are good for sex, child-rearing and being nagged to death. We've all got our specialties.
 
2013-08-06 12:00:25 PM  
I said MEN
HUAH
what are they good for
ABSOLUTELY NOTHIN
say it again!

/earworm!
 
2013-08-06 12:02:07 PM  
I am offended.  This is sexist.

They forgot changing flat tires, what about the flat tires dammit?
 
2013-08-06 12:02:17 PM  

Pilikia: Getting a kick out of this thread.

Farkers, I am the silverback gorilla you should one day aspire to be. Farkettes, my apologies, I'm taken. Here are my stats:

- 41 years old
- 6'4", 245lbs, 38-inch waist
- Still have all my original teeth and most of my head hair, the latter running to salt and pepper much like George Clooney's
- Got my money right
- Average five loads of dishes and three loads of laundry per week
- Have lots of awesome tools and know how to use them around the house (if you know what I mean, and I think you do)
- Can drive non-stop for 12 hours and don't mind asking for directions
- Coach my son's soccer team
- Clean all the bathrooms in our house because nobody else knows how to do it right
- Teach a free self-defense class for bullied teens in our community (a majority of them being LGTBQ)
- My family is all in Hawai'i, so visiting the in-laws is never a chore


Cool story bro.
 
2013-08-06 12:02:56 PM  
Stupid man world.
 
2013-08-06 12:05:48 PM  
Fighting and farking
 
2013-08-06 12:06:59 PM  
Top 10 skills women lack:
1. Buying lap dance for partner
2. Remembering to leave the seat up
3. Twerking
4. Yard work
5. Car maintenance
6. Not buying gifts for any/every day of the week 'omg it's national buy something shiny day'
8. Logical solutions to problems
9. Knowing anything about anything not on TMZ/E!
10. BJ depth


11. Actually looking at things and not just assuming - for instance, women probably didn't notice I skipped number seven.
 
2013-08-06 12:07:02 PM  
"If the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy."
 
2013-08-06 12:08:50 PM  
Then if I said women were not any good for anything besides having a vagina, having a womb to make babies and cooking food, would that sound sexist?

Because I sure would not want a sexist survey to take place.
 
2013-08-06 12:10:45 PM  

Cyrus the Mediocre: Men are a lot like teapots in that they can't quite grasp metaphors


418: I am a teapot.
 
2013-08-06 12:11:22 PM  

verbaltoxin: "If the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy."


Keep your stick on the ice...
 
2013-08-06 12:17:10 PM  
Me:  Commute, work full time, pay bills, dishes, cook, laundry, cleaning, parent, shop for food
Him: Commute, work full time, yardwork and take care of trash
Both of us:  Happy.

I will say though, if you have worked a 10 hour day and come home to someone else's dirty dishes in the sink and see them on the couch, it's irritating, no matter which gender.
 
2013-08-06 12:32:18 PM  
sperm and money.  After 39 long years of intense research I've concluded that women think men are only good for their sperm and money.


/dnrtfa
/a man
/butthurt
 
2013-08-06 12:42:06 PM  

moefuggenbrew: Remembering to leave the seat up


Oh God was this ever an issue.
She'd get pissed if I left the seat up. Especially if she fell in, since she never bothered to look.

"Why are you so upset? It's not my fault you plopped your ass into the toilet. You should have looked. I do every time I sit down. And if I have to lift the seat, I don't get upset. I just lift the seat. Furthermore, you have gravity on your side. Whereas I actualy have to lift the seat, all you have to do is give a little push *pushes seat, seat thumps down* and BAM! your seat is down. Most of the work is done for you."

Turns out another skill women lack is being impressed by logical facts presented in an arguement.
 
2013-08-06 12:45:49 PM  

grumpfuff: Pilikia: Getting a kick out of this thread.

Farkers, I am the silverback gorilla you should one day aspire to be. Farkettes, my apologies, I'm taken. Here are my stats:

- 41 years old
- 6'4", 245lbs, 38-inch waist
- Still have all my original teeth and most of my head hair, the latter running to salt and pepper much like George Clooney's
- Got my money right
- Average five loads of dishes and three loads of laundry per week
- Have lots of awesome tools and know how to use them around the house (if you know what I mean, and I think you do)
- Can drive non-stop for 12 hours and don't mind asking for directions
- Coach my son's soccer team
- Clean all the bathrooms in our house because nobody else knows how to do it right
- Teach a free self-defense class for bullied teens in our community (a majority of them being LGTBQ)
- My family is all in Hawai'i, so visiting the in-laws is never a chore

Cool story bro.


encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com
 
2013-08-06 12:50:48 PM  
Obviously, two can play at this game:

Top 10 skills women lack

1. Understanding that the world doesn't revolve around them.
2. Having interesting personalities.
3. Having interesting hobbies.
4. Making sense.
5. Controlling their emotions.
6. Having in-depth knowledge of anything important in the world: Politics, Economics, History, Global Affairs. etc.
7. Understanding there are more important things in the world than clothes and fashion.
8. Either way, the DVD player does not take a PhD to operate, and you should be able to figure it out yourself.
9. Needing help with a friggin' spider, let alone staying calm in any sort of actual crisis.
10. Understanding that they are half of the relationship too, and men do not exist just to do things for them.
 
