Do you have adblock enabled?
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Daily Mail)   The results are in and women agree: Men are basically good for nothing other than killing spiders, cooking with fire, and drinking   (dailymail.co.uk ) divider line
    More: Obvious  
•       •       •

8085 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Aug 2013 at 7:30 AM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



208 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2013-08-06 08:05:41 AM  

Mose: Pilikia: Younger farkers and farkettes, don't buy into this battle of the sexes bullshiat. With the experience of an epic early dating career and a subsequent 17 years of marriage under my belt, I can tell you it's a wash. Men and women are equally blind, selfish and crazy, and nobody ever changes.

See, now we're getting somewhere.  You're on the way to reducing this to my primary axiom of life and other people- the world is full of assholes, the sooner you accept it, the better.  Corollary: it doesn't much matter whether they sit to pee or not.


Exactly, lol.
 
2013-08-06 08:07:44 AM  
I have a deal with the spiders in my house that they can hang out in the wall corners and under the heat vents as long as they do their fair share of catching the gnats, beetles, and pillbugs that regularly invade the premises.  But if I find them on my hairdryer or TV remote, they're getting a tissue-escorted trip to the toilet.

/figures it's easier to just learn how to do things yourself than wasting time passively-aggressively manipulating other people to do it for you for free
 
2013-08-06 08:09:43 AM  

Tat'dGreaser: I called someone a serial killer, doesn't that count towards something???


Well, not if he actually is one.  And I'd give that dude at least a 50/50.  I might be jaded though.
 
2013-08-06 08:10:05 AM  
Instead of being offended by this article (seems like some of you are) we guys should taker it as a license to be lazy. We're not good for anything? Good, because it means we won't be expected to do anything.

Thanks for lowering the bar for us, ladies.

upload.wikimedia.org

/grumpy old bachelor
//does 100% of the housework
///has a batch of coffee-marshmallows cooling on the bench
 
2013-08-06 08:13:36 AM  
TuteTibiImperes
FTFA:
Men can also be relied upon to buy the wrong sized clothes for their partner


That would be a lot easier to do correctly if women's sizes made any gosh darn sense, and if the same size between different brands and different stores was always the same actual size.


Shiat, I'm a guy and I've had problems with that even with one and the same store and brand depending on what corner of the store the items come from.
Lately the best thing were store-brand belts:
the sizes for belts should be pretty straight forward as you can just state what the distances are between the buckle and the two holes that are the furthest apart.
I found belts of the "same" length according to the labels to have a length difference of a foot or even more. Holding two "same lenghts" belts next to each other, they didn't have a single hole that would overlap.

While I don't like it, I can sort of understand that XXL shirts from the dedicated "plus-size" section of the store are waaay larger than the occasional XXXL shirt in the rest of the store.
But whose bright idea was it to label a 50 inch belt as "45 inches"?
 
2013-08-06 08:13:41 AM  

bring to a festering boil: TuteTibiImperes: FTFA:
Men can also be relied upon to buy the wrong sized clothes for their partner

That would be a lot easier to do correctly if women's sizes made any gosh darn sense, and if the same size between different brands and different stores was always the same actual size.

Ever heard this before?
"If you really loved me you'd make the effort to get it right."


It's a no win situation.
Get a size too small; she thinks she gained weight, dwells on it in quiet (if you're lucky) for several hours, forgets the condiments on your sammich and then begins crying just before you fall asleep.
Get a size too large; "you think I'm fat, immediately begins copping an attitude and you'll be lucky to get any sleep.  Sammich?  Make your own farkin' sammich, ***hole.
 
2013-08-06 08:15:24 AM  

The Voice of Doom: TuteTibiImperes
FTFA:
Men can also be relied upon to buy the wrong sized clothes for their partner


That would be a lot easier to do correctly if women's sizes made any gosh darn sense, and if the same size between different brands and different stores was always the same actual size.

Shiat, I'm a guy and I've had problems with that even with one and the same store and brand depending on what corner of the store the items come from.
Lately the best thing were store-brand belts:
the sizes for belts should be pretty straight forward as you can just state what the distances are between the buckle and the two holes that are the furthest apart.
I found belts of the "same" length according to the labels to have a length difference of a foot or even more. Holding two "same lenghts" belts next to each other, they didn't have a single hole that would overlap.

