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(Daily Mail)   Can you open this water bottle for me? I have to be at the gym in 26 minutes   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 64
    More: Amusing, open bottle, baseball fans, SportsNet New York, Kansas City Royals, Mets  
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10212 clicks; posted to Video » on 06 Aug 2013 at 4:33 AM (36 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



64 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-08-05 09:28:48 PM
He was not doing it from a very good position, maybe that's how he jerks off. Twist the bottle, not the cap, and thumbs go towards each other as you grip.
 
2013-08-05 09:40:14 PM
My guess is he was doing what I sometimes do - gripping the cap too hard for it to twist and deforming the neck threads.  For those of us who develop grip strength to handle hundreds of pounds on a bar, it's difficult to feel the difference between a firm grip and a crushing grip.  Unfortunately.
 
2013-08-05 09:51:53 PM
It might have just been an issue of grip.  That bottle looks like it's covered in condensation.
 
2013-08-05 10:13:48 PM
He should have used his teeth.
 
2013-08-05 10:38:51 PM

Benevolent Misanthrope: My guess is he was doing what I sometimes do - gripping the cap too hard for it to twist and deforming the neck threads.  For those of us who develop grip strength to handle hundreds of pounds on a bar, it's difficult to feel the difference between a firm grip and a crushing grip.  Unfortunately.


I just squeeze the bottle 'til the top pops off. You waste some water, but who cares outside, right?
 
2013-08-06 12:15:00 AM
Really, you couldn't just link to the youtube video? Had to link to some shiatty English written summary of a youtube video?
 
2013-08-06 01:57:54 AM

HotWingAgenda: Really, you couldn't just link to the youtube video? Had to link to some shiatty English written summary of a youtube video?


I, for one, thought this baseball match was a jolly good show, old chap! ;)

/even with years of living with various flavors of international English, casual mixing of American and British expressions still catches me by surprise
 
2013-08-06 02:15:14 AM

HotWingAgenda: Really, you couldn't just link to the youtube video? Had to link to some shiatty English written summary of a youtube video?


Under: http://www.fark.com/farq/submit/#Increase_the_chances_of_your_submiss i on_being_posted_on_Fark
You'll find: Don't link directly to videos. Link to pages where videos can be watched instead.

Now, I think that refers to linking to a page that is just the video, but you still seem to have a better chance of getting something greened if it's not straight from YouTube.

/not subby
 
2013-08-06 02:18:28 AM

timujin: HotWingAgenda: Really, you couldn't just link to the youtube video? Had to link to some shiatty English written summary of a youtube video?

Under: http://www.fark.com/farq/submit/#Increase_the_chances_of_your_submiss i on_being_posted_on_Fark
You'll find: Don't link directly to videos. Link to pages where videos can be watched instead.

Now, I think that refers to linking to a page that is just the video, but you still seem to have a better chance of getting something greened if it's not straight from YouTube.

/not subby


That's about linking to a popup autoplay video page. Like, a link ending in .wmv or .mpg. Fark has this newfangled Video tab where, on any given day, half the greenlit links are youtube videos, in this newfangled embedded youtube player that Fark has just for youtube videos.
 
2013-08-06 03:09:55 AM

HotWingAgenda: timujin: HotWingAgenda: Really, you couldn't just link to the youtube video? Had to link to some shiatty English written summary of a youtube video?

Under: http://www.fark.com/farq/submit/#Increase_the_chances_of_your_submiss i on_being_posted_on_Fark
You'll find: Don't link directly to videos. Link to pages where videos can be watched instead.

Now, I think that refers to linking to a page that is just the video, but you still seem to have a better chance of getting something greened if it's not straight from YouTube.

/not subby

That's about linking to a popup autoplay video page. Like, a link ending in .wmv or .mpg. Fark has this newfangled Video tab where, on any given day, half the greenlit links are youtube videos, in this newfangled embedded youtube player that Fark has just for youtube videos.


You make an excellent point... then I don't know why people continue to link to YouTube videos embedded in poorly written and designed pages that don't add anything worthwhile.  Nor why they are greenlit.  I'm going to go back to drinking and spend less time thinking about it.
 
2013-08-06 04:43:21 AM

angiemama: He should have used his jerky rub.  RUB.

 
2013-08-06 04:48:22 AM

Benevolent Misanthrope: My guess is he was doing what I sometimes do - gripping the cap too hard for it to twist and deforming the neck threads.  For those of us who develop grip strength to handle hundreds of pounds on a bar, it's difficult to feel the difference between a firm grip and a crushing grip.  Unfortunately.


