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(Houston Press)   10 sex tips for your daughter   (blogs.houstonpress.com) divider line 306
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26129 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Jul 2013 at 4:36 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-07-26 04:24:25 PM
Tip #1: NOT UNTIL YOU ARE IN COLLEGE!

/father of two girls
//I know these cute little toddlers that I have will one day grow up and bring boys home
 
2013-07-26 04:33:20 PM
Thanks mom!

www1.pictures.zimbio.com
 
2013-07-26 04:38:21 PM
Isn't this a repost from a few days ago?
 
2013-07-26 04:39:14 PM
Swallow.
 
2013-07-26 04:39:31 PM

bluorangefyre: Tip #1: NOT UNTIL YOU ARE IN COLLEGE!

/father of two girls
//I know these cute little toddlers that I have will one day grow up and bring boys home


images1.wikia.nocookie.net
/
//no kids
 
2013-07-26 04:39:33 PM
Lingerie is awesome, sexy and appreciated, but don't make an outfit based on it and then be disgusted when people objectify you as you bring your little sister to Toys R Us.
 
2013-07-26 04:40:03 PM

Mock26: Swallow.


12.  Don't be a whore.
 
2013-07-26 04:40:17 PM
11. A BJ is the new good night kiss.
 
2013-07-26 04:40:18 PM
Good advice.  Be sure to let your boyfriend know I'm perfectly willing to go back to jail.
 
2013-07-26 04:41:50 PM

Smeggy Smurf: Good advice.  Be sure to let your boyfriend know I'm perfectly willing to go back to jail.


Actually let him know either A) it wouldn't be your first time or B) They didn't find the others and I don't see you wearing any bright colors.
 
2013-07-26 04:41:50 PM
Don't be like your mother
 
2013-07-26 04:41:58 PM
/reads article*
//looks at two month old baby girl.
///Tries to find the 'bookmark button' while blinking back tears.

Outstanding.
 
2013-07-26 04:42:22 PM
Number 1 sounds like a challenge.
 
2013-07-26 04:42:30 PM
never eat mexican before any back door action
 
2013-07-26 04:42:40 PM
11. Never take advice from anyone who spells it "womyn".
 
2013-07-26 04:43:12 PM

bluorangefyre: //I know these cute little toddlers that I have will one day grow up and bring boys home


How do you know that they won't be bringing home girls, Dad?

NTTAWWT
 
2013-07-26 04:44:02 PM

MichiganFTL: Smeggy Smurf: Good advice.  Be sure to let your boyfriend know I'm perfectly willing to go back to jail.

Actually let him know either A) it wouldn't be your first time or B) They didn't find the others and I don't see you wearing any bright colors.


A) would have some truth to it

/only booked then bailed myself out
 
2013-07-26 04:44:29 PM
8. Does this include anal?

/HS GF couldn't get enough of it...
 
2013-07-26 04:44:59 PM
1. Start off with the rough grit. If you have a particularly dull blade, start off with the rough grit side of your sharpening stone.
2. Prep the stone.  Pour an ample amount of mineral oil all over the surface of the stone.
3. Place the knife blade flat on the stone and raise it to a 10 to 15 degree angle. The key to knife sharpening is maintaining a constant angle.
4. Start sharpening the first side of the blade. With your blade set at the prefect angle, you're ready to start sharpening
5. Sharpen the other side of the blade. Flip the blade and do the same thing on the other side.
6. Make several alternating strokes, sharpening one side and then sharpening the other successively.
7. Flip the stone over on the fine grit and repeat above process.
 
2013-07-26 04:45:20 PM
1. In direct connection to the last statement, there is nothing you will ever do that will shock me, disappoint me, or most of all make me stop loving you. Whatever happens, I am your dad, and I'll stand by you. So talk to me.

/What if she turns into a cum dumpster? A choad guzzling cock hoover who has set up shop behind the local convenient store, and takes more wood in her than a dock of a lumberyard? What if she goes to the local projects, opens her legs for the entire population of the area, and lets them all shag her, one after another for 5 bucks a person? What if she runs out to the 50 yard line during the superbowl, and lets all the players wank off her in face until she looks like a drowned glazed doughnut? Would you still be proud then?

