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(RamblingBeachCat.com)   If your friend pukes all over your bathroom and doesn't help you clean it up, there are three things you need to do: 1) clean the bathroom, 2) find better friends, and 3) return the phone he left at your house--instead of holding it for ransom   (ramblingbeachcat.com) divider line 37
    More: Florida, Low Life, iPhone, mom jeans, Naples Daily News, bathrooms  
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3582 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Jul 2013 at 11:56 AM (38 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



37 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-07-31 11:58:23 AM
If it's Siri, couldn't she just call for help?
 
2013-07-31 11:59:52 AM
I dunno. That seems pretty fair.

/dnrtfa
 
2013-07-31 12:00:42 PM
What about returning the phone wrapped in the pukey mess the other guy left?
 
2013-07-31 12:03:02 PM
Use the phone to take a picture of the mess and set it as his background image and as the caller ID picture for all of his contacts.
 
2013-07-31 12:03:49 PM
At my old job I always had my friends/coworkers crashing at my place on the weekends because we would often work late and were drunk and my place was the closest to work. Yeah lots of puke stories there.
 
2013-07-31 12:06:22 PM
okay, so which one of you is:

Drew Curtis
• 7 minutes ago



You done been Farked, boy.

http://tinyurl.com/nkelypw

Now why don't you jus' lay down, drop yer drawers, an' take a deep breath 'cuz this is gonna get a little personal.
 
2013-07-31 12:09:45 PM
Kicking his ass not an option?
 
2013-07-31 12:10:14 PM
On Wednesday, July 24 of 2103, a 22-year-old man named Devin Joseph Henderson

This happened in 2103??
 
2013-07-31 12:11:33 PM

Fiction Fan: If it's Siri, couldn't she just call for help?


She's only good at telling Zooey Deschanel when it's raining

www.fastcocreate.com
 
2013-07-31 12:12:18 PM

blatz514: On Wednesday, July 24 of 2103, a 22-year-old man named Devin Joseph Henderson

This happened in 2103??


Well, at least I know my iPhone won't be obsolete in 90 years.
 
2013-07-31 12:13:06 PM

Nickster79: Fiction Fan: If it's Siri, couldn't she just call for help?

She's only good at telling Zooey Deschanel when it's raining


And ordering farking tomato soup because opening a can is hard.
 
2013-07-31 12:14:05 PM
The next day, Ralpher McPukerton realized that while making a violent offering to the porcelain gods the night before, he had completely forgotten about his iPhone and left it at Devin's house.

His other buddy, Barfy Von Vommity, is no where to be seen.
 
2013-07-31 12:14:17 PM
When I was in college, me and another friend went up to visit a buddy at his vo-tech one weekend in early spring. Did a little fishing at a lake up there on Saturday, and then went and bought a case of Coors Light quarts and just got stupid drunk at his house that night.

Sometime in the middle of the night I got up and needed to hurl, and ended up doing it in a curb-sized Rubbermaid trashcan he had brought in for empties and such. Helpfully put the lid back on and locked the handles and went back to bed.

We got up the next morning, BS'd for a bit, ate some leftover pizza, and then headed out, needing to drive back to our school as well. Apparently they didn't find my little present until sometime in the afternoon; I'd totally forgotten about it and didn't say anything before we left. Yeah, he was pretty pissed at me for a while after that one.
 
2013-07-31 12:14:22 PM
This happened in 2103??


Time-traveling puke.
Awesome.
 
2013-07-31 12:15:59 PM

megarian: Nickster79: Fiction Fan: If it's Siri, couldn't she just call for help?

She's only good at telling Zooey Deschanel when it's raining

And ordering farking tomato soup because opening a can is hard.


I'd open her can!

cdn03.cdn.socialitelife.com
 
2013-07-31 12:19:12 PM
Dump phone in the garbage with all the crap you used to clean the bathroom.
Tie bag tight.
Tell "friend" to drop by and pick it up.
Give him the bag and tell him the phone is inside.
 
2013-07-31 12:19:34 PM
Make a ton of international phone sex calls, put phone in bag of puke, return to ex friend.
 
