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(Jezebel)   Trust fund baby gets his daddy to give him some money for a hedge fund, for which he's looking to hire his frat brothers, but only the ones that can pull hot "slampieces" (and if you don't know, you're not qualified)   (jezebel.com ) divider line
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13808 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Aug 2013 at 11:04 AM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-08-05 11:16:12 AM  
img844.imageshack.us
 
2013-08-05 11:16:16 AM  
I don't think that email would help him out that much in a sexual harassment lawsuit...
 
2013-08-05 11:17:05 AM  
Mentat: "You picked a bad time to get into hedge funds bra."

You seem to think it matters whether things go well.  The letter describes the trust-fund-baby-equivalent of a lemonade stand.
 
2013-08-05 11:17:24 AM  

Hollie Maea: Diogenes: "...powerful father and connections..."

So powerful and connected he couldn't hook you up with a job?  I'm kind of suspicious that he's actually interested in a real job.

why would you want a real job when you can get filthy rich and obtain a lifetime supply of slampieces just by shaking hands with daddy's friends?


this kid has a big future.  Based on a similar case, once he goes breezes through his National Guard stint and rehab he'll become the GM the Astros, Governor of TX and eventually the President of the United States.
 
2013-08-05 11:18:17 AM  

Diogenes: Well your fingers clearly aren't broken. Go find a link for that and submit it.


Because nothing ever gets submitted regarding the shifty practices of bankers and business executives, right?

But that sort of thing's not cool and fun like obviously fake emails designed to rile up gullible people so those things just get relegated to the cold death of the business tab where it doesn't potentially eat into Drew's ad revenue.
 
2013-08-05 11:20:47 AM  

skozlaw: Diogenes: Well your fingers clearly aren't broken. Go find a link for that and submit it.

Because nothing ever gets submitted regarding the shifty practices of bankers and business executives, right?

But that sort of thing's not cool and fun like obviously fake emails designed to rile up gullible people so those things just get relegated to the cold death of the business tab where it doesn't potentially eat into Drew's ad revenue.


You're clearly too cool and savvy and serious for us.  Please tell us more about everything you find wrong with this site you're posting on.
 
2013-08-05 11:21:32 AM  

sigdiamond2000: This hits way too many douchebro touchstones. It's all too perfect.

My bullsh*t detector is spiking.


And they're sitting back with some popcorn.
I give it 30-40% likelihood of being legit.
 
2013-08-05 11:23:20 AM  
Can't wait for the Fark follow-up headline about how easy it is to blow through a 7 figure fund when all you have is douche for brains.
 
2013-08-05 11:24:13 AM  

Diogenes: Please tell us more about everything you find wrong with this site you're posting on.


Well, you seem to have some sort of weird inferiority complex which is kind of annoying, so maybe we could start there? Or maybe you could go get some happy pills or something and perk up a bit, champ, eh?
 
2013-08-05 11:24:43 AM  
Hedge fund managers should be forced to invest 95% of their own assets into the funds they manage.  If they really believe they are so great, then they can gamble with their own money and not just everyone else's.  Considering that there are > 10,000 hedge funds, the dude should have started about 40 years ago, then might of had a chance.
 
2013-08-05 11:24:53 AM  
HotWingConspiracy: "His education and background couldn't even land him a job"

... a job deserving of his ego.
A person whose fallback plan involves tapping the million-dollar-trust-fund to play banker doesn't really have to 'settle' like normal folk.
 
2013-08-05 11:25:48 AM  
The word "slampiece" makes me want to COLLECT THEM ALL AND WIN!!!

/dude, trade me that purple one. I'll give you this way more awesome one...
 
