Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Calgary Herald)   "And now here's Rosa, with the stuff I did eight years ago that she still can't let go of." "Thanks, Rob. In Medical news, it's been discovered that husbands who keep forgetting to put the toilet seat down won't be getting laid anytime soon"   (calgaryherald.com) divider line 111
    More: Amusing, CTV British Columbia, Calgary, husband and wife, CTV News  
•       •       •

8591 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Jul 2013 at 3:28 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



111 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all
 
2013-07-31 12:46:45 PM  
To be fair, the introduction of a teleprompter into their marriage will at least mean he finally gets a word in edgewise.
 
2013-07-31 01:26:51 PM  

Highroller48: To be fair, the introduction of a teleprompter into their marriage will at least mean he finally gets a word in edgewise.


HIIIIYYYYOOOO!
 
2013-07-31 02:37:09 PM  
i2.wp.com

Jane, you ignorant slut.
 
2013-07-31 03:02:44 PM  
You are a smelly pirate hooker. Why don't you go back to your home on Whore Island?
 
2013-07-31 03:04:22 PM  

blatz514: You are a smelly pirate hooker. Why don't you go back to your home on Whore Island?


I will punch you in the ovaries.
 
2013-07-31 03:30:02 PM  

vernonFL: [i2.wp.com image 340x170]

Jane, you ignorant slut.


Done in three.
 
2013-07-31 03:30:43 PM  
In Medical news, it's been discovered that husbands who keep forgetting to put the toilet seat down won't be getting laid anytime soon"

Fixed.
 
2013-07-31 03:31:55 PM  
24.media.tumblr.com

Let the hilarity ensue.
 
2013-07-31 03:32:15 PM  
Separate toilets, and separate bedrooms.
Always works for me.
Separate cities, even better.
 
2013-07-31 03:34:22 PM  
Early in the relationship I complain if she didn't leave the seat up the way I like it (at my place). Point made, the subject doesn't come up again.
 
2013-07-31 03:35:21 PM  
papapanique.com
 
2013-07-31 03:37:05 PM  
I have the wife accostomed to leaving the toilet seat up. Otherwise, I'm likely to forget to put it up in the middle of the night, and get it all wet.
 
2013-07-31 03:37:40 PM  
25.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-07-31 03:38:29 PM  
The secret of a happy marriage is to go out to clubs every week.

You go out on Friday and she on Saturday, works best.
 
2013-07-31 03:39:17 PM  
"Leave the toilet seat up again, I dare you, I double dare you motherfncker, leave the toilet seat up one more goddamn time! "
 
2013-07-31 03:41:02 PM  
Toilet? What's the matter, too short to reach the sink?
 
2013-07-31 03:42:44 PM  
My ex would biatch about the seat.  Even worse, she'd hang the damn toilet paper wrong.  That was fixed when we got a bigger place with two bathrooms.  "This one is mine, I leave the seat up if I want, and I hang the toilet paper in front, as god and nature intends.  That is your bathroom. Do what you want."

And she still covered the counter of MY bathroom with her makeup junk, most of which she never used.
 
2013-07-31 03:43:52 PM  
Alright, I'll say it (and I know what the reactions will be, so no, I'm not gonna hand in my man card)

- At home and when I don't have a boner, I don't see anything wrong with sitting down to pee (so the problem of raised toilet seat is gone, or reduced a lot). In fact, I find that much less messy.
 
2013-07-31 03:44:14 PM  
FTFA:   We're talking about news content and delivery versus what school to send our kids to...

What a weird thing to say.  And she has an eight year old and six year old twins???  That's kind of a dominating subject that they apparently don't care about; and insulting to us that put some thought into where are kids are going to go.  She's apparently better than us that discuss this.
Had she said  versus what food to bring to the potluck or similar I'd understand her point.  My house spends too much time on really trivial talk, but the kids' school?  WTF?
 
2013-07-31 03:46:46 PM  

teylix:


Ooh, a bit of breaking news. We now go live to Dianne being a biatch. Dianne?
 
2013-07-31 03:46:56 PM  

mayIFark: Alright, I'll say it (and I know what the reactions will be, so no, I'm not gonna hand in my man card)

- At home and when I don't have a boner, I don't see anything wrong with sitting down to pee (so the problem of raised toilet seat is gone, or reduced a lot). In fact, I find that much less messy.


What crazy things are you guys getting up to that you're making these messes when you pee standing up.  This is not a problem that I have.
 
2013-07-31 03:46:58 PM  

mayIFark: Alright, I'll say it (and I know what the reactions will be, so no, I'm not gonna hand in my man card)

- At home and when I don't have a boner, I don't see anything wrong with sitting down to pee (so the problem of raised toilet seat is gone, or reduced a lot). In fact, I find that much less messy.


www.reactiongifs.com
 
2013-07-31 03:47:01 PM  

mayIFark: Alright, I'll say it (and I know what the reactions will be, so no, I'm not gonna hand in my man card)

- At home and when I don't have a boner, I don't see anything wrong with sitting down to pee (so the problem of raised toilet seat is gone, or reduced a lot). In fact, I find that much less messy.


