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(Fox News)   Authorities are blaming 50 Shades book series for rash of handcuff mishaps, other rashes   (foxnews.com) divider line 40
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3268 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Jul 2013 at 12:24 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



40 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-07-29 12:25:50 PM  
Early in the day to be this drunk, subby.
 
2013-07-29 12:26:06 PM  
50 Shades of Grey?

-.-

Look, guys. If you want to get tied up, or tie someone else up, stick to soft ropes and leather cuffs. Spend a few bucks on a good pair of leather cuffs, even. It's safer, you can't lose the key, and you don't risk damaging your sub/bottom's carpal nerves and radial/ulnar arteries because of it.
 
2013-07-29 12:29:51 PM  
First of all, it's not called S&M, it's called SM.  Calling it S&M tells me that you just don't get it.  You're not a part of the lifestyle.  You would never get the lifestyle.  You just don't get it.

Second, it's not called Wheel of Fortune.  People in the lifestyle refer to it as "The Wheel".  Calling it Wheel of Fortune tells me that you just don't get what The Wheel lifestyle is really about.  You could never understand Pat Sajak.  You just don't get it.
 
2013-07-29 12:31:02 PM  
red grow the rashes, o
red grow the rashes, o
the sweetest hours that e'r i spent
i spanked my fav'rite lassy, o

red grow the rashes, o
red grow the rashes, o
the sweetest hours that e'er i spent
i spent inside the lassies, o
 
2013-07-29 12:32:55 PM  

mootmah: Early in the day to be this drunk, subby.


I thought he was writing the headline with the same coherency that the book was written with.
 
2013-07-29 12:34:47 PM  
Subby must have written that headline with handcuffs on.
 
2013-07-29 12:36:48 PM  

mootmah: Early in the day to be this drunk, subby.


It's after 5:00pm somewhere....
 
2013-07-29 12:38:06 PM  
one with his penis trapped in a toaster

codropspz.tympanus.netdna-cdn.com
 
2013-07-29 12:40:04 PM  
Early in the drunk to be this day, subby.
 
2013-07-29 12:42:59 PM  

abhorrent1: one with his penis trapped in a toaster


I've heard the phrase "he really stuck his dick in the toaster" as akin to "screwing the pooch". Anyone who takes that phrase (or "stuck his dick in the hornet's nest") literally, deserves what they get.
 
2013-07-29 12:50:25 PM  
This is why I ration it.
 
2013-07-29 12:57:50 PM  
Someone got their winky stuck in a toaster... A TOASTER?

And that is why I own a full-size toaster oven and not a dangerous little toaster.

No, wait, it isn't.

I can think of about 350 things in my kitchen that would be less stupid to use as sex toys than a toaster would be. (The bottle of lye pellets is not one of them.)
 
2013-07-29 01:01:16 PM  
Why does your penis have grill marks?
 
2013-07-29 01:03:18 PM  
My retired dom friend said this would happen. She referred to 50 Shades as S&M for Dummies.
 
2013-07-29 01:09:44 PM  

real_kibo: Someone got their winky stuck in a toaster... A TOASTER?

And that is why I own a full-size toaster oven and not a dangerous little toaster.

No, wait, it isn't.

I can think of about 350 things in my kitchen that would be less stupid to use as sex toys than a toaster would be. (The bottle of lye pellets is not one of them.)


A rotary egg beater?

Protip - also not good for home defense
 
2013-07-29 01:10:22 PM  

uncleacid: Why does your penis have grill marks?


Also, why is it that when I eat a box of matzoh, my pee smells like cigarettes, but when I eat a pack of cigarettes, my pee doesn't smell like matzoh?

/ Why does Dr. Pepper come in a toaster? Because the bottle was too narrow!
 
2013-07-29 01:12:55 PM  
i197.photobucket.com

Toaster?
 
