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(Gawker)   "Canadian man sorry for chugging eight beers and swimming to Detroit." Well, duh - who wouldn't regret ending up in Detroit?   (gawker.com) divider line 51
    More: Obvious  
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4086 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Jul 2013 at 5:01 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



51 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-07-23 09:53:51 PM  
From the comments, "Give him his own show, something like "8 Beers And I'll Do WHAT?" where every week he drinks 8 beers and then accepts some random challenge from viewers."

I approve of this.
 
2013-07-23 11:56:44 PM  

gopher321: From the comments, "Give him his own show, something like "8 Beers And I'll Do WHAT?" where every week he drinks 8 beers and then accepts some random challenge from viewers."

I approve of this.


This.
 
2013-07-24 12:33:58 AM  
damned wetbacks, eh?
 
2013-07-24 01:01:05 AM  
KEEP HIM IN DETROIT

i.ytimg.com
 
2013-07-24 01:11:39 AM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk:

damned wetbacks, eh?

Yeah...  swimming into the U.S. from south of the border.
 
2013-07-24 02:50:07 AM  

gopher321: From the comments, "Give him his own show, something like "8 Beers And I'll Do WHAT?" where every week he drinks 8 beers and then accepts some random challenge from viewers."

I approve of this.


Would be better than all the other reality shows.
 
2013-07-24 03:14:43 AM  
Imagine how far he could get after a bong rip or two.

assets.nydailynews.com

/I refuse to believe "Cord Jefferson" is a real name.
 
2013-07-24 05:05:46 AM  
img.gawkerassets.com

oh man, that expression.
 
2013-07-24 05:10:51 AM  
He was trying to get back to Canada, was already in Canadian waters, and the US Coast Guard picked him up and arrested him.

Thanks, assholes.
 
2013-07-24 05:20:36 AM  
What a silly thing to be so strict about this.
 
2013-07-24 05:20:39 AM  
Unless they have some good video evidence to the contrary, there is no proof other than his drunken claim that he ever made it to the USA.  He was seen entering the water on the Canadian side and he was found again in the water on the Canadian side of the border.  So yes, he'll be charged with swimming in a shipping channel, but if they try to charge him with illegally crossing the border he should get a lawyer to fight that one.  Even his claim that he did it could be questioned... you were drunk, who's to say you didn't get disoriented and ended up back on Canadian land when you thought you had made it to the US side?  Legal arguments notwithstanding, your status as a dumbass is rock-solidly confirmed.
 
2013-07-24 05:28:59 AM  
"Canadian man sorry"
 
2013-07-24 05:29:59 AM  
Swimming is illegal now? Well, I guess we'd better find some scuba gear for the Gestapo as last time I looked underwater there was a whole bunch of fish down there and they were all swimming, some of them looked like they were speeding too.
 
2013-07-24 05:51:07 AM  
Things I've learned today: It is illegal to swim in a shipping channel in Detroit.
It sounds like one of those laws where you wonder, "What toolshed would do that?" Then you read the article and say, "Yeah, looks like the kind of guy who we'd have to write that law for."
 
2013-07-24 06:09:30 AM  
Well send him a plane ticket and a new pair of pants
 
2013-07-24 06:21:29 AM  
Stop trying to achieve things that are silly like physical feats and stop drinking beer and sit down and shut up and watch whatever the Canadian version of Honey BooBoo is and get your ass back to work in the morning!  Now give us money.
 
2013-07-24 06:27:31 AM  
Detroit Olympics 2020 - "Our water venues are filled with the tears of our city's mothers."
 
2013-07-24 06:31:52 AM  
He HAD to get out of this crappy town of Windsor.
 
2013-07-24 06:35:24 AM  
Could have sworn it was written by The Onion.
 
2013-07-24 07:02:36 AM  
"says his mom is very mad at him"

so which one of you canadian farkers was it?

/wasn't me
 
2013-07-24 07:11:05 AM  
I *heard* the MI coast guard and law enforcement were working with the Canadian government to provide legislation for Windsor and the surrounding areas to ban the sale and/or performance of a single song because of situations just like this. It seems over the years there has been a staggering amount of middle aged canadians that can't hold their liquor, get wasted listening to Journey (until they absolutely believe a particular song was written for or about them) and clog the river trying to cross the border to live with the Streetlight People.
Weird, huh?
 
2013-07-24 07:17:48 AM  
Was it just me or did everyone read the quotes in a Canadian accent.
 