2013-07-31 12:22:02 PM

cgraves67: Use the phone to take a picture of the mess and set it as his background image and as the caller ID picture for all of his contacts.


This, and put the phone in the puke so you flip it over coating both sides.
 
2013-07-31 12:24:13 PM
CSB:
Once when still in college, i went to a house party and downed about three bottles of White Zinfandel (Classy ain't I?) Well, around midnight I got pukey. While I did make it to the bathroom, I could not accurately target the toilet so, yeah, it got messy. I kinda remember the party host telling me I could not leave before I fully passed out on the bathroom floor.

When I came to, the host's prized show dog was licking my face and the bathroom was absolutely totally completely SPOTLESS!! I called a ride and got the hot hell out of there. Host called me later thanking me for doing such a good job on the bathroom. No worries bruh.

/Fun times.
//F'ing Mississippi
///Seriously, don't be that guy, just let the dog do it.
 
2013-07-31 12:28:47 PM
But according to the the letter of the law, what Devin was doing (refusal to return lost/abandoned property) is a crime. He also made the same mistake that the woman from the first iPhone hostage story made: Falling for a sting operation that was set up for him at Walmart.
When Devin arrived at the store to collect his fee and return the phone, his friend and a deputy were waiting for him.

This is douchbaggery. Two drinking buddies, one ralphs on the floor and does not clean it up. The guy demands $100 cleanup fee, not unreasonable as I have seen this same sign in a taxi.

So the barfer sets up his friend to be arrested. He could have apologized, he could have just given the $100 as a barfing tax, he could have offered to help clean the offended person's place.

But noo, he calls the cops. While wanting $100 to clean up puke could be considered out of order for drinking buddies, WTF would you call the guy who arranges a police sting when he didn't clean up his own vomit.

There is a strong smell of mutual douchbaggery here, but I predict a strong case of negative karma for the iphone owner that arranged the sting.

/And the police here, they may not have known the backstory. If they had taken the time to get the other person's version, they might actually have looked at the barfer and said you should apologize and give the guy $20. They might have done that twenty years ago. Instead they go for the easy arrest.
 
2013-07-31 12:32:17 PM

blatz514: megarian: Nickster79: Fiction Fan: If it's Siri, couldn't she just call for help?

She's only good at telling Zooey Deschanel when it's raining

And ordering farking tomato soup because opening a can is hard.

I'd open her can!


Lulz you mean buttsecks
 
2013-07-31 12:35:29 PM
If he puked all over my bathroom, refused the help clean it up, and left his cell phone at my house, then I'd be sure to wrap the cell phone up in some paper towels or something, before cleaning up, making sure the towels get nice and soaked with his vomit, thereby ruining (hopefully) the cell phone. I would feel bad about my mistake (not really), and clean up his cell phone, perhaps by running it through the dishwasher, or maybe just scrubbing it clean with some steel wool.  Because I would feel bad.
 
2013-07-31 12:42:26 PM
Did anyone else notice that W(H)il WHeaton is really hungry and could go for a grilled cheese sandwich?
 
2013-07-31 12:50:33 PM
Just throw the phone in the trash.  Problem solved.

"Sorry bro, you must have lost it while you were puking drunk!"
 
2013-07-31 12:56:28 PM
Back in college we had a friend who went to Mass Maritime Academy. He used to ship out for weeks at a time. When in town he came to visit our school for a weekend. After one particularly good party he puked all over the coffee table in the middle of the night while sleeping on the sofa. He cleaned up most of it, but the TV remote had puke all over it still. No one wanted to touch it, so we tossed it in a zip-lock bag and continued to use it, mashing puke into all the buttons. When he returned weeks later for another visit, we had him clean it. Things can always be worked out when you're civilized adults.
 
2013-07-31 01:00:11 PM
A hundred bucks for paper towels, a pair of gloves, and some disinfectant? F*ck off.

Puking on carpet or non-wood furniture? Sure I can see that.
 
2013-07-31 01:02:03 PM
HUH?

For starters, Devin's public records show that aside from one time when he forgot his boating license and some unusual traffic violations, the young man had a pretty clean record (and no arrests) prior to last week.

