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(Mental Floss)   Stewardesses in hot pants, roast beef sliced table-side, lie-flat seats (even in coach) and a fully stocked stand-up bar with piano player. Apparently flying wasn't always the nightmare it is today   (mentalfloss.com) divider line 214
    More: Interesting, non-stop flight, airliners, Pong, President Jimmy Carter, stand-up, tables  
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18511 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Jul 2013 at 12:39 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-07-29 11:11:57 AM
those old ads are hilarious. especially the incredibly sexist braniff "air strip" ad.
 
2013-07-29 11:14:36 AM
You can't put 'roast beef' after the words 'Stewardesses in hot pants'.  It just leads the mind astray.
 
2013-07-29 11:15:25 AM
Coffee, Tea, or Me?
 
2013-07-29 11:21:13 AM
mentalfloss.com
♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫
Come on and fly with me, let's fly, let's fly away
♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫

Thank you! Requests taken - except for the one to jump out the window! BAH-ZING!!
 
2013-07-29 11:23:58 AM
Yeah, flying is such a nightmare today. That's why almost no one voluntarily does it.
 
2013-07-29 11:31:01 AM

Nogrhi: You can't put 'roast beef' after the words 'Stewardesses in hot pants'.  It just leads the mind astray.


it's curtains for you!
 
2013-07-29 11:31:33 AM

Nogrhi: You can't put 'roast beef' after the words 'Stewardesses in hot pants'.  It just leads the mind astray.


Exactly where my mind went. I was about to look in Urban Dictionary to see what "table-side" means.
 
2013-07-29 11:32:43 AM

JerseyTim: Yeah, flying is such a nightmare today. That's why almost no one voluntarily does it.


I hope you weren't being sarcastic.  Flying is something I only do when I have no choice.  It's like riding the farking bus, even in Business/First Class.
 
2013-07-29 11:37:57 AM

Benevolent Misanthrope: JerseyTim: Yeah, flying is such a nightmare today. That's why almost no one voluntarily does it.

I hope you weren't being sarcastic.  Flying is something I only do when I have no choice.  It's like riding the farking bus, even in Business/First Class.


even when i was a kid in the 70s and 80s, flying was a privilege and actually quite fun. now it just farking sucks balls.
 
2013-07-29 11:40:47 AM

Benevolent Misanthrope: JerseyTim: Yeah, flying is such a nightmare today. That's why almost no one voluntarily does it.

I hope you weren't being sarcastic.  Flying is something I only do when I have no choice.  It's like riding the farking bus, even in Business/First Class.


I ride the bus every day. No one brings me a snack and a drink on the bus. There aren't Direct TV screens on the backs of every seat on the bus. I can't get up and take a leak on the bus. The bus driver doesn't periodically take a moment to tell us where we are and what the weather is like where we're going. And, most of all, the bus doesn't get me 1000 miles in less than three hours.
 
2013-07-29 11:48:14 AM

JerseyTim: Benevolent Misanthrope: JerseyTim: Yeah, flying is such a nightmare today. That's why almost no one voluntarily does it.

I hope you weren't being sarcastic.  Flying is something I only do when I have no choice.  It's like riding the farking bus, even in Business/First Class.

I ride the bus every day. No one brings me a snack and a drink on the bus. There aren't Direct TV screens on the backs of every seat on the bus. I can't get up and take a leak on the bus. The bus driver doesn't periodically take a moment to tell us where we are and what the weather is like where we're going. And, most of all, the bus doesn't get me 1000 miles in less than three hours.


Do you have to show up two hours early for the bus, then take off your shoes and get X-rayed before getting on the bus? Of course, getting groped is a given in either case.

I kid. First-world problems, people. Your great-grandparents probably never traveled more than 50 miles from home. You can go anywhere in the world in hours, in relative comfort. Quit your biatching.
 
2013-07-29 11:51:53 AM

JerseyTim: The bus driver doesn't periodically take a moment to tell us where we are and what the weather is like where we're going.


Wait, so you're the customer that likes that goofy pilot shiat?
 
2013-07-29 11:53:43 AM

JerseyTim: Benevolent Misanthrope: JerseyTim: Yeah, flying is such a nightmare today. That's why almost no one voluntarily does it.

I hope you weren't being sarcastic.  Flying is something I only do when I have no choice.  It's like riding the farking bus, even in Business/First Class.

I ride the bus every day. No one brings me a snack and a drink on the bus. There aren't Direct TV screens on the backs of every seat on the bus. I can't get up and take a leak on the bus. The bus driver doesn't periodically take a moment to tell us where we are and what the weather is like where we're going. And, most of all, the bus doesn't get me 1000 miles in less than three hours.


At least in the bus, you may have the option to choose  a seat that doesn't dislocate your kneecaps.  And how much is bus fare again?
 