While I don't like it, I can sort of understand that XXL shirts from the dedicated "plus-size" section of the store are waaay larger than the occasional XXXL shirt in the rest of the store.
But whose bright idea was it to label a 50 inch belt as "45 inches"?


The size on belts are the minimum current size. If it is too long, you can cut the belt to fit.
 
2013-08-06 08:16:13 AM  
How strange, then, that the roads are paved, the buildings are heated and cooled, and there's a bridge to wherever anyone wants to go. How did all of that happen? Some woman must've done that.

Oh, and there's soft toilet paper to wipe your ass on, too. Imagine how lackluster the world is when you're wiping your bits on a tree branch.
 
2013-08-06 08:16:56 AM  
... and supporting you and paying the mortgage as the sole income earner when you are pregnant and unable to work?

/baby due in five weeks
//absolutely hate my job but doing it anyway
///Mrs LB does a great job of cheering me up by keeping me breakfasted, dinnered, and sandwhiched.
 
2013-08-06 08:18:44 AM  

ChaoticLimbs: How strange, then, that the roads are paved, the buildings are heated and cooled, and there's a bridge to wherever anyone wants to go. How did all of that happen? Some woman must've done that.

Oh, and there's soft toilet paper to wipe your ass on, too. Imagine how lackluster the world is when you're wiping your bits on a tree branch.


See Tat'dGreaser,this is how it's done.  Take some notes, there will be a quiz later.
 
2013-08-06 08:20:51 AM  

ChaoticLimbs: How strange, then, that the roads are paved, the buildings are heated and cooled, and there's a bridge to wherever anyone wants to go. How did all of that happen? Some woman must've done that.

Oh, and there's soft toilet paper to wipe your ass on, too. Imagine how lackluster the world is when you're wiping your bits on a tree branch.


Rounded river rocks work better. And are self washing if you throw them back in.
 
2013-08-06 08:20:54 AM  
I'll always be needed as long as women continue to have lousy luck getting raises.
 
2013-08-06 08:21:53 AM  

enderthexenocide: if i ever get married, my future wife will have to handle spider duty.  i have a paralyzing phobia about spiders and pretty much any kind of insect.  i don't drink either, and i have no interest in grilling or cooking with fire.  i am however very nice and polite and well-groomed, and i want to have children and have a happy family.  call me, ladies.


you better start to like cock
 
2013-08-06 08:23:57 AM  

some_beer_drinker: you better start to like cock


Sounds like he does, he just doesn't know it yet.
 
2013-08-06 08:24:19 AM  
AverageAmericanGuy
The size on belts are the minimum current size. If it is too long, you can cut the belt to fit.


Yeah, well, but if those minimum current sizes are identical according to the label, they should still be about the same and not differ by a foot.
 
2013-08-06 08:25:50 AM  

Uncle Tractor: Instead of being offended by this article (seems like some of you are) we guys should taker it as a license to be lazy. We're not good for anything? Good, because it means we won't be expected to do anything.

Thanks for lowering the bar for us, ladies.

[upload.wikimedia.org image 150x267]

/grumpy old bachelor
//does 100% of the housework
///has a batch of coffee-marshmallows cooling on the bench


I'm with you.  Can I get one of those marshmallows?
 
2013-08-06 08:26:23 AM  

penthesilea: -The males in my house are terrified of spiders.  Killing spiders is my job.


Isn't pretty much everyone on Fark terrified of spids?

/and clowns
//clown spiders would be dividing by zero
///and articles like this pretty much confirm that one of the main reasons I am Alone is because I know no one will ever need me
 
2013-08-06 08:26:32 AM  

The Voice of Doom: AverageAmericanGuy
The size on belts are the minimum current size. If it is too long, you can cut the belt to fit.

Yeah, well, but if those minimum current sizes are identical according to the label, they should still be about the same and not differ by a foot.


That foot is extra for you! You can make a bracelet or a brooch.
 
2013-08-06 08:27:58 AM  
well at least we're good for something.
 
2013-08-06 08:32:15 AM  

bring to a festering boil: TuteTibiImperes: FTFA:
Men can also be relied upon to buy the wrong sized clothes for their partner


That would be a lot easier to do correctly if women's sizes made any gosh darn sense, and if the same size between different brands and different stores was always the same actual size.

Ever heard this before?
"If you really loved me you'd make the effort to get it right."