Charged Count Offense

08/21/2009 DEALING IN STOLEN PROPERTY Felony

08/21/2009 GRAND THEFT - $300 - $5000 Felony

Jail Summary:

08/21/2009 BONDED

http://mugshots.com/US-Countie...
 
2013-07-31 01:07:15 PM
dammit so much... throwing away links

http://tinyurl.com/po7tjp7
 
2013-07-31 01:15:51 PM
That phone would be going for a little swim in the toilet before I returned it.
 
2013-07-31 01:32:16 PM
One time in college one of my friends little brother was hanging out with us. They got him trashed on tequila. He was a big kid so he started to eat this whole big bowl of potato chips, he ended up passing out on the floor and then he puked a lot. It was awful this pool of half eaten chips. The worst part was my friends jsut left it there for weeks. Glad I didnt live there.
 
2013-07-31 02:19:53 PM
Screw all of that. Hold the phone until he cleans up all his own mess

eyemarten: What about returning the phone wrapped in the pukey mess the other guy left?


Or this. Put the phone in a bag of puke and hand it back saying "You left all this at my house"
 
2013-07-31 03:01:39 PM

WinoRhino: Back in college we had a friend who went to Mass Maritime Academy. He used to ship out for weeks at a time. When in town he came to visit our school for a weekend. After one particularly good party he puked all over the coffee table in the middle of the night while sleeping on the sofa. He cleaned up most of it, but the TV remote had puke all over it still. No one wanted to touch it, so we tossed it in a zip-lock bag and continued to use it, mashing puke into all the buttons. When he returned weeks later for another visit, we had him clean it. Things can always be worked out when you're civilized adults.


You used a puke remote for weeks, rather than spending $10 on a shiatty universal remote?  Somehow I'm not sure you're the best role-model of normal adult behavior in this story.
 
2013-07-31 03:54:32 PM
You puke all over my bathroom and don't help clean up, chances are you will wake up like this:
lolpranks.com
 
2013-07-31 04:01:57 PM

Abner Doon: WinoRhino: Back in college we had a friend who went to Mass Maritime Academy. He used to ship out for weeks at a time. When in town he came to visit our school for a weekend. After one particularly good party he puked all over the coffee table in the middle of the night while sleeping on the sofa. He cleaned up most of it, but the TV remote had puke all over it still. No one wanted to touch it, so we tossed it in a zip-lock bag and continued to use it, mashing puke into all the buttons. When he returned weeks later for another visit, we had him clean it. Things can always be worked out when you're civilized adults.

You used a puke remote for weeks, rather than spending $10 on a shiatty universal remote?  Somehow I'm not sure you're the best role-model of normal adult behavior in this story.


Well, that was sort-of the joke. Contrasting the story with the last line... I read in a book one time that is how funny is made.
 
2013-07-31 04:17:40 PM

WinoRhino: Abner Doon: WinoRhino: Back in college we had a friend who went to Mass Maritime Academy. He used to ship out for weeks at a time. When in town he came to visit our school for a weekend. After one particularly good party he puked all over the coffee table in the middle of the night while sleeping on the sofa. He cleaned up most of it, but the TV remote had puke all over it still. No one wanted to touch it, so we tossed it in a zip-lock bag and continued to use it, mashing puke into all the buttons. When he returned weeks later for another visit, we had him clean it. Things can always be worked out when you're civilized adults.

You used a puke remote for weeks, rather than spending $10 on a shiatty universal remote?  Somehow I'm not sure you're the best role-model of normal adult behavior in this story.

Well, that was sort-of the joke. Contrasting the story with the last line... I read in a book one time that is how funny is made.


Oh.  Well damn, guess that's my blond moment of the day, I hope.
 
2013-07-31 06:33:22 PM
I would have just thrown the phone in the trash . . .

. . .  and found a new friend.
 
2013-07-31 06:41:36 PM

jafiwam: Just throw the phone in the trash.  Problem solved.

"Sorry bro, you must have lost it while you were puking drunk!"


Tyrosine: Dump phone in the garbage with all the crap you used to clean the bathroom.
Tie bag tight.
Tell "friend" to drop by and pick it up.
Give him the bag and tell him the phone is inside.


Yep - one of those two is the right answer
 
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