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(Omaha World Herald)   University of Nebraska Medical Center study shows underage drinking has steadily increased in Nebraska because there's nothing else for kids to do in Nebraska but get drunk, tip over cows, and have sex   (omaha.com) divider line 69
    More: Obvious, University of Nebraska Medical Center, social costs, drinking ages, underage  
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1598 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Aug 2013 at 2:23 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-08-02 01:13:30 AM
As a resident of Nebraska, pretty much.
 
2013-08-02 01:35:09 AM
. . . with the cow?
 
2013-08-02 02:21:03 AM
Unlike their parents, who tip over sex and have cows.
 
2013-08-02 02:25:05 AM
Build them a few Dave and Busters, and call it good. It will solve the cow tipping problem.
 
2013-08-02 02:25:11 AM
I think you forget "and watch the corn grow", subby.

/ducks
 
2013-08-02 02:27:12 AM

HotWingAgenda: . . . with the cow?


Well, yeah. A cow makes a great drinking partner. Not to sure about sex partner.
 
2013-08-02 02:30:13 AM
4.bp.blogspot.com

Endorsers of cow tipping.
 
2013-08-02 02:30:27 AM
Don't forget "shoot things", like roadsigns.
 
2013-08-02 02:33:10 AM

Surool: [4.bp.blogspot.com image 400x266]

Endorsers of cow tipping.


cineplex.media.baselineresearch.com

"I left you two drunk and flailing in cow shiat."
 
2013-08-02 02:34:01 AM
To be fair, no matter where I live, those three things are my entertainment plan, if they are options. And I've never been Nebraska way.
 
2013-08-02 02:37:59 AM
I bet if they had more ball rooms that there'd be a lot less cow tipping.

4.bp.blogspot.com

Who can resist that?
 
2013-08-02 02:42:19 AM
And when all the hot chicks move to L.A. to become actresses who actually work at the cheesecake factory but are somehow able to afford an expensive apartment then what?

www.heightandweightofcelebs.com

Even if she was once a cheerleader hiring a private investigator to track her down and use a picture of the family farm to convince her to come back home probably won't work.

austinkleon.com

No, wait, that was Moorehead Minnesota not Nebraska.

/Ignore that second one
 
2013-08-02 02:42:57 AM

AverageAmericanGuy: I bet if they had more ball rooms that there'd be a lot less cow tipping.

[4.bp.blogspot.com image 850x637]

Who can resist that?


It's the reason I converted to boxers.
 
2013-08-02 02:45:02 AM
Having sex with drunk underage cows is just wrong and can get you in a lot of trouble. Remember always get the cows ID.
 
2013-08-02 02:48:15 AM

No Late Checkouts: Having sex with drunk underage cows is just wrong and can get you in a lot of trouble. Remember always get the cows ID.


And remember, moo means moo.
 
2013-08-02 02:53:02 AM

No Late Checkouts: Having sex with drunk underage cows is just wrong and can get you in a lot of trouble. Remember always get the cows ID.


Especially with the way they develop udders so early these days. It's hard to tell.
 
2013-08-02 02:59:40 AM
As a former teenager in Nebraska, pretty much.
 
2013-08-02 03:02:15 AM

stutte2: As a former teenager in Nebraska, pretty much.


As a former cow in Nebraska, pretty much.

/**thud**
//owwww.
 
2013-08-02 03:08:50 AM
They got cows in Nebraska?

photos1.blogger.com
 
2013-08-02 03:09:46 AM
FTHL:

there's nothing else for kids to do in Nebraska but get drunk, tip over cows, and have sex

Drinking, being stupid and screwing is universal.
 
2013-08-02 03:21:04 AM

No Late Checkouts: Having sex with drunk underage cows is just wrong and can get you in a lot of trouble. Remember always get the cows ID.


Also, the dairy board will get you. Alcohol increases milk volume in cows. Of course, that volume is alcohol. If you ever drank an Irish car bomb, you know what alcohol does to dairy. That's where cottage cheese comes from.
 
2013-08-02 03:28:56 AM

Danger Avoid Death: No Late Checkouts: Having sex with drunk underage cows is just wrong and can get you in a lot of trouble. Remember always get the cows ID.

And remember, moo means moo.


Yeah, her mouth said "moo," but those roofies I dropped into her water trough said, "too bad."
 
2013-08-02 03:30:35 AM
From what little I can find of the mentioned studies author, she looks like some miserable anti-alcohol twat. Shaker of salt needed with "study".
 
2013-08-02 03:33:23 AM

Bumblefark: Danger Avoid Death: No Late Checkouts: Having sex with drunk underage cows is just wrong and can get you in a lot of trouble. Remember always get the cows ID.

And remember, moo means moo.

