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(BBC)   When questioned by police man said prostitute in his car was there to help him buy a) sex b) sex or c) tomatoes   (bbc.co.uk ) divider line
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4282 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Jul 2013 at 9:38 PM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



72 Comments   (+0 »)
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2013-07-25 08:08:23 PM  
Um, tomatoes for my wife, Morgan Fairchild, yeah....

i90.photobucket.com
 
2013-07-25 08:26:54 PM  
images2.wikia.nocookie.net

I SAID ONE BIT!
 
2013-07-25 08:34:51 PM  
This is why if you must drive them around, keep them in the trunk
 
2013-07-25 08:35:50 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2013-07-25 08:53:58 PM  
Officer.  She's got great tomatoes.  Look of them.  So big and juicy...so firm.  I just want to squeeze them.  Maybe make a nice marinara.
 
2013-07-25 09:11:33 PM  
25.media.tumblr.com
cl.jroo.me
 
2013-07-25 09:40:18 PM  
missing a comma?
 
2013-07-25 09:43:38 PM  
*farmer's market X hookers Veneer diagram* There has got to be some marginal degree of overlap. This may be legit.
 
2013-07-25 09:44:17 PM  
Your honor, this whole thing has been blown out of proportion.  The officer misheard me when I said she was a producestitute.
 
2013-07-25 09:44:30 PM  
I appreciate the helpful graphic in the article, because the British pronunciation of "tomato" had long led me to believe that to-mat-toes looked like prostitutes.
 
2013-07-25 09:44:31 PM  
As the article stands, what exact crime did he commit?Letting someone in your car is not a crime. Going to the ATM is not a crime.
 
2013-07-25 09:45:22 PM  

berylman: *farmer's market X hookers Veneer diagram* There has got to be some marginal degree of overlap. This may be legit.


Yes, farmer's markets and hookers, senile old men have been known to plow through both.
 
2013-07-25 09:45:45 PM  

berylman: *farmer's market X hookers Veneer diagram*


*blinks*
 
2013-07-25 09:50:36 PM  

Atomic Spunk: berylman: *farmer's market X hookers Veneer diagram*

*blinks*


It's just got a very thin layer of the real diagram on top.
 
2013-07-25 09:51:11 PM  
"Tomatoes" was our nickname for a waitress at a restaurant where we used to do work lunches. Good times, good times.
 
2013-07-25 09:51:42 PM  

MrHappyRotter: berylman: *farmer's market X hookers Veneer diagram* There has got to be some marginal degree of overlap. This may be legit.

Yes, farmer's markets and hookers, senile old men have been known to plow through both.


Hahaha, nice.
 
2013-07-25 09:52:35 PM  

Wall_of_Doodoo: To be honest, I'm not very good at picking out produce either but £20 does seem a bit steep for advice on just one type of fruit.


No no no no no. The twenty quid was to buy the tomatoes. The hooker was giving the advice free. Before she got paid twenty quid in tomatoes to fark like a crack-addled bunny.
 
2013-07-25 09:52:53 PM  
Dude- excuse me miss, do you know where the fresh tomato stand is?

Lady of the evening- why yes I do, but as you can see I'm a sex whore. I require $20 to direct you.

Dude- well that seems fair as i am taking away time out of your work day. Please join me in my car, I will get you payment at the atm and you can lead me to the fresh tomatos.

This seems plausible.
 
2013-07-25 09:58:09 PM  
We're going to pay for sex! ...

img837.imageshack.us

We're going to look for tomatoes! ...

img842.imageshack.us
 
2013-07-25 09:59:16 PM  
You call it tomato, I call it fellatio.
 
2013-07-25 10:00:01 PM  
Grandpa pulled suckers OFF his tomato plants to keep the main stem long and straight. This story seems backwards.
 
2013-07-25 10:01:31 PM  
Apologies to Mr.  Venn ... yay me, that was quite bad semi-conscious typing... fun typo though
 
2013-07-25 10:03:51 PM  

tuna fingers: As the article stands, what exact crime did he commit?Letting someone in your car is not a crime. Going to the ATM is not a crime.


They were unlicensed tomatoes.
 
2013-07-25 10:07:52 PM  

mrswood: Dude- excuse me miss, do you know where the fresh tomato stand is?

Lady of the evening- why yes I do, but as you can see I'm a sex whore. I require $20 to direct you.

Dude- well that seems fair as i am taking away time out of your work day. Please join me in my car, I will get you payment at the atm and you can lead me to the fresh tomatos.

This seems plausible.


Except the guy's an Arab. So no, he wasn't polite and reasonable to a woman.
 
2013-07-25 10:09:31 PM  

Suckmaster Burstingfoam: mrswood: Dude- excuse me miss, do you know where the fresh tomato stand is?

Lady of the evening- why yes I do, but as you can see I'm a sex whore. I require $20 to direct you.

