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(Sun Sentinel)   Man accused of killing his cellmate with toilet paper. He sounds like a charmin individual   (sun-sentinel.com ) divider line 72
    More: Florida, Pinellas County Jail, toilet paper, throat  
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5873 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Jul 2013 at 8:35 PM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



72 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

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2013-07-23 08:17:22 PM  
d1w7nqlfxfj094.cloudfront.net
 
2013-07-23 08:38:21 PM  
shiatty way to die.
 
2013-07-23 08:39:04 PM  
www.trbimg.com

He looks like a really shart individual.
 
2013-07-23 08:41:31 PM  
That's how he rolls
 
2013-07-23 08:41:44 PM  
Did he wipe him out?
 
2013-07-23 08:44:06 PM  
Prisoners shouldn't have cellmates. We don't NEED to have that many people locked up.

The laws of America are stagnant, convoluted, and broken. We must delve deep into the books and start repealing things, especially vice laws.
 
2013-07-23 08:44:43 PM  
Inmate records showGreenberg had been placed behind bars in 2012 on a murder charge and is awaiting trail on that charge.

That's great, but what about the guy who died? What was he in for?
 
2013-07-23 08:46:42 PM  
As someone who makes toilet paper for a living, I'm getting a kick.

Does this make me a terrorist?
 
2013-07-23 08:46:58 PM  
He'll probably get off Scott free.
 
2013-07-23 08:48:37 PM  
Mr Whipple frowns on these shenanigans.

pegoleg.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-07-23 08:49:59 PM  

AverageAmericanGuy: Inmate records showGreenberg had been placed behind bars in 2012 on a murder charge and is awaiting trail on that charge.

That's great, but what about the guy who died? What was he in for?


Littering.
 
2013-07-23 08:52:20 PM  
Well, now he has a bounty on his head.
 
2013-07-23 08:53:35 PM  
Now they'll probably go and ban toilet paper in prisons
 
2013-07-23 08:54:54 PM  

Danger Avoid Death: AverageAmericanGuy: Inmate records showGreenberg had been placed behind bars in 2012 on a murder charge and is awaiting trail on that charge.

That's great, but what about the guy who died? What was he in for?

Littering.


*slowly moves away on the bench*
 
2013-07-23 08:55:47 PM  
I guess it WAS time to get real about what happens in the bathroom
 
2013-07-23 08:57:14 PM  

AverageAmericanGuy: Danger Avoid Death: AverageAmericanGuy: Inmate records showGreenberg had been placed behind bars in 2012 on a murder charge and is awaiting trail on that charge.

That's great, but what about the guy who died? What was he in for?

Littering.

*slowly moves away on the bench*


And creating a public nuisance.
 
2013-07-23 08:59:33 PM  

AverageAmericanGuy: Inmate records showGreenberg had been placed behind bars in 2012 on a murder charge and is awaiting trail on that charge.

That's great, but what about the guy who died? What was he in for?


Stampeding cattle.
 
2013-07-23 09:01:09 PM  
Hopefully he will rehabilitate and enter back into society as a Kleenex-con.
 
2013-07-23 09:01:38 PM  

dabbletech: He looks like a really shart individual.


Nah, actually has a cocky Hollywood vibe going.
Reminds me of the Fast and Furious guy.

Also, I imagine the situation started like this:
"Dammit man! Stop throwing your TP all over the ground, things are bad here as it is. *other guy throws TP* You better pick that up before I make you eat it."
 
2013-07-23 09:02:21 PM  

AverageAmericanGuy: Inmate records showGreenberg had been placed behind bars in 2012 on a murder charge and is awaiting trail on that charge.

That's great, but what about the guy who died? What was he in for?


According to this site, "Harding, a transient, had been in the jail since Oct. 27, serving a one-year sentence on a burglary charge." That's pretty messed up by those running the jail to put a murderer in a cell with someone there for burglary.
 
2013-07-23 09:03:41 PM  
It would have been the perfect crime: Stuff toilet paper down his throat, he chokes to death, and a few hours later the TP comes out his ass.
/they can't prove it was HIS toilet paper
 
2013-07-23 09:03:43 PM  
I thought this going to be about the TP roll blowguns or something.
 
2013-07-23 09:03:58 PM  

eatin' fetus: Hopefully he will rehabilitate and enter back into society as a Kleenex-con.


You gotta lotta damned gall to wonder if he'll rehabilitate himself. I mean...I MEANNNN...I MEANNNN...
 