2013-08-05 11:26:12 AM  

iheartscotch: 1. Financial analyst. Do nothing, get paid 6 figures a year. Probably a lifelong friend.
2. Secretary. Keeps track of the nothing and finds stupid, slutty, gold digging tramps. $70,000 a year.
3. Pee-on. Does any actual work that may come up. Treated like trash. $25 an hour
/ hell, he might make a pretty good scam artist; but, that model is a non-starter


That's pushing $200,000 plus in management fees on a "mid 7-figure" hedge fund. Sign me up
 
2013-08-05 11:26:52 AM  

iheartscotch: So, his business structure will be

1. Financial analyst. Do nothing, get paid 6 figures a year. Probably a lifelong friend.

www.maximumpc.com
 
2013-08-05 11:27:43 AM  

Nabb1: Another thing - mid-seven figures to start a hedge fund management firm isn't "relatively small." It's minuscule.


didn't Mittens get his start with a mere $30 million of someone else's money... granted that was back in '84... private equity in the 80's was the hedge fund of today...
 
2013-08-05 11:30:07 AM  
Gotta call bullshiat on this one. If the harpies at Jezebel had a name they'd be screeching it from the rooftops and calling the brat and dad for comment and forwarding the emails in the worlds biggest chain letter.

Nobody would ever put their own trust fund in a hedge fund because the the first principle is never touch the principal and they certainly wouldn't let their kid do it.
 
2013-08-05 11:30:57 AM  
So apparently this is real.  He graduated from Stanford University.  He is a certified pilot.  His father is a CEO of a Mexican Steel company, publicly traded on the Mexican Stock Exchange.
 
2013-08-05 11:33:24 AM  

SlothB77: So I think I found this guy's name.  Fark's policy is not to post people's names, so I can't do it here.  But I can tell you how to find it.  Jezebel included the guy's email signature, which is quite unique.  So i took a part of that, put it into google in quotes.  Up came only a couple results, but one of the results has a public google group with an email from someone with the exact same email signature - and full name.  And the guy went to school and lives on the west coast, consistent with the PST in Jezebel email.


I don't think that's the guy.  He works for Battery Ventures, so its consistent with the story, but that company was founded in 2001 I believe it said.

The california state department business search is limited in it capabilities as well.  If it would let you sort by date, you could probably narrow it down.  But even so, just under corporations, searching for anything with the word Ventures in it, yields almost 8000 results.
 
2013-08-05 11:33:47 AM  

skozlaw: Diogenes: Please tell us more about everything you find wrong with this site you're posting on.

Well, you seem to have some sort of weird inferiority complex which is kind of annoying, so maybe we could start there? Or maybe you could go get some happy pills or something and perk up a bit, champ, eh?


Back at ya, Mr. Critical.
 
2013-08-05 11:35:19 AM  

SlothB77: His father is a CEO of a Mexican Steel


That's my favorite Spanish-speaking Judas Priest cover band.
 
GBB
2013-08-05 11:35:39 AM  

Diogenes: sigdiamond2000: miss diminutive: sigdiamond2000: This hits way too many douchebro touchstones. It's all too perfect.

My bullsh*t detector is spiking.

Having come across several rich fratboys in my time, I'd say this email is probably legitimate.

Although "slampiece" is new to me. Must mean I'm getting old.

Not buying it. I hate these kind of motherf*ckers as much as the next guy, but this has contrived white male oppressor archetype fantasy written all over it.

I could be wrong, but it all just seems a bit overcooked.


I went to school with a ton of kids from affluent backgrounds.  When I was rushing the fraternities as a freshman I was told about one house in particular.  "Go to a rush party there and see how long it takes before a brother asks you what time it is," I was told by an upperclassman friend.  "Why?" I asked.  "They're checking to see what kind of watch you're wearing."

It took about 10 minutes once I walked in the door.  Suffice it to say, me and my Swatch weren't interested in them either.

I'm not saying this email is for real.  But I am saying such creatures exist.


If you were expecting such attitudes, you should have gone in there with a bigger one and been all, "Time for you to get a farkin watch."  Play the part.
 
2013-08-05 11:35:53 AM  
I am genuinely sad that this did not include the phrases "do you even lift" and "come at me".
 