2013-07-29 01:14:20 PM  
Obligatory (even outside the geek tab)
http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/know_your_vines.png
 
2013-07-29 01:21:42 PM  
bugger.
imgs.xkcd.com
 
2013-07-29 01:33:14 PM  

yet_another_wumpus: bugger.
[imgs.xkcd.com image 422x468]


They should have stuck to hyperdimensional strings.
 
2013-07-29 01:33:36 PM  

hardinparamedic: Look, guys. If you want to get tied up, or tie someone else up, stick to soft ropes and leather cuffs. Spend a few bucks on a good pair of leather cuffs, even. It's safer, you can't lose the key, and you don't risk damaging your sub/bottom's carpal nerves and radial/ulnar arteries because of it.


Good advice. Handcuffs, though they are ironically one of the first things bondage newbies tend to buy, are not in the "training wheels" class of restraints. There are three important rules to remember when you play with handcuffs:

1. Don't cheap out. You want to get proper double-locking cuffs and  actually read the instructions for how to lock them properly, otherwise they can easily get tightened too much and cut off circulation. Turning the key in the lock is not all you have to do to double-lock them.

2. Keep a spare key somewhere handy and unforgettable (and accessible while handcuffed). If you're into self-bondage, you can buy or build a key safe with a timer on it so you have the security of knowing that you *will* be able to get free after a set time has passed.

3. Use the cuffs carefully. Don't let the restrained person lie with their full weight on their cuffed wrists. Don't use handcuffs for suspension or in any way that places tension on the wearer's wrists. Don't cuff the wearer too tight. Don't use the cuffs for long periods of time. Seriously, they're damned uncomfortable.

And really, if you're that into inescapable bondage (which I am), there plenty of padlockable leather cuffs available, and plenty of ways someone can make sure that your restraints are truly inescapable, even if you're a fairly proficient escape artist (which I also am). Or you can get a properly fitted set of  these. Just make sure the toolbox is locked in the garage first.
 
2013-07-29 01:53:39 PM  
Panini-is?
 
2013-07-29 01:54:51 PM  

Onkel Buck: My retired dom friend said this would happen. She referred to 50 Shades as S&M for Dummies.


Most people in BDSM refer to 50 shades of gray as a blueprint for abuse in a relationship.
 
2013-07-29 02:05:06 PM  

hardinparamedic: 50 Shades of Grey?

-.-

Look, guys. If you want to get tied up, or tie someone else up, stick to soft ropes and leather cuffs. Spend a few bucks on a good pair of leather cuffs, even. It's safer, you can't lose the key, and you don't risk damaging your sub/bottom's carpal nerves and radial/ulnar arteries because of it.



Voice of experience?
 
2013-07-29 02:06:33 PM  

BlackMtnMan: Voice of experience?


After about 10 minutes of tugging, they get painful. Personal experience.
 
2013-07-29 02:07:09 PM  

hardinparamedic: Onkel Buck: My retired dom friend said this would happen. She referred to 50 Shades as S&M for Dummies.

Most people in BDSM refer to 50 shades of gray as a blueprint for abuse in a relationship.


Indeed.  It's terrifying to think that people unfamiliar with a D/s relationship would get their 'training' from these books.  The mainstream already think people into bdsm are mentally unstable, particularly if you're a submissive woman or a woman interested in total power exchange or a 24/7 relationship.  What makes it worse is the rash of shiatty bdsm fanfic novels that have been released after 50 Shades building on the same "this guy totally disrespects my boundaries and puts me in danger, that's hot!" theme.

That being said there's a place for non-con, abusive and unrealistic bdsm in literature (I think), but only if its explained ahead of time that it is indeed a story of non-consensual slavery/bondage/sex.  The world of rape play and non-con fantasy is a whole other strata of stuff and I would hope you were already pretty well experienced in sex and bdsm before you jumped into it.  But presenting a damaging, controlling relationship as "OMG HANDCUFFS!" is so gross that I just about break into a sweat every time someone even brings up 50 Shades
 
2013-07-29 02:11:49 PM  

teenytinycornteeth: Most people in BDSM refer to 50 shades of gray as a blueprint for abuse in a relationship.