Same. After hours, anyway. Fully clothed, convenience trumps splatter.
 
2013-07-31 03:47:07 PM  

mayIFark: Alright, I'll say it (and I know what the reactions will be, so no, I'm not gonna hand in my man card)

- At home and when I don't have a boner, I don't see anything wrong with sitting down to pee (so the problem of raised toilet seat is gone, or reduced a lot). In fact, I find that much less messy.


This. I don't care about handing in my man card. I prefer not to clean up watery urine being splashed out of the bowl by my raging torrent.
 
2013-07-31 03:47:51 PM  
Yes they will, just not with their wives. See you at the park guys.
 
2013-07-31 03:48:13 PM  
I swear, Fark is full of people who either have no idea what marriage is like or somehow ended up married to people that don't actually like them.
 
2013-07-31 03:48:15 PM  

waterrockets: mayIFark: Alright, I'll say it (and I know what the reactions will be, so no, I'm not gonna hand in my man card)

- At home and when I don't have a boner, I don't see anything wrong with sitting down to pee (so the problem of raised toilet seat is gone, or reduced a lot). In fact, I find that much less messy.

Same. After hours, anyway. Fully clothed, convenience trumps splatter.


Nurglitch: mayIFark: Alright, I'll say it (and I know what the reactions will be, so no, I'm not gonna hand in my man card)

- At home and when I don't have a boner, I don't see anything wrong with sitting down to pee (so the problem of raised toilet seat is gone, or reduced a lot). In fact, I find that much less messy.

This. I don't care about handing in my man card. I prefer not to clean up watery urine being splashed out of the bowl by my raging torrent.


You guys thought you had a hair....until it pee'd
 
2013-07-31 03:48:31 PM  
the only married news team in the tri-province area?

farm4.staticflickr.com
 
2013-07-31 03:49:18 PM  

mayIFark: Alright, I'll say it (and I know what the reactions will be, so no, I'm not gonna hand in my man card)

- At home and when I don't have a boner, I don't see anything wrong with sitting down to pee (so the problem of raised toilet seat is gone, or reduced a lot). In fact, I find that much less messy.


I couldn't do this.  Your wife makes sure I have a boner the entire time I'm at your house.
 
2013-07-31 03:50:04 PM  
I, for one, applaud the subby for the humorous headline. Back to you, Subby.
 
2013-07-31 03:50:17 PM  

mayIFark: Alright, I'll say it (and I know what the reactions will be, so no, I'm not gonna hand in my man card)

- At home and when I don't have a boner, I don't see anything wrong with sitting down to pee (so the problem of raised toilet seat is gone, or reduced a lot). In fact, I find that much less messy.


http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a12/Sephiroth_16/Funny%20Stuff/Anim al House.gif

/oh and learn to pee, Nancy
 
2013-07-31 03:50:54 PM  
i put the seat and lid down everytime.  it's my wife who fails to put the lid down.

i have a dumbass cat that jumps in the toilet.  i like to think by accident. but, with her, you never know.  she's failed to exhibit any form of reason or accountability.

well, the lid prevents this.
 
2013-07-31 03:52:23 PM  
Adorable lesbians
 
2013-07-31 03:52:52 PM  

ChipNASA: waterrockets: mayIFark: Alright, I'll say it (and I know what the reactions will be, so no, I'm not gonna hand in my man card)

- At home and when I don't have a boner, I don't see anything wrong with sitting down to pee (so the problem of raised toilet seat is gone, or reduced a lot). In fact, I find that much less messy.

Same. After hours, anyway. Fully clothed, convenience trumps splatter.

Nurglitch: mayIFark: Alright, I'll say it (and I know what the reactions will be, so no, I'm not gonna hand in my man card)

- At home and when I don't have a boner, I don't see anything wrong with sitting down to pee (so the problem of raised toilet seat is gone, or reduced a lot). In fact, I find that much less messy.

This. I don't care about handing in my man card. I prefer not to clean up watery urine being splashed out of the bowl by my raging torrent.

You guys thought you had a hair....until it pee'd


So, you don't pee while taking a dump? I'd advice you see a doctor.

/Or, do you get up, turn 180 degree, pee, and seat down?
 
2013-07-31 03:53:20 PM  

ChipNASA: waterrockets: mayIFark: Alright, I'll say it (and I know what the reactions will be, so no, I'm not gonna hand in my man card)

- At home and when I don't have a boner, I don't see anything wrong with sitting down to pee (so the problem of raised toilet seat is gone, or reduced a lot). In fact, I find that much less messy.