2013-07-29 11:58:51 AM

Benevolent Misanthrope: At least in the bus, you may have the option to choose  a seat that doesn't dislocate your kneecaps.  And how much is bus fare again?


No, I don't. The bus seats are much tighter than a plane seats. And if the clown in front of me wants to lean back, I'll feel it.

And they're not exactly giving away the bus tickets for free around here, either.
 
2013-07-29 12:41:37 PM
The smaller the plane, the larger the 'flight attendant'.
 
2013-07-29 12:41:55 PM
Society traded service and speed for a ticket that didn't have a four digit price tag.

If you want any of that fancy stuff, fly first class.
 
2013-07-29 12:42:25 PM

MrBallou: Exactly where my mind went. I was about to look in Urban Dictionary to see what "table-side" means.


I'd like to slice some roast beef table-side, if you know what I mean. And I think you know what I mean!

/giggity
 
2013-07-29 12:44:40 PM
Sleeping berths on a prop plane? Yeah right, good luck sleeping. I can fall asleep before reaching cruising altitude on a jet but not once have I been able to sleep on a prop, not even the midnight to 2am flight after an 18 hour day of hard work.
 
2013-07-29 12:45:03 PM
Did they allow kids to be in the planes back then?
 
2013-07-29 12:45:11 PM
Which is why I fly Avianca and LAN when going to south america, hot young stewardesses who stepped out of the 1960s.

Not the lard assed, menopausal old bats today that fly our unfriendly skies.  Or the ultra thin, male menopausal flaming homos who twink about doing nothing and talking to loudly about their encounters with Bernard.
 
2013-07-29 12:45:30 PM
You mean to tell me in the era before absolute maximizing of profits customers were not packed in like cattle?
 
2013-07-29 12:45:39 PM
SMOKING!!
 
2013-07-29 12:45:51 PM
That's because back in the day, flying wasn't priced for everyone.  It was something that wealthy people did or was a very special occasion for the average person.  So much so that they actually got dressed up in suits and ties.  Slutting out the price of coach seats has made flight available to almost everyone, but it's not an event anymore, it's a cattlecar in the sky.

Even so, if you don't like it, then don't fly.  Hop in your car and drive your ass to where ever it is you wanted to go.  Or take a boat.  See if that's a fun way to waste 2/3 of your vacation getting to and from your destination.
 
2013-07-29 12:47:06 PM
Part of the problem is that even on major routes, the airline industry has for the most part transitioned from one or two flights per route per day, on jumbo jetliners that seat 300+, to smaller jets and prop planes that seat under 100, running four or five flights per route per day.

It's a huge increase in expenses -- airport fees, staffing, fleet storage, maintenance, etc. -- for a very marginal benefit in terms of scheduling.
 
2013-07-29 12:47:10 PM

Benevolent Misanthrope: JerseyTim: Yeah, flying is such a nightmare today. That's why almost no one voluntarily does it.

I hope you weren't being sarcastic.  Flying is something I only do when I have no choice.  It's like riding the farking bus, even in Business/First Class.


Riding the farking bus is rather fun.
 
2013-07-29 12:47:31 PM
Sure airlines used to use  Stewardesses  for sex appeal but flying today is much better.  Instead of just looking a hot stew you can get to second base with the TSA
 
2013-07-29 12:47:47 PM
And how much was one of those coach seats back then? About the same price a s First Class seat today. You get what you pay for. Oh, and you might get hijacked too because there were no metal detectors or anything else used back then to detect bombs/guns.
 
2013-07-29 12:48:21 PM
#12) -  Propellers
 
2013-07-29 12:49:39 PM

super_grass: Society traded service and speed for a ticket that didn't have a four digit price tag.

If you want any of that fancy stuff, fly first class.


you are correct.  back in the regulated days of air travel, all prices were basically the same, so airlines tried really hard to attract customers with service.  not so much any more.
 
2013-07-29 12:49:47 PM

Hoban Washburne: JerseyTim: The bus driver doesn't periodically take a moment to tell us where we are and what the weather is like where we're going.

Wait, so you're the customer that likes that goofy pilot shiat?


This

Pilot: Ladies and gentlemen, we're going to descend a few hundred feet from our normal cruising altitude of 29,000 to hopefully find a bit of smoother air.
Me: I don't give a shiat, as long as it's above, say... the ground.

Why do they think we need to know how high we are? Doesn't affect me in the least.  Just keep it airborne till we get to the destination runway.
 
2013-07-29 12:51:43 PM

JerseyTim: And they're not exactly giving away the bus tickets for free around here, either.


My work commute is just under 20 mi each way (live in NE Seattle, work in SE Bellevue), and I take the bus nowadays maybe 50% of the time during the work week. The fare is roughly $6 even round trip per day.