2013-07-23 09:06:14 PM  

Makh: Well, now he has a bounty on his head.


Great Scott, man.
 
2013-07-23 09:06:57 PM  

the_celt: As someone who makes toilet paper for a living, I'm getting a kick.

Does this make me a terrorist?


I recently saw a short piece on how toilet paper is made. Does a creepy man with gnarly fingers caress each roll or does that happen at the retail level?
 
2013-07-23 09:08:48 PM  
2 plies and you're out.

/got nothing
 
m00
2013-07-23 09:09:34 PM  
I guess the victim didn't have a guardian angel soft.
 
2013-07-23 09:15:28 PM  

UsikFark: the_celt: As someone who makes toilet paper for a living, I'm getting a kick.

Does this make me a terrorist?

I recently saw a short piece on how toilet paper is made. Does a creepy man with gnarly fingers caress each roll or does that happen at the retail level?


Didn't you see that guy singing in the old Albertson's commercial?

"It's Joe Albertson's supermarket, but the toilet paper is mine."
 
2013-07-23 09:16:38 PM  
Hip con refuses to spare a square.
 
2013-07-23 09:19:23 PM  

Wall_of_Doodoo: Ya know the old saying "Give a murderous felon a roll of TP and he'll kill his cellmate, teach a murderous felon to run a TP factory and he'll end up killing a ton of illegal Mexicans".

I pretty much consider this my mission statement in life.


Explains the Fark handle.
 
2013-07-23 09:20:43 PM  

vudukungfu: shiatty way to die.


the-meter-man: That's how he rolls


Danger Avoid Death: Did he wipe him out?


zamboni: He'll probably get off Scott free.


Makh: Well, now he has a bounty on his head.

 
2013-07-23 09:23:35 PM  
According to Befuddled's link the victim was an old bum transferred into this guy's cell late in the evening. Old man was found dead about 1 am.

The killer's being held for murdering is girlfriend in the same fashion. He claims with his ex it was a sexual asphyxiation gone too far.

My money's on both his deceased girlfriend and this old man being snorers, and this guy being a light-sleeping psycho.
 
2013-07-23 09:24:10 PM  

UsikFark: the_celt: As someone who makes toilet paper for a living, I'm getting a kick.

Does this make me a terrorist?

I recently saw a short piece on how toilet paper is made. Does a creepy man with gnarly fingers caress each roll or does that happen at the retail level?


Define "creepy"...

/fingers aren't gnarly
//hands free manufacturing
 
2013-07-23 09:28:45 PM  

the_celt: Define "creepy"...


lh3.ggpht.com
 
2013-07-23 09:29:29 PM  

doglover: Prisoners shouldn't have cellmates. We don't NEED to have that many people locked up.

The laws of America are stagnant, convoluted, and broken. We must delve deep into the books and start repealing things, especially vice laws.


You're saying we need to flush out all of these squares that are clogging our prison system?
 
2013-07-23 09:31:16 PM  

eatin' fetus: doglover: Prisoners shouldn't have cellmates. We don't NEED to have that many people locked up.

The laws of America are stagnant, convoluted, and broken. We must delve deep into the books and start repealing things, especially vice laws.

You're saying we need to flush out all of these squares that are clogging our prison system?


We have to plunge deep into the judiciary and tidy up.
 
2013-07-23 09:31:42 PM  

Befuddled: AverageAmericanGuy: Inmate records showGreenberg had been placed behind bars in 2012 on a murder charge and is awaiting trail on that charge.

That's great, but what about the guy who died? What was he in for?

According to this site, "Harding, a transient, had been in the jail since Oct. 27, serving a one-year sentence on a burglary charge." That's pretty messed up by those running the jail to put a murderer in a cell with someone there for burglary.


He shoulda burgled that toilet paper.Maybe he did and got caught.
 
2013-07-23 09:32:49 PM  
He was just dispensing some prison justice. Rough, scratchy, justice.
 
2013-07-23 09:33:47 PM  

doglover: eatin' fetus: doglover: Prisoners shouldn't have cellmates. We don't NEED to have that many people locked up.

The laws of America are stagnant, convoluted, and broken. We must delve deep into the books and start repealing things, especially vice laws.

You're saying we need to flush out all of these squares that are clogging our prison system?

We have to plunge deep into the judiciary and tidy up.


From the front all the way to the back.
 
2013-07-23 09:34:44 PM  

UsikFark: the_celt: Define "creepy"...