Yeah, her mouth said "moo," but those roofies I dropped into her water trough said, "too bad."


Roofies or Moofies?
 
2013-08-02 03:51:14 AM

Danger Avoid Death: Bumblefark: Danger Avoid Death: No Late Checkouts: Having sex with drunk underage cows is just wrong and can get you in a lot of trouble. Remember always get the cows ID.

And remember, moo means moo.

Yeah, her mouth said "moo," but those roofies I dropped into her water trough said, "too bad."

Roofies or Moofies?


Hey, if she wasn't asking for it she should have covered up her body.

/do cows really tip over? Or is it just sheer number of people walking beside the cow whistling nonchalantly, then suddenly *boom* bum rush the cow?
//Mythbusters need to get on this, animal welfare be damned. (No, not really, just curious. So, any reformed cow-tippers in this thread?)
///complex slashies
 
2013-08-02 04:10:42 AM

Danger Avoid Death: Bumblefark: Danger Avoid Death: No Late Checkouts: Having sex with drunk underage cows is just wrong and can get you in a lot of trouble. Remember always get the cows ID.

And remember, moo means moo.

Yeah, her mouth said "moo," but those roofies I dropped into her water trough said, "too bad."

Roofies or Moofies?


images.spatiallyadjusted.com

Resident Muslim: /do cows really tip over? Or is it just sheer number of people walking beside the cow whistling nonchalantly, then suddenly *boom* bum rush the cow?


Cow-tipping is an urban legend. Cows sleep lying down, and a cow that's awake is too skittish to surprise that way.
 
2013-08-02 04:11:34 AM
If drinking is increasing because there is nothing to do, that implies there was something to do at some point. What something is disappearing?
 
2013-08-02 04:30:40 AM
... cue the "you cant tip cows" argument...

*IF* a cow is asleep standing and you time it right, two high-school linemen CAN knock it down.  As a physics experiment it is provable, it only requires the standard "lift to block" technique and about 6500N.  6kN is chump change.  Average high school lineman produces 800 just standing in place.

Who here CAN'T ring the weights on the leg-press machine with 400lbs on the cable?  500lbs to 1m/s is 2.2kN.   Remember we're talking against gravity here.
 
2013-08-02 04:33:24 AM

prjindigo: Remember we're talking against gravity here.


Gravity doesn't like being talked against. Or back to.
 
2013-08-02 04:35:28 AM
How do you get a University of Nebraska cheerleader into a dorm room?

Grease-up her thighs and push real hard.
 
2013-08-02 04:37:16 AM

Gdalescrboz: If drinking is increasing because there is nothing to do, that implies there was something to do at some point. What something is disappearing?


That's what I came to ask. I guess they used to win football games, but that involved drinking and sex and livestock anyway, so we're back to square one.
 
2013-08-02 04:52:10 AM
Wait, why do you have to tip the cows over to have sex? Are they too drunk to just use a stepladder?
 
2013-08-02 04:53:43 AM

Cthulhu_is_my_homeboy: Wait, why do you have to tip the cows over to have sex? Are they too drunk to just use a stepladder?


You have to roll them in flour to find the wet spot.
 
2013-08-02 04:58:12 AM

Tumunga: They got cows in Nebraska?


I...have the strangest boehner right now...
 
2013-08-02 05:03:28 AM

Cthulhu_is_my_homeboy: Wait, why do you have to tip the cows over to have sex? Are they too drunk to just use a stepladder?


Well, to be honest, they are Nebraskans.  They just never remember the stepladder.  So, they just roger each other, like Jesus and Pastor Mike showed 'em
 
2013-08-02 05:09:34 AM

phalamir: Cthulhu_is_my_homeboy: Wait, why do you have to tip the cows over to have sex? Are they too drunk to just use a stepladder?

Well, to be honest, they are Nebraskans.  They just never remember the stepladder.  So, they just roger each other, like Jesus and Pastor Mike showed 'em


Well, Nebraskans are called the Cornholers.

/oh ... wait ... I think that might be Cornhuskers ...
//my bad.
 
2013-08-02 05:14:30 AM
I'm driving through there next week. I'm not looking to cow-tip, I had to sober up 3+ years ago, so that leaves sex as my only option.

Score!
 
2013-08-02 05:17:26 AM

Badafuco: I'm driving through there next week. I'm not looking to cow-tip, I had to sober up 3+ years ago, so that leaves sex as my only option.


Somewhere in Nebraska cows are crying.
 
2013-08-02 05:34:04 AM

prjindigo: ... cue the "you cant tip cows" argument...

*IF* a cow is asleep standing and you time it right, two high-school linemen CAN knock it down.  As a physics experiment it is provable, it only requires the standard "lift to block" technique and about 6500N.  6kN is chump change.  Average high school lineman produces 800 just standing in place.