2013-07-24 07:18:10 AM  
Anything that helps diffuse a little of the border tension is okay with me.  No need to start lobbing mortar shells again.
 
2013-07-24 07:22:51 AM  

GeneralJim: MaudlinMutantMollusk: damned wetbacks, eh?
Yeah...  swimming into the U.S. from south of the border.


STOP TYPING IN GREEN IF I WANTED YOUR POSTS TO BE COLORED I WOULD FAVORITE YOU WHY ARE YOU THAT
 
2013-07-24 07:25:54 AM  

fotohog: I *heard* the MI coast guard and law enforcement were working with the Canadian government to provide legislation for Windsor and the surrounding areas to ban the sale and/or performance of a single song because of situations just like this. It seems over the years there has been a staggering amount of middle aged canadians that can't hold their liquor, get wasted listening to Journey (until they absolutely believe a particular song was written for or about them) and clog the river trying to cross the border to live with the Streetlight People.
Weird, huh?


Detroit doesn't have streetlights anymore, though. They couldn't afford the electricity anymore and the locals scrapped them all within 30 minutes of them being switched off.
 
2013-07-24 07:34:16 AM  
If he really did make it then I am impressed. I have fished the river and the current is very strong. I'm a decent swimmer but I wouldn't want to fall out of my boat down there for fears of getting separated and not being able to swim back to the boat. It is also patrolled very heavily by U.S. Border Patrol and the Canadian Coast Guard.
 
2013-07-24 07:40:16 AM  
I think this is actually pretty awesome.
 
2013-07-24 07:44:16 AM  
ransack: Detroit doesn't have streetlights anymore, though. They couldn't afford the electricity anymore and the locals scrapped them all within 30 minutes of them being switched off.

That is what THEY would have you believe ...
The Streetlight People are allegedly an alien cult that collects the lamps as artifacts... If you follow all the street talk, I think the leader's name is Steve or Neal or something like that.
 
2013-07-24 08:08:27 AM  
No confirmation he actually made it across. How far is that trip?
 
2013-07-24 08:18:31 AM  
Wait, are we talking about 8 "beers" of Bud Light, or are we talking about 8 real beers?  Because that makes a big difference in how I feel about this.
 
2013-07-24 08:23:15 AM  

GoldDude: Unless they have some good video evidence to the contrary, there is no proof other than his drunken claim that he ever made it to the USA.  He was seen entering the water on the Canadian side and he was found again in the water on the Canadian side of the border.  So yes, he'll be charged with swimming in a shipping channel, but if they try to charge him with illegally crossing the border he should get a lawyer to fight that one.  Even his claim that he did it could be questioned... you were drunk, who's to say you didn't get disoriented and ended up back on Canadian land when you thought you had made it to the US side?  Legal arguments notwithstanding, your status as a dumbass is rock-solidly confirmed.


They were talking to a friend of his who was there on the local (Detroit) radio this morning who claims he took photos with people at the Renaissance Center.   If there actually are photos it's rather damning.
 
2013-07-24 08:24:37 AM  
Morillo, who was ultimately charged with being intoxicated in public, says his mom is very mad at him. "She just hung up on me," Morillo told the Star. "She said 'you're just so stupid.'"

Lulz.
 
2013-07-24 08:44:54 AM  

fotohog: I *heard* the MI coast guard and law enforcement were working with the Canadian government to provide legislation for Windsor and the surrounding areas to ban the sale and/or performance of a single song because of situations just like this. It seems over the years there has been a staggering amount of middle aged canadians that can't hold their liquor, get wasted listening to Journey (until they absolutely believe a particular song was written for or about them) and clog the river trying to cross the border to live with the Streetlight People.
Weird, huh?


Windsor... it's kind of south Detroit.
 
2013-07-24 08:45:07 AM  
As someone who used to live in Windsor, I understand and applaud anyone trying to GTFO.

That said, if you're escaping to Detroit you're doing it wrong!

/Can't really judge - I moved from Windsor to Cornwall (then came to my senses after a year and moved to Ottawa!).
 
2013-07-24 08:52:13 AM  

gopher321: From the comments, "Give him his own show, something like "8 Beers And I'll Do WHAT?" where every week he drinks 8 beers and then accepts some random challenge from viewers."

I approve of this


This!..
 
2013-07-24 08:59:15 AM  

Brittabot: As someone who used to live in Windsor, I understand and applaud anyone trying to GTFO.