"If you really wanted it to fit you wouldn't have lied about your size or eaten so much pie."

But seriously, folks, why buy clothes for your partner? It is essentially a lose-lose scenario.
 
2013-08-06 08:34:30 AM  
AverageAmericanGuy
That foot is extra for you! You can make a bracelet or a brooch.


I assumed it was for extra reach and sting when you have to whip your uppity wife or her unruly children again.
 
2013-08-06 08:38:17 AM  
This is why men are reluctant to give women true equality. If women really think that, they are stupid.


/Doesn't think women really think that
 
2013-08-06 08:38:56 AM  
Never mind that men often make 60% or more of the household income, allowing the woman to spend 60% or more of the household income. Don't get me started on that pay inequality BS, when women start spending equallythen we'll talk a  paying equally.  Those Coach purses add up fast, honey.

Anyway, my wife and I were trying to find a hobby or household project she could do on her own and enjoy without me getting involved.  We couldn't think of one.  Gardening?  Nope, can't use the tools.  Finishing old furniture? Nope, same deal. Sewing? Nope, I'm the one that can sew.  Filling in holes in the backyard? Nope, can't move the wheel barrow.
 
2013-08-06 08:41:45 AM  
Go ahead and rent an apartment to a woman in her twenties. Single, divorced, whatever.

Place would be filthy 80% of the time within a month. There would also be a cat.

I don't know what happened, but there's a whole generation of women lacking basic domestic skills or pride. I noticed this after burning through 5 girlfriends in my early thirties. Most of them in their mid twenties.

I'm beginning to think that the reason those homes were spotless in the '50's is because it was still acceptable to go all Sean Connery on them if they sat at home and did nothing.

Maybe it's because of the workplace I was in that would encourage merciless hazing or taunting if you didn't clean up after yourself.

"Oh, look! Somebody left his plates on the table, guess he misses his Mommy so much he wants her to come by and pick them up for him!" -Then the offending objects would be carefully tucked into your bunk.
 
2013-08-06 08:48:22 AM  
That's okay, women are only good for complaining about things men have achieved (most of society forever) not being good enough, or how hard it is to lose weight/how society is fat phobic and doesn't appreciate the true beauty of their curves(one sphere is not actually multiple curves but lets just go with itl).  Oh or biatching about how wrong people are to think someone hotter than they are is attractive.

Its a lot of fun when people are assholes about the opposite sex just because they're different and think about things differently isn't it?

/Seriously if you want to have like everything I said in the first paragraph essentially proven, go get a Tumblr.

HammerMill: Nope, can't move the wheel barrow.


Is your wife a paraplegic or something?  She can't move a thing engineered to make moving things easy?
 
2013-08-06 08:52:51 AM  
Men are a lot like teapots in that they can't quite grasp metaphors
 
2013-08-06 08:54:48 AM  

TuteTibiImperes: FTFA:
Men can also be relied upon to buy the wrong sized clothes for their partner


That would be a lot easier to do correctly if women's sizes made any gosh darn sense, and if the same size between different brands and different stores was always the same actual size.


Any real man knows if your going to buy a woman clothing then you just get a damn gift certificate.

even if she really likes what you bought and it fits she will return it because thats how women roll.
 
2013-08-06 08:58:51 AM  
Super_pope:
HammerMill: Nope, can't move the wheel barrow.

Is your wife a paraplegic or something?  She can't move a thing engineered to make moving things easy?


Last time she tried to use it, she wedged it into the corner of the yard between the wood pile and fence, filled it to the brim with dirt, then couldn't move it due to the weight and the proximity to those objects. So she left it there overnight (in the rain), where it sank into the dirt, tipped over, and dumped a full load of mud for me to fix.  Mind you, this was "HER" gardening project that I had to promise not to get involved in... We often have long discussions about concepts such as "thinking ahead" and "paying attention to what the F your doing"

Regardless, she is an old fashioned wife; can cook, clean, organize, and manage our families way better than I can.  So we're happy with our roles and would never think of saying the other is useless.
 
2013-08-06 09:09:10 AM  
Excellent , another legitimate report proving that any effort at all to meet most women is once again proven that it is a wast of my time!
 
2013-08-06 09:11:25 AM  
As an teetotaling male arachnophobe who is shiat at barbecueing I have issues with this article.
 
2013-08-06 09:14:41 AM  
It's not that I'm bad at it, I just don't care.