[lh3.ggpht.com image 512x278]


Different kind of creepy for me.   More of a... deviant creepy
 
2013-07-23 09:36:26 PM  
 
2013-07-23 09:37:03 PM  
I've seen enough evidence to convict.  He's quilty.
 
2013-07-23 09:53:04 PM  
The guy was talking shiat and he had a potty mouth.
 
2013-07-23 09:55:35 PM  

eatin' fetus: doglover: eatin' fetus: doglover: Prisoners shouldn't have cellmates. We don't NEED to have that many people locked up.

The laws of America are stagnant, convoluted, and broken. We must delve deep into the books and start repealing things, especially vice laws.

You're saying we need to flush out all of these squares that are clogging our prison system?

We have to plunge deep into the judiciary and tidy up.

From the front all the way to the back.


We need to wipe the law books clean of dumb rules that do nothing but foul up the judicial system and waste taxpayers money. The strain on our resources is pushing people to act.
 
2013-07-23 09:59:04 PM  

Befuddled: AverageAmericanGuy: Inmate records showGreenberg had been placed behind bars in 2012 on a murder charge and is awaiting trail on that charge.

That's great, but what about the guy who died? What was he in for?

According to this site, "Harding, a transient, had been in the jail since Oct. 27, serving a one-year sentence on a burglary charge." That's pretty messed up by those running the jail to put a murderer in a cell with someone there for burglary.


From the same source: he burgled an unoccupied vehicle . . . car prowling. So yeah, put him in with murdering scum. That'll teach him a lesson for being a homeless guy in somebody else's car.
 
2013-07-23 10:00:23 PM  
img21.imageshack.us
 
2013-07-23 10:02:36 PM  
Sounds like a Code Red to me! Call Lt. Daniel Caffey ASAP!
 
2013-07-23 10:03:38 PM  
if TP was outlawed, only outlaws...
 
2013-07-23 10:05:07 PM  

KrispyKritter: if TP was outlawed, only outlaws...


Who you calling 'outlaw', kemosabe?

ryanseacrest.com
 
2013-07-23 10:05:30 PM  

UsikFark: It would have been the perfect crime: Stuff toilet paper down his throat, he chokes to death, and a few hours later the TP comes out his ass.
/they can't prove it was HIS toilet paper


You can't really dust for TP.
 
2013-07-23 10:17:06 PM  

the_celt: UsikFark: the_celt: Define "creepy"...

[lh3.ggpht.com image 512x278]

Different kind of creepy for me.   More of a... deviant creepy


Creepy ass cracker?
 
2013-07-23 10:17:41 PM  
Not related to TFA but I just sent this to some friends on Facebook, so I am getting a kick:


I just came up with a life hack that is so simple but effective.

So I am staying at a hotel and they have one of those things installed that when you pull on the toilet paper every 4th one is weaker than the rest so it breaks. The dispenser puts greater than normal tension on the roll so after you "drop the kids off that the pool" you are going to be there forever harvesting enough TP to get the job done.

Solution:
Use the washcloths! There are like 4 of them, that should get you through the night!
You are welcome!


Note: According to the sign in the bathroom you should leave them on the floor, that means "these need to be washed". If you hang them back on the rack it means "these can be used again", and that's just gross!
 
2013-07-23 10:18:56 PM  

HammerHeadSnark: Befuddled: AverageAmericanGuy: Inmate records showGreenberg had been placed behind bars in 2012 on a murder charge and is awaiting trail on that charge.

That's great, but what about the guy who died? What was he in for?

According to this site, "Harding, a transient, had been in the jail since Oct. 27, serving a one-year sentence on a burglary charge." That's pretty messed up by those running the jail to put a murderer in a cell with someone there for burglary.

From the same source: he burgled an unoccupied vehicle . . . car prowling. So yeah, put him in with murdering scum. That'll teach him a lesson for being a homeless guy in somebody else's car.


You have to admit it is effective, I bet he wont ever break into a car again.
 
2013-07-23 10:23:01 PM  

chewielouie: the_celt: UsikFark: the_celt: Define "creepy"...

[lh3.ggpht.com image 512x278]

Different kind of creepy for me.   More of a... deviant creepy

Creepy ass cracker?


chewielouie: the_celt: UsikFark: the_celt: Define "creepy"...

[lh3.ggpht.com image 512x278]

Different kind of creepy for me.   More of a... deviant creepy

Creepy ass cracker?


Ass cracker would fit in with the whole prison motif.
 
