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(Salon)   "The relevant question is not whether he purposefully defecated his pants, but whether he willfully spread his feces all over the bathroom resulting in a nuisance, hazard, and damage,"   (salon.com) divider line 31
    More: Sick, civil cases, majority opinions, dissenting opinions  
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4891 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Jul 2013 at 9:07 PM (51 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-07-26 07:44:24 PM
9 votes:
Another Ted Nugent thread?
2013-07-27 12:21:03 AM
5 votes:
fbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net
2013-07-26 09:34:06 PM
4 votes:
Torruella delves into the context of the cleaning lady's use of the term "smear" in her testimony, noting that while the majority interpreted the word to mean it was intentional, she had actually described it as "not necessarily like finger smears but just chunks - chunks and smears, pretty much, kind of like chunky peanut butter."

I read this while having a nice bowl of clam chowder and put it aside for awhile.
2013-07-26 09:14:32 PM
4 votes:
Dear Penthouse,
  I never thought this would happen to me, but....
2013-07-26 11:38:10 PM
3 votes:
He did not "defecate his pants". That would mean he profile-b.xx.fbcdn.netout a pair of his own pants, not that he profile-b.xx.fbcdn.net in them. You never say somebody profile-b.xx.fbcdn.net a toilet, do you? Hey, last week a poodle profile-b.xx.fbcdn.net a parking lot!

/ who's the a.deviantart.net that won't cop out when there's danger all about?

//profile-b.xx.fbcdn.net!

/// right on
2013-07-27 01:20:29 AM
2 votes:
They could have gotten the 50 page report down to 25 pages if they used two-ply paper.
2013-07-27 12:23:41 AM
2 votes:
Sounds like a Santorum supporter.
2013-07-26 11:52:29 PM
2 votes:
Sounds like the poor guy was shiat outa luck.
2013-07-26 10:46:40 PM
2 votes:
Saw the court document...let's just say that I seriously have to wonder if not only the judge but most of the testifying witnesses were regulars on alt.tasteless Back In The Day (I swear, that ruling had the most references and discussions of the fine consistency and matter of Malicious Fecal Distribution that I've actually seen outside of alt.tasteless :D).

And interestingly, literally everyone I know who has ever worked in the Fast Food Service Industry has a pet term for this particular type of Malicious Fecal Distribution: Granny Shiats (mostly because usually elderly women would come in, apparently stand on one leg and turn a pirouette worthy of a member of the Bolshoi Ballet whilst generously and copiously coating the floor, walls, and everything else with Arse Chili, and then walk out cackling as if having been told the World's Funniest Joke whilst having their dress suspiciously sticking to their rear).  It was generally assumed by all that said Granny Shiatters basically did this as a form of Trolling With Diarrhea....

In fact, on reading I pretty much went at first "Granny Shiatter?  ....Yup, Granny Shiatter, though fifty is kind of young to be working in Butt Chunder as a trolling medium..."  I also call bullshiat on his claim that heart medicine caused this; I read the Physician's Desk Reference for shiats and giggles (pun not intended, the PDR is kind of hefty for bathroom reading material unless you have a poo stuck in that would be worthy of a South Park episode) and I know of no heart medication that has "A sudden urge to have bowel movements, an inability to control them, and an overwhelming desire to create a work of modern art with them" as a side effect.  Stimulant laxatives, sure; antibiotics, well, if you're unlucky enough to get antibiotic-associated colitis, yeah.  Heart medication of the sort that would be necessary for someone making multiple failed SSDI claims?  Not so much.  (And if there were such a thing, sorry, refusing it like I refuse Olestra and Alli, kthx.)
2013-07-26 09:37:45 PM
2 votes:

berylman: Torruella delves into the context of the cleaning lady's use of the term "smear" in her testimony, noting that while the majority interpreted the word to mean it was intentional, she had actually described it as "not necessarily like finger smears but just chunks - chunks and smears, pretty much, kind of like chunky peanut butter."

I read this while having a nice bowl of clam chowder and put it aside for awhile.


Let me tell you about the wildest bukkake video I ever saw online...
2013-07-26 08:56:14 PM
2 votes:
His defense stinks.
2013-07-27 01:20:20 AM
1 votes:
Ha!  You should have seen the look on the monkey's face.
2013-07-26 11:22:59 PM
1 votes:
DAMMIT ORTON!

/armbar
2013-07-26 11:16:38 PM
1 votes:
Oh, and Granny Shiatter is not only not exactly NOT unfamiliar with the courts but may have a bit of a history with them :D

Apparently one of Granny Shiatter's previous lost cases where he tried to file for SSDI was where he claimed he was disabled due to a personality disorder (nah, can't imagine THAT at all, can we?).   He's been repeatedly told "No, finish your other methods of appeals first" (including at least once before the Granny Shiat Incident; likely said incident happened when he was appealing being told "no" again; the latest non-Granny-Shiatter case I can find in relation to the guy is where he tried to sue the Social Security Administrator in charge of his case for saying "no, damnit"; I'll note that he has done this multiple times, each time having it dismissed).  This court case (where he was formally adjuged a Granny Shiatter in the eyes of the law) apparently was an appeal from the initial case where he was charged with Malicious Fecal Distribution,

And apparently the guy is also bugfark nuts enough TO have done Malicious Fecal Distribution, seeing as he has had at least one EPO put out on him back in 2006 (we know this because he tried to sue to get it dismissed--the courts said no).