2013-08-06 12:52:54 PM  
1.Buying clothes for partner 52 per cent


If you weren't so neurotic about keeping your size a secret... from someone who has expressed that he loves you while you were that size... we'd be better at it.


2. Remembering anniversary 41 per cent


Sorry ladies, commemorating anniversaries means buying you shiat like jewelry that has no value beyond what you pay for it. Tough to get excited about that.


3. Dancing 33 per cent


Stop dating meat heads who are too cool to learn to dance.


4. Ironing 31 per cent


Stop dating mama's boys.


5. Cooking 30 per cent


Ditto


6. Domestic chores 30 per cent


Don't believe the hype.We do those badly so you will tell us to stop doing them.


7. Buying gifts 28 per cent


We buy practical gifts for others and things we can both enjoy for you.


8. Multi-tasking 22 per cent


Bullshiat corporate doublespeak word that literally means nothing.


9. Keeping up with fashion 22 per cent


Because WHO THE HELL CARES.Just know that we consider it a defect in you if you spend too much time on this.


10. Picking furniture 21 per cent


Try to remember that we think your taste in furniture is as bad as you think ours is.
 
2013-08-06 12:53:31 PM  
"According to the research, men are also pretty useless at cooking anything complicated."

If that's true then why are pretty much all good chefs men?

"Men can also be relied upon to buy the wrong sized clothes for their partner."

Because they have 500 different sizes for clothing. You have Misses sizes, junior sizes, women's sizes, plus sizes, full figure sizes, petite sizes, half sizes and a dozen more. Every single one of those come numbered from 00 to 40 as well as XXXS to XXXL. Hell women can't even figure it out because they have to try on every single thing before they buy it. Men have three sizes, S, M & L and we don't give a shiat if something makes our ass look fat as long as it's comfortable.

"Men are also pretty useless at buying gifts in general"

Because a woman has her mind made up what she want's for xmas/b-day/anniversary 6 months before hand and if you don't get her that exact item she gets mad because you're not a farking mind reader. Something for you ladies to keep in mind, you suck at buying us gifts too. We treat gifts from you like we do the ones from our kids, no mater how dumb, ugly or ridiculous it is, we smile and act like it's just what we wanted because we don't want to hurt your feelings.
 
2013-08-06 12:57:07 PM  

enderthexenocide: if i ever get married, my future wife will have to handle spider duty.  i have a paralyzing phobia about spiders and pretty much any kind of insect.  i don't drink either, and i have no interest in grilling or cooking with fire.  i am however very nice and polite and well-groomed, and i want to have children and have a happy family.  call me  a lady.


FTFY
 
2013-08-06 01:31:22 PM  

enderthexenocide: if i ever get married, my future wife will have to handle spider duty.  i have a paralyzing phobia about spiders and pretty much any kind of insect.  i don't drink either, and i have no interest in grilling or cooking with fire.  i am however very nice and polite and well-groomed, and i want to have children and have a happy family.  call me, ladies.


How YOU doin'? :D
 
2013-08-06 01:37:54 PM  

Pilikia: grumpfuff: Pilikia: Getting a kick out of this thread.

Farkers, I am the silverback gorilla you should one day aspire to be. Farkettes, my apologies, I'm taken. Here are my stats:

- 41 years old
- 6'4", 245lbs, 38-inch waist
- Still have all my original teeth and most of my head hair, the latter running to salt and pepper much like George Clooney's
- Got my money right
- Average five loads of dishes and three loads of laundry per week
- Have lots of awesome tools and know how to use them around the house (if you know what I mean, and I think you do)
- Can drive non-stop for 12 hours and don't mind asking for directions
- Coach my son's soccer team
- Clean all the bathrooms in our house because nobody else knows how to do it right
- Teach a free self-defense class for bullied teens in our community (a majority of them being LGTBQ)
- My family is all in Hawai'i, so visiting the in-laws is never a chore

Cool story bro.

[encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com image 228x221]


Cool story bro.
 