Indeed.  It's terrifying to think that people unfamiliar with a D/s relationship would get their 'training' from these books.  The mainstream already think people into bdsm are mentally unstable, particularly if you're a submissive woman or a woman interested in total power exchange or a 24/7 relationship.  What makes it worse is the rash of shiatty bdsm fanfic novels that have been released after 50 Shades building on the same "this guy totally disrespects my boundaries and puts me in danger, that's hot!" theme.

That being said there's a place for non-con, abusive and unrealistic bdsm in literature (I think), but only if its explained ahead of time that it is indeed a story of non-consensual slavery/bondage/sex.  The world of rape play and non-con fantasy is a whole other strata of stuff and I would hope you were already pretty well experienced in sex and bdsm before you jumped into it.  But presenting a damaging, controlling relationship as "OMG HANDCUFFS!" is so gross that I just about break into a sweat every time someone even brings up 50 Shades


This was how one of my coworkers found out about being submissive. She was talking to me about how amazing this book was, and how she wanted to try it with her husband. I kind of laid things out for her, about how psychologically manipulative and damaging that relationship in the book is, how non-consensuality violates every tenet of how people operate in power exchange relationships, and how easily abused and manipulated you can be by people who think it's a blueprint.

I used to think that Gor was the low-bar of BDSM fiction in the world. Scarily enough, John Norman - the writer of the series, actually believes the principles he pushes in his works if you've ever heard one of his lectures.

/I'm sad to admit Gor was my introduction to BDSM in 9th grade.
//50 Shades of Gray is NOT a blueprint. FFS, there are plenty of legitimate books on the topic out there. They don't even require you to go a store. to buy it, it's free on the internet.
 
2013-07-29 02:14:53 PM  

Rapmaster2000: First of all, it's not called S&M, it's called SM.  Calling it S&M tells me that you just don't get it.  You're not a part of the lifestyle.  You would never get the lifestyle.  You just don't get it.


Is it possible -- just possible that some people might want to get tied up or spanked or cuffed and enjoy some more vigorous sex without wanting it as a 'lifestyle'?

Is it possible people might just want to play dungeon?
 
2013-07-29 02:18:47 PM  

mikefinch: s it possible -- just possible that some people might want to get tied up or spanked or cuffed and enjoy some more vigorous sex without wanting it as a 'lifestyle'?

Is it possible people might just want to play dungeon?


I think he was being sarcastic/comical. Just might be the second paragraph that gave it away.

But you are right. Plenty of people enjoy bedroom kink without being involved in a 24/7 Power Exchange relationship.
 
2013-07-29 02:23:33 PM  
as well as nine men with rings stuck on their penises, one with his penis trapped in a toaster and another in a vacuum cleaner.

Nasty ass vacuum farkers...
 
2013-07-29 02:34:22 PM  

hardinparamedic: BlackMtnMan: Voice of experience?

After about 10 minutes of tugging, they get painful. Personal experience.



They are supposed to.  Have we met?
 
2013-07-29 02:37:09 PM  

hardinparamedic: teenytinycornteeth: Most people in BDSM refer to 50 shades of gray as a blueprint for abuse in a relationship.

Indeed.  It's terrifying to think that people unfamiliar with a D/s relationship would get their 'training' from these books.  The mainstream already think people into bdsm are mentally unstable, particularly if you're a submissive woman or a woman interested in total power exchange or a 24/7 relationship.  What makes it worse is the rash of shiatty bdsm fanfic novels that have been released after 50 Shades building on the same "this guy totally disrespects my boundaries and puts me in danger, that's hot!" theme.