Same. After hours, anyway. Fully clothed, convenience trumps splatter.

Nurglitch: mayIFark: Alright, I'll say it (and I know what the reactions will be, so no, I'm not gonna hand in my man card)

- At home and when I don't have a boner, I don't see anything wrong with sitting down to pee (so the problem of raised toilet seat is gone, or reduced a lot). In fact, I find that much less messy.

This. I don't care about handing in my man card. I prefer not to clean up watery urine being splashed out of the bowl by my raging torrent.

You guys thought you had a hair....until it pee'd


Now I'm no longer worried about going bald.
 
2013-07-31 03:53:36 PM  

Quickpull: I swear, Fark is full of people who either have no idea what marriage is like or somehow ended up married to people that don't actually like them.


My wife likes me, but she's developed some disorders.  That happens to a lot of people.
 
2013-07-31 03:53:39 PM  

ColSanders: In Medical news, it's been discovered that husbands who keep forgetting to put the toilet seat down won't be getting laid by their wives anytime soon"

Fixed.

FIXED
 
GBB
2013-07-31 03:54:16 PM  
Lid down, always.

pute kisses like a man: i put the seat and lid down everytime.  it's my wife who fails to put the lid down.

i have a dumbass cat that jumps in the toilet.  i like to think by accident. but, with her, you never know.  she's failed to exhibit any form of reason or accountability.

well, the lid prevents this.


Oh good, I'm not the only one.
 
2013-07-31 03:54:17 PM  
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com

I said... your hair... looks stupid.
 
2013-07-31 03:54:23 PM  
Why mess with the toilet seat? I leave it down, piss on anything that doesn't move? Wipe it clean and get laid whenever I want.
 
2013-07-31 03:54:29 PM  

tuna fingers: mayIFark: Alright, I'll say it (and I know what the reactions will be, so no, I'm not gonna hand in my man card)

- At home and when I don't have a boner, I don't see anything wrong with sitting down to pee (so the problem of raised toilet seat is gone, or reduced a lot). In fact, I find that much less messy.

I couldn't do this.  Your wife makes sure I have a boner the entire time I'm at your house.


Son, don't think of your mom like that!
 
2013-07-31 03:55:52 PM  

The Evil Home Brewer: Why mess with the toilet seat? I leave it down, piss on anything that doesn't move? Wipe it clean and get laid whenever I want.


3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-07-31 03:56:15 PM  

Nurglitch: mayIFark: Alright, I'll say it (and I know what the reactions will be, so no, I'm not gonna hand in my man card)

- At home and when I don't have a boner, I don't see anything wrong with sitting down to pee (so the problem of raised toilet seat is gone, or reduced a lot). In fact, I find that much less messy.

This. I don't care about handing in my man card. I prefer not to clean up watery urine being splashed out of the bowl by my raging torrent.


As long as it isn't raining outside, I usually just step out onto the porch and piss into the gravel driveway. (or onto some weeds I am trying to kill). It's closer then the bathroom and I save money (I have a well, but wear and tear on the pump is still money).  In the winter I will put shoes on if the snow isn't too deep.

If it is raining or the snow is too deep, I will go sit on the toilet to pee only in the middle of the night.  Its too dark (and I am still half asleep) to try and guess where the toilet is.

/life in the sticks!
 
2013-07-31 03:58:38 PM  
Something I still don't understand.

Why can't women check the toilet seat before sitting? If it's time to drop the kids off at the pool, I sure as Hell check. Also, I'm one of those guys that will sit at night, much easier to stay half asleep if you're not fighting to keep your balance. Anyway, I can check in the dark, too, AND while half asleep, so I don't see that as an excuse either.
 
2013-07-31 03:59:01 PM  
Outstanding ChipNASA!

That's my new computer background .... for about 3 hours before my daughters and/or wife complain.
 
2013-07-31 04:00:31 PM  
BYW..... If you are a guy and you DON'T put the seat down after? You deserve anything you get.
 
2013-07-31 04:03:09 PM  

The Evil Home Brewer: BYW..... If you are a guy and you DON'T put the seat down after? You deserve anything you get.


cdn.wegotthiscovered.com

WHY'D YOU LEAVE THE SEAT UP, SON?!
 
2013-07-31 04:03:10 PM  
Left hand n the wall above the toilet, aim straight down.  If you happen to hit the seat a little, wipe it up.
 
2013-07-31 04:04:26 PM  
Putting the lid down keeps children, animals, and the various household items that they can reach out of the toilet. It's just common sense.
 
2013-07-31 04:05:38 PM  
Live on a boat.  All lids down when not in use.  All doors and cabinets latched too, for that matter.  Prevents things from banging around.  Except for your mom, of course.
 
Displayed 50 of 111 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
Advertisement
On Twitter





In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report