Dude- well that seems fair as i am taking away time out of your work day. Please join me in my car, I will get you payment at the atm and you can lead me to the fresh tomatos.

This seems plausible.

Except the guy's an Arab. So no, he wasn't polite and reasonable to a woman.


So you're saying there was definitely some haggling?
 
2013-07-25 10:17:49 PM  
She had great tomatoes...

img2u.info
 
2013-07-25 10:23:12 PM  
kerb crawler

25.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-07-25 10:28:25 PM  
How else does one get fresh produce?
 
2013-07-25 10:30:51 PM  
farm4.staticflickr.com
 
2013-07-25 10:31:51 PM  
I just canned 10 pints of homegrown tomatoes AND had sex with my wife so I'm getting a kick out of this thread.
 
2013-07-25 10:33:17 PM  

shiattynick: How else does one get fresh produce?


I could tell you but I never reveal my sauces.

mrswood: Suckmaster Burstingfoam: mrswood: Dude- excuse me miss, do you know where the fresh tomato stand is?

Lady of the evening- why yes I do, but as you can see I'm a sex whore. I require $20 to direct you.

Dude- well that seems fair as i am taking away time out of your work day. Please join me in my car, I will get you payment at the atm and you can lead me to the fresh tomatos.

This seems plausible.

Except the guy's an Arab. So no, he wasn't polite and reasonable to a woman.

So you're saying there was definitely some haggling?


Haggling for tomatoes is a sauce of entertainment for the Arabs.
 
2013-07-25 10:34:55 PM  
that's the spirit dad, pass the farking tomatoes.
 
2013-07-25 10:40:36 PM  
He should have grown them himself - so excited for the 5 tomato plants growing in my garden this year :D
 
2013-07-25 10:48:20 PM  

Wall_of_Doodoo: To be honest, I'm not very good at picking out produce either but £20 does seem a bit steep for advice on just one type of fruit.


But a bit slack for a sex act.

And thanks to cowgirl toffee and OOBE Juan Kenobi for the penis tomatoes.
 
2013-07-25 10:50:45 PM  

Danger Avoid Death: tuna fingers: As the article stands, what exact crime did he commit?Letting someone in your car is not a crime. Going to the ATM is not a crime.

They were unlicensed tomatoes.


in 'murika he would have been arrested as turrirst. Attack of the Killer Tomatos.
 
2013-07-25 10:57:49 PM  
I read headline as

When questioned by policeman, said prostitute in his car was there to help him buy a) sex b) sex or c) tomatoes
 
2013-07-25 10:58:06 PM  

sugarhi: He should have grown them himself - so excited for the 5 tomato plants growing in my garden this year :D

Welcome to the wonder that is home gardening! Not joking, it's rewarding and generally awesome.
 
2013-07-25 11:00:27 PM  
D) All of the above

Basically, he was planning to have a three-why with her and the Tomato.  Kinky!!!
 
2013-07-25 11:02:28 PM  
Damn, if he bought some lettuce, he could have a BLT -- biatch, Lettuce and Tomato.
 
2013-07-25 11:04:19 PM  

Wall_of_Doodoo: To be honest, I'm not very good at picking out produce either but £20 does seem a bit steep for advice on just one type of fruit.


More importantly, it seems a bit low for access to a woman's orifice.
 
2013-07-25 11:07:39 PM  
♫ But, Yes! We have no bananas! We have no bananas today! ♫
 
2013-07-25 11:08:19 PM  
Maybe he should have said cucumber?
 
2013-07-25 11:09:38 PM  

lilplatinum: Wall_of_Doodoo: To be honest, I'm not very good at picking out produce either but £20 does seem a bit steep for advice on just one type of fruit.

More importantly, it seems a bit low for access to a woman's orifice.


Arabs are also cheapskates.
 
2013-07-25 11:11:02 PM  

shiattynick: How else does one get fresh produce?


I order mine from Amazon.
 
2013-07-25 11:14:02 PM  

stovepipe: I just canned 10 pints of homegrown tomatoes AND had sex with my wife so I'm getting a kick out of this thread.


Did she charge you 20 quid?
 
2013-07-25 11:29:42 PM  
Sex tomatoes?
 
2013-07-25 11:37:33 PM  
 
2013-07-25 11:44:06 PM  
"Our officers and the courts saw through his lies and [Ikhlaq] has now been found guilty."

Cool. They saw through. fark proving shiat!
 
2013-07-25 11:45:16 PM  

stovepipe: I just canned 10 pints of homegrown tomatoes AND had sex with my wife so I'm getting a kick out of this thread.


did it look like this?

lh6.googleusercontent.com
 
2013-07-25 11:48:31 PM  
I don't know about the rest of the country, but global warming / cooling / raining and sh*t has basically ruined my garden this year with root rot. I plucked out one good tomato and a few squash yesterday and that's it. I have half the garden devoted to kentucky wonders and pink tips - not a single bean.
 