2013-08-05 11:35:55 AM  
sigdiamond2000:
Not buying it. I hate these kind of motherf*ckers as much as the next guy, but this has contrived white male oppressor archetype fantasy written all over it.

starring Erik the vampire from True Blood? sign me up

jk. it was amusing how you put it is all
 
2013-08-05 11:36:37 AM  
" After a series of summer internships, however, I have somehow found myself without a full-time job offer for the upcoming year. "

I think I know the answer to this mystery.
 
2013-08-05 11:37:21 AM  

impaler: iheartscotch: 1. Financial analyst. Do nothing, get paid 6 figures a year. Probably a lifelong friend.
2. Secretary. Keeps track of the nothing and finds stupid, slutty, gold digging tramps. $70,000 a year.
3. Pee-on. Does any actual work that may come up. Treated like trash. $25 an hour
/ hell, he might make a pretty good scam artist; but, that model is a non-starter

That's pushing $200,000 plus in management fees on a "mid 7-figure" hedge fund. Sign me up


Indeed.

I'd be interested in the 6 figures to do nothing. I just had an interesting thought; maybe, just maybe, this scion of finance is obnoxious and unliked. So, he has to pay people to hang out with him. This business could be a function of that.

/ at least they're not contemplating homicide

// homicide
 
2013-08-05 11:37:59 AM  
Huh. Rich, spoiled, college-aged frat boy acts like a rich, spoiled, college-aged frat boy. Fire up the presses and warm up the NewsFlash tag!!

//it's not news......
 
2013-08-05 11:41:38 AM  

The Evil That Lies In The Hearts Of Men: " After a series of summer internships, however, I have somehow found myself without a full-time job offer for the upcoming year. "

I think I know the answer to this mystery.


thanks, obama?
 
2013-08-05 11:46:24 AM  

GBB: If you were expecting such attitudes, you should have gone in there with a bigger one and been all, "Time for you to get a farkin watch."  Play the part.


I would have gone with "Time to get in line for your mom" but that's just me.
 
2013-08-05 11:50:57 AM  
i.imgur.com
 
2013-08-05 11:51:16 AM  

i.imgur.com

R.I.P. SLAM

 
2013-08-05 11:52:29 AM  
Googling the email sig... Track down the name in that mess of golf invites... Google the name...

He has a degree in economics, and makes a good cup of coffee.

I'm sold! Where do I sign up?
 
2013-08-05 11:52:37 AM  

ModernLuddite: I am genuinely sad that this did not include the phrases "do you even lift" and "come at me".


I would also have accepted some use of the phrase "26 minutes" as well.
 
2013-08-05 11:54:42 AM  
25.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-08-05 11:55:16 AM  

sigdiamond2000: This hits way too many douchebro touchstones. It's all too perfect.

My bullsh*t detector is spiking.


It's also posted by Anna "I-threatened-myself-with-a-hatefarking-because-nobody-else-would" Breslaw.

/past behavior is still the most accurate predictor of future behavior
 
hej
2013-08-05 11:56:16 AM  

Tatterdemalian: It's also posted by Anna "I-threatened-myself-with-a-hatefarking-because-nobody-else-would" Breslaw.

/past behavior is still the most accurate predictor of future behavior


Please explain what this refers to.
 
2013-08-05 11:57:55 AM  

jfivealive: I don't think that's the guy. He works for Battery Ventures, so its consistent with the story, but that company was founded in 2001 I believe it said.


I found him.  I found his stanford email address which led me to his full name, which has like three different last names.  Using that i found his rich daddy.  The hedge fund never got off the ground, because ostensibly he is still toiling away as a Product Manager for a SF-based digital advertising company specializing in audience measurement and real-time advertising based on what I see.  He did have a lot of internships.
 
2013-08-05 11:59:33 AM  
If you had a trust fund in the mid SEVEN figures why would you be worried about a job or working ? You have a lot more time to pick up slam pieces when not working.
 