2013-07-23 10:24:14 PM  

jst3p: Not related to TFA but I just sent this to some friends on Facebook, so I am getting a kick:


I just came up with a life hack that is so simple but effective.

So I am staying at a hotel and they have one of those things installed that when you pull on the toilet paper every 4th one is weaker than the rest so it breaks. The dispenser puts greater than normal tension on the roll so after you "drop the kids off that the pool" you are going to be there forever harvesting enough TP to get the job done.

Solution:
Use the washcloths! There are like 4 of them, that should get you through the night!
You are welcome!


Note: According to the sign in the bathroom you should leave them on the floor, that means "these need to be washed". If you hang them back on the rack it means "these can be used again", and that's just gross!



Hand towel = Skeet rag
 
2013-07-23 10:26:36 PM  
imageshack.us
 
2013-07-23 10:33:09 PM  

GodsTumor: [img21.imageshack.us image 800x509]


Or the user had a dry poop.
 
2013-07-23 10:43:32 PM  

AGremlin: Mr Whipple frowns on these shenanigans.

[pegoleg.files.wordpress.com image 300x362]


Too bad he's passed on,,,
s7.postimg.org
 
2013-07-23 11:03:34 PM  

troggy: According to Befuddled's link the victim was an old bum transferred into this guy's cell late in the evening. Old man was found dead about 1 am.


And according to  Befuddled's link, he had been a PITA prisoner.  So they locked him up with a murderer and had him executed quickly and quietly.
 
2013-07-23 11:09:33 PM  

troggy: According to Befuddled's link the victim was an old bum transferred into this guy's cell late in the evening. Old man was found dead about 1 am.

The killer's being held for murdering is girlfriend in the same fashion. He claims with his ex it was a sexual asphyxiation gone too far.

My money's on both his deceased girlfriend and this old man being snorers, and this guy being a light-sleeping psycho.

There's even more bizarre details according to the link.  The alleged double murderer was heard saying to another inmate that he didn't want to do life in prison, so he killed his new roommate in the same way he killed his girlfriend so he could get the death penalty.  The dude sure is consistent in his technique.

 
2013-07-23 11:11:01 PM  
Looks like they all get to learn how to use the 3 seashells now...
 
2013-07-23 11:19:07 PM  
He's kind of hot in a gruff psychotic kind of way.

Too bad about the killing cellmate thing. On the plus side, he's creative I guess.
 
2013-07-23 11:40:05 PM  

troggy: According to Befuddled's link the victim was an old bum transferred into this guy's cell late in the evening. Old man was found dead about 1 am.

The killer's being held for murdering is girlfriend in the same fashion. He claims with his ex it was a sexual asphyxiation gone too far.

My money's on both his deceased girlfriend and this old man being snorers, and this guy being a light-sleeping psycho.


Old man was 48. 😣
 
2013-07-24 12:00:10 AM  
Hm. Maybe Sheryl Crow has the right idea.
 
2013-07-24 12:09:26 AM  
He just took the warden's advice to not forget the paperwork

s3.amazonaws.com
 
2013-07-24 12:11:21 AM  

ISO15693: Makh: Well, now he has a bounty on his head.

Great Scott, man.


www.wearysloth.com
/brad
//janet
///rocky!!!
 
2013-07-24 12:53:24 AM  

epyonyx: AverageAmericanGuy: Inmate records showGreenberg had been placed behind bars in 2012 on a murder charge and is awaiting trail on that charge.

That's great, but what about the guy who died? What was he in for?

Stampeding cattle.


through the Vatican?
 
2013-07-24 03:16:18 AM  

maltedmothball: epyonyx: AverageAmericanGuy: Inmate records showGreenberg had been placed behind bars in 2012 on a murder charge and is awaiting trail on that charge.

That's great, but what about the guy who died? What was he in for?

Stampeding cattle.

through the Vatican?


Kinky.
 
m00
2013-07-24 04:58:11 AM  

Deedeemarz: Old man was 48. 😣


He went to prison, and died the next day.
It's toilet paper stuffed in your face
It's death row sentence one trial too late.
And isn't it ironic... don't you think?
 
2013-07-24 05:37:41 AM  
Poor Mr. Harding, the old man just crapped out!
 
2013-07-24 06:36:00 AM  
I don't see what the big deal is - sounds to me like the deceased got a square deal.
 
2013-07-24 06:37:14 AM  
Maybe the deceased just bit off more than he could poo...
 
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