Who here CAN'T ring the weights on the leg-press machine with 400lbs on the cable?  500lbs to 1m/s is 2.2kN.   Remember we're talking against gravity here.


Do you even lift?
 
2013-08-02 05:42:29 AM

CraicBaby: As a resident of Nebraska, pretty much.


One of my Army friends moved to western NY from Nebraska. She LOVES it here. Apparently so does her husband who she met at college out there. Keep that in mind next time someone is disparaging the land of Buffalo wings, Kodak, Xerox, lake effect snow, craft beer, Finger Lakes Wine, Wegmans, etc.
 
2013-08-02 06:19:59 AM
To be fair; there is also Cruising Dodge Street and de-tassling corn. Where else has that?
 
2013-08-02 06:29:15 AM

Bumblefark: Danger Avoid Death: Bumblefark: Danger Avoid Death: No Late Checkouts: Having sex with drunk underage cows is just wrong and can get you in a lot of trouble. Remember always get the cows ID.

And remember, moo means moo.

Yeah, her mouth said "moo," but those roofies I dropped into her water trough said, "too bad."

Roofies or Moofies?



Resident Muslim: /do cows really tip over? Or is it just sheer number of people walking beside the cow whistling nonchalantly, then suddenly *boom* bum rush the cow?

Cow-tipping is an urban legend. Cows sleep lying down, and a cow that's awake is too skittish to surprise that way.


Thanks for the reply.
That makes sense.

It's just that I imagined bored (and obnoxious) teens walking slowly up to the side of a cow, petting the cow, then all pushing sideways all of a sudden. I figured, four/five teens would be able to do it. I don't think cows have good lateral stability. But then again, four-legged creatures have surprised me before, not to mention injured me.

And no, I wasn't trying to tip over anything.
 
2013-08-02 07:34:42 AM

prjindigo: ... cue the "you cant tip cows" argument...

*IF* a cow is asleep standing and you time it right, two high-school linemen CAN knock it down.  As a physics experiment it is provable, it only requires the standard "lift to block" technique and about 6500N.  6kN is chump change.  Average high school lineman produces 800 just standing in place.

Who here CAN'T ring the weights on the leg-press machine with 400lbs on the cable?  500lbs to 1m/s is 2.2kN.   Remember we're talking against gravity here.


Doth thou even hoist?
 
2013-08-02 07:49:50 AM

prjindigo: *IF* a cow is asleep standing and you time it right, two high-school linemen CAN knock it down. As a physics experiment it is provable, it only requires the standard "lift to block" technique and about 6500N. 6kN is chump change. Average high school lineman produces 800 just standing in place.


IF you ever manage to find a cow that is deaf and blind and has lost its sense of smell, feel free to attempt the experiment. Most cattle-handling techniques consist of knowing that the cow will move AWAY from a person (on foot or mounted), especially if the person is stalking the cow (they're herbivores, they have a decent set of instincts regarding get-the-hell-away-from-that-thing-that-wants-to-eat-me).

I've raised and handled cattle. My cows knew me and would approach me freely; they would be skittish and run from my father.

Resident Muslim: I don't think cows have good lateral stability. But then again, four-legged creatures have surprised me before, not to mention injured me.


A vindictive cow can manage to transfer most of her weight to the hoof planted right on top of your boot. And burp cud-breath in your face as you howl and pound at her shoulder.
 
2013-08-02 07:59:09 AM
Subs, not only does TFA not list any potential causes of this increase, your made up cause is nothing new. The "things to do" for kids in Nebraska didn't suddenly go away. If cows were the reason, then kids would have been drinking like that ages ago and there wouldn't be a 10% increase or whatever it is..
 
2013-08-02 08:11:53 AM
Maybe add Melissa Midwest to that list, if they live in Lincoln.
 
2013-08-02 08:23:26 AM
Simple solution. Stop the unconstitutional discrimination and lower the legal age to 18.
 
2013-08-02 08:26:09 AM
A buddy had his wedding in Omaha years back.  I'd say it's a nice place but we spent the whole time bouncing between the hotel, church, and numerous bars so I guess this article is right on.
 
2013-08-02 08:26:50 AM
FTFH: but get drunk, tip over cows, and have sex

Question from an Eastern Canuck: Does it have to be in that order, Subs?

techmom: And burp cud-breath in your face as you howl and pound at her shoulder.


Thank you for the visual of the week. And the best laugh I have had all week.
/rough week
 
2013-08-02 08:28:29 AM

DrPainMD: How do you get a University of Nebraska cheerleader into a dorm room?

Grease-up her thighs and push real hard.


How do you get a Husker Cheerleader into an elevator?

Butter up her thighs and toss in a twinkie.

//That's the version I heard, anyway.
 
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