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(My Fox Tampa Bay)   Man, previously struck by lightning and punched by monkeys (?), attacked by shark. Florida trifecta complete   (myfoxtampabay.com) divider line 66
    More: Florida, Tampa General Hospital, spears, rubber bands, thank you  
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4653 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Aug 2013 at 9:07 PM (36 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



66 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-08-05 09:10:43 PM
Sounds like god keeps missing this asshat.
 
2013-08-05 09:12:20 PM
By the way, Norrie has also been struck by lightning, and his right leg has been bitten by a rattlesnake. He's also been punched by monkeys twice, and now can claim that he's survived a major shark bite.

He needs to swim with stingrays.

/I though monkeys tore of your face and your junk, not just punched you.
 
2013-08-05 09:13:29 PM
24.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-08-05 09:14:42 PM
If he nails Lindsey Lohan and doesn't walk away with STD's this guy just might be the luckiest man alive.
 
2013-08-05 09:15:45 PM
I read that as "Purchased by Monkeys" and thought "oh jeez that's gotta suck".
 
2013-08-05 09:20:14 PM
His wife Spryng

Well, this wasn't his first mistake.  Thank god her name wasn't Willow, or he'd be even more punished.
 
2013-08-05 09:20:41 PM
Subby forgot to mention the rattlesnake bite he survived.  And his wife's dumbass hippy/precious snowflake name.
 
2013-08-05 09:20:57 PM
"You're not asking God, 'Why did you do this to me?'" we asked.

"No," Norrie replied. "I'll be honest, I'm saying 'Thank you' that he did, because I know something great will come from it. And I gotta believe this is part of my journey."


Norrie oughtta read up on Job and start looking out for himself.
 
2013-08-05 09:22:46 PM
Struck by lightning, punched twice by monkeys AND a shark attack survivor? And his faith is stronger than ever? Ladies and gentlemen, I believe that we've found the modern-day equivalent of the biblical Job!
 
2013-08-05 09:25:05 PM
It's like Carl Hiaasen wrote this guy's life.
 
2013-08-05 09:25:14 PM
Wow. Viral Marketing for Shark Week is getting brutal.
 
2013-08-05 09:28:07 PM
Sounds like a bit on Archer.
 
2013-08-05 09:29:09 PM

Apos: Struck by lightning, punched twice by monkeys AND a shark attack survivor? And his faith is stronger than ever? Ladies and gentlemen, I believe that we've found the modern-day equivalent of the biblical Job!


Is that the Biblical equivalent of a modern idiot?
 
2013-08-05 09:29:36 PM
This whole punched twice by monkeys business has me amused far more than it probably should.
 
2013-08-05 09:33:06 PM
Dad?
 
2013-08-05 09:35:20 PM

obamadidcoke: Sounds like god keeps missing this asshat.


The Florida hero George Zimmerman doesn't miss. George is a better shot than God.
 
2013-08-05 09:37:53 PM
Monkey Punched? Monkey Punched? Really?.......

WTF monkey punch?

/another beer
//uhh no
///well sure
 
2013-08-05 09:41:03 PM
I wish I could paint, I would paint this like a poet who sees his one and only love for the first time and has to let him fight a war, never to be seen again.

Sad, beautiful, clown in an iron lung.
 
2013-08-05 09:42:04 PM
After I had speared the grouper

www.tapety-wallpapers.eu

/Don't know what it means, but it sounds dirty...
 
2013-08-05 09:42:53 PM

C18H27NO3: This whole punched twice by monkeys business has me amused far more than it probably should.


images2.makefive.com

Right turn Clyde.

Yes I know, Orangutan not monkey.
 
2013-08-05 09:46:16 PM
"I didn't keep my head cool, the Lord kept my head cool," said Norrie reverently. "Because I couldn't have done it without him; he sustained me, kept me calm."

I don't know...If I were the spiritual type I'd get the feeling that God doesn't really like this guy all that much.
 
2013-08-05 09:46:18 PM

obamadidcoke: Sounds like god keeps missing this asshat.


This. Sounds like God has it in for him to me.
 
2013-08-05 09:48:44 PM

hardinparamedic: Wow. Viral Marketing for Shark Week is getting brutal.


They're farking shaaaaarks!

Shaaaaaaaaarks!!!

I just frew up a little.
 
2013-08-05 09:48:57 PM
There is a way to avoid shark attacks.

www.filepicker.io
 
2013-08-05 09:49:53 PM

C18H27NO3: This whole punched twice by monkeys business has me amused far more than it probably should.


You're not alone.

Twice!
 
2013-08-05 09:54:10 PM
In stupid Florida, Monkey punches you!

/I'm so sorry
//I'm terribly sorry
///I'm not sorry!
 
2013-08-05 09:54:39 PM
I call shenanigans.

Whatchoo Talkinbout: Monkey Punched? Monkey Punched? Really?.......