That said, if you're escaping to Detroit you're doing it wrong!

/Can't really judge - I moved from Windsor to Cornwall (then came to my senses after a year and moved to Ottawa!).


You mean I'm not the only former Windsorite that ended up in Ottawa?  How unexpected.

Oh, and the guy that did the swim is either a liar or a very good swimmer.  It's a fair distance in fast moving cold water.  To have landed near the RenCen, he would have had to go into the water near Peche Island, I would think.

Cheers.
 
2013-07-24 09:00:22 AM  
Great - if the Yanks figure out this works both ways we'll have a fish-school of fatness dog-paddling to our shoreline demanding pay-thru-the-ass health care & damn-near de-alcoholized beer!
 
2013-07-24 09:00:51 AM  

legion_of_doo: fotohog: I *heard* the MI coast guard and law enforcement were working with the Canadian government to provide legislation for Windsor and the surrounding areas to ban the sale and/or performance of a single song because of situations just like this. It seems over the years there has been a staggering amount of middle aged canadians that can't hold their liquor, get wasted listening to Journey (until they absolutely believe a particular song was written for or about them) and clog the river trying to cross the border to live with the Streetlight People.
Weird, huh?

Windsor... it's kind of south Detroit.


Well, since there is no such thing as "south Detroit" (the Detroit River being directly south of downtown, and Windsor, ON being south of that), Windsor actually is "south Detroit".
 
2013-07-24 09:26:48 AM  

ransack.: GeneralJim: MaudlinMutantMollusk: damned wetbacks, eh?
Yeah...  swimming into the U.S. from south of the border.

STOP TYPING IN GREEN IF I WANTED YOUR POSTS TO BE COLORED I WOULD FAVORITE YOU WHY ARE YOU THAT


...says the guy yelling in all caps....
 
2013-07-24 09:27:45 AM  
I'm amazed that he didn't dissolve.
 
2013-07-24 09:40:55 AM  
My father actually did that in the 60s, but he went to Canada. Yes, I am sure Beer was involved. Yes, they dragged this drunk ass back to Detroit.
 
2013-07-24 10:36:34 AM  
No one would willingly go to Detroit.  I claim false.
 
2013-07-24 10:49:09 AM  

orangejuliuscaesar: "Canadian man sorry"


That cracked me up too.

/canadian
//sorry
 
2013-07-24 11:11:46 AM  
Why is this a story?  Anyone drinking 8 Canadian beers would be sorry.
 
2013-07-24 11:51:32 AM  
Ah, local news is best news.

SlothB77: No confirmation he actually made it across. How far is that trip?


Depends on where he crossed, but the average width is about 3/8 of a mile.

/0.6 km for my fellow hoseheads
 
2013-07-24 01:25:52 PM  
bet he regrets that only 8 beers were required...
 
2013-07-24 01:32:16 PM  
He swam to Detroit after chugging only eight beers? and calls himself a Canadian? Harrumph, harrumph, harrumph. Feather weight.

You should be seriously farked-up before you even think of swimming to Detroit, let alone attempting it. Maybe it was super-hot and humid and he was a little bit crazy to start with. Or maybe he's one of those guys who simply can not hold their liquor. We have them even in Canada. It's genetic.

Then again, he may have run out of beer. Even Homer Simpson would swim to Detroit in that circumstance.
 
2013-07-24 01:36:24 PM  
img.gawkerassets.com
(Thinks) Well, yes, I guess it was a dumbass thing to do. And I had to admit, I am a dumbass a lot, especially when I'm drunk. But what can a guy do? what can a schmuck like me do? I'm sorry but that's the way it is, and there's nothing you can do.
 
2013-07-24 05:02:44 PM  
Update for SlothB77: The Windsor Star is saying that he swam from Hiram Walker to the Renaissance Center, a one-way distance of about 1.5 miles. Since he was found back on the Canadian side ("just about to come ashore in Windsor"), that's very close to a 2-mile swim.
 
2013-07-25 10:30:29 AM  

ransack.:

GeneralJim: MaudlinMutantMollusk: damned wetbacks, eh?

Yeah...  swimming into the U.S. from south of the border.

STOP TYPING IN GREEN IF I WANTED YOUR POSTS TO BE COLORED I WOULD FAVORITE YOU WHY ARE YOU THAT


1. Don't like colored, eh?   Racist.

2. Why am I what?

3. Because it helps me meet incoherent retarded people, and they're funny.  Hi!   *SNERK*


 
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