/hmmm....i think no.
 
2013-07-26 04:45:25 PM
11.) You can do oral and anal and still be a virgin...so do that.
 
2013-07-26 04:45:53 PM

Charlie Chingas: 8. Does this include anal?

/HS GF couldn't get enough of it...


Sure she was biologically female?
 
2013-07-26 04:45:57 PM
If the sex feels too good for you, then either the condom has broke or he's secretly taken it off.
 
2013-07-26 04:46:13 PM
If you want a how-to guide, ask and I will buy you one. I took a class and everything.

What?
 
2013-07-26 04:46:26 PM

Langdon Alger: never eat mexican before any back door action


Nonsense. Carlos Danger likes a little warmup.
 
2013-07-26 04:46:47 PM
Boys don't mind as long as they cum...A Handjob will shut him up.
 
2013-07-26 04:48:15 PM

Bit'O'Gristle: 1. In direct connection to the last statement, there is nothing you will ever do that will shock me, disappoint me, or most of all make me stop loving you. Whatever happens, I am your dad, and I'll stand by you. So talk to me.

/What if she turns into a cum dumpster? A choad guzzling cock hoover who has set up shop behind the local convenient store, and takes more wood in her than a dock of a lumberyard? What if she goes to the local projects, opens her legs for the entire population of the area, and lets them all shag her, one after another for 5 bucks a person? What if she runs out to the 50 yard line during the superbowl, and lets all the players wank off her in face until she looks like a drowned glazed doughnut? Would you still be proud then?

/hmmm....i think no.


Who wouldn't be proud of such an empowered young woman?

I'll never stop loving my children, but there's many, many things they could potentially do that would shock or disappoint me. (It's my job to see that they don't do these things).
 
2013-07-26 04:48:49 PM

WhippingBoy: 11. Never take advice from anyone who spells it "womyn".


12) What your friends do, or when, or how often, should have no affect on your own decision about sex. There is no such thing as "the right age", and there is nothing wrong with being a virgin. You can live a perfectly happy life without the cawk, and anyone who tries to convince you that there is something wrong with you for not slicking someone's willy is not your friend.
 
2013-07-26 04:48:56 PM
Here's a wonderful photo from one of these father/daughter purity balls.

i457.photobucket.com
 
2013-07-26 04:49:01 PM
Because lying to kids about sex works out really well, right?

Christ, man. People have weird thoughts about how the world works.
 
2013-07-26 04:49:03 PM
The wording of #3 was a little uncomfortable.

"Here's a copy of the 'Kama Sutra'.  Let me know if you have any questions."
 
2013-07-26 04:50:07 PM
Holy shiat is there a fark-ton of misogyny in here.  Dozens of fathers saying "I will control the sex lives of my daughters" without a hint of irony about their own pasts, and no mention of their sons.  The stench of sexism permeates this thread like the urine stains on all the male depends in this thread.
 
2013-07-26 04:50:47 PM

Charlie Chingas: 8. Does this include anal?

/HS GF couldn't get enough of it...


Hope so.

Exit polling shouldn't just be confined to election years.
 
2013-07-26 04:50:56 PM
#13 Not right now, you don't.
 
2013-07-26 04:51:10 PM

WhippingBoy: Bit'O'Gristle: 1. In direct connection to the last statement, there is nothing you will ever do that will shock me, disappoint me, or most of all make me stop loving you. Whatever happens, I am your dad, and I'll stand by you. So talk to me.

/What if she turns into a cum dumpster? A choad guzzling cock hoover who has set up shop behind the local convenient store, and takes more wood in her than a dock of a lumberyard? What if she goes to the local projects, opens her legs for the entire population of the area, and lets them all shag her, one after another for 5 bucks a person? What if she runs out to the 50 yard line during the superbowl, and lets all the players wank off her in face until she looks like a drowned glazed doughnut? Would you still be proud then?

/hmmm....i think no.

Who wouldn't be proud of such an empowered young woman?