Picking home furnishings: does it suit the task? Is it reasonably priced? will it not look terrible in situ?  You've got yourself a sofa.

Picking her clothing: It's very nice that you are capable of buying me a pair of 36x31 trousers, perhaps you can give me you sizes and I can get something for you (note it will have to fit into the sofa criteria above)

Cooking: What you do is not called cooking, what you do is put chips and fish fingers into an oven (how many famous female chefs are there again?)

Buying a pram / carseat: You have my undivided attention, harness, able to fold up one handed (pram) takes the correct weight, no hunny don't worry too much about the price, no I don't care about whether it's orange or green.

My other half occasionally complains that I don't make the tea or coffee that often, which baffles me when I was single I very rarely drank hot drinks, she came into my life and started making them every hour and now I'm supposed to split this task?
 
PJ-
2013-08-06 09:18:02 AM  
Call me crazy, but I tend to want a partner who can fill in the gaps in life that I can't take care of.  I am, from what I'm told, a very good cook, I know how to iron, sew, go grocery shopping.  I have a decent fashion sense when it comes to clothing, i'm also quite good with tools and power tools.  What I can't do though, is coordinate a house, I tend to spend my money on cool toys for me (3D printer!), and I say really insensitive things at the WORST possible moment ('oh, your fiance broke up with you and said he never loved you?  Well, at least he's honest right?').  So I would need someone who would buy furniture for out house and make it all come together, teach me how to harness my impulse buys (or at least put up with it), and have a great smack upside the head whenever I get that look of 'he's going to say something stupid'.

Alas, I doubt I will find anybody who will fit that bill, and I honestly don't really mind all that much.  All the money I make at work gets to go to my alcohol/toy fund, I don't have someone to greet me at home telling me how many chores I have to do, and playing on my computer will have to wait yet another day.
 
2013-08-06 09:20:17 AM  
Bullshat study.  When did women learn how to change tires?

Plus, who would they vent to their sisters/mothers for hours on the telephone, if not for the husband or boyfriend?
 
2013-08-06 09:21:13 AM  
... And taking the kid on amusement park rides. God bless 'em!
 
2013-08-06 09:25:21 AM  
I'm not in a very good mood, so I'm not going to post what I'd like to.

next
 
2013-08-06 09:33:18 AM  
Been married 7 years.  We both kill spiders, clean the house, take care of the children, do laundry, mow the yard.  About the only thing she does better then me is cook.  She is the artistic side of the relationship and I am the technical side (she makes things look pleasing, I make things work)

firsttiger: fark ironing, that's why dry cleaners exist


Little advice...If you immediately (like, right away, not 30 mins later) hang up your shirts and pants after you get them out of the dryer.  I do this and I rarely have to iron my clothes.  Line drying helps as well if you are able to.

/only irons when in a motel anymore
 
2013-08-06 09:36:29 AM  

Burr: She is the artistic side of the relationship and I am the technical side (she makes things look pleasing, I make things work)


Also, she is the social side as well.  I have a slight case of social anxiety and she deals with people a whole hell of a lot better then I do.
 
2013-08-06 09:37:38 AM  

Pants full of macaroni!!:
//clown spiders would be dividing by zero

No, Clown Spiders nets to Tim Curry.

Skunkwolf: Go ahead and rent an apartment to a woman in her twenties. Single, divorced, whatever.

Place would be filthy 80% of the time within a month. There would also be a cat.

I don't know what happened, but there's a whole generation of women lacking basic domestic skills or pride. I noticed this after burning through 5 girlfriends in my early thirties. Most of them in their mid twenties.
.


THIS.  My house was cleaner than any girl's room I was in from age 18-30.  2 exceptions that comes to mind and several messy ones above that age bracket.
 
2013-08-06 09:40:53 AM  

HammerMill: Never mind that men often make 60% or more of the household income, allowing the woman to spend 60% or more of the household income.


:o  Math doesn't work like that, HammerMill.
 
2013-08-06 09:45:46 AM  
draught excluder ??

English much ?
 
2013-08-06 09:45:58 AM  
Things women are good for.

1. Not shutting the fark up
2. Not knowing what a force out is.
3. Not knowing, that while he looks like a dolphine, Messi is clearly the best futballer to ever play.
4. Not knowing how to bait your hook
 
2013-08-06 09:46:31 AM  
Don't get rid of spiders.  Spiders kill flying bugs and are pretty harmless to humans.
 