Um???
/A bit scared to ask how you doing.
 
2013-08-06 05:10:41 AM
I just hope someone around asked him, "bro do you even lift?"
 
2013-08-06 05:23:33 AM
GIRLY MAN!!!

memphisport.com

 
2013-08-06 05:24:47 AM

tinfoil-hat maggie: Benevolent Misanthrope: My guess is he was doing what I sometimes do - gripping the cap too hard for it to twist and deforming the neck threads.  For those of us who develop grip strength to handle hundreds of pounds on a bar, it's difficult to feel the difference between a firm grip and a crushing grip.  Unfortunately.

Um???
/A bit scared to ask how you doing.


I hope he practiced on a hotdog first.
 
2013-08-06 05:25:59 AM
cdn2.screenjunkies.com
 
2013-08-06 05:29:37 AM

thamike:


farking-a, man.
 
2013-08-06 05:45:24 AM
People laugh at me for always carrying a pair of Vise-Grips.
 
2013-08-06 05:50:36 AM

Harry_Seldon: People laugh at me for always carrying a pair of Vise-Grips.


it's where you carry the Vise-Grips that make them snicker
 
2013-08-06 05:57:55 AM

KrispyKritter: Harry_Seldon: People laugh at me for always carrying a pair of Vise-Grips.

it's where you carry the Vise-Grips that make them snicker


My back pack?
 
2013-08-06 05:58:33 AM
I want to eat out of the box of the girl sitting directly behind him.

What?
 
2013-08-06 06:01:20 AM

Malky: I just hope someone around asked him, "bro do you even lift?"


lol
 
2013-08-06 06:04:34 AM
Don't you hoNe in on something? Is this an English English thing?
 
2013-08-06 06:12:03 AM

mike_d85: Don't you hoNe in on something? Is this an English English thing?


Hone in is an alternate to home in.  They mean the same thing.
 
2013-08-06 06:15:51 AM
if it jiggles, it's fat!
 
2013-08-06 06:25:00 AM

Benevolent Misanthrope: My guess is he was doing what I sometimes do - gripping the cap too hard for it to twist and deforming the neck threads.  For those of us who develop grip strength to handle hundreds of pounds on a bar, it's difficult to feel the difference between a firm grip and a crushing grip.  Unfortunately.


very nice
 
2013-08-06 06:45:37 AM
Slow news day for Daily Fail.
 
2013-08-06 06:50:05 AM
Wow, "not news" just doesn't cover it.
 
2013-08-06 06:51:34 AM
And like all those "she rejects the proposal and runs away" videos at stadiums, there's no way this is a pre-planned set-up.
 
2013-08-06 07:07:35 AM
Bottle top is too small for his large, muscular hands
 
2013-08-06 07:26:16 AM
Possible he got a  'defective' bottle. I got a soda (Cheerwine!) to take into a movie once, but that farker would not open. At all. I'm not rocking 24" pythons by any means, but I can open a damn soda bottle. Not this one. It must have been glued in place. I even broke out the trusty knife and made sure the bottom ring was separated. I had to exchange it for another, which opened right up.

/boring story bro.
 
2013-08-06 07:30:42 AM

Honest Bender: It might have just been an issue of grip.  That bottle looks like it's covered in condensation.


It's not a question of where he grips it. A 5 ounce bird can't carry open a 2lb bottle of water.
 
2013-08-06 07:39:28 AM
Mets fans are just as pathetic as the metropolitans are.
 
2013-08-06 07:42:35 AM

SlothB77: Bottle top is too small for his large, muscular hands


That's the problem I have with these new-fangled "save the environment" bottles with the dinky little caps.  Odds are this guy's hands were too meaty to get enough contact on the little bit of real estate those caps afford you.
 
2013-08-06 07:45:59 AM

Benevolent Misanthrope: My guess is he was doing what I sometimes do - gripping the cap too hard for it to twist and deforming the neck threads.  For those of us who develop grip strength to handle hundreds of pounds on a bar, it's difficult to feel the difference between a firm grip and a crushing grip.  Unfortunately.


or, he could be just a little poosy.
 
2013-08-06 07:55:18 AM

xanadian: SlothB77: Bottle top is too small for his large, muscular hands

That's the problem I have with these new-fangled "save the environment" bottles with the dinky little caps.  Odds are this guy's hands were too meaty to get enough contact on the little bit of real estate those caps afford you.