2013-08-05 12:01:28 PM  

NutWrench: The end of the "e-mail" and my snazzy spidey-sense makes me think that this just might be a bit of satire:

The information in this email is most likely totally worthless and lacking of any benefit to society and/or anyone in particular. If you received this communication in error, then please immediately delete all of your saved porn & energetically beat yourself about the head. All other more intelligent actions taken in response to this information are prohibited, so there.


I can totally see the type of dudebro who would call women "slampieces" as being the same sort of dudebro who would think that ending all his emails in this way is hilarious.
 
2013-08-05 12:04:18 PM  
I'm pretty sure I almost married a slam piece once
 
2013-08-05 12:04:28 PM  

skozlaw: Diogenes: Well your fingers clearly aren't broken. Go find a link for that and submit it.

Because nothing ever gets submitted regarding the shifty practices of bankers and business executives, right?

But that sort of thing's not cool and fun like obviously fake emails designed to rile up gullible people so those things just get relegated to the cold death of the business tab where it doesn't potentially eat into Drew's ad revenue.


That explains why you're still hanging out in this thread instead of going to the threads with the super important extra critical things that YOU want to discuss.

No, instead you'd rather stamp your feet that everybody else ISN'T doing exactly what you want to do.  It's more than a little pathetic, and that says something in a thread about a douchebag fratbro.
 
hej
2013-08-05 12:04:33 PM  

kindms: If you had a trust fund in the mid SEVEN figures why would you be worried about a job or working ? You have a lot more time to pick up slam pieces when not working.


That sort of money can be spent pretty quickly, especially if you live in wealthier areas.
 
2013-08-05 12:05:03 PM  

OscarTamerz: the harpies at Jezebel


So, do you regret writing that email now?
 
2013-08-05 12:05:19 PM  

skozlaw: seem to have some sort of weird inferiority complex


And I love when people provide their own Farkies.
 
2013-08-05 12:06:17 PM  

hej: Tatterdemalian: It's also posted by Anna "I-threatened-myself-with-a-hatefarking-because-nobody-else-would" Breslaw.

/past behavior is still the most accurate predictor of future behavior

Please explain what this refers to.


My links are still getting filtered, I guess. Miss Breslaw basically went to the police to report some guy on campus making threats to hatefark her (and the word used was the one that gets filtered to "fark," if you're googling). The cops took it seriously enough to acquire the university server logs, and it turned out the messages were posted from Breslaw's own laptop.

/"Cognitive Dissonance" indeed
 
2013-08-05 12:09:29 PM  

Tatterdemalian: My links are still getting filtered, I guess. Miss Breslaw basically went to the police to report some guy on campus making threats to hatefark her (and the word used was the one that gets filtered to "fark," if you're googling). The cops took it seriously enough to acquire the university server logs, and it turned out the messages were posted from Breslaw's own laptop.


OMG! The phone call was coming from within the house!
 
2013-08-05 12:15:55 PM  

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: I'm pretty sure I almost married a slam piece once


Me too! No, wait, I slammed a married piece. Not the same thing at all. Sorry.
 
2013-08-05 12:16:35 PM  
Did he play Lacrosse?  Is he a Spy now?
 
2013-08-05 12:25:06 PM  
His dad owns a dealership.
 
2013-08-05 12:25:57 PM  

you are a puppet: I wanna make bank bro. I wanna get ass. I wanna drive a range rover.


Personal opinion - Range and Land Rovers suck. Bank and Ass are nice choices, though

/F250
 
2013-08-05 12:27:10 PM  

iheartscotch: So, his business structure will be

1. Financial analyst. Do nothing, get paid 6 figures a year. Probably a lifelong friend.

2. Secretary. Keeps track of the nothing and finds stupid, slutty, gold digging tramps. $70,000 a year.

3. Pee-on. Does any actual work that may come up. Treated like trash. $25 an hour

/ hell, he might make a pretty good scam artist; but, that model is a non-starter


I would say success of failure depends on the skill of the financial analyst.  If the models he puts together make money, everything else will fall into place.   If he can't, the company will dissolve and junior will be asking for more venture capital from his father.
 
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