Nope, can't imagine that the Granny Shiatter Incident was anything but an accident (teehee)...
2013-07-26 10:57:11 PM
1 votes:
And for those who care, here's the Granny Shiatter vs. Maine ruling in question--apparently this fellow's been appealing this since 2011, of all things.  Just to find he's now well-night internationally famous as the only Granny Shiatter ever called out for such in a federal court document :D
2013-07-26 10:48:22 PM
1 votes:
Judge Juan R. Torruella takes the majority to task in a dissenting opinion, declaring "The momentous importance of this case surely forecasts its deserved place in the annals of federal prosecutorial history."

i204.photobucket.com
2013-07-26 10:40:27 PM
1 votes:
Tune in next week for the continuing adventures of...
The Cleveland Steamer!
2013-07-26 10:31:31 PM
1 votes:

ThrobblefootSpectre: "The outrageously graphic 57-page court document, written by distinguished judges who sit one level below the U.S. Supreme Court, includes vivid comparisons to spaghetti with meat sauce and chunky peanut butter "

Okay, now that's funny.


What prompted the comparison with spaghetti? Did the guy have worms?
2013-07-26 10:17:59 PM
1 votes:
It wasn't the poop. It was this:

When he was hauled back into court, Strong's defense was two-fold - one, he didn't mean to cause the mess, and two, there were no clearly visible signs warning that it was illegal to befoul the bathroom.

No judge in America is going to let a 50-year old man stand in front of him or her and say "Your Honor, I'm sorry but I didn't know it was illegal to shiat all over the bathroom. And since you didn't have any signs posted saying 'Please don't shiat all over our bathroom,' you can't hold me responsible."

BANG!

Pay twice the fine because you're a complete dunderhead, Mr. Strong.
2013-07-26 09:58:52 PM
1 votes:

TwowheelinTim: Related CSB, or maybe G(ross)SB

I was in Tijuana and headed back (on foot) to the border when I felt it coming on. By the time I got through customs, it was surging hard. There was a McDonalds just on the other side of the border in Chula Vista. I made a b-line for the bathroom. The only stall in the bathroom was a disgusting mess. I dropped my pants and squatted as best I could over the toilet without sitting down in the filth. Let's just say I spray painted that toilet with a fine mist of whatever I had eaten and was causing my distress. I managed to keep it off myself, and was able clean my ass. I walked straight out and never looked back. I felt sorry for the poor worker that had to clean that mess up, but it wouldn't have happened had they kept it clean in the first place.


And some poor guy was paid something like $5/hr to clean it all up.

On the bright side, it probably inspired him to quit his job and study to become a doctor.

But when he realized that took some money, which he didn't have cos he'd spent his life mopping shiat for $5/hr, he probably decided instead to become a serial rapist.

That's all your fault and you should feel bad.
2013-07-26 09:54:52 PM
1 votes:

Pray 4 Mojo: I need to see pictures before I pass judgement on this guy.


www.nndb.com

It wasn't medication, it was crab legs at the Mirage.
2013-07-26 09:50:32 PM
1 votes:
Related CSB, or maybe G(ross)SB

I was in Tijuana and headed back (on foot) to the border when I felt it coming on. By the time I got through customs, it was surging hard. There was a McDonalds just on the other side of the border in Chula Vista. I made a b-line for the bathroom. The only stall in the bathroom was a disgusting mess. I dropped my pants and squatted as best I could over the toilet without sitting down in the filth. Let's just say I spray painted that toilet with a fine mist of whatever I had eaten and was causing my distress. I managed to keep it off myself, and was able clean my ass. I walked straight out and never looked back. I felt sorry for the poor worker that had to clean that mess up, but it wouldn't have happened had they kept it clean in the first place.
2013-07-26 09:42:35 PM
1 votes:
images3.wikia.nocookie.net

No, no! It was literally, only on the floor! Alright-there was no attempt to get near the toilet! I-i-its like they just, pressed their buttocks against the wall! The only part of the floor that didn't have poo on it was the part that had a baby on it!
2013-07-26 09:31:14 PM
1 votes:
Woohoo! Way to go Portland! We finally made the main page!
2013-07-26 09:22:45 PM
1 votes:
I just have a feeling that if you're on an appellate court, dealing with really technical matters of law, you'd jump at the chance to write a 50 page description of someone shiatting themselves.
2013-07-26 09:20:14 PM
1 votes:
was it a jail bathroom?  in jail that was the first time i ever bled out of my ass

the rapists were so fast i had no chance to stop em
2013-07-26 09:15:05 PM
1 votes:

Mentat: Another Ted Nugent thread?


Instant gratification!
2013-07-26 09:14:35 PM
1 votes:

Mentat: Another Ted Nugent thread?


Well, he did predict he would be in jail by this time
2013-07-26 08:34:54 PM
1 votes:
Had this happen at a strip joint I worked at 20 some years ago.
Some old guy with a prosthetic leg had been drinking draft beer all day, when he went to the men's room and let 'er rip.
Shiat everywhere. Floor, walls, toilet, sink. Everywhere but the ceiling.
The old guy just walked out mumbling "Problem with my leg in the restroom..."
2013-07-26 08:15:27 PM
1 votes:
POOP THREAD!

files.abovetopsecret.com
2013-07-26 07:48:24 PM
1 votes:

Mentat: Another Ted Nugent thread?


He brought it on himself. Twice.

Some things would have been forgotten 40 years ago if he hadn't tried to wave the "RAH RAH TROOPS GUNZ GRRR" flag.

/DNRTFA
 
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