2013-08-06 09:48:12 AM  
So we can completely do away with child support, alimony and palimony cause men are useless for anything that isn't spider killing right?
 
2013-08-06 09:54:49 AM  

stevarooni: HammerMill: Never mind that men often make 60% or more of the household income, allowing the woman to spend 60% or more of the household income.

:o  Math doesn't work like that, HammerMill.


Women are better at running up credit card debt.
 
2013-08-06 09:55:46 AM  
1. Buying clothes for partner 52 per cent

Pah.  How hard can it be to buy a pair of jeans, a few t-shirts, and a wide selection of lingerie?

2. Remembering anniversary 41 per cent

Meh.  Guilty as charged.  OTOH, women can't seem to remember to perform simple tasks like putting gasoline and the occasional quart of oil in their car, so it's a wash.

3. Dancing 33 per cent

Oh yah - useful life skill there, if I someday need Nancy Grace to show me a boob.

4. Ironing 31 per cent

See item 1.  We buy clothing that doesn't need to be ironed.

5. Cooking 30 per cent

Lies.  LIES, I say.

6. Domestic chores 30 per cent

Does sex count as a "domestic chore"?

7. Buying gifts 28 per cent

See item #1 again.

8. Multi-tasking 22 per cent

Laughable, considering women would be more like 88 percent.

9. Keeping up with fashion 22 per cent

Back to item #1 again.

10. Picking furniture 21 per cent

Men don't "pick" furniture - we build it, dammit.
 
2013-08-06 09:59:04 AM  

Skunkwolf: Go ahead and rent an apartment to a woman in her twenties. Single, divorced, whatever.

Place would be filthy 80% of the time within a month. There would also be a cat.

I don't know what happened, but there's a whole generation of women lacking basic domestic skills or pride. I noticed this after burning through 5 girlfriends in my early thirties. Most of them in their mid twenties.


Welcome to my world, minus the cat.  My GF either can't see or chooses to ignore her hair on the bathroom floor every single morning.  Given the choice between rinsing a dish and putting it into the dishwasher, or leaving it covered in cream cheese and jelly in the sink, she'll choose the latter 9 times out of 10.  Makeup dust on the counter in the bathroom?  She must think I like cleaning that up.

We've been home from vacation for 3 days, and she's still got an unpacked suitcase on the bedroom floor and another bag sitting exactly where she dropped it in the living room when we got home on Saturday night.

I don't know why I'm surprised, before she moved in with me, she shared an apartment with one of her GFs which was absolutely disgusting.  What a slob she is, the love of my life.
 
2013-08-06 10:00:18 AM  
This article and thread are both full of reverse racism.
 
2013-08-06 10:04:15 AM  

Basily Gourt: A man's job, since the dawn of time, has been to provide. And we excel at it.
We will take any risk to accomplish that. And run over anyone who gets in our way.

The pissing and moaning in that article about men's shortcomings? Just another screed (written by women, no doubt) to tell men that we suck at being women.

I couldn't be prouder of that fact.


^THIS!
 
2013-08-06 10:04:43 AM  

Burr: Been married 7 years.  We both kill spiders, clean the house, take care of the children, do laundry, mow the yard.  About the only thing she does better then me is cook.  She is the artistic side of the relationship and I am the technical side (she makes things look pleasing, I make things work)

firsttiger: fark ironing, that's why dry cleaners exist

Little advice...If you immediately (like, right away, not 30 mins later) hang up your shirts and pants after you get them out of the dryer.  I do this and I rarely have to iron my clothes.  Line drying helps as well if you are able to.

/only irons when in a motel anymore


I'm quick on the dryer removal, but also have a fella that likes his creases. ::shrug::  Between that and a regular parade of suits, I let the local French cleaner take care of it.::shrug:: As for line drying, I live in Condo Land where you can buy your space but still not own it. We're not allowed anything as gauche as a clothes line.

And get the artistic/tech relationship. Works a lot like that here too, but with weird crossovers.

/which sucks because line dried sheets are awesome
 
2013-08-06 10:05:24 AM  
A hot sauce company has proven what we already know...

...that people will do dumb surveys online that they'd never do in person.
 
Displayed 50 of 208 comments


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | » | Newest | Show all


View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter






In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report