2013-08-06 01:38:40 PM  
Must have been talking to the wrong women. I discovered over the weekend I am a master bra shopper. Had to help the roomate find a couple of 38DD bras, you women make everything so damn hard! If men had bras the sizing would be way easier. Well I found her two and she says they are the best bras ever. Score one for me!
 
2013-08-06 01:55:59 PM  

groppet: Must have been talking to the wrong women. I discovered over the weekend I am a master bra shopper. Had to help the roomate find a couple of 38DD bras, you women make everything so damn hard! If men had bras the sizing would be way easier. Well I found her two and she says they are the best bras ever. Score one for me!


Sooner or later she's going to realize the cups are just your hands wrapped in ribbons.
 
2013-08-06 02:01:12 PM  
Aren't they forgetting womens' most basic need from men? Buying them stuff.
 
2013-08-06 02:06:27 PM  

Basily Gourt: A man's job, since the dawn of time, has been to provide. And we excel at it.
We will take any risk to accomplish that. And run over anyone who gets in our way.

The pissing and moaning in that article about men's shortcomings? Just another screed (written by women, no doubt) to tell men that we suck at being women.

I couldn't be prouder of that fact.


Here in the land of reality, neither men nor women need to go out and hunt the sabertooth tiger, so most of us value, in either gender, a partner who can share basic chores, since the chores for men and women are going to be  exactly the same unless you want to go the housewife\breadwinner route.

Seriously. I don't care if you have a penis, if I'm out working and you're out working, we're dividing dishes in half.
 
2013-08-06 02:07:03 PM  
Bike maintenance, hanging pictures, fixin' random shiat. I'm good for all kinds of things!
 
2013-08-06 02:12:50 PM  

PsiChick: Basily Gourt: A man's job, since the dawn of time, has been to provide. And we excel at it.
We will take any risk to accomplish that. And run over anyone who gets in our way.

The pissing and moaning in that article about men's shortcomings? Just another screed (written by women, no doubt) to tell men that we suck at being women.

I couldn't be prouder of that fact.

Here in the land of reality, neither men nor women need to go out and hunt the sabertooth tiger, so most of us value, in either gender, a partner who can share basic chores, since the chores for men and women are going to be  exactly the same unless you want to go the housewife\breadwinner route.

Seriously. I don't care if you have a penis, if I'm out working and you're out working, we're dividing dishes in half.


B-b-b-but men's rights!!!!

/right to oppress women
 
2013-08-06 02:17:35 PM  

PsiChick: Basily Gourt: A man's job, since the dawn of time, has been to provide. And we excel at it.
We will take any risk to accomplish that. And run over anyone who gets in our way.

The pissing and moaning in that article about men's shortcomings? Just another screed (written by women, no doubt) to tell men that we suck at being women.

I couldn't be prouder of that fact.

Here in the land of reality, neither men nor women need to go out and hunt the sabertooth tiger, so most of us value, in either gender, a partner who can share basic chores, since the chores for men and women are going to be  exactly the same unless you want to go the housewife\breadwinner route.


Researchers have found the happiest couples have territories that do not intermingle. A couple where one is responsible for an area (the car/the lawn/the kitchen/the laundry room) that is completely different than the other generally have longer marriages and consider themselves happier overall. Equally sharing the same job brings disharmony usually because at some point it appears that it is not done at the same level as the other person could do it. When areas of responsibility are split, people can generate enough mental distance from that area not to find it too annoying.
 
2013-08-06 02:24:40 PM  

pkellmey: PsiChick: Basily Gourt: A man's job, since the dawn of time, has been to provide. And we excel at it.
We will take any risk to accomplish that. And run over anyone who gets in our way.

The pissing and moaning in that article about men's shortcomings? Just another screed (written by women, no doubt) to tell men that we suck at being women.

I couldn't be prouder of that fact.

Here in the land of reality, neither men nor women need to go out and hunt the sabertooth tiger, so most of us value, in either gender, a partner who can share basic chores, since the chores for men and women are going to be  exactly the same unless you want to go the housewife\breadwinner route.

Researchers have found the happiest couples have territories that do not intermingle. A couple where one is responsible for an area (the car/the lawn/the kitchen/the laundry room) that is completely different than the other generally have longer marriages and consider themselves happier overall. Equally sharing the same job brings disharmony usually because at some point it appears that it is not done at the same level as the other person could do it. When areas of responsibility are split, people can generate enough mental distance from that area not to find it too annoying.



[citation needed]

Seriously. Every relationship I've been in, chores were mostly shared. It was never an issue. This "research" sounds dubious at best, especially considering every relationship is different, and what works for one person doesn't always work for the next.
 
2013-08-06 02:29:25 PM  
grumpfuff:
[citation needed]

Here
 
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