That being said there's a place for non-con, abusive and unrealistic bdsm in literature (I think), but only if its explained ahead of time that it is indeed a story of non-consensual slavery/bondage/sex.  The world of rape play and non-con fantasy is a whole other strata of stuff and I would hope you were already pretty well experienced in sex and bdsm before you jumped into it.  But presenting a damaging, controlling relationship as "OMG HANDCUFFS!" is so gross that I just about break into a sweat every time someone even brings up 50 Shades

This was how one of my coworkers found out about being submissive. She was talking to me about how amazing this book was, and how she wanted to try it with her husband. I kind of laid things out for her, about how psychologically manipulative and damaging that relationship in the book is, how non-consensuality violates every tenet of how people operate in power exchange relationships, and how easily abused and manipulated you can be by people who think it's a blueprint.

I used to think that Gor was the low-bar of BDSM fiction in the world. Scarily enough, John Norman - the writer of the series, actually believes the principles he pushes in his works if you've ever heard one of his lectures.

/I'm sad to admit Gor was my introduction to BDSM in 9th grade.
//50 Shades of Gray is NOT a blueprint. FFS, there ar ...


See, I think things like Gor fiction (putting aside that nightmare of a guy Norman) serve a purpose for those of us who have non-con, true submission and enslavement fantasy that we know can't be acted upon in a rational world.  That's why BDSM breaks down into so many different little sub categories like DiD for people like me who aren't into shiny black latex or calling some guy "master" or whatever.  The problem comes in when you read something and say "so THAT's what those people do".
 
2013-07-29 02:39:54 PM  

hardinparamedic: I think he was being sarcastic/comical. Just might be the second paragraph that gave it away.

But you are right. Plenty of people enjoy bedroom kink without being involved in a 24/7 Power Exchange relationship.


Thats good. I wasnt sure. BDSM people can go all Poe's Law pretty quick... (i thought he was talking about that wheel that people get tied to and then spun and whipped and stuff)

hardinparamedic: I used to think that Gor was the low-bar of BDSM fiction in the world. Scarily enough, John Norman - the writer of the series, actually believes the principles he pushes in his works if you've ever heard one of his lectures.


Really? I heard he thinks its nuts that people buy into it as a real life way of doing 'stuff'.

The wiki article on him says the 'gorean subculture has arisen without Langes participation or cooperation'
And i remember another farker noting they had met him irl and that he seemed like a mousy fellow whop was weirded out that anyone would look at it as a blueprint for doing anything.
 
2013-07-29 03:41:03 PM  
I thought that book only led to the delusion that I can change the names of the characters around in my naughty Xena Warrior Princess fan fiction and end up with a New York Times best seller.

/ no fark toaster. It too heaty.
/ fark BLENDER
 
2013-07-29 04:00:00 PM  
 
2013-07-29 04:01:11 PM  

Rapmaster2000: First of all, it's not called S&M, it's called SM.  Calling it S&M tells me that you just don't get it.  You're not a part of the lifestyle.  You would never get the lifestyle.  You just don't get it.

Second, it's not called Wheel of Fortune.  People in the lifestyle refer to it as "The Wheel".  Calling it Wheel of Fortune tells me that you just don't get what The Wheel lifestyle is really about.  You could never understand Pat Sajak.  You just don't get it.


But Rhianna says "S and M." Have I been lied to? Because I really don't like to look foolish in front of my BDSM friends. Wait what
 
2013-07-29 04:01:46 PM  

mootmah: Early in the day to be this drunk, subby.


Not really.
 
2013-07-29 05:37:40 PM  
In other news, people are too dumb to check if they have the key and that the key works on a pair of handcuffs before using them.

(Seriously, this should be bloody obvious)
 
2013-07-29 07:33:16 PM  
s8.postimg.org
 
2013-07-30 02:08:07 PM  
Prematurely buttering his English muffin.

/nooks & crannies
//HOT!!!
///No really!! HOT!!!!
 
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