Yeah, my gf's long, slender fingers have a much easier time opening those
 
2013-08-06 07:58:13 AM
Lots of balloon armed pussies running around that part of the country.
 
2013-08-06 08:01:56 AM

xanadian: SlothB77: Bottle top is too small for his large, muscular hands

That's the problem I have with these new-fangled "save the environment" bottles with the dinky little caps.  Odds are this guy's hands were too meaty to get enough contact on the little bit of real estate those caps afford you.


smaller caps aren't going to save the environment.  The caps aren't even made in the same factory as the bottles.

Picture of plastic found in birds on Midway Island:

www.cbc.ca
 
2013-08-06 08:02:05 AM

thamike: mike_d85: Don't you hoNe in on something? Is this an English English thing?

Hone in is an alternate to home in.  They mean the same thing.


Huh. I don't think I've ever heard or used "hone" in, and I'm from the States. Is that a regional thing? I've always used and heard "home" in. Just like you can track something with a "homing device". Is it ever called a "honing device"?

/honestly curious, as I was not aware of this usage
 
2013-08-06 08:14:25 AM

Malky: I just hope someone around asked him, "bro do you even lift?"


Someone watched Sportsnation yesterday.
 
2013-08-06 08:15:29 AM

mamoru: thamike: mike_d85: Don't you hoNe in on something? Is this an English English thing?

Hone in is an alternate to home in.  They mean the same thing.

Huh. I don't think I've ever heard or used "hone" in, and I'm from the States. Is that a regional thing? I've always used and heard "home" in. Just like you can track something with a "homing device". Is it ever called a "honing device"?

/honehomestly curious, as I was not aware of this usage


FIFY
 
2013-08-06 08:24:05 AM
What a pussy.  I always just karate chop off the top third of the bottle.
 
b3x
2013-08-06 08:39:29 AM
in his defense I have encountered water bottles with caps that seemed impossible to remove without hand tools.


///  this was on sportscenter about a week ago, and on GMA the next morning.
 
2013-08-06 09:04:27 AM
Bet he's got some tendon and ligament issues in his wrists and forearms. He worked them too hard, needs to cut back a bit and heal them.

Doesn't take much to strain them at a certain point, and makes it incredibly frustrating.

Go work 12 hours at a mill or factory and try to open a bottle of Gatorade. I keep a knife handy to cut the friggin top off.
 
2013-08-06 09:25:21 AM
Is this guy going to lose his job over this?

I want to film one of you guys. Preferably right in to the bathroom so we can see what you look like when you are taking a shiat.

We can talk about how you balled up the toilet paper incorrectly and how you are supposed to wipe front to back, not back to front.
 
2013-08-06 09:50:53 AM
Somebody didn't take his 3 servings of Craze before he went to the ballpark.
 
2013-08-06 10:46:08 AM

Benevolent Misanthrope: My guess is he was doing what I sometimes do - gripping the cap too hard for it to twist and deforming the neck threads.  For those of us who develop grip strength to handle hundreds of pounds on a bar, it's difficult to feel the difference between a firm grip and a crushing grip.  Unfortunately.


Yeah that's moronic, I just assume every grip is crushing and just squeeze firmly, I mean fark I'm not dead lifting so why grip so hard?

Not to defend mets fans but he probably used have lotion then add in humidity and the water condensation off the bottle and he had zero grip.
 
2013-08-06 10:51:06 AM

steamingpile: Benevolent Misanthrope: My guess is he was doing what I sometimes do - gripping the cap too hard for it to twist and deforming the neck threads.  For those of us who develop grip strength to handle hundreds of pounds on a bar, it's difficult to feel the difference between a firm grip and a crushing grip.  Unfortunately.

Yeah that's moronic, I just assume every grip is crushing and just squeeze firmly, I mean fark I'm not dead lifting so why grip so hard?


Because it's hard to feel the difference.  As I pointed out.
 
2013-08-06 11:24:02 AM
It's weird that they sell bottled water with the cap on. At very sporting even I've been to recently, the vendors will remove the cap and keep it. It prevents the bottle from being such a dangerous projectile if its thrown onto the field.
 
2013-08-06 11:30:27 AM

Benevolent Misanthrope: My guess is he was doing what I sometimes do - gripping the cap too hard for it to twist and deforming the neck threads.  For those of us who develop grip strength to handle hundreds of pounds on a bar, it's difficult to feel the difference between a firm grip and a crushing grip.  Unfortunately.


Unless you're masturbating. Then you feel the difference. Immediately.
 
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