2013-07-25 11:54:18 PM  
Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
 
2013-07-25 11:56:06 PM  
upload.wikimedia.org
 
2013-07-25 11:56:56 PM  

WhoopAssWayne: I don't know about the rest of the country, but global warming / cooling / raining and sh*t has basically ruined my garden this year with root rot. I plucked out one good tomato and a few squash yesterday and that's it. I have half the garden devoted to kentucky wonders and pink tips - not a single bean.


My garden is doing awesome. Where exactly is "a phone call away"?
 
2013-07-25 11:58:42 PM  
i154.photobucket.com
 
2013-07-26 12:01:08 AM  
You say tomato and I say tomato.
Let's call the whole thing off.
 
2013-07-26 12:02:44 AM  

mrswood: My garden is doing awesome. Where exactly is "a phone call away"?


Mountains of Western North Carolina. Congrats on the garden. The wife and I spend so much time, but we've had a huge amount of rain this Summer, very limited growing season, and it's just going to be a sad year for us garden-wise.
 
2013-07-26 12:04:25 AM  

WhoopAssWayne: mrswood: My garden is doing awesome. Where exactly is "a phone call away"?

Mountains of Western North Carolina. Congrats on the garden. The wife and I spend so much time, but we've had a huge amount of rain this Summer, very limited growing season, and it's just going to be a sad year for us garden-wise.


Well there's next year and of course you could just give a hooker 20 bucks.
 
2013-07-26 12:04:27 AM  
i paid a prostitute to help me buy tomatoes before. i don't see how that's weird.

and i paid a crack whore $10 once to break into my car when i'd locked my keys in it. she handled that coat hanger like a pro.

/by 'tomatoes' i mean weed.
 
2013-07-26 12:15:16 AM  
I like fresh tomatoes, if you catch my drift, and I think you do.

/I bang hookers
 
2013-07-26 12:15:52 AM  

mrswood: Well there's next year and of course you could just give a hooker 20 bucks.


I'd rather keep the $20 and have some green beans to pressure-can for this winter :-)

//the hooker can help us weed if she wants to!
 
2013-07-26 12:17:10 AM  

stovepipe: I just canned 10 pints of homegrown tomatoes AND had sex with my wife so I'm getting a kick out of this thread.


i.imgur.com
This appears to be more efficient.
 
2013-07-26 12:17:12 AM  

stovepipe: I just canned 10 pints of homegrown tomatoes AND had sex with my wife so I'm getting a kick out of this thread.


You had sex with your wife while she was on her period? That's gross.
 
2013-07-26 12:18:29 AM  

Danger Avoid Death: stovepipe: I just canned 10 pints of homegrown tomatoes AND had sex with my wife so I'm getting a kick out of this thread.

Did she charge you 20 quid?


A wife costs  way more than 20 quid.  I don't even know what a quid is but I'm pretty sure I'm right.
 
2013-07-26 12:51:25 AM  
Jesus, Subby; it took me three attempts to parse that farking headline.  Can I get a comma?
 
2013-07-26 01:20:56 AM  
www.tshirtlaundry.com

Really?  not one of you with a Tomacco reference?
 
2013-07-26 01:50:15 AM  

Representative of the unwashed masses: Really?  not one of you with a Tomacco reference?


Honestly, even as a hardcore Simpsons fan I think it's kinda obscure.

Still funny, though! :D
 
2013-07-26 02:13:13 AM  
He's just a spudboy
Looking for that real tomato

/I know, nothing is obscure on fark, but maybe I'm getting old enough...
 
2013-07-26 04:52:27 AM  
GIS for "tomatina festival" gives some interesting results (some slightly NSFW)
 
2013-07-26 08:13:19 AM  
"Today's special, broiled hothouse tomato under a generous slice of ripe cheese."
 
2013-07-26 08:41:25 AM  

WhoopAssWayne: mrswood: My garden is doing awesome. Where exactly is "a phone call away"?

Mountains of Western North Carolina. Congrats on the garden. The wife and I spend so much time, but we've had a huge amount of rain this Summer, very limited growing season, and it's just going to be a sad year for us garden-wise.


I'm right across the hill from you in East Tennessee and yes it's been a weird season, I think due to the excessive rain.  I did manage to get a pretty big surge of ripe tomatoes over the past couple of weeks but there aren't very many more blooms and the crop may not last much longer.  Last year we were still picking em in October.  The most frustrating thing here is the damn birds pecking em right as they turn orange.  I have to pick em yellow and let em ripen.  Lost quite a few big pretty beefsteaks and brandywines due to the little bastards.  Grrrrr.
 
2013-07-26 08:47:00 AM  

stovepipe: I just canned 10 pints of homegrown tomatoes AND had sex with my wife so I'm getting a kick out of this thread.


Glad you didn't confuse the two.
 
2013-07-26 10:43:03 AM  
Terry...were you on roller skates "selling oranges" again? Officer Dangle is going to be disappointed.
 
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