WTF monkey punch?

/another beer
//uhh no
///well sure


Maybe the monkey was all out of dynamite.
 
2013-08-05 09:55:50 PM
www.godlikeproductions.com
 
2013-08-05 09:56:16 PM
Punched by Monkeys is my Peter Gabriel tribute band's name.
 
2013-08-05 09:58:40 PM
"You're not asking God, 'Why did you do this to me?'" we asked. "No," Norrie replied. "I'll be honest, I'm saying 'Thank you' that he did, because I know something great will come from it."

That's right, he beats you because he loves you. Maybe if you were a little more careful not to burn the meatloaf, he wouldn't have to.
 
2013-08-05 09:59:39 PM

GetBent: Punched by Monkeys is my Peter Gabriel tribute band's name.


Every time I read this, I laugh again.

It's getting embarrassing now.
 
2013-08-05 09:59:55 PM

GetBent: Punched by Monkeys is my Peter Gabriel tribute band's name.


Shocking.
 
2013-08-05 10:00:52 PM
A shark, huh? Yeah God must really love him. Otherwise, it would have been a jet. Things are tough on the west side.
 
2013-08-05 10:01:13 PM
Throw in a ex-Governor named Skink and you have the next Carl Hiaasen novel.
 
2013-08-05 10:02:38 PM
"They had just had lunch, and Norrie went snorkeling..."

Your mother warned you about doing this.
 
2013-08-05 10:04:39 PM
Wow, I wouldn't want to share a foxhole with this guy or.... would I?
 
2013-08-05 10:06:47 PM
The article didn't even mention the anvil that dropped on his head, the killer bee attack and that he survived standing in a crowded farmer's market during senior rush hour.
 
2013-08-05 10:06:53 PM
He was punched by monkeys because the monkeys were tired of getting spanked by him.
 
2013-08-05 10:07:38 PM

redsquid: It's like Carl Hiaasen wrote this guy's life.


You took the words right out of my mouth. "Skin Tight" is one of the funniest books I have read in my life.

I remember after the Rhode Island nightclub fire, one guy only survived because the bodies he was trapped under protected him from the flames. He had cheated death 2 or 3 times prior and swore that he had an unknown higher purpose, which is why he was still alive. I wonder what he has done since then.
 
2013-08-05 10:08:24 PM

FrancoFile: And his wife's dumbass hippy/precious snowflake name.


That's one unfortunate happening you can't really blame her for; you can't keep your parents from being stupid. A friend of mine was nearly named "Iggy Pop", but thankfully the nurses waited until his mom was coherent before making out the birth certificate.
 
2013-08-05 10:13:04 PM
He's also been punched by monkeys twice

god i hope those were separate occasions.
 
2013-08-05 10:14:52 PM

Neighborhood Watch: Wow, I wouldn't want to share a foxhole with this guy or.... would I?


If you're at war with monkeys, sharks, rattlesnakes or lightning I'd say "No".
 
2013-08-05 10:16:28 PM
Was that a news report or a sermon? Hard to tell with that writing.
 
2013-08-05 10:18:00 PM

obamadidcoke: Sounds like god keeps missing this asshat.


legionofmarys.files.wordpress.com
Perhaps the smite key is broken.
 
2013-08-05 10:19:49 PM

Bumblefark: "You're not asking God, 'Why did you do this to me?'" we asked. "No," Norrie replied. "I'll be honest, I'm saying 'Thank you' that he did, because I know something great will come from it."

That's right, he beats you because he loves you. Maybe if you were a little more careful not to burn the meatloaf, he wouldn't have to.


Damn. You're already favorited. I need a re-favorited button. With fireworks.
 
2013-08-05 10:22:27 PM
FTFA His wife Spryng and their four daughters witnessed the horrific scene.

I want to make fun of his wife's name "Spryng". But she seems normal. So instead I'll point out that she has beared him four daughters, NTTIAWWT.
 
2013-08-05 10:30:53 PM
Guys, this sounds like viral marketing for the next SyFy blockbuster.

I mean, is it coincidence they're filming a movie with the working title "Sharknado 2: Attack of the Lightning Monkeys"?
 
2013-08-05 10:39:02 PM
His god must be very angry that he keeps missing. When this guy finally goes, it's going to look like something out of Final Destination.

i1211.photobucket.com

/Just don't take a ton of people with you, dude!
//You're banned from driving logging trucks!
 
2013-08-05 10:40:30 PM

obamadidcoke: Sounds like god keeps missing this asshat.


0.tqn.com

Darwin always gets his man!
 
2013-08-05 10:41:05 PM

Kevin72: FTFA His wife Spryng and their four daughters witnessed the horrific scene.

I want to make fun of his wife's name "Spryng". But she seems normal. So instead I'll point out that she has beared him four daughters, NTTIAWWT.


Spryng gets him sprung.
 
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