But, the real bonus is just not having to deal with traffic and just zoning out listening to my music. I normally don't even notice unruly or otherwise annoying passengers.
 
2013-07-29 12:52:38 PM
Its not that flying isn't an amazing technological achievement that we tend to take for granted, its that it COULD be so much better than it is.  No.  I will NOT quit my biatching.  Furthermore, I will patronize airlines that at least TRY and make an effort to make flying less pleasurable than a root canal.   fark the others.
 
2013-07-29 12:53:41 PM
upload.wikimedia.org
I'd want to be pretty drunk if I was on a DC-10.  That plane seemed to kill a lot of people in the 80s.
 
2013-07-29 12:55:22 PM
Do you mean to tell me that as a consumer service becomes more and more accessible to the uncivilized, uncultured masses, the overall quality of that service declines significantly?! Truly, that strains credulity.
 
2013-07-29 12:56:53 PM

FlashHarry: Benevolent Misanthrope: JerseyTim: Yeah, flying is such a nightmare today. That's why almost no one voluntarily does it.

I hope you weren't being sarcastic.  Flying is something I only do when I have no choice.  It's like riding the farking bus, even in Business/First Class.

even when i was a kid in the 70s and 80s, flying was a privilege and actually quite fun. now it just farking sucks balls.


Get your pilot certificate and flying can be fun again. :)

/no use for international travel :(
 
2013-07-29 12:58:13 PM
I flew from Houston to Boston on Saturday it was the first time in years that I had a flight attendant that wasn't older than my mother.
 
2013-07-29 12:58:14 PM

MrBallou: JerseyTim: Benevolent Misanthrope: JerseyTim: Yeah, flying is such a nightmare today. That's why almost no one voluntarily does it.

I hope you weren't being sarcastic.  Flying is something I only do when I have no choice.  It's like riding the farking bus, even in Business/First Class.

I ride the bus every day. No one brings me a snack and a drink on the bus. There aren't Direct TV screens on the backs of every seat on the bus. I can't get up and take a leak on the bus. The bus driver doesn't periodically take a moment to tell us where we are and what the weather is like where we're going. And, most of all, the bus doesn't get me 1000 miles in less than three hours.

Do you have to show up two hours early for the bus, then take off your shoes and get X-rayed before getting on the bus? Of course, getting groped is a given in either case.

I kid. First-world problems, people. Your great-grandparents probably never traveled more than 50 miles from home. You can go anywhere in the world in hours, in relative comfort. Quit your biatching.


Yup. Vacationed by car as a kid in the '60s. Hours of reading Archie comix and counting cows. First time I was on an airplane, I was 17. It was much nicer than today's mass-transit version, but it should have been - it cost about 10 times as much.

Nostalgia for the good ol' days of air travel is just a symptom of wishing you were rich enough to avoid the hoi polloi. I can't even biatch too much about security; it's not that different from what they instituted in the '70s, when we were having a hijacking every other month on average.
 
2013-07-29 12:58:29 PM
"Local Contrarian Not Particularly Bothered by Experience of Air Travel"
 
2013-07-29 12:58:35 PM

super_grass: Society traded service and speed for a ticket that didn't have a four digit price tag.

If you want any of that fancy stuff, fly first class.


The only time I flew business class was when a client paid day rate + expenses. I'm not exactly going to go deal hunting when you'll pay £300 to fly London to Glasgow and I get the free booze + meal + frequent flyer miles + attentive air hostesses + quiet cabin.
 
2013-07-29 12:59:10 PM

robodog: Sleeping berths on a prop plane? Yeah right, good luck sleeping. I can fall asleep before reaching cruising altitude on a jet but not once have I been able to sleep on a prop, not even the midnight to 2am flight after an 18 hour day of hard work.


Used to fly semi-frequently on a DeHaviland Otter turbo prop.  Could not for the life of me stay awake on that plane.  Something about that droning prop noise would knock me out cold.
 
2013-07-29 12:59:37 PM

JerseyTim: Benevolent Misanthrope: JerseyTim: Yeah, flying is such a nightmare today. That's why almost no one voluntarily does it.

I hope you weren't being sarcastic.  Flying is something I only do when I have no choice.  It's like riding the farking bus, even in Business/First Class.

I ride the bus every day. No one brings me a snack and a drink on the bus. There aren't Direct TV screens on the backs of every seat on the bus. I can't get up and take a leak on the bus. The bus driver doesn't periodically take a moment to tell us where we are and what the weather is like where we're going. And, most of all, the bus doesn't get me 1000 miles in less than three hours.


It's just over 1000 miles from where I live in NJ to Disney in Florida.

Driving takes roughly 18 hours, including stops for snacks, stretching, potty, etc. If we stop to eat it's 20 hours, if we stop at a hotel because my wife promises me a beej for not making her endure an 18 hour drive straight through it's 9-10 hours each day at a leisurely, non-stressful, no rush pace. Gas is going to cost me about 200 bucks total, a decent hotel for a night is about 100.