I'll never stop loving my children, but there's many, many things they could potentially do that would shock or disappoint me. (It's my job to see that they don't do these things).


/True, and all joking aside, we do our best to teach, support, and hope to hell some of it sticks.
 
2013-07-26 04:51:35 PM
Just the Tip?
 
2013-07-26 04:51:40 PM

meat0918: Here's a wonderful photo from one of these father/daughter purity balls.

[i457.photobucket.com image 385x185]


Know why those kids are smiling?  Because it's all horseshiat that they will ignore then they are older and they know it.
 
2013-07-26 04:51:46 PM
imghumour.com
 
2013-07-26 04:52:02 PM
Not sure about my daughter but for my son...

3. Sign a non-disclosure agreement.
2. Don't get an STD.
1. Don't get her pregnant.
 
2013-07-26 04:52:17 PM

ikanreed: Holy shiat is there a fark-ton of misogyny in here.  Dozens of fathers saying "I will control the sex lives of my daughters" without a hint of irony about their own pasts, and no mention of their sons.  The stench of sexism permeates this thread like the urine stains on all the male depends in this thread.


How 'bout you cram it with walnuts and let people raise their own children as they see fit?
 
2013-07-26 04:52:26 PM

ikanreed: Holy shiat is there a fark-ton of misogyny in here.  Dozens of fathers saying "I will control the sex lives of my daughters" without a hint of irony about their own pasts, and no mention of their sons.  The stench of sexism permeates this thread like the urine stains on all the male depends in this thread.


/What do you have against penis?  Jeez..go be butt hurt somewhere else.
 
2013-07-26 04:53:02 PM

Bit'O'Gristle: 1. In direct connection to the last statement, there is nothing you will ever do that will shock me, disappoint me, or most of all make me stop loving you. Whatever happens, I am your dad, and I'll stand by you. So talk to me.

/What if she turns into a cum dumpster? A choad guzzling cock hoover who has set up shop behind the local convenient store, and takes more wood in her than a dock of a lumberyard? What if she goes to the local projects, opens her legs for the entire population of the area, and lets them all shag her, one after another for 5 bucks a person? What if she runs out to the 50 yard line during the superbowl, and lets all the players wank off her in face until she looks like a drowned glazed doughnut? Would you still be proud then?

/hmmm....i think no.


Hey, she doesn't HAVE to attend Duke U.
 
2013-07-26 04:54:22 PM

slimfast: Not sure about my daughter but for my son...

3. Sign a non-disclosure agreement.
2. Don't get an STD.
1. Don't get her pregnant.


You missed one

No means no and stop means stop, even if she said yes a few moments ago.
 
2013-07-26 04:54:23 PM
I told my daughter "when you're 30 or have been married three years, whichever comes first."
 
2013-07-26 04:54:46 PM

Dr._Michael_Hfuhruhurr: 11. A BJnal is the new good night kiss.


FTFY
 
2013-07-26 04:55:22 PM
Good dad
 
2013-07-26 04:55:31 PM
10 tips for you daughter?  All at once?
 
2013-07-26 04:55:49 PM

meat0918: slimfast: Not sure about my daughter but for my son...

3. Sign a non-disclosure agreement.
2. Don't get an STD.
1. Don't get her pregnant.

You missed one

No means no and stop means stop, even if she/he said yes a few moments ago.


Fixed that, because it's good advice for everyone.
 
2013-07-26 04:55:51 PM

WhippingBoy: ikanreed: Holy shiat is there a fark-ton of misogyny in here.  Dozens of fathers saying "I will control the sex lives of my daughters" without a hint of irony about their own pasts, and no mention of their sons.  The stench of sexism permeates this thread like the urine stains on all the male depends in this thread.

How 'bout you cram it with walnuts and let people raise their own children as they see fit?


Because they're enforcing sexist-as-fark gender roles on their children?  And that's terrible.  And your children would be better off orphans, you tremendous regressive idiot.
 
2013-07-26 04:56:18 PM
Rick Perry had one more tip, but he forgot what it was.
 
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