Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(STLToday)   If you live to be 95 and die at home, you win. If you die at the hospital after fighting the cops with a cane, shoehorn and butcher knife, you get on Fark, which is still kind of a win   (stltoday.com) divider line 13
    More: Strange, butcher knife, bean bags, Taser, canes, shoehorn  
•       •       •

8175 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Jul 2013 at 12:12 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-07-28 12:42:37 AM  
6 votes:
Subby, you got your headline from the Iliad:

"For my mother the goddess, silver-footed Thetis, telleth me that twofold fates are bearing me toward the doom of death: if I abide here and fight off the cops with a cane, then lost is my home-return, but my renown shall be imperishable on Fark.com; but if I stay in bed, lost then is my glorious Fark renown, yet shall my life long endure"
- Achilles (Iliad, 9.410-15)
2013-07-28 12:26:19 AM  
4 votes:
Man, when I'm 95, I want to be seen by the cops as that kind of threat.

"She was coming right at us with a shoehorn! We had no choice!"

I would die a happy, happy woman.
2013-07-28 01:06:33 AM  
3 votes:
I'm glad they included a stock photo of a taser with the article. Up until now I always thought it was a cross between a t-shirt and a blazer.
2013-07-28 01:34:11 AM  
2 votes:

Smirky the Wonder Chimp: RepoManTSM: Joliebleu: So our live long dream is to get on Fark?

I'd just like to get greenlit once. Feel like I have a better chance to be the subject of an article at this point.

I've been here nine years and I've got 15 greenlights to my name, which proves that the mod gods either have very good taste or very poor taste, I haven't yet decided which.  Either way, I feel your pain.


I've been here three years and have only one greenlight. One time they greenlit a second one but then redlit it again once I had already invited the neighbours over to celebrate. Awkward times followed.
2013-07-28 01:13:55 AM  
2 votes:

hardinparamedic: doyner: I'd take a machete-wielding 95 year-old on any day with no body armor or weaponry

Why weren't you there? You're the real monster here.


Sorry.  I had to be at the gym in 16 minutes.
2013-07-28 12:28:59 AM  
2 votes:
What do you mean, you don't want to go to the hospital, old man? Here... Let me give you a reason to go! BZZZZAAAAPPPPP
2013-07-28 12:17:18 AM  
2 votes:
I could have sworn tasers were originally meant to be used instead of shooting people, now they're used instead of talking to people
2013-07-28 01:15:35 AM  
1 votes:
Thank god he didn't have a walker or wheelchair! He probably would have had a true weapon platform then and posed a greater threat to the public!
2013-07-28 01:11:26 AM  
1 votes:

doyner: I'd take a machete-wielding 95 year-old on any day with no body armor or weaponry


Why weren't you there? You're the real monster here.
2013-07-28 01:06:09 AM  
1 votes:

Joliebleu: RepoManTSM: I'd just like to get greenlit once. Feel like I have a better chance to be the subject of an article at this point.

That is kinda sad. I mean really. A greenlit gets you nothing in the long run. So what does it matter? Nothing.


It's its own reward.  Keep reaching for the stars, greenlight chaser man.
2013-07-28 12:27:41 AM  
1 votes:

Joliebleu: So our live long dream is to get on Fark?


I'd just like to get greenlit once. Feel like I have a better chance to be the subject of an article at this point.
2013-07-28 12:20:53 AM  
1 votes:
A shoehorn is a deadly weapon!
2013-07-28 12:18:55 AM  
1 votes:
The only thing that can stop a 95 year old man with a shoehorn is a 95 year old shoehorn with an old man.
 
Displayed 13 of 13 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter





In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report