If we fly, to make a 6 AM flight we have to get everyone up by 3, so we can get to the airport by 4. Preferably we get there 3 hours early because the TSA once held my wife in line for over 2 hours along with a bunch of other passengers, causing them to miss the flight they got there 2+ hours early for, and the airline refuse to reimburse us or find her an alternate flight because it wasn't their fault she wasn't on the plane, and we should take it up with the TSA. We never did, and she had to get to her grandmothers funeral so we paid out the nose for a last minute flight on another airline. Assuming that doesn't happen again, and we get up and out of the house by 3 for the drive to Philly and get on the plane at 6 and it doesn't sit there on the runway for another hour, it makes that 3 hour flight and lands around 10 AM. We then disembark, wait on luggage, navigate out of the airport, and that all takes about an hour barring any inconveniences.

Assuming everything goes perfectly, that's 3 AM to 11 AM, 8 hours total for the trip. Throw any inconvenience into that and it extends the trip anywhere from an hour to many hours. That's assuming you're on a direct flight with no layover.

Flying is overall faster but I have never had an experience where everything lined up perfectly and it only saved us a few hours in the long run, cost more than the gas it would take to get there and added the stress of leaving everything else in someone else's hands. Flying is something that single folks, younger people or frequent business travelers can make efficient, but it's no longer worth the effort outside those circumstances when it comes to long distance travel as far as I'm concerned. A bag of peanuts and a tv hookup I won't use because either I have a device with G4 or (I'm anachronistic) a book doesn't make that any better.

Even when we were young I preferred driving across country with my wife. We could stop and fark if we wanted to.
 
2013-07-29 12:59:56 PM
images.wikia.com
 
2013-07-29 01:00:03 PM

poot_rootbeer: Part of the problem is that even on major routes, the airline industry has for the most part transitioned from one or two flights per route per day, on jumbo jetliners that seat 300+, to smaller jets and prop planes that seat under 100, running four or five flights per route per day.

It's a huge increase in expenses -- airport fees, staffing, fleet storage, maintenance, etc. -- for a very marginal benefit in terms of scheduling.


My connection from Dallas to Tulsa was an MD80.  This year.  Do they even make MD80 parts anymore?

/most of my flights are CRJ700 and Embraer E-170s
 
2013-07-29 01:01:26 PM

FlashHarry: Benevolent Misanthrope: JerseyTim: Yeah, flying is such a nightmare today. That's why almost no one voluntarily does it.

I hope you weren't being sarcastic.  Flying is something I only do when I have no choice.  It's like riding the farking bus, even in Business/First Class.

even when i was a kid in the 70s and 80s, flying was a privilege and actually quite fun. now it just farking sucks balls.


THIS ^^
 
2013-07-29 01:01:26 PM
I bang a flight attendent whenever she has an overnight at RDU so I'm getting a kick out of these replies.
 
2013-07-29 01:01:43 PM

Rapmaster2000: [upload.wikimedia.org image 526x336]
I'd want to be pretty drunk if I was on a DC-10.  That plane seemed to kill a lot of people in the 80s.


The DC-10 is still around; they just use it for hauling cargo. There was never anything wrong with the airframe other than bad luck; it just suffered a cluster of crashes involving bad engines and bad weather events that could have happened to any type of plane.
 
2013-07-29 01:01:49 PM

super_grass: Society traded service and speed for a ticket that didn't have a four digit price tag.

If you want any of that fancy stuff, fly first class.


Yeah, this.

www.aei-ideas.org

If you want 1970's style flights you have to pay 1970's prices.
 
2013-07-29 01:03:09 PM
Aircraft are too expensive compared to their ability to make money throughout the lifespan of the equipment.  In a truly competitive market, the market drives the price below profitability.  Any airline that survives needs to cut costs everywhere, and I mean everywhere they can.

"If there had been a capitalist (at Kitty Hawk) the guy would have shot down Wilbur.  One small step for mankind, and one huge step for capitalism." -attributed to Warren Buffet.
 
2013-07-29 01:03:14 PM

Hoban Washburne: JerseyTim: The bus driver doesn't periodically take a moment to tell us where we are and what the weather is like where we're going.

Wait, so you're the customer that likes that goofy pilot shiat?


I just always assumed those guys were bored since the autopilot did everything except inflate itself.  Sitting there reading a book gets boring, they're just breaking up the time a little.
 
2013-07-29 01:04:19 PM

BigNumber12: Do you mean to tell me that as a consumer service becomes more and more accessible to the uncivilized, uncultured masses, the overall quality of that service declines significantly?! Truly, that strains credulity.


I say, my good chap, my monocle popped right out of my eye when I read that.
 
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