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(Jezebel)   Trust fund baby gets his daddy to give him some money for a hedge fund, for which he's looking to hire his frat brothers, but only the ones that can pull hot "slampieces" (and if you don't know, you're not qualified)   (jezebel.com) divider line 157
    More: Asinine, Brotherhood, Wedding Crashers  
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13792 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Aug 2013 at 11:04 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-08-05 10:24:23 PM  

ChipNASA: [i.imgur.com image 400x598]


Was wondering when J.F. Page would get a mention....

/+1
 
2013-08-05 11:00:35 PM  

Diogenes: fireclown: Diogenes: Hollie Maea: miss diminutive: Although "slampiece" is new to me. Must mean I'm getting old.

I must say, although the job description has stayed pretty constant, the terms have been rapidly getting a lot more demeaning. First "Friend with Benefit" then "Fark Buddy" and now "Slampiece".  What's next, "Vag-On-Call"?


Theater Major?

Cum dumpster was always a fav of mine.  Right up there with fark meat.  See, you have to combine the idea of getting off with a woman who is just a non-human object of your nutting.


How about "frat mattress" or "sorostitute"?
 
2013-08-05 11:07:06 PM  

Actually, this had a shot at being one of the most successful hedge funds ever. Here's how it could have gone down.

STEP ONE


"Hey brah, come join my hedge fund! Dad's got a bunch of his golf buddies on board, I just need you to crunch some numbers for me!"
"Sweet, bro. I only have one question. Will there be slampieces?"
"Yes. Yes there will."


STEP TWO


"Dude, quit slamming that slampiece and get your ass in here!"
"What is it, man? That was some prime slampiece I was getting!"
"Dude, you were supposed to like come up with shiat for us to invest in! We've got to publish a quarterly earnings report by 5:00 and you've had all our funds sitting in a savings account down at the local S&L this whole time!"
"Ahh, sorry brah, that's my bad... I just got so distracted with all the slampieces."

STEP THREE


"Um, hello?"
"Son? This is your father. We need to have a very, very serious talk."
"Yeah, uh, Dad, listen, I'm really sor--"
"How did you do it? My God, boy, how did you manage eight-tenths of a percent return? It's a miracle! You even beat the S&P 500 for Christ's sake! My boy's a genius!"
"Um... well, sir, I just remembered all the great advice you gave me over the years."
"Ha! That's my boy. Now listen, take my advice one more time. Don't get shackled down to some spiteful shrew like I did with your mother. You go out and get yourself some slampieces, son. You've earned them!"

/yes, I know hedge funds are not meant to be supercharged mutual funds
//but neither do a lot of the people who want to invest in one
///and neither do some of the people running them
 
2013-08-05 11:25:27 PM  

ringersol: Mentat: "You picked a bad time to get into hedge funds bra."

You seem to think it matters whether things go well.  The letter describes the trust-fund-baby-equivalent of a lemonade stand.


Actually, as this article shows, every Tom, Dick and Trevor can open a hedge fund.  It's not like the old days where hedge funds were a niche market where a few really smart guys could manipulate inefficiencies in the market.  Now everyone has quants pouring over the data with high performance computing systems.  The easy money is long gone, and now the Feds are starting to sniff around.  All of the smart money has already moved on to the new thing, leaving the scraps for douchebags like this.
 
HBK
2013-08-06 12:32:55 AM  

Gaseous Anomaly: Diogenes: fireclown: Diogenes: Hollie Maea: miss diminutive: Although "slampiece" is new to me. Must mean I'm getting old.

I must say, although the job description has stayed pretty constant, the terms have been rapidly getting a lot more demeaning. First "Friend with Benefit" then "Fark Buddy" and now "Slampiece".  What's next, "Vag-On-Call"?


Theater Major?

Cum dumpster was always a fav of mine.  Right up there with fark meat.  See, you have to combine the idea of getting off with a woman who is just a non-human object of your nutting.

I'm partial to "penis cozy"; learned it on Fark.


We always just referred to the ladies as "accommodating." As in, "invite some accommodating ladies to the party" or "Lori's always accommodating." We were classy.

/UTexas '06
 
2013-08-06 08:06:53 AM  

Hollie Maea: The best part is that if this guy and his bros fark things up, we get to bail them out!


So, so very THIS.
 
2013-08-06 06:29:46 PM  

teenytinycornteeth: Cataholic: teenytinycornteeth: sigdiamond2000: This hits way too many douchebro touchstones. It's all too perfect.

My bullsh*t detector is spiking.

It seems that every time Fark produces evidence of someone being a disgusting sexist moron, the bullshiat detectors go off.  That must be how to get through life, you just assume that everything distasteful or unbelievably idiotic is false!  If you don't think there are truckloads of a-holes like this packing the elevators of our cities skyscrapers, you must live in an idyllic dreamworld.

Because everything you read on the internet is true!!

Right! That's exactly what I said!  Good job at reading!

Look, if you believe every single link on this page is false, thats fine, that's a level of pessimism that you have to live with.  But it seems to me that certain stories are taken immediately at face value, regardless of backup material, and some, namely those that reveal the completely disgusting side of human nature, tend to "set off bullshiat detectors".  Seems like a good mechanism to pretend that jerks like this guy don't exist, when many of us know first hand that they do. It's basically saying "I don't want to believe that a rich, privileged and seemingly educated male would speak about women/men/the world/rabbits this way so I'll just declare it to be false with no other evidence than 'it seems false'"


Kinda like the mommy blogger who's son was supposedly attacked in Walmart for wearing a pink headband?

Please, the only stories around here that are accepted as gospel truth are the ones that use "unnamed sources" to make republicans look bad...or consumerist links.
 
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